Ep 164: Why Your Job Is Not Your Family (And What Your Body Is Trying to Tell You)

We have all heard the line before during an interview or an all-hands meeting: “We are a family here.” It sounds comforting. It suggests safety, loyalty, and belonging. But as my recent guest Katie Jean explains, this sentiment is often a trap that blurs professional boundaries and keeps us in toxic environments longer than we should stay.In this episode of Flip Your Mindset, I sat down with Katie, a somatic trauma-informed coach and the founder of Work Is Not Family. We discussed the physical cost of toxic workplaces, why we ignore our body’s warning signals, and how to reclaim your agency.The “Family” MythThe concept of work as family might have roots in agrarian history where families actually worked together. However, in the modern corporate world, employers use this language to extract loyalty. They want you to feel personally invested so that you give more of yourself than the contract requires.Katie puts it simply: Work is an agreement. You agree to perform a series of tasks, and your employer agrees to pay you money for those tasks. When we confuse this transaction with the unconditional bonds of family, we leave ourselves open to manipulation.When the Body Keeps the ScoreKatie shared her own harrowing experience of leaving a 15-year corporate career for what she thought was a dream job in recruiting. For the first four months, it was perfect. Then, the mask slipped. She dealt with an emotionally abusive boss who engaged in coercive control, including harassment during work trips and late-night texts.Despite the abuse, Katie tried to rationalize it. She told herself she could handle it and that she didn’t want to lose her new income or status. But while her mind tried to push through, her body began to scream. She experienced insomnia, daily crying spells, stomach issues, and an exaggerated startle response.She didn’t know it at the time, but these were signs that her nervous system was picking up on threats. The situation eventually came to a head in a conference room meeting that re-triggered a past trauma, leaving her physically shaking and unable to function.Trauma is the AftermathA key takeaway from our conversation is that trauma is not just the event itself; it is the aftermath. It is the fact that you continue to feel unsafe long after the event has passed.When Katie eventually moved to a healthy workplace, she found herself reacting to standard feedback with intense internal dysregulation. Her body was still protecting her from the previous danger. This is why we cannot simply “move on” without doing the healing work. We have to learn to listen to the sensations in our bodies rather than ignoring them or labeling them immediately as clinical anxiety.Practical Advice for the WorkplaceIf you feel dysregulated at work, Katie offers a few powerful pieces of advice:* Don’t use clinical labels with your boss: If you tell a manager you are having a “panic attack,” it triggers legal and HR protocols regarding accommodations. Instead, describe the sensation and the immediate need. Say something like, “I have a fluttering in my chest. I need to take a walk and get some water”.* The “Fake Cough” Technique: If you are on a Zoom call and feel emotionally activated, put yourself on mute and pretend to cough. Use that moment to take deep, regulating breaths or release energy without drawing attention to your emotional state.* Redefine Success: Start viewing your job as a contract rather than a source of emotional fulfillment or family connection.Healing is PossibleYou are not broken if you are struggling with this. As Katie says, “It is possible to heal, and you are not alone”. Whether that means leaving a toxic job or learning to regulate your nervous system while you stay, the first step is understanding that work is not family. It is just work.Connect with Katie Jean:* Website: workisnotfamily.com* TikTok: @katie.jean.traumaResources from Stacey:* Join the Masterclass: Ready to shift your perspective? Join my Masterclass here.* Take the HURRT Survey: If you are looking to understand your own healing process better, please take the HURRT survey. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe