Ep 159: She Jumped Out of Helicopters, But Was Terrified of Being Seen: Healing "Silence Over Violence" with Angie Hawkins

My guest on the Flip Your Mindset podcast this week, Angie Hawkins, has done things most of us only see in movies. She’s jumped out of helicopters Navy Seal style. She’s bungee jumped off cliffs.And yet, as she told me, she was still terrified of being truly seen.How can both of these things be true? How can someone be so physically brave yet so internally frightened?The answer, as we explored in this raw and vulnerable episode, often lies in an invisible, insidious wound. It’s a concept I talk about often: “Silence over Violence.”It’s the idea that trauma doesn’t always come from overt, “big T” events of abuse or aggression. Sometimes, the deepest wounds come from the silence—from emotional neglect. It’s the pain of not being seen, heard, or valued by the people who were supposed to be our world.For Angie, this “silence” was the emotionally unavailable home she grew up in. It created a single, devastating core belief that dictated her entire life: “I don’t deserve to be loved.”This is the exact kind of hidden pattern that can go undetected for decades. You tell yourself, “My childhood was fine,” or “Other people had it so much worse,” and you gaslight yourself into believing you don’t have a reason to feel so stuck.This is why this episode is sponsored by the H.U.R.R.T. self-assessment.If you’ve ever felt that disconnect—that “on paper” your life is fine, but you’re still struggling—this tool is for you. It’s a free assessment I designed to help you gain clarity on your emotional well-being and discover hidden patterns from past experiences that might be holding you back.It’s not about blame; it’s about understanding. You cannot heal what you don’t understand.Discover your results for free at: flipyourmindset.com/hurtFor Angie, that one core belief (”I’m not lovable”) became a self-fulfilling prophecy. It turned her into a high-achieving people-pleaser, desperately searching for the external validation she never got as a child.She built a life that looked impressive from the outside, but inside, her light was dimming.She moved to Hawaii for a fresh start, only to find you can’t outrun yourself. A series of back-to-back-to-back stressors, a potential job loss, a condo flood, a breakup during COVID, piled up until her “Window of Tolerance” completely snapped shut.We talk a lot about this “window” in the episode. When we’re regulated, our window is wide, and we can handle life’s ups and downs. But Angie, like so many of us, was living in a state of constant, low-grade threat.* She was hypervigilant (chronic anxiety, “I must and I have to”).* Then she’d crash into hypovigilance (depression, “I just can’t anymore”).It was in that “I just can’t anymore” state, feeling completely hopeless, that Angie intentionally overdosed on her anxiety medication.That, she says, is what finally “cracked open everything.”Waking up in the hospital, she called a friend and said, “I can’t believe I didn’t die.” Her friend’s response changed her life: “It’s not your time.”That was the hook. The realization that she had a purpose. It was the start of her “healing journey in earnest.”She finally found a coach who did what talk therapy hadn’t: he gave her actionable, behavior-based homework. He taught her how to set boundaries, how to show up confidently. Through doing, her beliefs began to change.Now, Angie is an “Inner Glow Coach” herself, and she shared her GLOW Method with us. It’s a beautiful, simple framework for coming back home to yourself:* Go back to your childhood (to find the root).* Light yourself up (rekindling joy and what you love).* Overcome external validation (the big one).* Welcome yourself back home (it’s not about fixing you, it’s about finding you).This conversation is a powerful reminder that our rock-bottom moments, while terrifying, can also be the catalyst for the most beautiful transformations. Angie’s story is a testament to the fact that you are worthy of a happy and fulfilling life, even if you don’t believe it right now.You can listen to our full conversation here: [Link to Podcast Episode]And Angie is generously offering listeners a free 60-minute “Find Your Glow” Session. You can book your call and find her memoir, Running in Slippers, at runninginslippers.com.A Question for You...I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.What was an “invisible rule” from your childhood that you only recently realized was holding you back?Thank you for being here. Remember, you cannot heal what you don’t understand.— Stacey This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe