EP 10: Why Your Brain Keeps Choosing the Wrong Partners: The Trauma Connection

This powerful episode with Dr. Linnea Swanson, MFT and brain spotting trainer, explores how trauma becomes encoded in our nervous system and unconsciously guides our relationship choices. Learn why that "spark" might actually be a warning sign, how generational trauma impacts dating patterns, and practical strategies to rewire your brain for healthier relationships. Essential listening for anyone wondering why they keep attracting the same type of partner despite wanting something different.EPISODE TIMELINE00:00 - Introduction to Dr. Linnea and her work04:36 - Understanding trauma and its impact on relationships09:12 - How the limbic system affects dating choices14:47 - The unconscious pull toward familiar relationship dynamics19:42 - Generational trauma and its hidden influence24:30 - Why the "spark" might signal danger, not compatibility28:15 - Breaking trauma patterns and dating differently32:08 - Final advice for healthier relationship choicesIN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLOREHow trauma gets encoded in your brain and body, creating unconscious relationship patternsWhy perpetrators and victims continue to find each other, even in a room of 100 peopleThe truth about "chemistry" and why that initial spark might be your trauma recognizing something familiarPractical strategies to slow down, balance emotions with logic, and build relationships that grow rather than ignite"Trauma, essentially, the core of it is that it's an experience that a person has that completely overwhelms their system. And our brain's number one job is to keep us alive. So what happens during a traumatic experience is that there's some threat to the person. Maybe it's not actually to their life, but maybe it's some deep emotional threat, some deep psychological threat, right? And so the brain has to mobilize and go into what I think a lot of people are often familiar with, either fleeing the situation, fighting, or freezing"- Dr. Linnea SwansonCONNECT WITH DR. LINNEA SWANSONLinnea Swanson, Psy.D., M.A., LMFT (she/her/hers) is a Brainspotting Trainer and owner of Twinflower Psychological Services, LLC, located on the ancestral land of the Dakhóta people, now known as Minneapolis, MN. Dr. Swanson has been a therapist for over 20 years having worked in school, county, and private practice settings. She recently ended her 17 year teaching career as a professor in several different MFT graduate programs. She is currently in private practice and leads Brainspotting trainings in the U.S. and South Korea. Dr. Swanson’s clinical practice is focused on working with individuals, couples and families. Dr. Swanson has a particular interest in working with adult transracial, transnational adoptees, interracial couples and couples in CNM relationships.More about Dr. Linnea Swanson and her private practice website: Twinflowerpsych.comSTAY CONNECT WITH MADDENMadden's Instagram: @maddenzappa✨If you loved this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review! And remember, we do not gatekeep when it comes to dating smarter so be sure to share it with a friend!