Renee Bauer: Divorcing a Narcissist Without a Pit Bull Attorney

Coming out of an abusive relationship, the instinct is to hire a fighter, someone who will finally make the other person answer for what they did. Attorney Renee Bauer sees where that goes: a lot of motions, a lot of billable hostility, and a case no further along than it was a year ago.Renee Bauer is the founder of Happy Even After Family Law, a firm practicing throughout Connecticut, and she is an author and speaker as well as a lawyer. She is also twice divorced, and she talks openly about the shame that came with that and about deciding to make the conversation about divorce her work. That combination is why this conversation moves easily between courtroom strategy and what it takes to make decisions again after someone else has been making them for you.Bauer's first red flag is the attorney who guarantees an outcome. What a good consultation sounds like, she says, is a range: including the honest version where your best realistic result is still one you will not love. She uses Bill Eddy's positive and negative advocate distinction as the frame, and she is direct about the economics of the aggressive approach, where the intensity tracks the retainer balance rather than the case.The practical half covers how to hire. Meet more than one attorney so you have something to compare. Pay for a consultation when the alternative is a rushed free one. Ask about communication style and expect a response within a day. Set two or three goals and measure every decision against them. Take ownership of your own paperwork, which she argues is where clients save themselves real money. And on resolution: Bauer and Lisa both come down on the side of an agreement over a trial, including the cost of trial preparation, the number of sessions a real mediation takes, and the option of mediating most of it and leaving one contested issue for a short hearing.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhy a lawyer who promises an outcome is telling you what you want to hearPositive and negative advocates, and how an attorney becomes the second kindWhat the aggressive approach costs: motions that go nowhere and a retainer that runs dryQuestions worth asking in a consultation, and why you meet more than one attorneyWhy a paid consultation often gives you more than a free oneSetting two or three goals, and using them when the case drifts toward vengeanceOrganizing your own documents, and why it changes how your lawyer works your caseWhy an agreement you negotiate covers your family better than a judge's order⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 What a "pit bull" attorney sounds like in a consultation 3:00 Promises as a red flag, and setting real expectations 5:00 Pop culture, vengeance, and what family court is for 7:00 Renee's own story, and the shame that comes with divorce 9:00 Grit and perfectionism, and how they work against you 11:00 What the aggressive approach costs: motions, retainers, no progress 14:00 Positive and negative advocates, and setting goals you can hold to 17:00 Making decisions again, and building a team around you 19:00 What she wants from a client, and the patterns people repeat 24:00 Organizing your own case, and the client lawyers work harder for 28:00 Agreement vs. trial, mediation timelines, and the cost of trial prepKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 Renee Bauer at Happy Even After Family Law: https://familylawyerct.com/About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.