Emotional Biomimicry

There’s a tangerine tree in my gardenIt’s speckled with hundreds of squat neon ballsWhen we moved in, they were still green and many had brown spots from the sunBut now they are bright orange and very few show their burn scarsThis is a beautiful tree and looking at it brings me joy every dayIt is the centerpiece of the yardAnd it anchors the surrounding trees and bushesI just love itBut, also true: I’ve got a citrus sensitivity bordering on allergyIf I eat much citrus, my mouth breaks out in painful ulcers that take ages to healSo I can appreciate this tree, but I can’t engage with its fruit muchAnd today I realized how much that tree and I have in commonThis is a healthy tree, resplendently bearing its giftsIn a specific moment wherein its gifts are lovely but indigestibleI imagine in the 20 years this tree has lived here, it has been more fully appreciatedAnd will be againBut this moment? At this moment its fruit is not meeting a needStill, it grows. It does its thing. It keeps fulfilling its natural expressionBirds eat the fruit. It’s quite charming. It’s like a living bird feederBut there is simply more fruit than my little ecosystem can receiveSo, I cut some off from time to time and give some to a friend or take them to the shelterI don’t want the tree to stop producing simply because I can’t keep up with its fruitBut I do imagine a situation where each fruit is treasured and not a burdenI mean, the fruit of this tree is sweet and deliciousIt comes in a little package that keeps it fresh and portable, and then in sections perfect for sharingTo a dry mouth, this fruit is mannaTo a hungry stomach, a most welcome reprieveBut for meA mismatchEven though both parties are earnest and doing our bestI sat with this tree this morning appreciating its resilience and beauty and natural, generative creativityFeeling guilty for not thrilling at its offeringIt seemed nonplussedMy citrus allergy isn’t its failureAnd while picking its fruit helps next year’s harvestIt seems perfectly in rhythm with what is happening nowIt will have many cycles in its lifeMany neighbors who each will have a different response to its beingThis tree is beautiful and responsive to its environmentWater, Sun, me, the birdsIt will adapt and adjust and liveIt doesn’t seem to be neurotic about itIt’s not producing its fruit to feed meIt’s producing fruit because that is what happens when life moves through itNot titrating its output based on responseI have a lot to learn from this treeAnd I’m grateful nature school is always in session. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com