Whiskey N Whine

Episode 118 — Graduation Heat, Robot Cars & Furry Trauma This week Mike and Alex are joined by recurring fan favorite Madi for her FOURTH appearance and podcast rookie Cooper, who somehow survives his debut despite carrying the worst travel karma in modern aviation history. Madi just graduated from Arizona State University, Cooper is headed to University of Oregon, and Mike is celebrating the financial miracle of swapping dance tuition for college tuition… which is basically like escaping prison only to get drafted into war. The crew relives graduation weekend in Arizona where it was somehow 110 degrees at 8PM, causing Madi to repeatedly stand up during the ceremony just hoping for a breeze under the graduation robe. Nothing says higher education like heatstroke and swamp ass. Things escalated quickly after the ceremony when the family managed to get kicked out of TWO college bars on back-to-back nights. Security politely informed them it was time to leave, proving once again that middle-aged dads should not attempt to party like frat boys with a Marriott rewards account. Meanwhile, organizing 20 family members through graduation traffic was apparently harder than managing a kindergarten field trip, and Alex is already being warned that next year's graduation season will destroy whatever sanity he has left. We also discover that Alex is officially the white trash representative of his fancy neighborhood. While everyone else is sipping wine on designer patio furniture, Alex is apparently out back building cinder block grills and roasting entire pigs in the driveway like a hillbilly king. Cooper reveals he may actually be cursed when it comes to flying — his last three flights have been delayed a combined FIFTEEN HOURS. The good news? He's mastered the art of maximizing airport food vouchers and can now convert airline misery directly into Starbucks. Mike nearly gets himself arrested in a driverless Waymo after yelling "THIS IS MY ROBOT CAR!" at four drunk college girls trying to open the door, while Madi watches in horror as he repeatedly touches things you are absolutely not supposed to touch in a self-driving vehicle. The episode somehow gets even weirder when Madi explains that she handles annoying college boys by barking at them like an attack dog while carrying a taser and standing next to her 6'7" friend. Safe to say the boys at ASU never stood a chance. And finally, Madi and Hailey recount surviving Portland's furry convention weekend, where a giant chicken entered their elevator and nearly sent Hailey into cardiac arrest. Nothing prepares you for locking eyes with a six-foot-tall human chicken in a hotel elevator at midnight. Whiskey was consumed. Dignity was abandoned. And somewhere out there, four drunk girls are still wondering why a middle-aged man screamed at them about his robot car.

*]:pointer-events-auto R6Vx5W_threadScrollVars scroll-mb-[calc(var(--scroll-root-safe-area-inset-bottom,0px)+var(--thread-response-height))] scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" data-turn-id= "request-WEB:104f531c-5c7e-4da8-9dac-dac1ebb728ea-1" data-turn-id-container= "request-WEB:104f531c-5c7e-4da8-9dac-dac1ebb728ea-1" data-testid= "conversation-turn-4" data-scroll-anchor="false" data-turn= "assistant"> Mike somehow survived the busiest week of his adult life and immediately rewarded himself with one of the worst whiskeys we've ever tasted. This week the boys return to the studio after Mother's Day weekend to try Chicken Cock Southern Spice, gifted to us by Booze Brian, which tastes like someone soaked Christmas pinecones in regret and poured it into an aluminum bottle with a screw top. Truly horrific stuff. We recap the 14-hour Mother's Day dance competition marathon at the Oregon Convention Center, complete with mimosas, pastries, an aggressively overachieving coffee bar by Derek, and five dads wearing matching track suits that somehow got compliments all day long. Honestly, we should've entered the competition ourselves. Mike also breaks down his Arizona death march: 4am flights two graduations consecutive 2am bar nights moving Madi out a packed party house with 12 people and a Frankenstein Bloody Mary stacked with more food than alcohol. Somewhere in the middle of all this, we discover the Oregon Convention Center security guards may not survive a strong gust of wind. Thankfully, the second half of the episode returns to sanity with our beloved Green River Wheated bourbon because after surviving Chicken Cock Southern Spice, we deserved a reward.  

Episode 116 of Whiskey n Whine is less bourbon, more brunch—and significantly more accountability. Mike bravely (and perhaps foolishly) invites both his mom and mother-in-law on the show for an early Mother's Day special, immediately regretting every life decision that led to this moment. Armed with mimosas instead of whiskey (for liability reasons), the moms waste no time exposing decades of Mike's finest work. We learn that high school Mike was living a double-dinner lifestyle, somehow eating at home and at Kati's like a growing boy with zero shame. Meanwhile, the next generation isn't faring much better—burning instant mac and cheese by forgetting the one key ingredient: water. Things escalate quickly as long-buried stories surface, including: The origin of Mike's legendary nickname: "The Groper" Why he was issued oven mitts for prom night The "totally just friends" camping trip that absolutely wasn't And the time Mike accidentally took ayahuasca at a house party, mistook headlights for a dragon, and heroically leapt onto a car hood to save the realm We also uncover that: Madi is still upset she wasn't invited to her parents' wedding… despite not being alive yet Kati runs Mike's bar with an iron fist and a reputation that inspires fear A 12-passenger van for 13 people is apparently a sound financial decision And Alex is being pressured into full cabana boy duty, whether anyone is ready for that visual or not It's heartwarming, it's chaotic, and it's deeply incriminating. Happy Mother's Day—call your mom before she calls into a podcast and tells your worst stories instead.

Episode 115 comes to you live-ish from a hotel balcony at the Vancouver Hilton, where the audio is questionable, the decisions are worse, and the drinks are doing all the heavy lifting. Mike and Alex are several beverages deep at the Celebrity Dance Competition, staring down the second-to-last comp of the season and feeling every bit of it in their souls (and livers). With one final showdown looming at the Oregon Convention Center—aka their personal hell—they're hanging on by a thread… and apparently by tiny plastic clothesline clips. That's right, a new tradition has emerged: children sneak up and clip you to show affection. It's adorable in theory, but in practice it's turned two grown men into paranoid, flinching wrecks. Things escalate quickly when Mike's mom "accidentally" gooses Alex with one, and honestly… we're not convinced it was an accident. The day spirals in the best way possible: Bloody Marys turn into Texas Marys topped with an entire BBQ platter, which turn into beers, which obviously turn into whiskey—because hydration matters. Meanwhile, Mike and Andy are trapped at the comp until 9pm, while Alex pulls off a legendary early escape at 2:30pm… immediately getting called out for sprinting back to the bar across the street after witnessing exactly one dance. From their balcony perch, the guys also realize they have a little too much visibility into neighboring hotel rooms. So quick PSA: if you're staying at a hotel during a dance competition, CLOSE. YOUR. CURTAINS. You're welcome. Also discussed: missed opportunities to launch objects off the balcony with a giant slingshot, serious consideration of sneaking into the lounge to deploy a hide-a-bed nap, and the general realization that they may be aging out of this level of nonsense… but absolutely will not stop. It's sloppy, it's inappropriate, it's mildly concerning—and it's exactly what you signed up for. Cheers. 🥃