Dread – Heartiste

Examples of effective doom inducement: – Turn off your cell phone twice a week. Alternate days. – Make a blatant but plausibly deniable move on one of her friends when she’s not around. The news will get back to her.  – Call her from a very busy place so that she can hear women’s voices laughing and shrieking in the background. Don’t tell her where you are when she asks. – Mention how skilled your Russian ex was at giving head.  – Be seen by your girlfriend flirting with other women in a social venue. Extra points if the women are attractive.  – Cook her a romantic candlelight dinner at home... Then, do not talk with her for four days afterwards. – Ignore her calls for a week. When you eventually answer and she reads you the riot act, act as if nothing was wrong and accuse her of sabotaging a perfectly good relationship. – When her best friend tells you how cute you and your girlfriend look together, shrug. – When she attempts the jealousy maneuver by flirting with another guy, act unfazed. Give her pickup tips. – Gaze longingly into her eyes, say how hot she looks, then immediately glance at the bosom of any woman in the vicinity. – Have a threesome. Spend an inordinate amount of time admiring the labia of the other woman. Be sure to moan louder with her. – Say things like “I really value my independence and freedom” relevant to nothing in particular. Thermonuclear Option: ** Have an affair and make sure she finds out about it.