Ep 06: [Dreaded] Homework

Homework is definitely something that is hard for a lot of families. We know how much of a burden it can be. We, as educational therapists, have to maintain clear boundaries on homework. We are not homework helpers. We are not homework coaches. We teach skills and strategies. If needed, refer back to blog 00 in order to better understand how education therapy is different from tutoring. We justify the discussion of homework in our world as ET’s because it’s all the other parts of homework that we work on. It’s strategy, approach, how to handle a difficult concept, grit, time management, prioritization, task initiation, project management, etc. It is never about completing homework in session but rather managing homework, stress, approach, and efficiency. We have a lot of opinions when it comes to homework. We strongly believe that kids should be able to be kids. We do not want to delve into the debate of whether or not homework is a good idea. Regardless of the various arguments about the benefits of homework, it is a reality that homework is a part of the vast majority of student lives and something that we (parents, educational therapists, and teachers) have to teach our students to manage. We know how hard homework time can be in your household. We know how stressful it can be when your child is not doing their homework the way that you think they should be doing it. It can be stressful when your child is either not getting it done at all or not turning it in. Or when they are doing it incorrectly. There are so many different aspects of homework but we are going to give a generalization about how to help you get through homework time. What Homework Should Be: There are various things that homework should be. For starters, homework should be a reinforcement of concepts. There are a lot of schools that do the flip model of having the students learn the material at home and then do homework in school. However, most students attend traditional schools where they are learning the material at school with their teachers and doing the reinforcement piece at home in the form of homework. In elementary school, there is reading, writing, and math homework. In middle school, there is homework that is due on different days and more long-term assignments or projects. (Be sure to refer back to blog 02 where we discuss how to calendar in order to better understand how to manage homework!) How it is managed will vary depending on the age group of the student. The daily struggle of homework involves creating time. After school time can be a battle for students. Most of the time, kids come home from school and do not want to start on their homework right away because they are just burnt out from the day. This can lead to a big fight between you and your child and the rest of the time after school becomes about getting homework done rather than family/quality time. Most students who struggle in school actually work twice as hard as their peers to produce half as much. It is important to remember that your child is not defying you in particular. Starting their homework and getting it done is very hard for them. Their day is so long while they are at school. If you were to break down how many daily transitions, projects, concepts, ideas, and responsibilities students manage in school, you would very likely see that it is a lot more than we have as adults and working professionals. Plus these kids are also dealing with situations beyond the classroom such as learning how to navigate social relationships and who they are as little people, and figuring out what they like. All of it is exhausting and it plays into why they are avoiding homework. Homework can remove the love for learning for a lot of students. This is heartbreaking for us, parents and teachers. That is why we do everything we can to preserve that love for learning. One of the frequently asked questions we get asked is how long homework should take. Here is the simple answer: if homework takes hours when it shouldn’t, there is a problem. What is developmentally appropriate for a second grader is not taking two hours to complete homework every night. However, a high schooler should be doing two hours of homework every night. Therefore, you must take into account how old your kid is and what is developmentally appropriate for them. This means being aware of what is developmentally appropriate for your child specifically, not for their chronological age group. You might have a ten-year-old, but where they are developmentally is closer to a seven or eight year old. That needs to be taken into account. We only want to hold our children to the level they are currently. Often the students that come to us for help have an area of challenge in math. This brings up an issue we have with drill and kill math assignments. When it comes to the subject of math, it is so critical that students understand concepts. So, why are fifty of the same type of problem being assigned? You really have to be mindful of what the reason behind the assignment is. This brings us to a point that might be controversial for some of you but we hope that it can help you to reframe the area of struggle in your household. If your student is spending three hours a night completing math homework, and there are tears and fighting about it, cut them off. Nothing will happen if they don’t complete the assignment. Are we really worried about the grades of an elementary aged student? Or even a middle school student? Of course there are exceptions when it comes to private schools and we do acknowledge that element. However, if you are trying to get into a middle school or high school in a private school setting, this is a conversation with your child’s teacher about what is happening at home. Our ultimate need as educational therapists is our desire to really preserve a child’s love of learning and three hours of math homework does nothing to help. When your relationship with your child becomes all about their struggle with homework you must take a moment to decide what is really important. Is your child’s happiness more important than the fact that they have fifty addition and subtraction problems when they are in first grade? Try to put this into perspective because it really is not about what your child can and can not do when it comes to fifty addition and subtraction problems. It really is about helping them to be successful. This might include setting a goal of a certain amount of problems that is appropriate for them. In the end, you are the parent and we are empowering you to make these decisions. We are not telling you to wash your hands of the homework and just forget it. Rather, we hope parents make decisions and choices based off what is reasonable for their child. With older students, a common homework issue is that the student is starting homework at 9:00 PM. There is an ideal time to start homework (and it’s not 9 PM). As an example, let's think of a car. When it is really cold outside and you start your car, you usually leave the engine running for a moment in order to let your car warm up. How much longer does it take for the engine to warm up in order to get driving? This is the same concept as after school. If you wait a really long time between when you get out of school and when you start your homework, it is like you are starting all over again and your brain has to warm up. If a student is beginning assignments at 9:00 PM they are most likely not getting to bed until 11:00 pm and that does not leave enough sleep time for any student who is waking up super early for school. The pattern of a 9:00 PM start time tends to be common amongst students with ADHD. They wait for the sense of urgency that arises when they realize that they should be going to bed soon but they still have things that need to get done. Ideally, you want to create that feeling earlier in the day. That requires parents setting a cut off time for homework and whatever does not get done by that time does not get done at all. (This tends to work better for kids who are still intrinsically motivated.) It really requires that the child fully believes and understands that after a certain time, there is no more homework in the household. This will create a more healthy and appropriate sense of urgency for the student. Of course, this approach requires that parents are okay with things potentially not getting done. There might be a couple of times where you as the parent insist on an 8:00 PM cutoff and your child will feel the natural consequences of their choices. However, with consistency and boundaries, your child will be able to adjust to an earlier start time. It is all about the follow through. With any behavior plan or with any family structure, if you decide that you are going to do something you must stick to it in order for it to be effective. As we give various ideas and strategies for dealing with homework please keep in mind that you should not be trying all of them at once. It will not work. You need to pick a strategy that makes the most sense for the problem that is bugging you the most. Pick the problem that is most urgent in your household and assess that one. If there are several problems, use a triage approach. Decide which issues are minor and which are more important and need to be dealt with first. If the main problem for you is that your child refuses to start homework before 9:00 PM, then creating and shifting the sense of urgency for your child will definitely be a game changer for you. We must take the time to consider the working parents in our audience. Not all parents are going to be present during homework time. In this case, there usually is an adult who is with your child during the afterschool hours. You as the parent must empower the adult and teach them how you want things to be done. Inform them of the rules, boundaries, and structures you want to be set....