Embracing Empathy with Kristen Donnelly

Empower yourself to understand and appreciate diversity and inclusivity with Abbey Research's help, and learn to human better. Show Notes | Transcript "We are smarter than our brains, I promise. We can be. And so that's what empathy is. Kind of rewriting your brain to be curious about yourself, about the reactions you have, about the way you see the world. Be curious about other people and ask more questions and make less assumptions." - Kristen Donnelly Kristen Donnelly is an award-winning four-time TEDx speaker, international empathy educator and researcher with two decades of experience in helping people understand the beauty in difference and the power in inclusivity. She is also the COO of Abbey Research, co-founder of the Community Research Institute, and a regular contributor to Forbes, Medium and Thrive Global. She now works to help others understand how to human better and create a more inclusive world. On this episode of the Live. Love. Engage. podcast: How we can learn to be more empathetic and practice empathy as a muscle What Kristen means by the phrase "to human better" What we can learn from art to better understand and relate to other people How we can foster diversity and inclusivity in our organizations and societies How Kristen became interested in empathy and its importance in fostering better relations Kristen shares specific professional and personal examples of how to practice empathy What human beings have in common with cucumbers Connect with Kristen Website: ARGoodDoctors.com Related Live. Love. Engage. episodes you may enjoy: How to Embrace Diversity in the Workplace with Omar L. Harris Omar L. Harris talks about his book, “Be a J.E.D.I. Leader, Not a Boss: Leadership in the Era of Corporate Social Justice, Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion” and why now is the time for leaders to embrace new principles. Compassion and Empathy for All In this episode, I talk about the need for empathy in the wake of the brutal George Floyd murder. Quick Links: Join the Live. Love. Engage. Community Intuitive Business Coaching The Live. Love. Engage. Book Support the Podcast with BuyMeACoffee.com Enjoying what you're hearing on Live. Love. Engage.? Subscribe on Goodpods or your favorite podcast platform, and click here to leave a 5 STAR Review. You can also watch the conversation on YouTube. TRANSCRIPT Gloria Grace Rand Namaste and welcome back to another edition out of Live Love Engage. I am delighted to be with you as always and to have a guest with us on the show today. And her name is Kristen Donnelly and she is an award winning, four time TEDx speaker, international empathy educator and researcher with two decades of experience in helping people understand the beauty in difference and the power in inclusivity. And she is one of the good doctors of Abbey Research, COO of their parent company, co-founder of the Community Research Institute, and an unapologetic nerd for stories of change. And she's also a regular contributor to Forbes, Medium and Thrive Global. So welcome to live love engage. Kristen Kristen Donnelly well, thank you so much for having me. It's a delight. Gloria Grace Rand I am looking forward to learning more about you and especially about this topic of empathy, which is one that it needs talking about because it seems to be in short supply in our world today, at least in certain circles, let's put it that way. So I'd love to start off with asking our guests about their journey and about how they got to where they are today. So I thought I'd ask you what got you interested in being an international empathy educator? Kristen Donnelly It's a great question because the answer, in all honesty, is my entire life. So, briefly to explain how we speak about empathy at Abbey Research, empathy is the consistent, intentional decision to choose understanding over assumptions of yourself and other people. It has nothing to do with feeling other people's feelings or kind of reading other people's emotions. That's a separate skill set. And instead, empathy is a muscle we can all develop, a worldview we can all live by. And in that way I've been raised into an empathetic worldview in a lot of ways. My family has. We've owned a business since I was seven and the mission statement of that business is to impact lives and create wealth. And the idea is holistic wealth. How do we meet people where they are and provide them with resources, training, employment opportunities, whatever they need to live their best version of themselves? And in that pursuit, I have been constantly reminded that different people are different, that what I would want for somebody is not necessarily what they want for themselves. That the way I define family, is not the way they do that, all those kind of things. And that has always led me. My father is a business person and Abbey Research that I run now is a division of our family company that my brother and I have now taken over for our dad. But for my entire life my dad preached that really all you need to have to run a successful business is to know how to balance a spreadsheet and to have insatiable curiosity. And if you can do those two things, you can pretty much run a business. As long as those kinds of things keep happening. You're curious about the people you employ. You're curious about your numbers. You're curious about your product. You just keep asking questions. And we've kind of taken that. I took that and then added my social science degrees. I have a PhD. I have a social work. I have an MSW. And I have a degree in cross cultural religious anthropology. And when I kind of combine all of those things, what I really learned is that humans are so similar and so wildly different. And one of the things that makes all of us work is the fact that we want to be seen, heard and understood. But innately, we're terrified to see, hear, and understand other people because of our survival instincts that are hardwired in us. But we are smarter than our brains, I promise. We can be. And so that's what empathy is, is kind of rewriting your brain to be curious about yourself, about the reactions you have, about the way you see the world. Be curious about other people and ask more questions and make less assumptions. Gloria Grace Rand Wow, I love that definition, and I love your dad. Also in formulize, I suppose, for what makes a business successful too. I've never heard it explained with the curiosity factor in there. But it makes so much sense to think about because it really does. You have to be curious about what's going on, what's going on in the market, what's going on with your customers, what do they need, what do your employees need? And I can see where then the empathy no empathy muscle I was trying to put those two words together will come in handy. And in fact, you actually say that empathy is mandatory. So why, why do you believe that? Kristen Donnelly Because I usually joke, like, I gesture wildly to the planet and be like, not having empathy has gotten us here. But I think it goes back to what I said kind of at the end there, that everybody craves to be understood because we crave to be known, and we crave to be safe, and we crave to be in all those kind of things. We are biologically meant to live in community, and the culture doesn't really work in community. Rhythms these days. We’re hyper individualized and hyper siloed And so that has fed our fear of the unknown, that has kind of fed anything that looks different is wrong. Anybody who doesn't agree with me is evil or dumb or stupid. And at the same time, our biological imperatives are like, but we need people. And so we're kind of at this culture war within ourselves of anything that's different than me is wrong. But I desperately need people. And the problem is, if we're really honest, everybody is different. And so we start creating these weird hierarchies of like, okay, well, I can tolerate that difference, but I can't tolerate that difference. And that person voted different than me, which means they're evil. And I can't know them and that person's a different religion, which means they're going to hell. So I can't know them. And we've done all of these weird things when truly the way that we function best is to understand our limited control over other people. I.e. we have none. And that's so much of the result of empathy. So the more you practice empathy, the more you choose to understand rather than assume, the more you truly realize your place in the universe, that you are important, but you are not imperative, that you have a lot of power but very little control. And that we have to work together to make those kind of things happen. And I use the example a lot of American politics to be completely honest because it's the thing the question we get the most as empathy educators is especially you and I are speaking in the middle of October of 2022. If I see one more political ad on my television, I'm going to throw a shoe. It's just so, so much. And I lived in the UK for years and television advertisements aren't allowed there. And if state by magic wand change everything, I'd make the election season six weeks long with no television advertisements. That would be my answer. But anyway, a huge kind of part of this is that it's very easy to assume a lot of things and it's also very easy to get frustrated over things you cannot control. There are many politicians, elected officials of this nation that I would rather throat punch than have speak for me in a court of law. And yet my fellow citizens voted for them. I don't live in their constituency. I have no power over that. I have absolutely no control over who they vote for. And so if you really think about the republic that we live in, it's a great lesson in what you can and cannot control. However,...