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That's why I asked my friends to make me watch their favorite movies that I've never seen before. So, hi, guys. Welcome. Today on the show, we have a very special friend of mine, Sarah Porter, and we're going to be talking about the movie Dances with Wolves. Now, I've never seen Dances with Wolves, so I can only really guess the plot of the movie based on the title alone and what I like to call Blind Judgment. So, here's the plot.
Professional dancer Tori Donk witnesses a gruesome mafia crime and flees her hometown of Miami. She ends up in Alaska hiding in a mascot costume for the Juno Timberwolves. What will kill her first? The boredom? The smell of her mascot wolf head? Or the mafia men who come to find her? Dances with wolves.
That's probably what it is. So why don't we go ahead and watch it then? And now, the plot of Dances with Wolves in under 60 seconds. Nobody here is doing anything about this civil war. I'm going to get on my horse and kill myself. Hey, you saved everybody. You're a hero. You can keep the horse. We're going to take you to this place to be put somewhere. I want to go in the middle of nowhere, please. I just pissed in my pants. And there's nothing anyone can do about it. Okay, Mr. Dunbar, you're here, but there's nobody here, so we better leave. No, I'm going to stay. See you later.
Do you see that I am not afraid of you? We will steal your horse. Oh, we didn't. Here's some sugar. You're not welcome with us, but we'll try your coffee. Pretty good. Hey, all right. Are we friends now? No. My husband's dead. You can speak English. This is crazy. Not very well.
Oh, you have brought our white woman to us. We're starting to respect you. I still don't understand anything you guys are saying. Like, can we all just get along? Sure, just start dressing like us. It won't confuse your own kind. Okay. Hey, an Indian! Shoot him! Bang, bang, bang, bang! No, no, my horse! Oh, and my dog! My little doggy friend! You're a traitor. Not so fast. Dead guy, dead guy, dead guy, dead guy, dead guy! The shoes win. Uh-oh, winter's coming. Hey, guys, me and my wife, we gotta head out of here, I think. We're not.
We're not welcome here anymore. Do you see that I am your friend now? Hello, Sarah. Hi. Welcome. Thanks for having me. Oh, thank you so much for coming on. What a movie. It's a lot. It is. It's three hours long. And you were saying earlier that you watch the director's cut? Yeah, it's like almost four hours. Jesus Christ.
I can't imagine what more they could put in that movie, though, in another hour. More sweeping shots. More sweeping shots. See, that was a great part of it. It's just a beautiful movie. Hi, Pete. Hi, I'm here. Hey, Pete. Yeah, so what made you pick this movie? You said this is one of your favorite movies, right? Yeah, this movie's up there. It always goes from one or two. It's basically my top one movie of all time because I watched it as a child. I watched it as an adult. Every time I watch it, I see something I haven't seen before. It's like...
have an old blanket around. You don't need it, but it's comforting. That's nice. What's the movie that sometimes replaces it? Amadeus. Amadeus. Those are my top ones. That's so funny. Is it? Pretty similar movie. Yeah, I was going to say. I think, yeah, the buffalo hunt in Austria. Totally happy. The fashion. Oh, yes. The fashion of it all. This movie reminded me, just with the pacing of it and the seclusion, a little bit of cast away.
where he's just by himself for a lot in the movie and it's just like watching him change on his own yeah yeah because it takes place in the plains it has a very like being lost at sea like being like stranded in the middle of absolute nowhere and yeah it's on land but it could be might as well be the ocean for sure weeks and weeks and months of travel yeah another human being well another white human being in that time that's it's totally not what i expected it to be like i i kind of like to leave myself in the dark before I put on these movies just because it's funny to discover it all but I didn't know that it was like during the Civil War era I all I thought was it's a movie with Kevin Costner and he like gets lost in the woods and befriends a bunch of wolves and I thought that was the movie that's not what the movie is that's like a very small part is that he like has a wolf who comes around his camp and they like become cool with each other that's pretty much it there's only one wolf in the whole movie there's one wolf yeah i guess it would be a weird language it was like dances with wolf yeah that's true that's true so i mean there's some things that are lost in translation i think it'd be excusable to go from what's the language they use it's not sue lakota lakota to english nice yeah you know just looking out for them is it uh like are you a big history buff do you like like american history stuff yeah yeah yeah
I'm not an expert, but it's my ish. It's my thing. You get up in that. Oh, yeah. Did you guys ever go through a Native American phase in elementary school? We had a unit. I wouldn't say it was a phase of mine. Well, I went through a phase where I was just obsessed. We had to do a project in third or fourth grade where you get a tribe, and I got black feet. Nice. And I got to read books and do a diorama, and then I got to watch the Ken Burns documentary on PBS when I was a kid about the West. Which is also more than four. Oh, yeah. What a treat it was in my house. Every child deserves the chance to belong.
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I watched PBS with my parents. And then we went on a family vacation to the Badlands where the Lakota Sioux are. So this was all in a span of like, I don't know, like two or three years around the time Dance with Wolves came out in 1990. So I was in the thick of it. I was just obsessed. That's so cool. We did the same thing in third grade. We got assigned tribes. We had to name ourselves, which seemed fairly offensive. And then we went on a field trip to like a longhouse. Where did you go to school? I went to school in here, in Illinois. Okay, that's odd. New York, I mean, I guess. We didn't do that shit in third grade.
At my third grade, we were doing, like, we were reading Shel Silverstein and doing, like, readings of the poems, and mine was literally five lines long. I could probably still recite it to you. Like, we didn't do any cool. No. Okay. One sister for sale. That's it. Pretty much. That's not five lines. One sister for sale. Doesn't anyone, anyone want my sister?
Will you take her for a quarter? A nickel? A penny? Oh, you want anyone to take my sister? That's, I think, the gist of it. That's impressive. So you didn't learn about Native Americans, but you learned about human trafficking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is similar, maybe? No, it's pretty. Nope, it's not.
Yeah, I don't know. That's awesome, though. That's really cool that you guys got to do that. I wish we had focused on that. The only reason I was going to say I went through a Native American phase was Pocahontas. It was crazy popular in my house. And my sister and I would sing Colors of the Wind in the backyard and swing on stuff and let the wind blow in our hair. It was awesome. I had to see Pocahontas because my mom wouldn't let me go see Apollo 13 with my brother. But we all had to go to the movie theater together. So my dad and my brother saw Tom Hanks in space, and I saw animated Talking Trees. And you liked it. You probably liked it. If I had the comparison between the two, I'd be more upset.
All I could hear was rocket ships from across the way. Well, I would say both movies stretch the what really happened. Yeah, that's true. It's not necessarily historically accurate. And I highly doubt Apollo 13 is historically accurate because we've all seen the proof. Yeah. Apollo 13, it completely blows over what happens to all the astronauts when smallpox is introduced after going to the moon.
That's my point exactly. That's what you meant, right? Yes. You guys. You didn't learn about Native Americans at school. No, I didn't know about space. I didn't know about space or no Native American stuff. Just poetry and art. A lot of good it's doing me these days. I don't even know where to start with this movie.
We can go plot. We can go how it's made. We can go casting. There's a lot. The soundtrack. The cinematography. Where do you want to start, Sarah? I mean, this is your jam. Man. I did watch, to prepare for this, I did watch the director's cut. Almost four hours. The director was Kevin Costner. Yes. So I wanted to know Kevin Costner's version. But I pirated.
it online because I don't have a DVD player. Yeah. So I found a version that did not have subtitles because this movie does have subtitles for the Dakota language. But I've seen this movie so many times I figured I know what's going on. Yeah, but were there additional parts in the director's cut that were not in English? I don't know what scenes are from the theatrical cut and are from the director's cut. Yeah. Because I've probably been watching the director's cut this whole damn time. Oh, well, there you go. Yeah. It would have been extremely difficult for me to watch this movie without knowing what any of the Native Americans were saying because that was the...
that was the meat of what was going on because you can't just have Kevin Costner out there talking to himself. They do like his voiceover of him writing in his journal, but he was just, just hanging out. Didn't have anyone to talk to about his experiences. And apparently when they were trying to shop this around to like production houses, they were saying, we like the story. One needs to be way shorter. Two, we don't want, we don't want subtitles. We want it all in English. You know, Americans are too stupid. They're not going to do subtitles. And Kevin Costner took the deal off the table. He was like, we cannot do this movie if you don't understand the point of it. And the point of it is like learning to communicate and like.
So if we're not going to have Lakota being spoken, I'm not doing this project. And they were like, okay, well, we trust you. So they allowed... It was also Kevin Costner's directorial debut. So just the fact that they were so adamant about it had to be in the correct language and it would have to use subtitles. I think that's pretty cool. It would have completely changed the movie if he had just been like, okay, I'll do what you guys say. It's like, yeah, it would have completely defeated the purpose of the whole thing. And like movies where there's like, you know, movies where there's always like a different language being spoken. Like say it's like an ancient Roman movie. The Romans speak...
English with a British accent. Right. So we would have had, like, Native American actors with, like, British accents because they're supposed to be, like, speaking in a different language. Yeah. I want Chief 10 bands. We don't speak the same language, you and I. Huh? What are you saying? I can't understand you, man. Buffalo. Buffalo. Buffalo. Buffalo? Would have been a great scene. That would have been really fun. What was that? Comedy movie?
oh the adam sandler one they're like it's not maverick but that's like making i think maybe it's maverick it's like mel gibson and they're like poking fun at like old westerns and i think there's probably something that's outdated humor now but i think they address Probably. Probably. It's horrifically racist. Yeah, I remember seeing Maverick as a kid, but we definitely didn't watch Dance with Wolves. It's just like Blazing Saddles at this point. Yeah, that's true. You can't even have it on television. Yeah. It's just atrocious. I'm afraid to watch it at this point. You've never seen Blazing Saddles? No. Yeah, I mean, you won't find it funny as a functioning human in this society, but I remember my parents being like, oh my gosh, it's so funny, and then we watched it, and they were like, oh, I forgot that it's riddled with racist language. That fart scene is hilarious. Farts are great. Farts are timeless. Farts connect different ethnicities. Yeah, there was a weird placed fart in this movie. That's right. Oh, Timmons? Yeah, Timmons, whenever it was like...
You know, it's a pretty serious movie. And then Timmons is, like, this dopey little, like, I don't even know what he is. He's just the guy who, like, brings him to his camp. And he's like, fart. I love that, like, Kevin Costner, when his, like, voiceover and he's writing in his journal for his part, he's like, I would have been having the time of my life if it wasn't for my companion. Timmons, like, farts and, like, if he pretends there's a snake at one point, he, like, thinks there's a snake and he's, like, poking his fire poker around the fireplace. He's like, what was that? What was that? Kevin Costner's just like, shut up. I had never seen this movie before either. And I sort of knew what it was about, but it starts with, like,
Saving Private Ryan level gore from the Civil War. And then we meet this guy, and he bends over, and it's the most cartoon fart sound effect. He's like, fuck! He also has, like, stains around his finger on his hands. And Kevin Costner's writing in his journal, and this guy, Timmons, farts. He goes, eh, put that in your journal. And then he's like, when they find their... So Kevin Costner and Timmons, they're going out west, and they find, like, a skeleton in an old-timey wagon that's obviously been, like, this guy's been dead for however long it takes a body to decompose. And then, like, Kevin Costner's kind of being, like, being respectful. Like, there's an arrow stuck in the skeleton, so he's like...
detective, 19th century detective. And Timmons is like, bustles up behind him and cracks a joke. He's like, I bet somebody back east is saying, why don't he rap? I think he's so funny. Be respectful. This person's been dead. Shut up. This guy's just disgusting.
I loved that every other character, every other white man in this movie was a dumbass for the most part. Like, it was very important that every character that they had was, like, uneducated or just, like, ignorant in some way or another. Thieves, liars. Yeah, because it was just kind of like, none of them could read, and it was like, I know you've got paper. Yeah. It's just so crazy, but I guess, you know, that's what it was like. It was like this wild territory before anything, like, any towns or rules were established in America. It was just like, people were running wild, and, like, nobody knew what they were doing. Yeah, and I think the point of the story, or what I took away from it, is to change, like,
preconceived notions of what Native American life was and what settler life was. Because if you watch Bonanza or anything before Dances with Wolves or Modern Times, it's the stereotype of the white knight, these Christian settlers that save the country and create harmony and stuff, and then all the Native Americans are liars, beggars, thieves. So I think the story completely switches that stereotype by making the Native American characters three-dimensional with personalities and different strengths, and they're actually human beings, and then they make most of the white characters. just deplorable because yeah for like that's how it was yeah like they're the army but they're criminals because they're trying to figure out a way to survive yeah but i think that's really cool yeah you don't see that i liked that too i definitely i thought that was a really interesting take and i even looked up while i was watching the movie i was like i wonder if anybody in like you know like the native american media is saying anything negative about this movie like what was the reaction like when this movie came out and they were saying stuff like it was
the most positive movie that had come out as far as, you know, the way that people look at Native Americans and the fact that they actually hired Native American actors to be in the movie and the way that they portrayed it. I don't know. I just thought it was really neat. It was like, oh, people actually responded really well to how, like, Kevin Costner put this together. I think it's a very different approach than West Side Story had where they just hired all the white people and painted them brown. Well, that's what the studio wanted for the buffalo chase scene. Yeah. They wanted stunt horseback riders, like, trained Hollywood stunt horseback riders, and they were just going to do that. They were just going to, like, paint them up and dress them up. And then...
Kevin Costner was like, absolutely not. I want local people. So they went to, like, rodeos and found, like, Native American rodeos. Oh, yeah. Bull rider and horse riders and stuff. Because they know how to handle that kind of precarious situation. Like, they were just so adamant about not doing that. Because one time, back in the day, I used to watch a lot of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. And there is a scene where they, it's so obvious. Because it's the guy, oh, it's the comedian. He did a bunch of I Love the 90s, but he's obviously a white guy. Yeah. Hal Sparks. Hal Sparks is an extra as a Native American. Oh, my God. And they just, like, tanned him up. Ugh. Yuck. To make him, like, an extra. So just, like. Yeah. Oh, it's so frustrating.
that's so crazy and yeah I don't know it just made me think of while I was watching this I was thinking about the Adam Sandler movie that just recently came out the I can't even I don't even know what it's about but it's like Ridiculous 6 yeah yeah Ridiculous 6 and I mean they did try and use like Native American actors and one by one they were like I'm out they gave them like the most horrific character names like Wasn't one of them like pitch a teepee? Yeah, I think that. I think somebody had like Smelly Beaver or something for like a female character. It's one thing to want to put Native Americans in your movie to play Native Americans. But when the whole movie is just at the expense of those Native Americans, that doesn't make you a good person. Not at all. I want to make sure I'm making fun of a real Native American. Yeah. That's basically this being like the equivalent of like, I can say that. I have a black friend. Yeah. No, no, no, no. I can say these jokes because we hired. Because we're paying people to be here. I paid you to get belittled. Yeah, it's awful. It makes me sad because it's like this movie.
seemed to, at the time, have been, like, a big groundbreaking thing for, like, the Native American culture in, like, movies and everything like that, and somebody had even said, like, it would, you know, this is great, but it would be really great to see Native Americans portrayed as, like, doctors and lawyers and, like, you know, everyday people in our society, and that's still not really happening. Like, I don't really see that happening too much. Yeah, that's very true, because I, like, looked up on IMDb who the cast was, didn't, like, see what other roles they portrayed, and nine times out of ten, it's still, like, like, Graham Greene also in Geronimo. Yeah. Like, also in some, like, History Channel special about...
some, you know, it's just the same. Yeah, they're just, like, typecast as that character. Yeah. Hmm. Well. But one typecasting I appreciate is Wes Studi, who plays the bad Pawnee that attacks the village. Uh-huh. Oh, man, he's an amazing actor. He's also the bad guy in Last of the Mohicans. Oh. Yeah, he's one of my favorites. He's typecast, but he's got, like, grizzly, gnarled skin. I know who you're talking about, yeah. He looks like he has battle wounds. Oh, yeah. He just looks fierce as hell. Yeah, he's got a very angular face, just kind of like, yeah, I know who you're talking about. Oh, he's just.
Yeah. I love him. Yes. I want him in every role. I want West Judy in everything. Yeah. It's like, oh gosh, what's it? Trejo? Yeah, Danny Trejo. You're not going to hire him to be the love interest in the next Rachel McAdams movie. He's going to be a biker gangster, and I appreciate that, and that's what I want. Oh my god, that'd be great if he wasn't romantic interest. Danny Trejo is the nervous lawyer. I got you flowers. It was you the whole time.
Oh, no, my files are blowing in the wind. I liked the characters. God, what's his name? Wind in his hair was amazing. A very fierce fellow. Yeah, a very fierce fellow. And he had amazing hair. He had the most beautiful hair I've ever seen. I wanted it. I've never seen more beautiful hair. I'm just looking at Pete for approval. I'm like, I hope it's okay. I'm saying another man's hair is pretty. If I ever see you together, there'll be a problem. Okay, all right, well. Wind in his hair lives down the street. I think...
I think it's really funny. I told my mom that we were going to watch this movie and she said, Kevin Costner's, don't you think? I was like, I've never heard that opinion from anyone else. But then I watched the movie and I was like, I wish she hadn't said that beforehand because then I just kept going through and be like, who does he think he is? But I mean, no, I have a different opinion. I do think the fact that he made this and this was the first movie he directed and it's so good. Like everything looks so good. And the fact that he had a lot of integrity to be like, this is how I need it to be made or else it's not going to make sense. I appreciate that. And I don't think he's thinking a lot of himself.
Sorry, Mom. Kevin Costner in the early 90s. Yeah. Oh, man. We can see his booty. His booty was in it a lot. I was like, thanks. Is that his butt? A stunt butt? I think it's a stunt butt. What makes you say that? It's because I've seen his butt. Also in Prince of Thieves. Oh, sorry. Robin Hood. I haven't seen him in that. You can see his booty or his stunt booty. What if there's just like this guy who's, that's his career is just being Kevin Costner's like stunt butt?
I think so. You don't think that he could have a butt that nice? Oh, no, I'm just saying I'm sure there's a guy that his job is to be a butt double. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Obviously. You could do that. I get no laughs on this show. Don't you have a big list of stuff we can talk about? What's the next subject? You're really funny, and I love you. Great. Sarah.
Thank you. I don't know what you're talking about. You got a lot of laughs on the last one. Yeah, I know. So, there you go. Hi, Sarah. Sorry about that. I just really got a problem with this wind in his hair thing that's going on. I shouldn't have said anything. Just because his hair is long doesn't mean it's nice. It was very well conditioned and it looked healthy. I like Kicking Bird's hair because he had like the kid in play kind of high and tight. Yeah. And then also long. I was like, I don't know what.
product is historically accurate to get his hair to stand that straight but i mean maybe saving buffalo fat off those hides maybe so there's got to be some natural product because bam that is slick they don't move he's riding a horse in that buffalo hunt and his hair on the center of his head is still standing straight yeah i was like it was a nice hair yeah it was nice hair can i tell you i feel like such an idiot since like it this happened in the movie um i like i saw the character stands with a fist who is like a white woman in this native american tribe and i was like oh my god are you kidding me they're trying to pass her off as native american and then it like came out maybe five minutes later that she is she is white like in the movie she just has been like adopted or fostered by the native american people like i feel like such an asshole i made a note and immediately was like oh i'm an ass oh she's she's white never mind i love that flashback scene yeah we're kicking birds like you have to make you have to make the white words you have to i can't remember it's dead inside of me and then she's like Always when I cry, I run through a field and I slap the leaves on the trees. She's, like, dramatically crying, slapping, running, and, like, crying and slapping the leaves on the trees. Yeah. And then, like, falls down and is, like, whimpering in, like, a patch of, like, naturally growing wheat, I suppose. And then she has this flashback of when she was a child. Yeah. And a bunch of Pawnee come and kill her whole family. Yeah. And she escapes. And I love her, like, I don't know if her cousin, because they're, like, holding hands, laying on top of the, like, sod house. Yeah. And they, like, survive the attack. And her, the other young boy she's sitting next to is just screaming, Queen, run! Run!
got a shotgun in his hand and it's like laura ingles wilder she's like running in this calico dress like six years old running down this like rolling field in the badlands or something and i guess you get she gets whisked away and then gets they didn't show that at all no it was just like And I was like, I love that flashback. Yeah. I just was like, why? It didn't make sense to me that she was scared of, like, that she was scared of Kevin Costner. I was like, well, why would she be scared of him if, like, the Pawnee were the ones who came and attacked her family? Like, her family was white. They didn't have anything to do with it. It didn't make any sense to me. I don't know. She really was doing herself some harm. She was ready to go on the afterlife. She was cutting herself up. Maybe she was like, don't. I'm doing this. My husband's dead. I'm going to finish myself. Maybe so. I love that. She's like, no! No! I don't want to do it. I know, it's so hard. She's like.
No! When you get angry as a woman, you pass out, apparently. And he's like, what? She said an English word. Yeah, that's right. And he rips up the American flag that he's, like, bringing to, like, announce himself. And he, like, uses it to tie it around her wrist. I was like, this is some symbolism. Yes. He's, like, he's willing to rip off his country's flag to save this woman. I was like, this is a, you know, a character shift. Yeah. That was a big part of the movie. It was like, oh, my God. He's, like, yeah, he's sacrificing his pride. He, like, came all, you know, by the time he got to the camp, he was all disheveled. I love the way that he speaks when he's doing his voice.
voiceovers he's like he's painting his journal has like a certain pentameter where he's like i wish i could remember exactly what he says but he's like getting himself all like dressed up because he's gonna go and he's like i'm an i'm a neighbor and an enemy makes them their presence known and he's like polishing up the brass buttons on this bizarre belt buckle that like snaps it's like a contraption that snaps around his like buttons on his like military uniform yeah i love it and he's like and i will not stand for it i'm just i don't know why it just cracks me up the way that he speaks he's talking like At the same pace that he would be writing the words. Yeah. Like, he's very well spoken in the movie, but then he'll be like, I think I have made great progress with our neighbors today. Yeah, yeah. I look forward to seeing them again. Yeah, I think it was like he was reading it with no real emotion. Like, he wasn't trying to do storytelling. It was like he was in a classroom being like, everyone around me is speaking a different language. That's fair. That's fair because it's to keep track for the military of what he's doing. So that makes sense. It's not going to be. It's not an emotional thing. Or like during the marriage ceremony, he's like.
The beads on her dress, the cut of the figure of her body. I'm like, who's getting married, dude? And everything else seemed to fade away, but the look of her. I do not know if other men feel like this on their wedding day, but my emotions washed over me. You know what I wanted to talk about was how like everybody there, there weren't that many.
Well, no, that's a lie. There were a lot of deaths in the movie, but for some reason, like, any animal deaths really bummed me out so hard. Like, when the horse died, when the wolf died, when all the buffaloes were, like, skinned. Oh, man. Yeah, when they see the buffalo for the first time and all the white men, like, just skinned them. And that, I don't know if they got a baby buffalo voiceover actor or what, but the scream that that baby buffalo made when, like, it's alive, everyone's dead, and this poor baby buffalo is, like, left alive and just, like, bleeds. And I'm, like, I cried then. And then the music, it's the theme song, it's, like, two socks to the wolf. He has his own, like...
theme music. Oh, nice. And there's, on the soundtrack, everyone should highly, I highly recommend listening to Dance With Wolf's soundtrack because when you hear, like, the music for, like, Two Sox's theme when they're shooting him, oh, man, water works. Oh, God. Water works. It hit me real hard. That was awful. And then the soldier's like, you almost get him. It's my shot. It's my turn. It's my shot. Like, they're fighting over him to shoot this wolf. It was awful. And then he wouldn't, they were like, he's just standing here. And he, like, wouldn't run away. Because he loves Kevin Costner. Oh, God.
I cannot highly recommend listening to the soundtrack. Yeah, you really like it? By John Barry, yeah. I cannot. You can't? I can't. It's amazing. Yeah. You have to. It's so good. John Barry, relative of mine. No, I don't know. It could be John Barry. It's spelled the same way as my last name, so. It might be. Yeah. Cousin? Distant relative? I don't know. Yeah, I thought every part of this movie was amazing. Do you know where they filmed it? Like, where they shot it? Somewhere in South Dakota, I think. Oh, okay, yeah. Because we were, I mean, Pete was even saying, he's like, how did they film that buffalo stampede? Like, it was crazy. Oh, it's amazing.
They met up, because they're not going to find that many buffalo in one place in the wild. Like, Custer National Park has some, but not that many. So they went to, like, a buffalo meat ranch farm, basically, and talked to the owner, and, like, talked the owner up, and the owner, like, let them use 2,000 buffalo. Like, the largest privately owned herd of buffalo in the world, and they got to, like, play around with them for, like, five days. It took them five days to film the buffalo hunt scene. Yeah.
That's crazy. Kevin Costner did fall off his horse. Really? Because they had a stunt actor and Kevin Costner was like, no, it's a movie. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. And the minute that he got on his horse, because you can't tell time or tell Buffalo where to go. Right. So you kind of just were like jumping on horses when the Buffalo would like kind of come close to the car with the camera. And like the minute he got on his horse, he fell off. Like another rider, there was a miscommunication and another horse like collided and Kevin Costner like jumped off. But he immediately got back on because he's like, oh, we only had the shot for so long. I don't care. He didn't get hurt or anything. I just think that's just like, yeah, Kevin Costner in the 90s.
About that. Yeah. Yeah, that could have gone a lot worse. Like death. Yeah, like death. You're right. It's trampled to death. 2,000 pound animals and they're all close together running around. A couple people on horses. There's a couple crane shots. A couple cameras on trucks and stuff. They're just like, well, get running. Get in there. I can't even imagine that. Just being near a buffalo. Those things are fucking huge. They're enormous. They're so big. They're so big. I wrote down the furthest this movie just...
was so amazing to me because the furthest West I've ever been in the U S has probably been Texas. Like I have not been to like any of the planes or like any of that part, especially just not the Northwest part of our country. And this, these types of movies just make me want to go there and just stay in like, a national park and just see all this stuff it's just so pretty it's amazing and when i went on family vacation like custer national park yeah i lands in mount rushmore we drove around trying to find buffalo all day yeah that's like the one place you can find them we're all disappointed because i think my brother the whole time we're like tataka the whole time and we're all disappointed we had to leave and then we're driving down the highway in south dakota and there was like a buffalo meat farm and there's a buffalo behind like a barbed wire fence yeah i was like Get out of the car we're taking a damn photo. So there's like a picture of me and my brother standing next to this fence on the highway. There's like some buffalo behind us. I was like, that counts. Yeah, it was definitely like a meat farm. But we saw him. Yeah. We saw him in person. So that was like a childhood dream. It's like a happy memory. Yeah, we saw him. Yeah. How funny. How far west have you been? I'm just curious, Pete. Probably Iowa. Really? Yeah. Unless Chicago is further west than Iowa.
I don't know. No, I guess not. I'm pretty sure Iowa. Or what's that? Galena, Illinois. Yeah. I don't know where. I'm not sure. So we, like you and I have only been in like one half of the U.S. We need to go west. I live in Seattle. Yeah. I want to go there because I don't really care about going to California. L.A. I do want to go to the city where it rains every day, unlike Chicago. You do? You want to go to a rainy place? I just want to go to the Space Needle. Yeah. That'd be cool. We'll do it. To the rotating restaurant. What do you guys think about the Space Needle? I have no opinions currently.
Sweet. I'm all right with it. It hasn't offended me yet, but we'll see. Yeah, cool, cool, cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Tight, tight, tight. I don't have a list in front of me. Yeah, I'm like, mine, I honestly, I started taking movies. I can tell the last note I took was the skinned buffalo and then I just like invested all of my energy into just watching it. Crying too. Yeah, it was very emotional. But yeah, I just like stopped taking notes because I got really, really like just invested in it. It's beautiful. Yeah. I feel like cinematography. I feel like a good story. It's just, I'm...
I can't say enough about it. You got any fun facts about it? I actually have a bunch of fun facts. Yeah. I want a lot of fun facts.
one of the actresses in the movie, her name is Doris Ledercharge. She's like a very famous community leader for the Lakota Sioux and she was brought on to be a translator for the script as well as being a dialogue coach to train all the actors because even if they had Native American actors, they weren't necessarily Lakota speakers. Yeah. So they had like a class every day where they got to learn Lakota Sioux and then she was also in the movie so I thought that was like pretty amazing. That's so cool. To keep it in the community. Yeah. I thought that was super, super cool. What a cool job for her too. Yeah. Must have been really fun. And then because of that and the movie overall, it got nominated or selected.
for preservation by the National Film Registry for the Library of Congress for being historically and culturally of significance. So she had passed away, but then the movie got put into the Library of Congress, so it's a way that the Lakota language will never, ever be forgotten or destroyed, such that the movie's going to be in the Library of Congress forever. So that was kind of like a huge thing. Yeah, that's really cool. I like that. Thank you for that. I feel like just having that type of...
job or even I don't know what I'm trying to say like pull in that kind of community like she's responsible for a huge part of history and it's just so amazing I really like that and I feel like I'm just so surprised that we didn't get to watch this in like any of my history classes this would have been a perfect like teacher doesn't want any like doesn't want to teach any lesson today let's put on this movie and like have everybody learn a little bit about the Native American culture but no not in my schools I'm sure there was a good Shel Silverstein really bitter about my education right now i want to go back and just like do all this like history stuff i can assign you i can assign you a diorama to do with like the black tribe and you have a week to do it yeah yeah let's do it i'll call my mom and get her to help me because she used to do that with all my projects she couldn't help herself she was like okay i like your idea but we're just gonna make it better i'm gonna like spray paint a bunch of stuff for you and we're gonna buy a bunch of little like model people and put them in there not little like stick figure q-tip people we're gonna make this look nice So you didn't even really graduate third grade. No, that's about when I dropped out. I was like, I learned everything I need to know. I'm going to sell my sister and move to Chicago. Oh, also another fun fact. The guy who plays Timmons, his name is Robert Pastorelli, and you might remember him because he was on Murphy Brown. He was the painter guy in Murphy Brown. I've never seen Murphy Brown.
Hey, she said you might remember him. Yeah. And that blew my mind. I was like, oh, my God. He's like Rob Schneider. In a way. I don't know. Aren't we all like Rob Schneider, though, if you think about it? Underappreciated, but for good reason. You have pretty hair, Pete. Thanks. Don't try and work your way back now. I'll grow it out for you. And I'll put some buffalo blubber in it so it stands straight up. Then we'll call you stand straight up. Yeah. Some people already do. What?
Ask me about it later. Oh, okay. Oh, I thought that was the name that you gave yourself in your... No, I named myself one with many voices because I like to do impressions in third grade. Oh, wow. I liked that. I once thought I forgot what my real voice was because I tried to do impressions so often and I had a panic attack as a third grader. My parents were like, shut the hell up. Just doing like an impression of a character from Hey Arnold. Like, I don't remember what I actually sound like. That's like an existential crisis. Who am I? Yeah, that was when I was like eight. Yeah.
Can't say that was the last one, right? No. No. Existential crisis. I didn't mean panic attacks. I meant existential crisis. Those are both fun. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Your hair is pretty. Sarah. I'm waving. Hi. Hi. What more is there to talk about? I feel like, I don't know. It's so hard sometimes to talk about the movies that I don't have any objections to or I don't see any problems with. Yeah, I was going to say, let's rip in to make fun. No. No, you can't. I'll put the challenge out there. Yeah. Into the internet. You have something bad to say. Fordham.
Forward them on over. Forward them to Sarah and she'll deal with them as she sees fit. Yeah. People. I know. Probably have complaints about the movie. It's too long. Yeah, maybe it's too long. What other complaints could you see? I don't know. Let's try and field them right now. They'll probably tell us when they come on the podcast. Okay. Morty and Ava. Oh, I get it. Sideways!
Oh, my God. Wow. I don't know what I'd do without Pete, honestly. I really don't. I'm up here being a bumbling fool. I spilled water halfway through the podcast. I forgot what I was talking about in the middle of movie in a minute. You have beautiful hair. Thank you so much. You have many more panic attacks to look forward to. Thank you so much. That's all I needed to hear. And now I feel like we've come to a good point in our podcast where we are going to ask our dear guest, Sarah, if she has anything coming up that she would like to plug.
If there's any way that people can reach out to you or come see you perform or anything like that. If you have any objections to Dances with Wolves, in any way, any objections or complaints, you can join me at Comedy Sports every Friday at 11.30 p.m. for the free short form jam where I'll be happy. To talk to you about any objections to the perfection that is Dances with Wolves. Okay, you heard her. Go check her out. Go harass her. Let her know what you think about Dances with Wolves. Like that at movies on Facebook. Subscribe on iTunes. Pete's in a really, really great sketch show that just started called United We Fall. Thank you. Is that IO? Through the end of April, Wednesdays at 8.30 p.m. Wonderful, wonderful. Wonderful. So, Sarah.
We are going to bring out our lovely, lovely couple, Ava and Morty Rosenblum. They're here to talk about Dances with Wolves with you, and I hope it's okay that they're a little crotchety, and I hope you're not offended by what they have to say. I love meeting new people. Okay, great. We'll go ahead and bring them on over here. My seat's a little wet. I'm sorry.
My God, this movie was terrible. My main problem was I had to do so much reading, and when I have to read, I have to wear my readers. I have to put on glasses. He has to put on glasses on top of his glasses because he has one pair of glasses just for normal sight, but then he has to put on his little readers, and he looks like a freaking fool. He looks like a little bug man with multiple eyes. I look like a scientist from some sort of futuristic crime movie that has multiple lenses that go when you're trying to look up close at something. And I don't like it. It scares me.
So I didn't like this movie either because of Morty's little glasses. I spent 190 minutes deciding, do I want to read the words or do I want to see what's happening? And I had to take them off and put them on and it was a nightmare. But at one point I saw a little tuchus. I saw a little tanned tuchus and I thought, oh, this is going to be okay. It was great. You said earlier, I overheard you said, Kevin Costner, you have a little crush on this man, correct? Early 1990s Kevin Costner. Oh, not current day Kevin Costner. I don't really keep up with him right now. Oh, okay. He's in a band.
I imagine it'd be a little loud, right? Yes, I don't like going to the bands. I didn't even like coming here, but we're here, okay? I heard there were bagels, so I was like, fine, free breakfast. They don't have free breakfast at concerts. They don't even do them in the morning. It's always late at night, past my bedtime. Far too late at night. People don't listen to music in the morning. It's a big oversight. We could have concerts at all times of day.
why do people think that farts are so funny? You know? I'm sorry, but they're funny when you still have the ability to control when they come out. Nowadays, I just say, you know, it's like, don't laugh at me, I have a problem. It's like laughing at breathing. It's all day long and you can't stop. It's not a funny thing. It's not funny that I'm breathing. See how funny it is when I stop breathing.
That doesn't sound funny at all. Is somebody laughing about the thought of you not breathing anymore? I may be old, but I'll stand up for my wife. Well, thank you very much. I appreciate that. I still have a big old crush on 1964 Ava. Oh, my goodness. Oh, I'm blushing. She's in there somewhere. What?
Okay, I'm turning my back very slowly on you. I thought it was okay to have a crush on somebody from a certain year. I'm going to just turn my attention right over this. I'm just picking the best years. I remember them. These years are my best years. Every year gets better than the next year. You know that's not true. We're over the hump. What are you saying about my hump? I'm saying they progressively get longer. You know what? I've got a weird hump on my back. So what? You're not in love with me anymore. I didn't say that.
You know what we should do? What? We should renew our vows, like the people in the movie, the Sioux people in their beautiful beaded gowns. You're the one that doesn't want me to put on my reading glasses. I'm not going to memorize it. Oh, dear. Never mind, I guess. We'll just keep on living this dumb marriage that keeps getting worse every year. Are you married, hon? No, not currently. Not currently. If you were your age in the 1990s and Kevin Costner was his age in the 1990s and he came up to you and was like, hello, what would you say?
and I pass out. Someone help her. I'm not familiar with the early 90s mating rituals, but perhaps that would work. Maybe so. He might respond very well to that. I don't know. Monty, um... What? Can we get a dog?
I liked that dog in the movie. Ava, we're doing the show right now. What? No, just listen. Hear me out. I thought you forgot where you were again. No, listen. So there's this dog that hangs around our neighborhood, right? Yeah, okay. And sometimes he's not on a leash. I say we just get little snacks and let him eat them out of our hands and then slowly he'll be one of us. You want to kidnap a potentially rabid dog in our neighborhood? Well, maybe he's not rabid. He seems nice. Maybe he's not rabid doesn't seem like good odds.
We won't know unless we try. I'm getting old, Morty. My life is getting old. That's true. We might as well take the big risks. We don't have much time left. How cool would it be to say my wife Ava died of rabies? All the boys at coffee club would love it. We sit down at Topps and we get coffee because it's still 15 cents. You can't find a 15 cent cup of coffee. And our favorite thing to do is it's a big group. So somebody always has one story about how their wife died over the weekend. That sounds awful. That sounds like a good story to tell.
Cream, sugar, and a good old rabid death. Okay, all right, Morty, enough. You brought it up. That was your idea. What do you rate this movie, Morty? I give it two out of eight.
Probably marijuana pipes. Oh, okay. Interesting. In the movie they said, you know, what do they call it? Peace pipe. Peace pipe. It's reefer. Well, the one time that I had reefer made me feel very peaceful. Exactly. It's no secret. So? Two out of eight. That's a 25%. Yes. Good math. Learned that in third grade. That's great. I didn't go to school ever. I would rate this movie.
Three out of seven big old stupid bug-eye glasses on Morty. And that, my friend, is a 40 percentile rating. Neither of those numbers or terms were correctly applied. Anyway, well, I liked the tuchus, I liked the band, and I liked that little doggie until he died, and then I saw... And I turned the movie off. I was done. What do you rate this movie, Sarah? Ten out of ten.
beads on a dress. She liked it. Did you hear that? She liked it. Congratulations to her. That's great. It sounds like she liked it a lot from what you can tell. Tin, tin, that sounds like a high number. Yes. We're very glad you let us talk at you today. Yes. Yes. Thank you so much. I'm so nice to meet you. I'm very embarrassed that you heard that fight. It was... We don't normally do that in public. Nope. Okay. We'll talk about this more in the car, mister. I'd rather not. Daniel, drive us home. The baby buffalo? Yeah. That's so sad. Make this bleak noise like...