Ep 151: My Body Sent Me a Bill for an Unseen Past: How I Healed My Autoimmune Disease

I'm usually the one asking the questions. As the host of a podcast, I guide my guests through their stories. But recently, I felt compelled to share my own. I handed the microphone over to an expert I deeply respect, Dr. Veronique Mead of the Chronic Illness Trauma Studies blog, and became the guest on my own show.I needed to talk about my journey—a journey that led to three different autoimmune diagnoses. More importantly, I wanted to talk about the profound realization that my physical health was inextricably linked to my life experiences. It was a connection I had to explore if I was ever going to truly heal.A Body in RevoltIt all came to a head during the pandemic with a diagnosis of seronegative rheumatoid arthritis. The symptoms were overwhelming. The pain was severe and oddly specific, targeting the insides of my elbows, my wrists, my fingers, and my knees. The inflammation grew so extreme that it caused micro tears in my shoulders.But the fatigue was on another level. It wasn't just being tired. "I feel like I'm coming out of anesthesia," I'd tell my husband. I tried to explain the feeling by saying, "imagine if you have a grape and your grape is like a really healthy cell and it's full of energy... all of my cells feel like they're depleted like a raisin".When my lab work came back, my C-reactive protein (CRP), a marker for inflammation, was "off the charts". While I was missing the main rheumatoid marker, seeing those high numbers was a strange form of validation. It was concrete proof that the pain I felt was real.The Lifelong Fight to Be HeardGetting that proof was a battle in itself. My first attempt to see a doctor ended with me being "kicked out of the office" because I mentioned fatigue, and she immediately assumed it was a symptom of COVID. I felt the crushing reality of a medical system where doctors are so rushed they can't always stop and truly listen.That feeling was painfully familiar. A core part of my challenge growing up was not being heard and not being believed. Now, decades later, that same dynamic was being reenacted in the doctor's office. But this time, I knew I had to be my own best advocate. I showed up to appointments with notes, pictures, and a persistence that said I was not willing to be dismissed.It Wasn't Random, It Was TraumaHaving already been diagnosed with Raynaud's and endometriosis, I knew this third inflammatory, autoimmune condition wasn't random. I had been studying Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) for years, and I suspected my physical illnesses had deep roots in my past.So, when the rheumatologist offered me steroids, I paused. I looked at her and asked, "What do you know about ACEs?". Intuitively, I knew that taking steroids would be like putting a "band-aid on a bullet wound". The wound wasn't in my joints; it was in my history.It wasn't just about the big, obvious traumas that are typically measured. It was about what I've come to call the "mist of dysfunction". It's that chronic, pervasive, and unseen stress that you can't quite put your finger on, but that soaks into every part of your childhood, making you feel unseen or alone. To survive it, we develop what I call "brilliant adaptations"—coping mechanisms that take a massive toll on our nervous system.A Whisper on the Acupuncture TableI asked my doctor to hold the steroids and give me three months. I chose a different path: intensive, trauma-informed acupuncture, twice a week.One day, lying on the table during a cupping session, everything changed. In that deeply relaxed state, I heard a whisper that felt like it came from nowhere and everywhere at once: "You were never alone. I was always with you".I started to cry. I instantly knew it was my body speaking to me. It had been with me through everything, absorbing the pain of the isolation I felt like a child. It had taken it all on me, and now it was breaking from the strain. That was the turning point in my healing. I finally understood why my body was so "jacked up".My Path to True WellnessThe healing journey wasn't a straight line. After those first three months, my CRP levels were actually higher than ever. But something incredible was happening: my pain was subsiding, and my fatigue was lifting. My amazing doctor agreed to "treat the patient, not the number". We decided to watch and wait.After about a year of this deep work, I went back for more blood work. My CRP was 2.7—a normal level. The chronic fatigue that had plagued me was completely gone, and it has never returned.Today, I still get flickers of pain from time to time, but my relationship with it has completely changed. It's no longer a sign that I'm broken. It's a signal to stop and get curious. It's my body asking me to check in. My goal isn't total elimination of symptoms, but a "decrease of frequency, duration, and intensity". And on that front, I have found profound success. My body was holding a story it needed me to hear. By finally stopping to listen, I was able to help him heal. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe