Don’t Wine About It! (audio version)

I rarely drink anymore. It reduced in stages. It went from only drinking every two days or so to maybe once a week. Until last week, I had gone a staggering 17 weeks without a sip. I didn’t make a decision to stop drinking. It’s just that for 17 weeks in a row, coincidentally, I never had the urge to drink. Never once did I consider that my relationship with alcohol was over, but Lord, it felt nice to realize that I had grown up. I say that because back in my heavy drinking days, I would say to myself, “Well, one day you’ll grow up and you just won’t want to do it anymore or you won’t have time. You know, like if you have a kid or something.” That always gave me comfort. But then I saw a bunch of my buddies and people I knew from afar get older, have kids, have more responsibility, have less time, yet still managed to get s*******d all the time and make a mess of themselves. That made me realize that it could easily happen to me (Yes, in case you are new here, there was a brief period where I thought I discovered alcoholism I reckon lol). And thank God it didn’t. One less thing I have to worry about. The thought of getting blackout drunk right now makes me want to hurl as much as I would probably hurl if I did indeed get blackout drunk. The idea of not being fully present and in control of my faculties while in charge of a 3 1/2 year-old boy is borderline unconscionable to me (side note: I HATE the word unconscionable for reasons I genuinely can’t explain. I guess if I had to try, it’d be that the place you hear it coming from the most is a politicians mouth. That said, I have never once written it down or used it in a sentence and I wanted to at least once. I will never again write it or say it, so take a second to sit in awe that by reading this, you are a part of history! {side side note: why yes, I am insane, why do you ask?}). None of this is to say that I don’t face random triggers like any other human being does. For instance, if I hear a really good country song, I want a beer so bad I would damn near walk to Antarctica butt naked to get one. But that feeling goes away as soon as I remember that my wife told me she wanted me to help her rearrange the closet later. And before you start questioning my bona fides, I absolutely could help my wife with any household chore while hammered drunk, it’s just not practical. If she’s asking me to help her rearrange the closet, I know that means she will be expecting me to get rid of some clothes to make room. If while doing that, I am “country music drunk”, I will be far too sentimental and refuse to throw away a shirt two sizes too small or too big for me based solely on the fact that I remember when I bought it and how nice of a conversation I had with the old lady selling it to me at the thrift store. Y’all, did you know that while you can always listen /watch what I do for free, if I could double my paid subscribers by this time next year, I could justify being a stay at home dad who does nothing but writes and podcasts for you? A long time dream of mine! Help me make it come true if you have the extra coin and my work brings value to your life!. A recent trigger of mine has been movies. But specifically movies that feature a character pouring a glass of wine. But it doesn’t make me just want to drink. As much as I love beer, that’s not what I’m craving at the moment. And as superior as I find Whiskey, I wouldn’t be tempted, even if it was right in front of me. It is specifically the wine, or probably more accurately, the version of drinking a glass of wine that we have romanticized in books and movies. The drink that doesn’t say you are going out, it says you are winding down. Oh how I crave to wind down. As it’s often the case, if I’m watching a movie, it is in peak wind down hours. I’m already laying down on the couch with a beta blocker, let’s crank this emotional bubble bath up a notch! Last night, I was watching Ronin, a criminally underrated Robert De Niro movie that I am very surprised more people don’t talk about. If they do talk about it, they haven’t talked to me about it, because while I knew it existed before yesterday, it was not on my “things I have to watch” list (an actual running doc I keep on my phone that is ridiculously long). None of that really matters except to say that in the very first scene, a glass of wine is poured, and it looks exquisite. My son had gone to bed early because the next day (today as I’m writing this) was his first day back at school. I’m actually getting to unwind and watch a movie before 9 PM. This is almost unheard of. Sticking to my strict “two glasses of wine only” rule, more time will have passed between the last sip and me falling asleep, greatly reducing any of the painful consequences I might have to face the next morning (don’t get me wrong, I’m almost 40, even two glasses of wine will make me a little hung over in the morning, but not the type that you can’t handle). This is truly a maybe twice a year occurrence at this point, and who knows how much busier fatherhood is going to make me in the future. To not act upon this stroke of good fortune would be borderline irresponsible. I went to the grocery store to get my little cardboard, 500 mL box. It’s 3 1/2 glasses it says, but to me it’s two. I know that you are right now saying “ OK Corey so what you said earlier is a lie, you don’t have a strict two glasses only rule, you have a strict 3 1/2 glasses only rule” No. It is them who are wrong. I pour my glasses the same way I’ve poured my glasses my entire life, and when doing so, finish this little box in two glasses. Science and measurement regulation may well indeed be fact, but I put it to you that if someone experiences the world the exact same way for 20+ years, then we are in no position to deny their lived experience and truth. As I was in line, looking at the box in my hand, the craving to have a drink left me entirely. I chuckled to myself. Here I come all this way for something and now I don’t want it. Maybe what I wanted was just the ritual, and driving to the store and back was good enough. I was next in line and there was somebody behind me, so I wasn’t going to go back and put it away. I get embarrassed easily at little s**t like that. I can’t have someone thinking that I just checked my bank account and it turns out I can’t afford this four dollar carton of s**t wine. I’ll just buy it now and put it in the fridge, and next time the mood hits, I won’t have to go through all this. Y’all, did you know that while you can always listen /watch what I do for free, if I could double my paid subscribers by this time next year, I could justify being a stay at home dad who does nothing but writes and podcasts for you? A long time dream of mine! Help me make it come true if you have the extra coin and my work brings value to your life! I was so proud of myself. When I was in my younger days and the mood hit me, I would’ve already had the top off while standing in line waiting to pay for it. But now I’ve got it in my hand, and it may as well have been my dad’s wiener I was so unattracted to it. The girl asked for my ID and I showed it to her. The young woman exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear: “Oh wow. We were born only 4 days apart!” I fired back in a thick dad accent (ironically, I thought) “Ha! Welp I bet it ain’t the same year!” She looked at me and said “Oh god no, you are actually 3 months older than my mom” I went back and got the larger box of wine. More later. Corey This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe