Why Does My Teenager Have No Manners? Teach Respect Without Nagging

Ask Rachel anything Why does it sometimes feel as though our teenagers have forgotten every manner we ever taught them? And are good manners really about saying “please” and “thank you” — or something much more important? In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, we look at teenagers and manners: what good manners actually are, why they matter, and how we can help our teens become thoughtful, respectful people without constantly nagging or embarrassing them. We explore the fascinating difference between manners and etiquette, and why the rules can change dramatically depending on the family, culture or situation. At heart, good manners aren't about knowing a complicated set of social rules. They're about noticing other people, making them feel seen, and understanding how our behaviour affects those around us. We talk about the teenager who walks into someone else's house without acknowledging the parents, the importance of saying hello and goodbye, offering to help, gratitude, phones at the dinner table, appropriate language, being a good guest — and why modelling the behaviour we want to see is often far more effective than lecturing our teens about it. We also discuss how to help a shy or socially anxious teenager navigate these expectations without forcing them into situations that feel overwhelming. Earlier in the episode, we tackle another major parenting transition: the empty nest. What happens to us when our teenager leaves home for university or begins building a life away from us? We discuss empty nest syndrome, the grief and loss some parents experience, the temptation to keep checking in, and how to begin rebuilding routines, relationships and a sense of identity beyond day-to-day parenting. Most importantly, how do we stay close to our children while giving them the freedom to fly? From teaching teenagers good manners to learning how to let them go, this episode is ultimately about the same thing: raising young people who can step confidently into the adult world — while allowing our relationship with them to grow and change too. RESEARCH SOURCES: EMPTY NEST: https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/parenting/a11692/empty-nest-syndrome/#:~:text=Don't%20make%20them%20feel,OK%20and%20coping%20without%20them. https://www.theguardian.com/education/2013/sep/18/parents-coping-when-children-leave-home https://psychcentral.com/health/empty-nest-syndrome https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/09/04/a-majority-of-young-adults-in-the-u-s-live-with-their-parents-for-the-first-time-since-the-great-depression/ MANNERS: https://gt20.org/life-resources/etiquette-manners/rules-of-etiquette/ https://www.wisebread.com/12-lessons-in-manners-from-around-the-world https://mannersadvisor.com/whats-the-difference-between-etiquette-and-manners/ https://www.verywellfamily.com/manners-your-teen-should-use-and-how-to-teach-them-2608864 https://harappa.education/harappa-diaries/etiquette-and-manners/ https://www.familyeducation.com/life/manners/how-rude-age-age-guide-teaching-kids-manners Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me Instagram Facebook