Parenting Teens Untangled - Realistic, science-backed teen & tween parenting advice

Ask Rachel anythingWho's teaching our teens how to be good citizens; someone who feels a part of society and enagages meaningfully in creating a world we all want to live in rather than someone who just buys stuff?In this episode I talked with Lindsey Cormick, political scientist and author of How to Raise a Citizen, about why we parents must see it as our job to raise capable, engaged citizens. With civics instruction waning in schools, Lindsey shares actionable strategies to turn everyday moments into lessons about government, community impact, and problem-solving. We discuss how to engage disinterested teens, navigate polarizing topics calmly, model curiosity over certainty, and making local politics tangible for the younger amongst us. The great thing about Lindsey's message is we don't need to know all about politics to get our kids involved, we just need to be prepared to discuss whats happening around us. Perfect for parents who want to boost critical thinking, civic responsibility, and respectful dialogue at home. Resources and printable prompts available at teenagersuntangled.subtack.com.Lindsey Cormack:https://howtoraiseacitizen.com/https://constitutioncenter.org/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingIn this bonus episode Amelia and I discussed how hard it is to get parenting right, focusing on the misconceptions of gentle parenting and the importance of setting high expectations with support. The full listen to the full episode and read all of my thoughts on it by clicking here. It doesn't cost you anything, it's just a better place for me to store it.We thought it would be really useful for you to hear us talking so that you can get ideas for how you can open up your own conversations at home. Amelia emphasizes the need for clear communication, boundaries, and understanding the root causes of a child's behavior. The conversation highlighted the significance of maintaining a healthy relationship, avoiding emotional responses, and fostering independence. Amelia suggests using reminders and sit-down conversations to address issues without punishment. Amelia also stressed the importance of addressing mental health concerns and being open to feedback to improve parenting skills.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWhat are we really telling boys about how to be a man? And why do so many teens seem to be struggling with how to be in the world, from masculinity to friendship, and mental health?In this conversation with Professor Niobe Way (NYU developmental psychologist, author of Deep Secrets and Rebels with a Cause), we dug into 40 years of research with adolescents. Her work is extraordinary because she has done something deceptively simple and radically powerful:She listened to teenagers carefully, over time, and took what they said seriously.What emerges is a completely different story about boys, friendship, and mental health than the one most of us have absorbed from culture, headlines, and even psychology textbooks.Professor Niobe WayProf Niobe Way: LinkedInMy early episode in which I referenced Niobe's workIdeas covered in this episodeSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingThere's been an alarming rise of teen gambling, according to Commonsense Media, with half of 16-17-year-old boys reporting gambling in the past year; surpassing alcohol, nicotine, and marijuana use.Commonsense media says 'we're at a pivotal moment for boys' well-being. We can either let gambling become normalized during a critical period of their development, or we can act now—with education, safeguards, and real accountability.'In this episode Dr. Chung highlights the role of gaming, particularly loot boxes and mystery boxes, in priming teen brains for gambling. She emphasizes the ease of access through mobile devices and the influence of social media and celebrity endorsements. For my full notes on the episode click this linkDr. Chung advises parents to set boundaries, engage in media literacy discussions and stay curious. She also stresses the importance of recognizing signs of addiction, such as secretive behavior and mood shifts, and the need for companies to be more accountable in protecting minors.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingIf you’ve ever looked at your teen glued to a screen, living on junk food, or melting down over “nothing” and thought, What am I doing wrong? — this episode will change how you see everything.In today’s fast-paced, often overwhelming world, understanding how to foster resilience, well-being, and cognitive development is key to raising thriving childrenToday's guest, Dr Katy Granville-Chapman, author of Growing Minds: The Science of Raising Thriving Teens”, gives us the evidence-based information we parents need to support our children's brain health. She explains:How big tech and junk food companies are hijacking your teen’s dopamine systemWhy your child actually wants to do well (and what keeps derailing them)Simple, science-backed ways to:Get buy-in on screen limits (without endless battles)Use identity-based habits so teens choose healthy behavior themselvesTeach emotional regulation as a skill, not a personality traitCheck your teen’s “body budget” (sleep, movement, food, connection) before assuming there’s a crisisWhy kindness and contribution are secret superpowers for teen resilienceAnd the one message every guilty, overwhelmed parent needs to hear: it’s never too late, and you’re doing better than you think.Listen now and learn how to move from nagging and panic… to mentoring your teen so they can truly flourish.Find the top tips hereDISCOUNT CODE ON PRE-ORDERS OF KATY'S NEW BOOK: Click this link and use the code UNTANGLED25Katy Granville-Chapman:Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingParenting tweens and teens is challenging enough, but when someone in the family becomes seriously ill or dies, it can feel overwhelmingly difficult. In all honesty, we Westerners are terrible at talking about death, often avoiding it, so when it comes to talking with teenagers about the subject most of us don't feel equipped.Many who have suffered a loss, or are suffering a serious illness will tell you that friends often fall away just at the time when they are most valued, because they're embarrassed or uncomfortable about the situation.In this episode we draw on research, personal experience - and some incredible listener feedback - to discuss how to deal with a serious illness or death when you're raising a teen. We pass on some amazing tips that have made all the difference, and also some awful 'what not to do's'.The episode is dedicated to the wonderful mum, Sophie Baker and her loving husband and boys, who did an amazing job in very difficult circumstances.Get the ToolKit Top Tips from this episode hereBOOKS:When Breath Becomes Air by Paul KalanithiThe Bright Hour by Nina RiggsYou Can Stop Humming Now by Daniela LamasBeing Mortal by Atul GawandeSmoke gets in your Eyes by Caitlin DoughtyThe Choice by Edith Eger Support for kids and young people who are bereaved:https://winstonswish.org/https://hospiceofnorthidaho.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Supporting-a-Teen-When-Someone-is-Seriously-Ill.pdfhttps://www.hospiscare.co.uk/how-we-help/advice-support/children-and-young-people/how-to-talk-about-death-with-children-and-teenagers/https://thegoodgriefproject.co.uk/https://yourteenmag.com/health/teenager-mental-health/how-to-talk-about-deathhttps://whatsyourgrief.com/helping-a-teenager-deal-with-grief-2/https://elunanetwork.org/resources/talking-to-teens-and-children-about-illness-and-deathhttps://www.strong4life.com/en/emotional-wellness/emotional-expression/talking-to-kids-and-teens-about-deathhttps://www.todaysparent.com/family/talking-about-death-with-kids/https://www.winstonswish.org/support-a-grieving-teenager/https://www.childbereavementuk.org/information-understanding-grieving-teenagershttps://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/two-takes-depression/201612/the-dos-and-donts-talking-child-about-death?amphttps://audioboom.com/posts/6858679-talking-to-young-people-about-death-and-dyingSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingClick here for my blog post and summary of the core skillsOur teenagers are growing up in a world saturated with information, outrage, and algorithms designed to keep them scrolling. As parents, it can feel overwhelming: How do we help our kids navigate AI, social media, fake news, and online manipulation—without either over-controlling them or throwing up our hands?In this episode, I talk to Dr Maree Davies, senior lecturer at the University of Auckland and author of Teaching Critical Thinking to Teenagers: How kids can be street smart about AI, algorithms, fake news and social media.Her work is all about making critical thinking accessible to all teenagers, not just the academically gifted. And crucially, she shows how these skills can actually reduce anxiety by giving teens a sense of control over the flood of information they face every day.We explore:What critical thinking really is (beyond the academic buzzword) and why the tween and early teen years (11–15) are such a powerful window for learning itHow cognitive bias, schemas, and teenage brain development affect the way young people react to information—especially on social mediaMarie’s Street Smarts model for teaching critical thinking at home and in school, starting from a teen’s own story and perspectiveHow to talk to teens about algorithms, AI, fake news, and influencers in a way that feels respectful, engaging, and non-preachyThe role of relationships, respect, and status in adolescent life—and how we can use these realities to open up richer conversationsWhy modelling our own struggles (with phones, news, time management, etc.) is far more powerful than lecturingPractical question types and conversation prompts that help teens move from emotional reactions to thoughtful, reasoned viewsThis is one of my favourite recent conversations and I’d love as many people as possible to hear it. These skills matter because our teenagers are being shaped—every day—by forces they often don’t fully understand. Critical thinking isn’t about turning them into cynics; it’s about giving them tools, language, and confidence to question, to evaluate, and, when necessary, to change their minds.It’s also about strengthening our own connection with them, so that they feel heard, respected, and equipped to take their place in the world as thoughtful, compassionate adults.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything“My husband is highly critical of the teenagers, gets angry over little things and yells, so I’m having to make up for his behavior, and I often avoid involving him in parenting decisions."This message came into my Substack. It was a plaintiff request for support and a plea to know how others deal with the problem. When I posted it (with her permission), a flood of parents said, “This is my life too.”If you're dealing with high conflict in your home, whether with your teens or your partner, then this is the episode for you. Conflict navigation specialist, mediator, and divorce coach Masha Rusanov helps us to unpack what really sits behind high‑conflict dynamics at home—especially when one parent is emotionally dysregulated, highly critical, or reactive.She says: 'We don’t choose our conflicts.We repeat them.Until we change the pattern."Link to my write-up on the topicIn our conversation we explore:Why we repeat the same painful conflict patterns (and how to start changing them)Masha’s simple but powerful Exhale–Explore–Engage framework you can use in the heat of the momentPractical scripts and tools (EAR and BIFF) for navigating a high‑conflict partnerHow to protect your children emotionally, set boundaries, and avoid parentifying themWays to talk to your kids honestly about what’s happening—without overburdening themIf you’ve ever found yourself “making up” for a partner’s behaviour, or trying to keep things calm so your teens feel safe, this conversation is for you.Masha RusanovRepatterned BookREMINDER: Please don't stay in a situation that is potentially dangerous. This is the national domestic abuse helpline for the UK, but you will likely have one in your country if you're listening somewhere else.Spotting the signsIs your partner jealous and possessive?Is he charming one minute and abusive the next?Does he tell you what to wear, where to go, who to see?Does he constantly put you down?Does he play mind games and make you doubt your judgment?Does he control your money, or make sure you are dependent on him for everyday things?Does he pressure you to have sex when you don’t want to?Are you starting to walk on eggshells to avoid making him angry?Does he control your access to medicine, devices or care that you need?Does he monitor or track your movements or messages?Does he use anger and intimidation to frighten and control you?Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything“Is my son secretly being taught to hate women?”If you’ve ever heard your boy casually repeat a line from Andrew Tate… seen him disappear into his room with his phone… or wondered what on earth he’s absorbing on TikTok and YouTube, this episode is for you. The manosphere is grooming boys to believe women are the enemy—and most parents don’t even realise it’s happening. In this conversation, I’m joined by teacher and author of Unmasking the Manosphere, Matt Pinkett to unpack how these ideas hook our sons, how they show up at home and in school, and—most importantly—how you can respond without shutting your boy down or pushing him further into that world.Toolkit: Checklist of How to Talk to Your BoysMatt PinkettConflict resolution skillsLooksmaxxingOriginal Manosphere episodeTalking to your teen about pornographyThe expert on talking about pornographySupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingIt's exam season and so important to keep a steady ship with all of the stress in the house. I thought it would be a great time to interrupt my youngest, Amelia, for an honest chat about what she sees as both good and bad strategies for supporting teenagers through exams, and homework; particularly those with dyslexia and ADHD. We wanted to give parents hope, an honest insight into how bumpy the road can become, and how long it can take to figure out what the best way of supporting your teen will be.Over the past six months at her new college, Amelia has really found her feet and feels motivated to work very hard. This is helped enormously by feeling she matters to friends, loving the college she is at, and receiving proper ADHD support and intervention. She shares her previous struggles with homework and motivation, attributing it to a lack of emphasis on academics and being placed in less academically focused classes, but also made clear how important it is to take time to understand underlying issues rather than assuming laziness. Amelia advises against nagging, focusing on long-term goals, and providing structure without micromanaging. Listen to the end to hear Amelia's important, very spontaneous, message for all parents listening to this podcast. As usual, my girls prefer not to be on camera, so this is an audio-only episode.Read my thoughts about our discussion hereGet the toolkit tips hereOTHER EPISODES:Helping kids with exam nervesTips for parenting through the pressure of examsTrust your kidsBoys who’re apathetic about study and examsWhy school exam systems need to changeHow anxiety works and what we can doSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWhen taking phones at night turns into a power struggleOne of the hardest things about parenting teenagers is that the battles that matter most often happen at exactly the moment we have the least capacity to deal with them.A mum wrote to me about the nightly struggle over handing in her 13-year-old daughter’s phone. She’s exhausted by bedtime. Her daughter pushes back, calls her dad, and suddenly what should be a simple boundary becomes a negotiation, then a row. We’ve all got to the point where we’re exhausted and can’t keep our calm. It’s an extreme situation, but I think it highlights something many parents will recognise: when we’re depleted, even sensible rules can become very hard to hold.Subscribers to my Substack get access to all of the past bonus episodesTop tips from this episodeRules, consequences and the teen who doesn't seem to care. Reducing friction using the magic of routineFix your teen's sleepCreate rules that work: ChecklistStudy on sleepFind the top tips here: Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingSo many parents of teens quietly worry that they’re “failing” — not doing enough, not staying calm enough, not getting the outcomes they hoped for. This episode is an invitation to step off that perfectionist treadmill. Instead of parenting for perfect grades, perfect behavior, or perfect choices, we explore how to parent for connection: building daily rituals of togetherness, modeling honest self-care, and using compassionate self-talk so your teen can develop a kinder inner voice too. You’ll hear practical ways to show your child they’re loved for who they are, not what they achieve, and how that shift can transform the atmosphere in your home.Click here for a list of ways to connect that make all the differenceContact Ronnie Vehemente:Mood AdvisorRonnie is the founder of The Family Room www.familyroomla.com, a unique psychotherapy practice, focused on the challenges of parenting, marriage & family life. Ronnie has 30 years of experience counseling children, teens, new mothers, parents, couples and families. She graduated from Columbia University School of Social work. Ronnie is an advisor to Mood.org, bringing her deep understanding of teen psychology. The mission of Mood is to put free, fast, and effective mental health tools in the hands of EVERY tween and teen—building skills and resilience through content they want to engage with.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWhen parenting teens through their first experience of love and attraction it can bring up a lot of feelings we thought we'd neatly packed away; the intensity of that first crush, the humiliation of not being chosen, the heartbreak that felt like it would swallow us whole. As a parent trying to support our kids through it can be tricky because our teens’ first love stories can collide with our own unfinished ones.In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by professor Lisa Phillips, author of First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak. We explore the complex world of teen behavior surrounding first love and heartbreak. Understanding how our teens express their feelings and the challenges they face can really help us to communicate with them. We talk about:Why parents often feel a spike in distress when their teen starts datingHow crushes, “situationships” and breakups affect the developing teenage brainThe difference between healthy intensity and unhealthy enmeshmentHow to support both boys and girls in talking about their feelings, not just their “results”What it means to parent in a world of social media, online porn, nonchalance and lonelinessHow to show up for LGBTQ+ and questioning teens when their identities don’t fit the “straight story”Why consent can’t be a tick‑box talk, and how to navigate the grey areas with our kidsWhat healthy support after a breakup actually looks and sounds likeIf your child is anywhere on the spectrum from secret crush to serious relationship, this conversation will help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface. My hope is that it gives you language, courage and compassion to walk alongside them, rather than dismissing it as “just drama” or trying to shut it all down.Because for our teens, first love isn’t practice. It’s real, it’s formative, and it leaves a lasting imprint. How we respond now can teach them not only how to survive their first heartbreak, but how to love and be loved for the rest of their lives.Previous interview with my own daughter, PhoebeTips from this showContact Lisa Phillips:[email protected] A. Phillips, author of the new book, First Love: Guiding Teens through Relationships and Heartbreak, has written about relationships, mental health, and teens for the New York Times, the Washington Post, Longreads, Psychology Today, Cosmopolitan, Salon, and other outlets. She teaches journalism and the popular “Love and Heartbreak” seminar at the State University of New York at New Paltz. Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingA listener parenting a teen son wrote to say both of them felt pretty stunned when he was rejected from the university he'd set his heart on. She asked for the best way to help our teenagers cope with this sort of disappointment. I thought it was a great question and a good opportunity to also look at how we parents can best navigate when our teen has worked for years toward a dream - a top university place, exam results, a team, a part - and it doesn’t happen. The disappointment can feel earth‑shattering for them and gut‑wrenching for you.In this episode I talk with Dr Dominique Thompson, award‑winning GP and young people’s mental health expert, about how to support teenagers through big disappointments such as university rejection, exam failure, and missed opportunities – without rescuing them or minimising their feelings.We explore:What teens are actually grieving when things go wrong – including the loss of an imagined futureHow to validate their emotions while gently stopping catastrophic thinkingThe difference between building resilience and teaching kids to suppress their feelingsWhy today’s culture of perfectionism and “being the best” is driving anxiety, burnout and fear of failureHow to help teens separate self‑worth from grades, offers and achievementsPractical ways to prepare teens for university life, academic stress and independenceWhen dropping out isn’t the only option – how to press pause, get help and return strongerWhat to do if your teen feels “left behind” while friends move on to university or big opportunitiesHow parents can be a “safe harbour”: supportive, boundaried, and not adding their own disappointment to their teen’s loadIf you’re a parent wondering how to respond when your child says, “I’ve failed you,” or “There’s no point trying,” this conversation will give you concrete language, mindset shifts and step‑by‑step strategies to help them cope, reframe, and find a new path forward.Dr Dominique Thompson: is a multi-award winning former GP, young people's mental health expert, TEDx speaker, author and educator, with over two decades of NHS clinical experience.She is author of The Student Wellbeing Series for young people, and co-author of How to Grow a Grown Up (PenguinRandomHouse) for [email protected] https://www.instagram.com/drdomthompson/https://www.facebook.com/drdomthompson/https://www.linkedin.com/in/dominique-thompson/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingParenting teen boys wrote three years ago asking us to discuss how we can talk to boys about influential online figures like Andrew Tate. The 'bros' act both as an inspiration to achieve great things, and a lightning rod for disgruntled men who blame feminism for their ills and cheer on his particular form of aggressive misogyny.Now that Louis Theroux has shone a light on the Manosphere in his latest Netflix documentary I thought it important to dust off this old episode because the information is far more detailed, and useful for parents of tweens and teens. Whether the words Red Pill, Matrix, and Manosphere have any particular meaning for you, they are having an increasing impact on the environment our boys are growing up in. It's up to us as parents to help our boys unpack what they're hearing and sift the diamonds from the dirt. My research into the topic has highlighted an urgent need to be talking with our sons about their dreams, and how we can support them in discovering role models who show what it is to be a successful man, without needing to humiliate and destroy other people.   Click here for tips and advice from the episode:Avoid silencing your teen, even if you disagree with what they say. It's vital that they are given the chance to talk about what they're thinking so that you can have proper discussions about it. Telling them they are wrong won't help them think about the issues.Focus the discussion on what is really attractive to them about the messages they are hearing, and help them to differentiate between the positive and the dangerously negative.Unpick the words the boys use and be clear about anything that is sexist, racist, etc and why that's an issue. Remember, they are building their identity and they're allowed to make mistakes along the way.  Don't shame them.Arm yourself with real facts. If they tell you something that they've heard online help them to go to real sources, rather than simply listening to someone who has an agenda and wants to get lots of clicks.Don't just focus on Tate, he's only one of the people espousing this thinking.Potential role models: Look for men in your own community firstGreg James Mark Lewis: https://www.marklewis.co.uk/Novak Djokovic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=867mtHTsaDoStephen Bartlett - Diary of a CEO (Business) His podcast has lots of successful men being interviewed.KSI, Beta Squad, Sidemen, Mr Beast, Chris MD. Bear Grylls - Chief Scout and outdoor adventurer.Lebron James - BasketballDwayne Johnson - former wrestler now actor - a top earning Insta celeb.Christiano Ronaldo - footballer, family man, top earning Insta celeb.Justin Baldoni - Actor Chris Evans - Captain America actorTerry Crews - Former NFL and aSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingIf you’ve ever lain awake at night wondering whether you’re getting this parenting thing horribly wrong, you need to hear this conversation with surgeon and author Gabriel Weston.Gabriel is a mother of four – including tween twins – a prize‑winning writer and a working surgeon. She talks with disarming honesty about:How she parents without pretending to be endlessly patient or perfectWhy it’s okay to have limits to how much joy you get from parentingThe very real ways she sometimes gets it wrong, and how her kids now call her outWhat her son’s life‑threatening brain condition and her own health scares have taught her about seeing all of us – including our teens – as “beautifully broken” humansHow she and her husband navigate very different parenting styles, from strict boundaries to snacks and softnessWhat I love about Gabriel is that she says the quiet things out loud – the thoughts so many parents have but feel too guilty to admit. She’s funny, wise, and completely unpretentious, and by the end you may feel surprisingly lighter about your own “failings” as a parent.If you’ve ever worried that you’re too controlling, not present enough, not soft enough, or simply not “motherly” in the way you think you’re supposed to be, this episode will help you see that you are probably doing far better than you think. Find Gabriel here:https://www.instagram.com/gabrielwestonalive/Buy her books:https://www.waterstones.com/author/gabriel-weston/6579https://amzn.eu/d/0cGm5jnKSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingThere's been a dramatic increase in reports of grooming, sextortion and AI generated child sexual abuse material in recent years, and most parents believe politicans and technology companies aren't doing enough to protect kids.The UK government recently announced that makers of AI chatbots that put children at risk will face massive fines or even see their services blocked in the UK under law changes.And the French offices of Elon Musk's X were recently raided by the Paris prosecutor's cyber-crime unit, as part of an investigation into suspected offences including complicity in the possession of child sexual abuse material (CSAM). Four in five EU citizens support requiring online service providers to detect, report and remove child sexual abuse material, but while governments and technology companies wrangle over a fast-developing issue, we parents need accurate information and support on how best to keep our kids safe if they are online. The Internet Watch Foundation has been around for 30 years and works alongside the UK charity Childline to protect children who have been affected, by offering emotional support and a means of tagging and removing images that predators use to extort and make money online.THE BEST PROTECTION:Keep devices out of bedrooms and bathrooms.Read my devices guide, with links to all of the relevant episodes, hereTop tips from this episodeKEY RESOURCES:TALK resource Report Remove tool  Create a Family AgreementUK Safer Internet Centre website - https://saferinternet.org.uk/Internet Matters website https://www.internetmatters.org/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingBeneath all of the noise when it comes to parenting teens comes mattering; the deep human need to feel valued beyond achievements. It's something we all need, but are we getting it?The new book by Jennifer Breheney-Wallace focuses on "Mattering," discussing how societal pressures, particularly on teenagers, exacerbate this need. She emphasizes the importance of adults feeling valued at work to better support their children. Wallace suggests practical strategies like minimizing criticism, prioritizing affection, and fostering interdependent relationships. She also highlights the impact of social media on extrinsic values and stresses the need for parents to focus on intrinsic values to raise resilient, well-rounded children.FIND JENNIFER HEREBUY MATTERING HERERACHEL'S SUBSTACK ARTICLE TO ACCOMPANY THIS INTERVIEW HEREMattering is a fundamental human need that drives behavior.The adolescent years are particularly fragile for developing a sense of mattering.Adults also struggle with feelings of not mattering, impacting their ability to support teens.Building connections and support systems is essential for both parents and children.Minimizing criticism and prioritizing affection helps children feel valued.Surrounding oneself with supportive families can reinforce shared values.Focusing on intrinsic values over extrinsic ones promotes better mental health.Social media exacerbates feelings of inadequacy and should be monitored.Parents can counter achievement pressures by communicating unconditional love.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWhen Brooklyn Beckham publicly announced he didn't want to reconcile with his parents he was joining a painful catalogue of family stories that have gone wrong. Estrangement is reportedly on the rise in Western societies but what's behind it? Dr Joshua Coleman spends his life working with estranged parents so he sees, first hand, the main factors that can lead to it. He highlights that while emotional abuse is often cited as a cause, it's often a matter of unmet expectations and generational differences. Some of the core drivers are divorce, children marrying someone who doesn't get on with your family, social media ideals, therapy culture and individualism. Given that estrangement can be emotionally devastating for parents, leading to feelings of isolation and loss, he advises parents to take their children's complaints seriously and to be open to therapy and family discussions.  Dr Joshua Coleman:Family Troubles: https://joshuacolemanphd.substack.com/https://joshuacolemanphd.substack.com/p/how-to-not-become-estrangedhttps://www.drjoshuacoleman.com/Teenagers Untangled Community Substack:https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingFor all of the tips click here:https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/p/how-to-talk-to-your-teen-about-bodyhttps://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/how-to-get-your-kids-to-do-their?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=post%20viewerA healthy body image: Feeling happy and satisfied with your body and what it can do. An unhealthy body image: Highly self-critical, comparing their body to others and obsessing about some aspect of it. Beauty and body image are universal triggers for shame. Shame is a deeply painful sensation from the belief that we’re not good enough and will not be accepted by a group.Only 5% of American women have the body type that advertising depicts as ideal. People magazine poll found that 80% of women respondents felt insecure when they viewed images of women in TV and films. There’s an entire industry fueling our negative feelings regarding body image.Rachel's thoughts and tips on body imageRachel's thoughts and tips on getting kids to do choresResources:https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/healthy-lifestyle/body-image/body-image-teensThe Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor I Thought it was just me by Brené BrownPrevious episode:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/104-teen-weight-and-body-image-a-mother-and-daughter-explore-the-issues/Chores: Household duties develop a sense of purpose. Lack of purpose is one of the most reported problems in suicidal people. Teens are capable of doing practically any household duty and gives them a sense of belonging to the family team.The Gift of Failure Jessica Lahey: Children prefer parents who hold them responsible for not meeting expectations over those who monitor their children. Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything'Early adolescence is a friendship meat grinder, and your kid will eventually find their people,' according to Megan Saxelby of Wild Feelings. But oh boy it's tough!  Megan wants parents to know that using words like “dramatic” to describe genuine social pain can accidentally give us permission to dismiss their emotional reality and teach our kids that their experiences doesn’t deserve to be taken seriously.In today’s episode we explore why it hurts so much to watch our child struggle socially, and why our instincts to either dismiss or ‘fix things’ can often make it worse.The good news is that there’s new research, by the eminent Dr David Yeager, that shows there’s one thing our kids can learn that can reduce depression in teens by nearly 40%.We hear the details and some great tips for us parents on the frontline.Megan Saxelby:Rachel's blog reflections on teen friendship distressThe Study:This is such a big topic I have created a lot of content to cover it:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friendships-also-what-the-we-sho-1/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/puberty-toxic-friendships-pick-me-girls-top-tips-for-parenting-teenagers-from-teenagers-147/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/top-friendship-tips-for-teen-girls-lessons-from-real-life-sisters/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/139-preparing-for-secondary-school-friendship-groups-and-those-awkward-talks-about-porn-and-sexti/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/friendship-girls-and-toxic-groups-also-resilience-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-g/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWe want our kids to do as well as possible, so when they mess up, do dumb things, or seem to be failing, it's easy to focus on their mistakes and what they should do instead. Naomi Glover, a leading applied neuroscientist and brain health specialist, says we'd get the best out of our kids by doing the opposite; focusing on their strengths.Coming from a  neurodivergent family, she truly understands the challenges faced by ADHD, dyslexia, and other neurotypes and offers practical, easy-to-use “brain hacks” for things like anxiety, focus, and emotional regulation.Naomi believes that once we understand how our brain works, we can work with it—not against it this episode gives us those tips.Naomi GloverRachel's checklist from the episodeFind your strengths:PARENTS: https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/pro/parentingstrengths/account/registerUNDER 18'S: https://StrengthBoostU18.pro.viasurvey.org/Top tips:Lead with strengths, not deficitsRegularly name what your teen does well (kindness, perseverance, curiosity, humour, etc.) instead of only correcting what’s missing.Swap judgment for curiosityUse phrases like “I noticed…”, “Tell me more about what happened”, and “What could we do differently next time?” to keep conversations safe and open.Use recognition as rocket fuel (especially with ADHD/RSD)Give specific, genuine praise:“That was really kind leadership when you…”“I really appreciated you helping with the washing up – that was great teamwork.”Reduce brain overload with routines and single-taskingBuild simple, predictable habits (e.g. “Saturday is bed-linen day”).Avoid multitasking; do one thing at a time and protect focus where possible.Teach nervous-system resetsUse quick tools for you and your teen:Breathing: in for 4, out for 8, 3–5 times.Nature breaks: ~20 minutes outside to reset attention and mood.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWhile counseling sex offenders, Anna Sonoda, LCSW learned firsthand that grooming, the prelude to child sexual abuse, is intentional, gradual, and observable. Her message to us is, we're not bad parents, we just have a skills gap and she wants to fill it. I grew up in an era of stranger danger, but the truth is the vast majority of abuse happens inside our homes, online and offline, with people our kids know. So how can we spot the signs that a predator is moving in on us and our kids? Anna says there are clear stages of grooming that, once we know about them, we can intercept. She introduces the "4F formula" for grooming: flattery, favoritism, forbidden fruits, and fear, and stresses the importance of recognizing grooming's subtle signs. Anna advises parents to set clear device usage rules, use parental controls, and maintain open communication with their children. She also advocates for delaying social media access until age 16 and emphasizes the role of parents in curating their children's online and offline environments.In this episode we cover:What Is Grooming? (And Why Your Gut Isn’t Enough)Who Is at Risk? Myths About “Safe” CommunitiesOnline vs Offline Grooming: Why Both Matter The 4F Formula: Stages of Grooming Parents Need to KnowRed Flags of Grooming in Digital SpacesDevices, Social Media and Age: What’s Really Appropriate?Practical House Rules That Reduce Grooming RiskBuilding “Predator-Proof” Kids Through ConnectionReclaiming Parental Leadership in a Tech-Driven WorldResources:Top tips from this episodeAnna Sonoda: www.annasonoda.comIWF: https://www.iwf.org.uk/ UK-based for reporting and removing innapropriate imagesCommon Sense Media: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/ For useful and appropriate age guidancePredator’s Playground: AI, Gaming, and the Kids at Riskhttps://annasonoda.com/blog/f/predator%E2%80%99s-playground-ai-gaming-and-the-kids-at-risk?blogcategory=Online+safetyProtecting Families in the Age of AI: 'Take It Down Act' https://annasonoda.com/blog/f/protecting-families-in-the-age-of-ai-take-it-down-act?blogcategory=Online+safetySupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingHint: it depends on how you define happy and successful.We all want our kids to be happy and successful but what does that mean? In today's episode, I'm joined by Giselle Goodwin, author of Can Women Really Have it All? to talk about our definitions of success and happiness, and how they impact the way we parent. In this changing landscape where what we inherit can mean more than how hard we work what expectations should we have, and what message should we be giving our kids about their future if we want them to be happy? Do we have much of impact anyway?Eldest daughter syndrome:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/eldest-daughter-syndrome-and-the-trouble-with-parentification/The Family Dynamic and the Role of our Community in our Success:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/141-success-what-nobody-tells-us-about-the-role-of-siblings-are-parents-that-important/Inheritcocracy: How Society has Changed the Rules of Successhttps://www.teenagersuntangled.com/136-society-has-changed-are-education-and-hard-work-less-important-now-than-parents/Dr David Yeager: 10 to 25 'Status and Respect'https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/Perfectionism:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/perfectionism-help-your-teen-and-yourself-overcome-the-need-to-be-perfect/High expectations episode and blog:Episode: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/standards-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/Blog: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/setting-expectations-without-piling-on-the-pressure/Why mothers aren't happy:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motherhood-and-careers-can-women-really-have-it-all/Giselle Goodwin: @gisellegoodwinwrites on Instagram and YouTubehttps://substack.com/@gisellegoodwinSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingUpdated to correct the music issues at the beginning: This episode will change how you see “bad behaviour” and might just change how you see yourself, too.In this powerful conversation, with Dr Jody Carrington unpack what every parent and teacher needs to know about emotional regulation – and why you’re probably doing better than you think.In this episode, we cover:What emotional regulation really isThe “flipped lid” model and the role of the prefrontal cortexWhy kids don’t “lose their goodness” – they just lose access to itWhy your regulation matters more than any parenting hack“If the big people aren’t okay, the little people don’t stand a chance”How our phones, watches and constant comparison are quietly dysregulating usBehavior, consequences and connectionWhy a strict rewards-and-punishments model backfiresThe shift from “What’s wrong with this child?” to “What happened to this child?”Repair: the real superpower in families and classroomsWhy the best predictor of lasting relationships is the capacity to repairHow to apologise to your child (and your partner) in ways that actually healPractical tools you can use todayThe phrases “Tell me more” and “What’s the hardest part?”The “collect before you direct” principleEveryday connection habits: eyes, car rides, bedtime, food, and shared interestsHope for worried, exhausted parentsWhy kids should be “worst” with you (and why that’s a good sign)The 30% rule that lets you drop the perfectionism and keep going.Dr Jody Carrington:https://www.drjodycarrington.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingI thought we'd kick off the new year with an episode on how building our own community of people we admire can dramatically change our future and break from a difficult past.In this episode, I talk with Mitchell Osmond, who transformed his life from financial instability, marital strife, and addiction to a thriving marriage, debt repayment, and personal health. Mitchell attributes his turnaround to two pivotal moments: a marital fight and a funeral that made him question his life's direction. He formed a "Iron Five" group of mentors and within 18 months paid off $100,000 in debt, lost 60 pounds, and improved his marriage. Mitchell emphasizes the importance of presence over perfection in family life and the need for men to connect emotionally with their wives and children. He also discusses the impact of fatherlessness and the necessity of role models for boys. Mitchell Osmond:  @dadnationco  Where to find Mitchell Osmondhttps://www.dadnationco.com/New Year's Resolutions:EPISODE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/70-new-years-resolutions-love-them-or-loathe-them-the-question-is-how-can-we-make-them-work-for-u/BLOG WITH MY TECHNIQUE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingThe anxiety epidemic:In 2020 the UK charity Mental Health Foundation surveyed more than 2,000 children and found 50 per cent of teenagers aged 13-19 were experiencing anxiety they found hard to control.  Substack notes and PDF to go with this episode:https://substack.com/@teenagersuntangled/note/c-193100671?r=2u24i0&utm_source=notes-share-action&utm_medium=webhttps://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/p/the-rise-in-teen-anxiety Suggested books:·        The Anxiety Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with Anxiety and Worry·       Breaking free from Childhood Anxiety and OCD, Eli Lebowitz.The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidthttps://www.anxiousgeneration.com/Key points taken from UNWINDING ANXIETY: by Judson Brewer Mindfulness is a key tool:'If you feel anxious it’s an uncomfortable feeling so you start worrying about it. Worrying is seductive because it makes you feel like you’re doing something to get to a solution. All it does is to distract you from the negative emotion. It temporarily numbs the difficult feelings and feels more rewarding to your brain than the original emotion.''If your brain learns that worrying provides temporary relief, then whenever you’re anxious your brain will trigger worry. It becomes a compulsive habit over which you have no control, but the worrying makes you feel more anxious.'·       The first step to understanding your own anxiety is simply mapping your own habit loops/ What kind of situations trigger anxiety or other difficult feelings? ·       Which behaviours has your brain learned to respond as a way to soothe or distract you?·       What is the result of those behaviours?'When you get into an anxiety loop use:RAIN:Recognise difficult feelings.Accept them and allow them to be there.Investigate the sensations in your body and emotions bubbling up.Note what’s going on, and simply observe yourself out of curiosity.Resources:https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/23/health/mental-health-crisis-teens.htmlhttps://www.forbes.com/sites/williamhaseltine/2021/08/25/depression-and-anxiety-double-in-youth-compared-to-pre-pandemic/?sh=22e0bfb2139fhttps://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/feeling-anxious-dont-worry-its-good-for-you-s70jvtdbxhttps://childmind.org/article/signs-of-anxiety-in-teenagers/RULES FROM:https://www.verywellfamily.com/establishing-house-rules-for-teenagers-1094873Rules That Promote Safety·       Driving – car accidents are the number one killer of teens. Establish clear rules about phone use in the car, passengers, speeding, etc.·       Drugs/alcohol – talk often about making good choices and consequences. Talk about ways they can get out of a bad situation.Rules That Teach Morality·       Honesty – set consequences that will be more severe for lying or covering up. Also rules about cheating on their homework. ·       Treating others respectfully. Rules about gossiping, bullying and talking back.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingNone of us likes blowing a fuse when our teen does something that triggers us, but we all do it at some point. Nicky asked us to discuss this topic after she felt she'd overreacted to bad feedback from her son's teachers. We know it fixes nothing and leaves us feeling worse than before, but can we keep smoothing it over with an apology?  Click the link at the bottom to access all the tips from the episode and also a parent’s worksheet to help you unpack your feelings:https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/how-to-avoid-overreacting-and-why?r=2u24i0&utm_medium=ios&shareImageVariant=overlayIt was such a great topic to suggest, and when it was first aired I had some amazing feedback from listeners who'd suddenly realised that they were reacting in the way they had been programmed to by their own family.My daughter also told me that the main reason her friends don't tell her parents anything is that they think the parents either don't care or that they'll overract.That's why this podcast is so valuable. It gives us as space to stop and think about the things that come to us unbidden, so that we can upack them and make changes that help us with our own relationships.Long term, if we don't manage to adapt, we run the risk of ruining our connection with our teens because they learn that the best way to manage us parents is to keep quiet, hide, or lie to prevent a repeat.  So how can we stop ourselves from overreacting? We talk through some mindfulness techniques that could make all the difference. This is also a VITAL skill to teach our own teens. BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS:When You Lose It by Roxy and Gay LongworthThe Chimp Paradox by Prof Steve PetersRESOURCES:How to Stop Overreacting to Everything by Patrick Allanhttps://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-stop-overreacting#recaphttps://theparentingreframe.com/the-4-steps-you-need-to-stopoverreacting-and-yelling-at-your-kids-for-good/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201007/overreactions-in-adolescenceSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWhat's the point of fathers? Michael Ray, father and gender equality campaigner says the way they're portrayed in the media and advertising sends the impression that they are either bumbling idiots or not an important part of raising kids.It was only when Michael was left raising his daughter alone that he became conscious of how little support there is for men taking on less traditional roles in the home. He highlights the lack of representation of fathers in media and advertising, noting that only 4% of parenting portrayals in Australia feature fathers. Ray argues that we've made big changes to our views of women but that hasn't been matched either in the workplace or in the media for men, and true equality is only possible if men are given more status and respect in the role of father.Michael Ray:https://michaelray.com.au/https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-ray-574079183/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingIt's our connections, whether friends or partners, that make us want to get up and face our challenges every day. So when kids start a new school, college or university it's a time when friendships become the most important thing. With Phoebe about to leave for university, and Amelia recently started at a new college we thought it would be a great time to reflect on the evolving nature of friendships. In the conversation, the girls emphasize the importance of having a range of friends who suit the different sides of our personality, and the value of not being overly dependent on any one friend. They also discuss the impact of social media on friendships, the challenges of making new friends in new environments, and the importance of being open and vulnerable in friendships. Amelia advises against overthinking friendships and suggests focusing on personal growth during periods of loneliness.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingThe happiess hack article by Dana Millbank:https://www.washingtonpost.com/climate-environment/2025/10/24/happiness-purpose-community-contribution/Checkout my Substack:teenagersuntangled.substack.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWe all have traditional times when our extended families come together to celebrate, give thanks, and share the warmth of mutual love. In the UK, December is a non-stop reel of songs about 'Simply having a wonderful Christmas time', and Instagram is awash with pictures of happy celebrations. Being with our family can give us a welcome chance to relax and be accepted for who we are but - let's be honest -  it can also bring out the worst in us. The break in routine - where everyone is forced together - can be a difficult adjustment. The expense can be crippling. Travelling to see family can be stressful, and then the raised expectations can set up the entire event for failure.We've all been there, so here are our tips on how to make the most of those gatherings when you have teenagers in the house.https://www.family-action.org.uk/our-voices/2021/11/12/connecting-with-teenagers-at-christmas/https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/2021/16-december-coping-with-family-pressures-and-expectations-in-the-run-up-to-christmas/https://www.bristol.ac.uk/news/2021/december/avoiding-stressful-christmas.htmlhttps://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/wellbeing/a29321/how-to-deal-with-family-fallout-at-christmas/https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/best-advice-family-christmas/605760Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingStruggling with homework battles, school stress, or understanding ADHD in your teen? In this episode I was joined by executive skills coach Sean Geraghty—author of “I’ll Do It Later”—to unpack the real challenges (and hidden strengths) of neurodivergent teens. As someone who is navigating neurodivergence at home, I found Sean's advice on executive function, school portals and building better family relationships invaluable. He gives actionable tools for every parent. Whether your teen is in the thick of it or you simply want to understand them better.Sean introduces the "Super System" (Sleep, Unplug, Plan, Eat, Roam) to help us understand how to help teens manage their tasks. Sean Geraghty:https://www.resetteencoaching.com/[email protected] a PDF full of advice from this episde, head over to my substackhttps://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/hows-a-mum-to-know?r=2u24i0&utm_medium=iosSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingIn this episode clinical psychologist, Dr. Chloe Carmichael discusses the increasing anxiety among people about expressing their opinions due to fear of being "cancelled" or socially isolated. What she is seeing is that this fear extends beyond politically charged topics to everyday conversations and self-consorship on an increasing level.With that, there's been a rise in "no contact" trends, where individuals cut off relationships over political differences, leading to social isolation and mental health issues. She emphasizes the importance of free speech for mental health and resilience and gives us a range of practical tips including reflective listening and open dialogue to foster understanding and reduce pressure to conform to others' opinions.Dr Chloe Carmichael:http://www.freespeechtoday.com/https://www.instagram.com/drchloe_/New York Times poll response:https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/18/opinion/cancel-culture-free-speech-poll.htmlSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingThere's so much talk about masculinity and how boys should be, but not an awful lot of advice for parents on raising confident, caring young men in today’s world. If you’ve ever wondered how to really connect with your son, or how to navigate the big topics of screen time, masculinity, emotions, or tough conversations about sex, consent, and technology—this episode is for you.You’ll learn why boys’ emotional lives are often misunderstood, how to move from authoritarian parenting to genuine connection, and practical strategies for talking with—not at—your teen. We’ll discuss effective communication techniques, how to balance screen time, help boys build empathy and resilience, and tackle tricky issues like substance use and healthy relationships.JOANNA SCHROEDER: Book: Talk to Your Boys https://joannaschroeder.substack.com/Episodes mentioned:Dr David Yeager: Teenagers wanting status and respect https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/Dr Joanna Finkelstein: The sexy lamposthttps://www.teenagersuntangled.com/116-girls-beauty-standards-entitlement-and-misogyny/Brendan Kwiatkowski: From a young age boys are conditioned to shut down emotionshttps://www.teenagersuntangled.com/98-boys-emotions-masculinity-vaccinations-and-online-influencers/Mike Nicholson: Boys don't see role models asking for helphttps://www.teenagersuntangled.com/masculinity-and-positive-ways-of-supporting-our-teenage-boys-an-interview-with-mike-nicholson-from/My substack guide to phones and technology at home:https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/teens-and-screens-the-big-hug-teenagers?r=2u24i0&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=falseSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything"Learning is struggle, and kids need to get comfortable struggling with learning."  That's according to Jenny Anderson, who spends much of her time writing about what is happening at the frontline of parenting, education and AI. She explains that the big problem for educators and parents who want the best for their kids is that Silicon Valley is trying to take away as much of the struggle as possible. "The F word in Silicon Valley is friction. They want to get rid of friction, right?" AI is now sweeping across every platform we use and for us parents, who felt blindsided by the introduction of smartphones, this is yet another challenge where we're navigating the frontline of something we don't fully understand. In this interview Jenny gives us some excellent advice on how to navigate the latest challenge we've been handed, in a way that doesn't make life much harder for us and ensures our kids get the best rather than the worst out of this new technology. Jenny Anderson: https://www.jennywestanderson.org/https://substack.com/@jennywestaTeenagers Untangled Substack:teenagersuntangled.substack.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWhy is it that so many teenagers today seem to be struggling with mental health?In this conversation, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Matt Richtel reveals the surprising science behind adolescent development, explaining why teens aren't 'difficult' they're doing an important job and how there's a fundamental mismatch between biological adolescent development and the world in which we now life. One of the key problems nowadays is that kids are going into puberty earlier, while the information age is bombarding them with vast amounts of new data and ways of comparing themselves before they're developmentally ready.In response, instead of going out to conquer the world, they're now conquering on the inside, which is why he's called them Generation Rumination. What explains adolescent behaviors, risk-taking, reward-seeking, and the ongoing mental health crisis? How does adolescence shape the future of the species? What is the nature of adolescence itself?In this episode, Matt explains why the neurological mismatch between an ultra-potent environment and a still-maturing brain can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges. More importantly, he gives us solid, science-backed techniques, to help our kids navigate a difficult new world.Matt Richtel: https://www.mattrichtel.com/For a PDF printout of the advice given by Matt in this episode go to Rachel's Substack: teenagersuntangled.substack.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingTo lose a child is one of the worst things any of us an imagine. To lose him at 16 to a recreational drug is an unbearable pain. That's what happened to Fiona Spargo-Mabbs OBE, but she has turned her pain into an incredible quest to turn her 'I wish I'd known', suffering into a book, a drugs education foundation, and support for all of us parents so we never have to go through the pain she has suffered. In this incredible conversation, Fiona discusses the importance of drug education, the prevalence of drug use among youth, and the need for better parental awareness and conversations. She emphasizes the significance of understanding drug effects, the rise of synthetic drugs like spice and THC vapes, and the impact of drug use on mental health and addiction. Fiona also highlights the role of peer influence and the importance of providing youth with positive alternatives to drug use, such as sports and community activities.Fiona Spargo-Mabbs OBE: www.dsmfoundation.org.ukIf you would like more detail, including a printable PDF covering the important lessons of this episode, join The Big Hug community at: teenagersuntangled.substack.comHere are just 10 of the things we discuss in this episode:Most teenagers will face a drug-related decision by age 15, even if they don't use drugs themselvesThe adolescent brain is more vulnerable to drug harm and addiction because it's arleady undergoing to rigorous rewiringModern drugs are significantly stronger and more dangerous than in previous generationsPeer pressure can be positive - teens can help each other make safer choicesHaving pre-planned "escape strategies" and reasons to say no can help teenagers avoid risky situationsConnection and positive activities (sports, music, volunteering) are powerful alternatives to drug useParents should have frequent, short conversations about drugs rather than one big intimidating talkSynthetic drugs like spice can be extremely dangerous, with one in six school vapes potentially containing harmful substancesUnderstanding how drugs actually work in the brain helps teenagers make more informed decisionsThe most effective approach is being a supportive, non-judgmental parent who provides reliable information and creates a safe space for honest conversationsSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingFor this Sunday catch up I was joined by Susie Asli to discuss the challenges of parenting during times of personal loss, such as the death of a pet or a parent. We share our experiences of our children’s different reactions to grief and the importance of allowing them to grieve in their own ways. We also talk about the transition to university, the generational differences in parenting, and the importance of respecting teenagers’ independence.I introduced a new app called Foqos, which helps manage device usage, and emphasised the need for parents to model good behavior and maintain open communication with their children.Full episode links, and other details, will be available to Substack subscribersteenagersuntangled.substack.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingSleep's a FREE performance-enhancer, so why are so many teens not getting enough?For us parents, sleep is the thing we all obsess about when we first bring our babies home, but if you're anything like me by the time they hit teens we've become pretty lax around that solid bedtime routine. In fact, research shows that around 2/3rds of teenagers aren't getting adequate sleep.Why does this happen? In my case, I was exhausted from years of implementing a solid routine and they had become more interesting, so I wanted to spend more time with my kids in the evening. They were also busy doing other things; sports, socialising, homework.Mostly, I think it's not a goal we target or brag about, so it becomes the silent victim of our busy lives.That's why I decided it was time to talk to an expert (and parent who's navigated this) on sleep.In this conversation Jessica Bryant of the Better Sleep Council helps us parents really think about our family attitude to sleep, how to support our teens in getting the amount they need, and to problem-solve your struggles.Thanks to all of you lovely listeners who sent in your questions.Jessica Bryant Sleep Happy Consultinghttps://www.sleephappyconsulting.com/The original sleep episode:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/sleep-the-free-fix-for-our-teens-with-no-side-effects/RESEARCH: Showed insufficient sleep on an average school night was reported by 68.9% of students. It was associated with higher odds of current use of cigarettes, marijuana, current sexual activity, seriously considered attempting suicide, feeling sad or hopeless, physical fighting, not being physically active:https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21843548/Cross-national variations in adolescent sleep patters:https://www.researchgate.net/publication/375375396_Cross-National_Variations_in_Adolescent_Sleep_Patterns_A_Time-Use_Study?utm_source=chatgpt.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWhatever food fears we've inherited, or learned, will be passed on to our kids unless we understand and challenge our beliefs, according to food psychologist, Dr Anna Colton. As she rightly points out, fear-mongering about killer bars or toxic foods is way more dangerous, long-term, than the food itself.In this episode we talk openly about my own struggles with my family's attitude to food, and Dr Colton explains in detail why it's way better to prevent our kids developing issues than it is to deal with the terrifying results of an eating disorder.As she says: 'Eating disorders really do kill.'She wants to help us parents raise a generation that trusts their bodies and enjoys food without guilt, fear or shame.In this episode we talk about how to:Recognize early signs of disordered eatingSpeak neutrally about food and body imageProtect your children from harmful diet culture messagingUnderstand the complex factors behind eating disordersCreate a supportive home environment that promotes healthy eating habitsThe shocking study that proved anorexia is cause by weight loss.Whether you're parenting teens, tweens, or younger children, this episode offers practical strategies to help your kids develop a positive relationship with food and their bodies. Dr. Colton's expert advice will empower you to break generational cycles of unhealthy attitudes about eating and self-image.Dr Anna Coltonhttps://www.dranna.co.ukhttps://www.instagram.com/the_food_psychologist/BOOKS:  How to Talk to Children about Food by Dr Anna ColtonAnorexia and Other Eating Disorders: How to Help Your Child Eat Well and be Well by Eva MusbyGood Girl by Hadley FreemanEPISODES:Body image: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/body-image-and-chores-helping-teenagers-to-develop-a-positive-body-image-also-getting-your-teena/Healthy Eating:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/screens-and-teens-heres-how-to-help-them-and-yourself-manage-your-time-also-can-we-talk-about-h/Bigorexia: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/feeding-your-teen-control-issues-and-bigorexia/Does my teen need to lose weight: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/diet-does-my-teen-need-to-lose-weight-how-to-navigate-diet-culture-with-elyse-resch/Eating Disorders: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/eating-disorders-an-interview-with-beat-representative-umairah-malik-what-we-parents-need-to-know/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingIs your kid stressed or lacking motivation? What if the antidote was pushing them less and giving them more of a sense of control over their lives? It doesn't mean giving up your authority as a parent. As elite teen coach, Ned Johnson, explains the science tells us we can help our child sculpt a brain that is resilient, and ready to take on new challenges if we stop taking over.In his practice he uses science, behavioural therapy and extensive case studies to offer help kids who're struggling with stress, anxiety, or lack of motivation.His mantra is that as parents, we need to get out of our kids' way. We can only drive our kids so far. At some point, they will have to take control over their own path and our job is to help them develop the skills to do that. Introducing technology to teenagers: My Substack Big Hug GuideLearned Helplessness at Fifty: Insights from Neurosciencehttps://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4920136/Failure to Launch: Ken Rabow https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/failure-to-launch-what-we-can-learn-from-struggling-young-adults-about-how-to-help-our-teens/Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain by Dr. John Ratey.The Tech Exit book: https://www.sheldonpress.co.uk/titles/clare-morell/the-tech-exit/9781399828208/Never Enough book: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/about-never-enough10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/Intrinsic Motivation and Positive Development: Reed Larson https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23259190/Default Mode Network:  https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26168472/Ned on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theothernedjohnson/video/7005943445646855429?is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1&lang=enSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWe all want our kids to feel they belong and have purpose, but what simple things can we do at home and in schools that will help them develop what they need?In this interview you'll hear so many great tips we can put in place at home that will help our kids thrive. In 2007, Tish co-founded Jamie’s Farm with her son Jamie, a teacher and farmer.LINK: https://jamiesfarm.org.uk/people/tish-feilden/The residential visits for disadvanteged kids, who are disengaged or disruptive at school, give them experience of eating as a family around a table, setting aside their digital devices, and creating a structure for positive recognition of those around them. Since its founding, Jamie’s Farm has supported over 16,000 young people across six farms in the UK and delivered significant, lasting improvement to young people’s social and emotional health as well as school attendance and attainment. Tish has background as a foster parent and teacher, she went on to build a 30-year career as a psychotherapist, including working  with teenagers, families, and the supervision of school counsellors.Tish Fieldon's 10 Transformative Tips for Parents and Teachers Understand the Teenage BrainRecognize that teenagers operate differently from adultsAvoid logical lectures - they rarely workRedirect energy positively instead of shutting down natural curiosityCreate Meaningful ConnectionHave regular family meals togetherMake time for genuine conversationsPractice "check-ins" where everyone shares how they're feelingLimit TechnologySet clear boundaries with phonesCreate phone-free zones and timesPrioritize SleepEnsure teenagers get adequate restEstablish consistent bedtime routinesUnderstand sleep is crucial for brain development and emotional regulationEmbrace NatureEncourage outdoor activitiesTake walks togetherExplore local trails and green spacesFoster PurposeGive teenagers meaningful tasksInvolve them in community projectsHelp them feel they're contributingCelebrate their achievementsPractice Positive ReinforcementFocus on strengthsGive genuine complimentsDo "shout-outs" recognizing good qualitiesLearn from positives, not just correctionCreate Safe Spaces for CommunicationBe authenticShare your own experiencesListen without judgmentMake conversations feel naturalTeach Life SkillsDiscuss practical adulting topicsCook togetherBuild confidence through practical learningSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingConflict is normal - but it often escalates during teenage years because our kids are trying to assert their own wishes, and probably aren't very skilled at it.As parents, it's easy to fall into classic conflict traps if we don't have the skills for resolving disagreements.In this episode we talk about the key techniques we can use - and teach - to ease tension and bust-ups at home and elsewhere. What's even better is that by learning techniques for being assertive - and listening until everyone feels understood - we can turn conflict into a positive that deepens our relationships and creates lifelong bonds of understanding.LUFU technique (Listening Until Fully Understood)Conflict Resolution Techniques, Assertive Communication  * O - Objective description of behavior  * F - Feelings expression  * A - Effect on relationships  * Pausing and listening strategiesMy Substack:https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/p/good-parenting-starts-with-your-values?r=2u24i0Blog:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Conflict-management-skills/RESOURCES:An excellent book:   Making Great Relationships by Rick Hanson Websites used:https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/communicating-relationships/communicating/conflict-management-with-teenshttps://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224545.1994.9923015 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0891524502883249Other sources of help:https://www.family-action.org.uk/what-we-do/children-families/familyline/https://www.keycharity.org.uk/help-and-support/resolve-family-issues/http://www.familylives.org.uk/https://www.relate.org.uk/get-helphttps://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingFREE GUIDE: HOW TO THINK THROUGH DEVICE USE FOR YOUR TEENShttps://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/teens-and-screens-the-big-hug-teenagersSmartphones can be massively problematic in the hands of the young, mainly because of what kids can access through them. Social media can have a magnetic pull for adolescents who're trying to figure out their identity and fit in, meanwhile predators are well aware of the various access points provided.So are there any positives? Is it even justifiable to give our kids a smartphone, and at what age is it suitable? My teens have very kindly agreed to chat openly about their experiences, both the good and bad, to give us parents a chance to think through our own approach. We now know so much more now about the issues phones and social media raise, and I hope this conversation helps you by reducing guilt and encouraging you to engage with the issue by thinking clearly about your own values and the individual children you have. NOTE: My daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD, which is why she has strong opinions on the subject. In this episode we explore the pros and cons of social media platforms like TikTok, Instagram, with one of my daughters explaining why Snapchat is particularly stressful due to streaks and friendships.  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/snapchat-a-fantastic-way-to-connect-or-a-cynical-exploitation-of-your-teenagers-time/What comes through clearly is the importance of parental involvement, setting boundaries, and understanding the impact of social media on mental health and friendships. We give you the good and bad: From predator problems, self-image issues, political echo chambers, misinformation, AI and a lengthy digital footprint, sleep issues, and stress... To opportunities for minorities to find support and perspectives that differ from those in their school, ways to find role models, language to describe their experiences, creative outlets and ideas about fashion and style. OTHER EPISODES:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/screen-time-for-tweens-and-teens-the-latest-on-what-works-and-what-doesnt/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/bikini-photos-why-are-girls-posting-bikini-pics-and-what-should-we-say-about-them/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/112-boys-looks-and-masculinity-on-social-media-the-hard-and-soft-of-looksmaxxing/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWhen things go wrong at school parents are bound to feel stressed, wanting the problem to be resolved as soon as possible. But - in the UK at least - the current complaints system is "working for no one", according to the Government's Education Secretary.Jason Elsom, CEO of charity Parentkind, says there's been a surge in parental complaints, that are being amplified via WhatsApp: Quoted in The Times“We are seeing a tsunami of parental complaints. It is never right to name and shame a school or engage in a WhatsApp pile-on, but schools need to make sure they have thought through how they engage parents to nip issues in the bud.”The charity Parentkind found in a poll of 2,000 parents that 38% had filed a formal school complaint in the past year, with the total number of complaints exceeding five million in just one year.Common areas of concern included bullying, student safety, school discipline and behaviour policies, homework, and teacher conduct.Elsom says says Parents are under enormous pressure with a cost-of-living crisis and ever increasing challenges at home, which sometimes spills over into the classroom, with parents complaining to schools about what they are hearing from their children and on WhatsApp groups.“Meanwhile nearly two thirds, or 65%, of school leaders say parental complaints increased during the 2023/24 academic year in a survey by UK and Ireland law firm Browne Jacobson. Nine in 10 (90%) believe complaints-handling is having a detrimental impact on staff wellbeing, with other knock-on effects cited including the quality of education being delivered (53%) and staff retention (48%).Melanie Sanderson, GOOD SCHOOLS GUIDE: https://www.goodschoolsguide.co.uk/SOURCE: https://www.brownejacobson.com/BrowneJacobson/media/Media/education/SLS-findings-Spring-2024.pdfSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingHow we parents manage technology in our homes, and what we put in the hands of our kids, has turned into one of the most hotly debated topics amongst parents and experts. In this episode, I talk to Dr. Lucy Foulkes, Oxford academic psychologist and author, about social media’s role in adolescent mental health, challenging the narrative popularized by Jonathan Haidt and exploring why phones and social platforms aren’t the universal villains they’re often made out to be. Dr Foulkes has a fascinating take on mental health and whether our well-intentioned conversations around the subject, especially in schools and on social media, might have gone too far; creating confusion or even anxiety for parents and young people. If you want a nuanced, evidence-based discussion that will help you support your teen with more confidence and less fear you've found it.Dr. Lucy Foulkes:  BooksWhat Mental Illness Really Is (…and what it isn’t) Coming Of Age: How Adolescence Shapes Us,Website: https://www.lucyfoulkes.com/Book recommended: The End of Trauma by George BonannoIt’s important not to pathologize normal adolescent struggles. Not all teenagers have mental health problems. Most are resilient and functioning well. All distress should be taken seriously, not just clinical disorders.Increased mental health awareness only helps if there is proper back-up and support for those who really need it.Mental health terms are often misunderstood. Words like “OCD” are often used casually, diluting their meaning and making it harder for those with real disorders to be understood and supported.The narrative that phones and social media are causing a mental health crisis is oversimplified and often exaggerated (as in Jonathan Haidt’s work). Parental engagement and open conversations matter. The best approach is to guide teens in managing technology, set consistent family rules, and model healthy behavior, rather than banning devices or demonizing their use.Both online and offline experiences can be positive or negative; it’s about finding a healthy mix and not assuming one is always better than the other.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingDo you ever worry about losing touch with your kids as they grow up? In this episode of Teenagers Untangled I'm joined by Catherine Hickem, a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and founder of Parenting Adult Children Today to explore the growing issue of family estrangement.Catherine is leading a conversation around one of the most overlooked family dynamics: the relationship between parents and their adult children. Despite how common this phase of life is, few resources exist to help parents navigate the transition from authority figure to trusted ally.  *Research shows that about one in four American adults—27%—report estrangement from a family member. Notably, 26% of adult children have experienced estrangement from a father, compared to only 6% from a mother—and many of these rifts eventually heal.We discuss why adult children might cut ties with parents, and what we can do now—while our kids are tweens or teens—to build a strong, lasting relationship.We cover:The most common reasons adult children become estranged from their parentsThe key mistakes parents make (and how to avoid them)How to adapt your parenting style as your children grow into adulthoodThe impact of parental expectations, grief, and cultural pressures on family bondsPractical strategies for fostering trust, open communication, and unconditional loveReal-life stories of reconciliation and hopeCatherine Hickem brings decades of experience working with thousands of families, offering actionable advice and heartfelt encouragement.CATHERINE HICKEM:https://www.parentingadultchildrentoday.com/https://www.instagram.com/parentingadultchildrentoday/Research sources:A longitudinal U.S. study (Reczek et al.), Cornell's Fault Lines project, and the YouGov poll conducted in 2022. Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingThe latest narrative around online safety, phones and devices, is pushing for bans to keep our kids safer and happier. The idea is to give them back their childhood and prevent them from accessing harmful content.  Catherine Knibbs, a child psychotherapist and cyber trauma expert argues in her latest book that social media bans won't work because we can't even properly define what it is we want to ban, and when we do ban devices we actually leave our kids vulnerable. The thinking is that when we tell our child they can't, we miss out on the opportunity to guide them through what Catherine Knibbs describes as the 'digital city park.' In Tech Smart Parenting, Catherine gives an alternative to the panic and prohibition many parents feel about technology. Instead, she talks about the stages of allowing our kids access to that park, and how a staged approach that is managed by us parents, will offer the safest route.There are four core risks she's identified that our kids face and that need to be discusssed.Content - what people can accessContact - who they can be put in contact withConsumerism - selling to young and vulnerable mindsConduct - the way they behave in a digital environmentIn this interview she explains how we can have open, non-judgmental conversations about technology, gives us strategies for setting boundaries without creating shame, supporting neurodivergent children in digital environments and the importance of sitting side by side with our children and learning with them.The acronym she uses to remind us of our role in this journey is CPR:We need to beConsistent in our rulesPersistent in their applicationResistent to the begging of our kidsPersonally, I worry that many parents don't have much of an idea of what their kids are being exposed to online and that there needs to be a strong culture of support and education around what their kids might see. I'd be a fan of a 'driving licence' approach, which is why I've created this checklist of things to consider, and will produce a booklet of discussion questions to help us parents understand what needs to be covered when we give our kids a phone. CHECKLIST OF THINGS TO DISCUSS: Further details coming on my websiteHow much time and when they are online - Ep. 96Showing up as our best selves online - Ep. 43Family values - Ep. 93 & Ep. 135Downloading apps and what needs to be discussed before they do - Ep. 50Commercialism: how we are being targeted and why it's an issue - Ep. 130Grooming: spotting the signs - Ep. 67Sexting - Ep. 4Porn - Ep. 13 & 64What to do if things go wrong - Ep. 4Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingJudgment can be both useful and harmful. When it works well it's a safety mechanism for keeping kids from being harmed. When it works badly it can create feelings of shame and fear which stop parents reaching out for help, cause us to doubt our instincts and miss the vital importance of connection with our children. Sometimes, our fear of judgment can even paralyse us parents and stop us making the decision we know would be better for our family.We can't control what others think about us but we can control how we think about ourselves and how we respond to judgment.That's why I've set up this podcast to give you a chance to hear other parents talk about what experts say, and realise that there is absolutely no perfect parent or perfect way to do things. Personally, I've found parenting more of a haggle than an art. People who think they have the right answer rarely understand the complexities of our own haggle.TOP TIPS SHARED IN THE EPISODE:1. Lead with Empathy, Not AuthorityStart by acknowledging how hard parenting can be."I know how tough it is—I've been there too." This creates a shared experience, not a hierarchy.2. Ask, Don’t AssumeInstead of diving in with advice, invite the conversation:"Would it help if I shared something that worked for me?" "Are you looking for suggestions or just someone to listen?" This gives them control, which preserves their dignity.3. Share, Don’t InstructFrame advice as personal experience or something you've come across—not a prescription:"What really helped us was..." "I read something interesting the other day about how teens..."Avoid “should,” “always,” or “never” statements.4. Validate Before You AdviseBefore offering tips, show you understand their situation:"That sounds so frustrating—I can see why you're worried." Validation lowers defensiveness and opens them up to ideas.5. Focus on Curiosity, Not CriticismYou might say:"Have you noticed if she gets more upset when..." "Do you think he might be reacting to...?" This invites reflection rather than implying fault.6. Know When to Just Be ThereSometimes advice isn’t what they need—just a calm presence or someone to say:"You're doing better than you think."Mo Gawdat quote:Mo Gawdat defines happiness as a state where your perception of life's events is equal to or greater than your expectations. Break Ups episode mentioned in the reviews: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/144-first-love-breakups-lgbtq-how-to-support-our-kids-through-the-turmoil/RESEARCH: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/01/24/gender-and-parenting/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk