Eldest daughter syndrome and the trouble with parentification.

Ask Rachel anything The hashtag #eldestdaughtersyndrome is reported to have had a whopping 24.7 million views on TikTok, and counting, but what is it and why is it getting so much attention? We look at the issues faced by the eldest sibling in the family, then talk more specifically about why daughters can feel resentful of the role that's foisted on them. It's easily done by us parents, particularly if we live in a patriarchal society. The expectation that they will do more of the emotional and domestic heavy-lifting in the family than the other siblings can teach them great life-skills, even make them successful in the workplace, but it can also make them resentful at missing out on the benefits of childhood. In this episode we talk about how we spot it and what can we do to rebalance what might be happening in our family. THE BOOK I MENTIONED: The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough BRILLIANT ARTICLE ON HOW IT TURNS UP IN ADULTHOOD: https://open.substack.com/pub/drheatherengland/p/it-was-a-big-deal-i-just-couldnt?r=2u24i0&utm_medium=ios USEFUL ARTICLES FROM HOME GIRLS UNITE ON INSTAGRAM: https://www.npr.org/2010/11/18/131424878/how-much-does-birth-order-shape-our-lives https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/11/first-born-children-eldest-daughter-family-dynamics/675986/ https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/eldest-daughter-syndrome-oldest-sibling-family-responsibilities BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS FROM SAGE THERAPY CHICAGO: The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are by Dr. Kevin Leman The Eldest Daughter Effect: How Our Family Order Influences Our Lives by Lisette Schuitemaker The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us by Jeffrey Kluger Sisters First: Stories from Our Wild and Wonderful Life by Jenna Bush Hager and Barbara Pierce Bush You Were Always Mom's Favorite!: Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives by Deborah Tannen Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson REFERENCES USED: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/11/first-born-children-eldest-daughter-family-dynamics/675986/ https://www.charliehealth.com/post/what-is-oldest-daughter-syndrome#:~:text=Due%20to%20the%20responsibilities%20and,siblings%20from%20a%20younger%20age. https://www.modernintimacy.com/what-is-eldest-daughter-syndrome/#:~:text=Signs%20of%20Eldest%20Daughter%20Syndrome%20in%20Adulthood&text=Eldest%20daughters%20often%20shoulder%20a,mode%E2%80%9D%20when%20there%20is%20discord. https://omny.fm/shows/the-psychology-of-your-20-s/147-the-psychology-of-the-eldest-daughter https://www.sagetherapychicago.com/post/understanding-eldest-daughter-syndrome-navigating-the-challenges-and-finding-balance#:~:text=Delegate%20Responsibilities%3A%20Don't%20hesitate,that%20rejuvenate%20and%20energize%20you. Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me Instagram Facebook