Ep.115 Clipped, Sipped, and Slightly Stripped (Close Your Damn Curtains)

Episode 115 comes to you live-ish from a hotel balcony at the Vancouver Hilton, where the audio is questionable, the decisions are worse, and the drinks are doing all the heavy lifting. Mike and Alex are several beverages deep at the Celebrity Dance Competition, staring down the second-to-last comp of the season and feeling every bit of it in their souls (and livers). With one final showdown looming at the Oregon Convention Center—aka their personal hell—they're hanging on by a thread… and apparently by tiny plastic clothesline clips. That's right, a new tradition has emerged: children sneak up and clip you to show affection. It's adorable in theory, but in practice it's turned two grown men into paranoid, flinching wrecks. Things escalate quickly when Mike's mom "accidentally" gooses Alex with one, and honestly… we're not convinced it was an accident. The day spirals in the best way possible: Bloody Marys turn into Texas Marys topped with an entire BBQ platter, which turn into beers, which obviously turn into whiskey—because hydration matters. Meanwhile, Mike and Andy are trapped at the comp until 9pm, while Alex pulls off a legendary early escape at 2:30pm… immediately getting called out for sprinting back to the bar across the street after witnessing exactly one dance. From their balcony perch, the guys also realize they have a little too much visibility into neighboring hotel rooms. So quick PSA: if you're staying at a hotel during a dance competition, CLOSE. YOUR. CURTAINS. You're welcome. Also discussed: missed opportunities to launch objects off the balcony with a giant slingshot, serious consideration of sneaking into the lounge to deploy a hide-a-bed nap, and the general realization that they may be aging out of this level of nonsense… but absolutely will not stop. It's sloppy, it's inappropriate, it's mildly concerning—and it's exactly what you signed up for. Cheers. 🥃