I am a sample, long before I'm measured, long before I'm named. Each piece of me has a message, a nuanced role. When you look beyond the average, when you see where I belong, you see why I behave the way I do. When you start looking at my details, when you include my context, I start telling you the truth. I always had a story, you just needed a way to hear it. Every sample has a story. Learn more at 10xgenomics.com.
Hello, everyone. This is Renee with Bad at Movies. Today we have a very special episode. It is a live episode coming from PodSlam 2015, a wrestling-themed podcast marathon to benefit Conor's Cure. So enjoy this very special live episode. You can find links to the movie clips that we play during the episode below on the Second Wind Collective site. And the event is now over, but if you are still interested in donating to the cause, you can go to givetochildrens.org slash PodSlam15. Enjoy the show. Ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the main event. So please welcome Renee Berry and Bandit Movies. Get my popcorn all sorted out. Mmm.
And I came prepared for the swear jar. Fuck yeah, I did. Check that out. Hey, guys. Welcome to Bad at Movies. My name is Renee, and I'm good at plenty of things. For instance, I'm really good at putting my dog in a headlock and giving her kisses until she TKOs. Totally kisses out, guys. But I'm really bad at movies, like embarrassingly bad. That's why my friends have challenged me to watch their favorite movies so I can build up my repertoire and stop looking like such a goddamn idiot.
So sometimes I like the movie, sometimes I don't. But either way, we're going to talk about it. So, you know, today it's actually a double whammy because I'm also pretty bad at wrestling. You know, in fact, the thing I said about the headlock, that's about the extent of my wrestling knowledge. So luckily today I have a special guest who is a big wrestling fan and he is going to help me out and make me look good, I hope. So let's bring on my friend EJ Cameron. Hi, EJ. Hey, hey, how you doing? I'm great. I'm just going to open my drink.
In the wrestling world, I would be putting you over. I'm going to put you over on this podcast. That sounds cool. What mic am I? I don't know. Is it this mic?
That one? Yes. Yeah, he's good. Okay, great. Hey, so EJ, you are a big wrestling fan. This is something I knew about you. Yeah, my entire life. I've always watched wrestling. I would watch it with my family. My grandmother was like a huge wrestling fan. She still is. So we'll still talk about it. Actually, one time we were in Orlando and she saw Kurt Angle, Olympic gold medalist, and freaked out when she saw him. Freaked out and yelled at him. She was like, Kurt Angle, Kurt Angle, I can't believe that's you. Let me touch you.
She asked him if she could touch him to make sure he was real. And usually it's like, hey, can you sign something for my grandson? She whips out a headshot of me. And has an Olympic gold medalist signed my headshot. So back at my parents' place, I have a headshot framed with Kurt Angle's signature. Oh, my God. And then I met him, like, a few hours later, and I went dumb and couldn't speak. Oh, yeah. Couldn't find out he's not that tall. Uh-oh. And he's huge and jacked. And I was like, Kurt Angle, Kurt Angle. Oh, my God, it's Kurt Angle. And then he stopped texting and started talking to me, and I couldn't form a sentence. I was just like, okay. Did your grandma get to touch him? Yeah, she totally did. Like, if my grandmother says she wants to touch you, she's going to be. Like, she's not, she's never done that.
I mean that in the nicest, cleanest way possible. Before you guys try to smutting my grandmother out there. So I'm so happy today, EJ. You picked an amazing wrestling-themed movie for us to talk about. Oh, did I? And it is Ready to Rumble. Has anybody in the audience seen Ready to Rumble? A couple? Okay. That's it? Hold on, wait. This place is filled with wrestling fans, and I heard scattered applause. You guys didn't see Ready to Rumble? You know what? It's okay. It's all right. They can watch it maybe after this. Things are probably going to get spoiled, but...
I would say watch it anyway. We're going to play some clips, too, so you guys will get to get a little taste of the movie. So on my show, I do this thing, it's called Blind Judgment, where before I watch the movie, I don't do any research on the movie before I watch it. And so I usually write down what I think the movie's about before I even watch it, based just on the title alone. So, you want to hear what I have to say about Rumble? I would absolutely love to. Here we go. So, Ready to Rumble. The famous announcer who says, Let's get ready to rumble! His name is Michael Buffer. Not sure if you guys knew that. This movie is about...
Michael Buffer Jr. He wants to be just like his dad. He wants to announce wrestling matches, too. And so when he's a boy, he goes and tells his dad, I want to be just like you. And his dad says, go to your room. Okay, cut to 20 years later. Michael Jr. is all grown up. He works at a boring desk job. When he gets a phone call, it's his dad. And his dad says, son, I'm in trouble. I've been kidnapped. Come save me. The next hour of the movie is just fight scene after fight scene until Mike Jr. reaches his dad.
And is able to free him. And his dad says, I'm so proud of you, son! And his son says, thank you! Michael Sr. hands him a mic that's just come down from the ceiling. And he says, now it looks like you're finally ready to rumble! Credits. I think that might have been a better movie, actually.
You should totally make that. No, make that a thing. Seriously. I would watch that. Yeah. I liked it. It's a story of redemption. Saving your father. Michael Buffer. Talking in Michael Buffer voice. The whole movie. Yeah. Yeah. So the movie I actually ended up watching was not really like that. But if you want, just to give our audience a taste, we can try and do the plot of the movie in under one minute. Do you feel up for it? Sure. Okay. All right. We're going to do it. Let's do it.
Three, two, one. Hey, I'm Gordy. I like wrestling a lot, and I smell my finger. Oh, yeah. I love wrestling, too. Oh, no. Our hero, the king. He's losing. Oh, no. Oh, let's go get him. Yeah. I'm an old man. Hey, I'll teach you how to wrestle, kid. It's all about finding the strengths instead of the weaknesses of your opponents. Aw, thanks. I know so much about wrestling. Let's go wrestle. This is a fight scene. Fight, fight, fight.
Motorcycle through a cage! Whoa! Jimmy King, he won! Yay! The end. Thank you so much for indulging me, and I hope you guys understand the entire plot of the movie now, because I think we did a pretty good summary of it. Pretty much. So right now, how about we play a clip from the movie? This is one of the opening scenes of the movie, and it's Gordy. If we can get it queued up. It's going to be in a convenience store. Oh, fancy! What do you want, boo?
Purple sugar slush. Kingsize. That'll be $1.26. $1.25. That's all I got. That's just not good enough now, is it, you little boob? You little Jimmy the King fan boob? Oh, Jimmy King's a big, fat loser. He's a sissy in tights. There's a lot of glare coming off that dome of yours. Squirrel nuts! Listen, Sunshine, I'm gonna open up a fresh can of whoop-ass on you, boy. Yeah! Bring it on! Tag me! Tag me!
So I'm not going to lie, Macho Man Randy Savage was the only wrestler I recognized in the whole movie. That's fair enough. Yeah, the movie was really based off of, like, WCW, and WCW was, like, the home of, like, we couldn't cut it in WWF at the time anymore, so let's go to WCW. It's a damn shame that Randy Savage got beat up like that in the movie.
Whatever. It was all a dream, though. That would never happen to Macho Man Randy Savage. Well, not anymore. R.I.P. I swear, I thought there's this... God, I forgot his name. Goldberg? There's a wrestler Goldberg in the movie. I thought it was Stone Cold Steve Austin. Well, you know, at the beginning, that guy in the vest is kind of a dig at Stone Cold. He's supposed to be like a little...
In case you didn't know. But yeah, they just took a scrawny, bald-headed guy, threw him in a vest, and they were like, he's Stone Cold, but he's not Stone Cold. Because at the time, WCW and WWF were feuding with each other. It was like a major, serious battle. The Monday Night Wars, in case you don't know. So yeah. So art imitated life in that instance, right?
I know what I'm talking about. It's art imitating art at that point. Yeah, it was so crazy. I mean, it was like one of the best times to be a wrestling fan, just because it was like Monday nights you stayed in. Well, granted, I was like 10 at the time, so yeah, I was staying in. But at 8 o'clock, we'd watch WCW, and then Monday night, Raw, WWF would start at 9, and you'd kind of flip back and forth on commercials, or if something was big enough, then you'd watch it. Oh, yeah. My babysitter, Miss Monica, was a big wrestling fan. He didn't watch it with her? No, it was our bedtime at that point, and then my brother would come out of his room and just say, you know that's not real, right? And she'd be like, come here. Okay.
Let's put it out there, because I get that still to this day. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm going to go watch wrestling with my friends. They're like, you know that's not real, right? You know that's not faking real. And it's like, yeah, it's not real. And neither is, like, anything else on TV that you watch. Like, if you go to the movies and you're like, I'm going to go see The Avengers, I'm not going to say, well, you know that's not real, right? That's a good point. You know, Iron Man, I've yet to see him fly around. I saw two people get robbed. Where was Thor? Yeah. It's not about the fact that it's real or fake. It's the entertainment of the whole thing. Yeah, it's really, like, pro wrestling is, um...
I had a theater teacher that would, like, show pro wrestling matches. Because he was like, this is a form of theater. Like, it's the height, like, one of, like, super heightened to the top. Everything's a 10. Everything that's happening is like, I'm so upset. I have to fight you now. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Jesus. Why don't we play, this is my favorite scene from the movie. Can we pull up the Slurpee scene and play that for everyone? Do you remember the Slurpee scene? We're going to watch it right now, and we'll see. It's thirsty, too. Oh, I'll get your refill. No, don't sweat it. No, come on, I feel bad. Hey, Gordy.
Yeah. Why does it look like you have your finger in your butt? Does it do? All right, Jerko, what do you want? I need a new sugar slush. Why? Because there's something wrong with this one. Smell it. Oh, it's awful. I know. It smells like my ass, right? Yeah, maybe your ass. It's weird, huh? Like a bitter, sour ass. It's like you poured it right from your butt. I will get you another one ASAP. Thanks. So bad. How could you drink that?
I struggled through most of it, but the butt fruit just kind of settled at the bottom. So I tried to do that at The Gap the other day, and they did not accept my return. These chinos smell like ass. Can you give me some new chinos, please? Please leave. Okay, all right. I'll just take them with me. I've only worn them once. I wonder why they smell like that. They smell like butt. Maybe your butt? I don't know. I don't know whose butt it was. That's terrible. Aren't Slurpees like 99 cents an hour, a dollar and like something? I don't know. It's been a long time since I've had a Slurpee. Same. Same.
Oh, okay. So while I watch these movies, I take notes and they're really random, but do you mind if I read some? Please do. I was just thinking about how at one point in time, it was like a really cool brag to say you've fucked Hulk Hogan. And now the thought kind of repulses me. Yeah, of course. Have you seen the sex tape? No, I can't. Well, I should have given you that movie to watch. I haven't watched it myself. There's like a new, a recent, very recent sex tape with Hulk Hogan. And that's all I'm going to say about it. It's weird.
I know, but it's weird in general. I haven't seen it, but just the thought of it is weird. Okay, I'll tell you the background. There's a guy, Bubba the Love Sponge. He's a good friend of his. And they have this weird thing where Hulk would go and fuck his wife and they'd be cool with it, but somebody secretly recorded it. Bubba the Love Sponge? What you gonna do, brother?
Is that a wrestling name or just like a nickname? The Love Sponge? He's a radio personality. He's like Redneck Howard Stern, if you will. Oh. Yeah. I should know about him then. Love Sponge. It's what you use. Never mind. I'm not going to go with the Love Sponge bit. Thank you. Yeah, no problem. Okay. So there's a prank in the movie where the two main characters, Scott Kahn and David Arquette, they work for a sewage company. And as a prank, while Scott Kahn is using one of the porta-potties that they just emptied, Dave Arquette thinks it'd be really funny to stick the suction hose underneath.
uh, the port-a-potty and just suck while Scott's on the toilet. And I wrote down that that's the quickest way to get a prolapsed anus. You could really hurt yourself. You know? Of all the things that you thought about. Yeah, prolapsed anus. That's poor butthole. That could have really hurt his butthole. I mean, if I worked in sewage, that would be a prank I would do. But that's terrible. Yeah. I mean, I'll let you into that. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I've never, anyway. Yeah. Okay, next. All right. So, um...
I wrote down that just in general the movie had a little too much poo for my taste. Well, I mean, they worked. Yeah, I know, but it was like just flying everywhere on their faces and butt thing with the finger. Yeah, poop humor and wrestling kind of go hand in hand. It's what happens. Like every wrestling thing. I remember I saw Vince McMahon and the Spirit Squad. You guys might remember this. They had a bit where they dunk shit.
From the ceiling on them. And I'm pretty sure it was actual shit. Like, you can see people in the audience, they were like, oh my god, I can smell it. But they, like, went with it. There's all sorts of poop stories. Wrestlers pooping in the ring. A little history. Andre the Giant, apparently with Hulk Hogan, would check the oil. What does that mean? Please explain. In the middle of a match, because he was, like, seven feet, seven foot tall and, like, 500 pounds. He could do what he wants. And he was like, eh, I'm gonna put my thumb in your butt. That's checking the oil? That's checking the oil. You know, with a dipstick, you just wanna dip it? Yeah.
Yummy. There's a lot of poop and wrestling going together. Yeah. I mean, I think this movie would be geared more towards like, probably when you saw it for the first time, you were what, around like 10? I was 10, but the movie came out in such a weird time because it was around that time period where everybody was like, wrestling is not real. Yeah. In the sense of, you know, it's not actually a thing. A lot of them are friends backstage. Some of them aren't. But I think if it came out like five years earlier, it would have been perfect. Yeah. I was talking to Delaney and he was like...
I've never heard of that movie. And I was like, I'm serious? I knew about it. Everybody knew about it. But I was, like, so deep into wrestling. Like, anything that happens wrestling-wise, I know about it. Oh, yeah. And we knew it was fake. And then you watch it, and it's like, the movie played out like a wrestling storyline, which is the great and the bad thing about that movie is because it's like...
oh yeah, all this is going to happen and this guy's going to come to your house and beat you up and then challenge you to a title match. It's like, no, get off my property, I'll kill you. You don't have that right. And the movie itself, they tied it into WCW and one of the worst things that happened was David Arquette actually became a world champion. He became WCW world heavyweight champion. In the history books, from here until forever, David Arquette, after Ric Flair, Harley Race, Dusty Rhodes, Ricky the Dragon Steamboat, there's David Arquette.
Oh, no. And it's like they did it because they were like, oh, this is going to be like great cross promotion. And it's like one of the worst things ever. Because it's not like they're people that like. are paralyzed. Yeah. Paralyzed, like can't wrestle anymore, who've gone through the training and gone through like so much and David Arquette just like waltzes his ass in there and wins a match because he's in the movie and he's a movie star. He's probably even having a stunt double during the movie too. He probably didn't even do half of the stuff in the movie. Yeah, but I don't even think he like wrestled in the match. I mean, I'm sure I could pull it up and watch it, but they actually, you watch the match in the movie. It's like a triple cage. Yeah. They actually like made that cage just for him to come in and win it. It was, it's, it's a low point. It's a, it's one of the low points of pro wrestling and WC, WCW.
Which I can go on and on about WCW forever and how bad it was and how bad it got. Well, maybe let's show that clip from the movie, the last big fight scene of the movie. It's labeled the best scene in Ready to Rumble. Maybe this will cheer you up a little bit.
Wait! Get up and get that belt! That's my best man in the whole world, right there. You see that? It's not where they copped up. Hello? Our food is up! Hey, hey, hey. Nice beer, kid. What are you calling, kid? You hear me? You hear me? Get up! Jimmy King has made his way up to the second cage! Ordered attorney! Ordered attorney! Good to be back, brother! Good to be back, brother!
Did you check it out? What'd you think? Do you like my deal? You're such the pod. Yeah. Cody, you look great in that uniform. And the fans love you. I think we should get back together. Hey, Sasha. Sean. Sasha, I could never forgive you for what you did to Sam. You're a mean, man lady. Sasha. Shut up, Sean. Sasha, you should... Stand so close to the ring when there's a ladder match going on. And now both fans, Diamond Dallas Kane and Jimmy King, have made it up to the second age.
This is what it's all about. The further you get up, the tougher it is, and they are just wasting each other. This thing has turned into a hardcore street fight. GDP has ended up keeping his way into case number three. Jimmy King's all right by me. You love Jimmy King. I love Jimmy King.
We're men. We're not afraid to say that we love other men. I love you. Me too, baby. Give me my turn! Yeah! I guess we'll never know exactly how it ends. Oh, yeah, right. But yeah, the movie, like, even that scene, it plays, like, over-the-top, like, bad pro wrestling. That's not too far off from what you would see, besides, like, the motorcycles and all that, like, ish coming out.
You know, the motorcycle was a bit much. But WCW, they always had a history of trying to do cross-promotion with stuff. Some of you might remember in the early 90s when they had RoboCop. You're laughing at booze because it was like, it was so bad. Like Sting, the guy that she saw, this was back in the 90s, so he had like bright face paint and he had like a high fade, bleach blonde, whatever. It was super whatever. And then he was getting beat up and Robocop like bent a cage open and came out and like helped him win the match. It was so bad. Maybe it's just me. I think that sounds pretty fucking tight. Sorry. In the end scheme of it all, when I say like that, it's like, oh, that's pretty cool. If you go back and watch it, you're like.
ugh, this is stupid. This is stupid. But that's what happens when you go back and watch most things from the 90s in general. You're like, no, this is stupid, but okay, I get it. Do you do that a lot? Are there any classic wrestling matches that you go back and watch? All the time. Thanks to the WWE Network for the little price of $9.99 a month. You can watch... WWE has now collected just about every catalog that there is wrestling-wise. So you can type in...
whatever like wrestler or match you want and they'll have it. It'll be on, it's like Netflix for wrestling. So you can watch whatever you want. You can watch, you can watch the match with David Arquette winning. Boo. Pass. But yeah, I'll go back and like, depending on my mood or like what I'm looking for, there's like certain like classic matches. Like what? Like what's a good one? Oh, Ric Flair, Terry Funk, I Quit Match. Okay. No?
Is that a bit too old school? I'm sorry, guys. Just trying to test a little bit. Let me move up a bit. Any Wrestlemania with the Roth versus Stone Cold, you can give me that all day. Oh, yeah. Doink and Dick. Doink and Dick. Oh, doink and Dick. Doink and Dick. Thank you so much for saying that. Okay, so a big thing in pro wrestling are little people slash midgets. I'm going to say midgets because they're wrestling called midgets. But they will like, they would have like Survivor Series matches and it was like, doink the clown.
The 90s. Cartoonish characters. All right. Stay with me. Doink the clown. Yeah. And then he had like a gang of like little mini. It was like dink, tink, rank and shrink. And then he was like going against Jerry the King Lawler, who the king was based off of. Oh, nice.
If you dig deeper, he's really based off of Ric Flair because Ric Flair was super unhappy and he was treated miserably there at WCW, but that's another, that's if you're really digging deep into it. That's if you're like, well, actually, I think that it's about Ric Flair because they treated him like crap because he's the greatest world champion ever. Anyway, so I was like, doink, dink, rink, stink. And it was against Jerry the King Lawler, the King of Memphis, and like Jerry, Barry, Terry, and Derry. And it's like all these little kings. And I remember when I was like six, I would watch and I was like, I can't wait for this match. I couldn't.
Wait to see these little guys with these fat asses just beating each other. Just give me that. Actually, recently they had a, you guys might remember this, a WeLC match. The We All See match was surprisingly really good. It was three-man band with Hornswoggle, who started off as a leprechaun that lived under the ring, and then you found out he was the bastard son of Vince McMahon. Then you found out that he wasn't the son of Vince McMahon. He was like an offspring of Finley, who's an Irish wrestler. Then he stopped being all of that. Who's in charge of writing all the storylines? We have multiple writers. What a cool gig. It is. I almost applied. It's not David Schwimmer.
Freddie Prinze Jr. Freddie Prinze Jr. Is he still doing it? No. No, but he was a writer for the WWE. Shut the fuck up. That is ridiculous. Yeah. I'm starting to put like 20. Yeah, right. Here.
I would totally write, but at the end of the day, it all goes to Vince McMahon. He's a little bit dated, in case you guys didn't know. But he's dated in some of his thinking and his character ideas. I'm going to say, a lot of the black characters are like baggy jeans. You guys remember Crime Time? Crime Time. The name alone sounds terrible. Crime Time. Crime spelt with a Y. Time spelt with a Y. They wrestled in baggy pants, Timbaland boots, tank tops, and do-rags. And their thing was that they would steal your shit.
That's it. And then they were like, oh, these guys, they won't make it. People don't connect with them. I wonder why. I wonder. But I was like, oh, they're cool. Yeah, we're from Brooklyn. And they came out, they'd go, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. And then they'll, that is literally how they came out. I'm not, that's not even a joke. And they would steal your stuff.
They would just take your shit. This bucket gone. They don't care. No, not my bucket. And then they got let go. And everyone's like, yeah, of course they got let go. They're like, they play the characters that are usually like super stereotypes. Yeah. Like the worst though. And they're dated. And Vince McMahon is still dated. Like if you look at the 90s, there were cartoonish characters that were like clowns. There was a friar.
Do you guys remember the friar? Yeah. Like he wore like a monk's robe? Yeah. And was his finishing move? Was he just like sat on your face or something? It's not good. They were like a mentor. He was a minotaur man. I kind of want to watch all of those. I feel like I could connect with some really crazy characters. Yeah, but they called him Mantor and he had this big bull head and he would kind of like stumble out to the ring.
Yeah. You're thinking too much about it, Bridget. And then, you know, there's always like the Shockmaster, which is the greatest mess up. The Shockmaster, that was Typhoon or was that Hurricane? Typhoon. And they gave him a Stormtrooper helmet. And they like glittered it up. It was a glittered Stormtrooper helmet. And he was supposed to be like this big bad guy. It was his debut. And he was supposed to break through this wall and come out and be like, I'm the Shockmaster. What he didn't know was that there was a board of wood on the floor like this. So he breaks through the wall and he keeps walking. He can't see shit to shit with the helmet on. He trips over.
And tumbles. The helmet falls and rolls. And the guys that are supposed to be scared are laughing at us. They're like, what? And in the clip, you can hear Davey Boy Smith go, he just busted his ass. He's cracking up about it. So yeah, wrestling is just stereotypes. It's super strong stereotypes. If you're from Ireland, you're going to be this Irish fighter. You know, wherever you're from. You might not even be from there. They'll tell you that's where you're from. They're just like, hey, this is you. Oh, you have red hair. You're Scottish. Here's a kilt. And make it work. Your name is Mick Arnold. Nailed it.
That's going to put butts in the seats, damn it. This is my Vince impersonation. I'm afraid we have to wrap up here. I know. I'm sorry, EJ. Well, you know, I just want to say special thanks to PodSlam for letting us play here. You know, I am a rookie, and I am glad that you guys gave me a chance to be a part of this. So I just want to say thanks. And thanks for supporting Conor's Cure and the Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh. And please check out secondwindcollective.com. And like that at movies on Facebook. We could really use the likes, because I'm a little baby rookie. Yeah, come on, guys. Let's put her over. Let's make her Roman Reign.
I don't know what that means. I know. I'm sorry. And EJ is part of a wonderful improv scene called Handsome. And they all are, you guys. It's true to the name. So to close out the show today, I have two very special guests. They are movie critics. I hate to put it like this, but they are very old. So they're making their way up to the stage right now, very slowly. Oh, I see them. It's famous film critics, Morty and Ava Rosenblum. And they're here, and they want to talk about Ready to Rumble.
Hello. Is he done? Are we good? Good. Wonderful. Hello, crowd and internet.
My name is Ava Rosenblum, and this is my husband, Morty. Hello, my name is Mordecai. My wife and I have been reviewing movies for as long as I can remember. About two months now. Two months. It's been about two months. The longest two months of my life. Yes. Quite an undertaking. Hello, EJ. Hello, Ava. How are you? Does that stand for anything? Yes, it does, actually. What does it stand for? It stands for Elmeron Jr. Elmeron Jr. Yes. Why don't you go by that name? That's much better than EJ. Yes. It sounds like a superhero name. It's easier. You know, you tell people your name, and they have to go, wait, is it this? And they butcher it like 15 times, and it's like, you should just literally repeat what I just said.
El Moran. You can't repeat something by writing it down, El Moran. If I hear a difficult word, I can't just write it down. It's not as easy as repeating it. Morty, please. You're being rude. I'm very upset because the movie was very offensive to me. How so, Morty? Please explain. Ten minutes into the movie, we see a scene where Rodney King is beat up in a ring. No, that wasn't... Morty. What? His name was Jimmy. Jimmy. That makes this a completely different movie. James King. Morty, he got...
said he just walked out of the room and said, that's it, I'm done. Listen, I fell asleep during the movie. I heard Mr. King. I saw a motorcycle with a police officer storm down the gates. I thought, this is horrible.
If you would have stuck around, you could have seen a lot of fecal matter. That's all I have to say. Yeah, you missed that on... You missed a lot of poop. So you're saying I should give the movie a second chance because there's a lot of shit in the movie? No, Morty. I don't think you'd like it. Okay. Morty, are you a fan of pro wrestling? Me? Yeah. Yes, I love a lot of other wrestling movies. I love Million Dollar Baby. Oh, yes, we love that one. We also love that movie Cinderella Man. Cinderella Man. Cinderella Man. The famous wrestling movie, Cinderella Man. That's right. And young William Smith did a great job of... Are you okay, Almoran? Yeah, exactly.
Add a little bit of a cough there. I have plenty of cough drops in my pocket. Ooh. I'm not surprised. Do you like ludens? What? What about a fisherman's friend? Halls? Oh, I know Halls. Are those all cough drops? Yes, we have them all. My life doesn't go beyond Halls and like Ricola. Ricola? Ricola. Ricola. That's what I call it. I don't recall seeing anybody sing on the top of a mountain Ricola. I make a very delicious Ricola, don't I? Morty, I make a good Ricola. That's why you're like super in need of me. You just yell it out like that. What? Ricola. Ricola. Ricola. What? Morty.
Don't fall asleep. I had trouble following a movie. I can't follow an interview, that's for sure. You know what I liked about the movie? I liked when they showed that young man's derriere. Scott Kern. Scott Kern? Is that his name? Jimmy Conn's son. You know Jimmy. Jimmy Conn, the boy from down the street that rode the tricycle? Yes, that one. Oh, Jimmy Conn, he looks good. His little son showed his little bud. You know, there was a scene in this movie where they were looking into a locker room and they said, look at all the naked girls and they still had their brassieres and underpants on. Those boys didn't know what nakedness was.
Modi knows what nakedness is, don't you, Modi? I do. I do. I go to the YMCA often to go swimming. Oh. I swim in the nude. That's what I mean by that. Oh. I thought she meant, like, the locker rooms. Huh? I don't swim in the locker room. How would you do that? No, I thought she meant, like, you were naked in the locker room. But, I mean, if you're naked in the pool, you know, you do what you gotta do. I don't know if you should... I have to take off my clothes somewhere, El Moran. What's wrong with you? I don't drive in the nude to the YMCA. That's crazy. You know what they say, El Moran? They say we're all born naked and then everything else is just a costume. Huh. Yes. That's true. Like the wrestlers put on their costumes. Otherwise, they'd be naked. Modi! What's that? I'd like to see you in
Okay, well, let's go back one. Okay, all right. You can call me the birthday man, and I'll wrestle in my birthday suit. Oh. Oh, Morty. Elmerin, that means I'd be naked. I see that. Did you catch that, Elmerin? You know, most wrestlers oil up. You're going to have to oil up a little bit. Get some shine on you. Oh, yes, Morty. With olive oil? Oh, sure. I can put a little Crisco on you. I think that's healthier, right? Olive oil is healthier. Let me ask you a question, Elmerin. Please do. Please, please. Why do the wrestlers put oil on their body? I was always told that the shine makes them look more muscular. Oh, I thought this was because when your chest hair gets pulled out, it really hurts.
That's what I thought. Most of them are super completely shaved. Yes. Yes, they are. It makes their muscles seem more defined, but apparently they don't do it anymore. I've never seen a man and said, that's a strong guy, he's awfully shiny. Actually, when I was younger, I used to think that there were wrestlers like jobbers. A jobber is somebody that just comes in to make somebody else look good. Jobber the Hutt. Why is that not a wrestler? We know that. He is very slimy. He must be very, very strong. He's very strong.
I always thought he was just a fat mess, but he must just be one glob of muscle. That's what it is, yeah. You gotta look past the creases. You think those little creatures in his jar are just steroids? Oh. Now we're going a little too... They don't use steroids anymore. Boo. What kind of race is Jabba the Hutt? What is he? What is he? He's an alien, Modi. I know he's an alien. Everything's an alien in Star Wars. Well, then why are you asking about race? Huh? He's no racist alien. I would assume that he's a Hutt. He is a Hutt. No, because Winnie the Pooh is not a poo. Are you sure about that, Modi?
I am sure. He's a bear. He's a poo bear only because he found a shirt that said poo on it. Nobody knows what it means. It's just a bear. Why would somebody put him in a shirt that says poo? Didn't anyone say, hey, that shirt, it might not be the best idea. I don't think any of those animals can read well enough to tell him of his mistake. You're right. All their letters are backwards on the signs. Is that dyslexia? I believe so. I know our son Daniel has struggled with dyslexia. Daniel. Daniel's in the... Daniel! What?
We just want to talk about your dyslexia. You're struggling, Daniel. You've got a seasoned pass around your neck. You want to be involved, clearly. Daniel! You can barely get through a sentence. Can we adopt you as our son, EJ, El Moran Jr.? Could you change your name to Mordecai Jr.? What's that last name again? Rosenblum. Rosenblum, yeah, that could work. It'll be a surprise to everybody. They'll be like, oh, here's this Jewish dude. And I walk in and I'm like, surprise. I'm like Lenny Kravitz. Oh, yes.
We love Lenny Kravitz. He's a good boy. Please design my costume for when I fight to the death. Oh, okay. Well, you're wrestling in the nude, Morty, so you just gotta... You've got a lot to work with. I can't wait to see that. Morty, what do you give Ready to Rumble? What rating? I give this movie two out of five belts. Oh, two out of five belts, how so? I docked one belt for too many poop jokes. I docked another belt for them not knowing what a nude woman looks like. And I docked a third belt because it wasn't a boxing movie. Well...
I don't think that was the movie's fault, but okay, two out of five belts. Come on, Morty Jr., take us home. I will give the movie... Three out of five belts. Isn't this your favorite movie? Yeah, we thought this was your favorite. It's my favorite wrestling movie because it's like one of the best, but it's so bad that it's good, but it's not good. Like you look at it, it's not good. It doesn't really stand up. However, it did a lot for wrestling. It made David Arquette a champion, so that's totally cool. And yeah, I remember being super excited as a kid. If you ask 10-year-old EJ, five out of five. Five out of five. But with age, it's depreciated. Much like my body.
I would give you about a five out of five belts. Oh, dear. I think we need to get out of here, Modi. Thank you very much, everyone. Thank you.