Ep. 396: Using NLP to Improve Intimacy

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Josh Davis about neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) as practical, research-supported tools drawn from psychotherapy to improve mindset, communication, and relationship dynamics around intimacy and sex. Davis explains NLP’s origins and introduces “well-formed outcomes,” including focusing on what’s in your control, stating goals positively, specifying context, making goals measurable, and addressing internal “ecological” pushback. They discuss desire discrepancy and how shifting from outcome goals to process goals can reduce resentment and improve connection. Davis shares strategies like assuming every behavior has a positive intention to reduce resistance and find win-wins, and “meeting your partner where they are” to earn the right to influence. He also describes choosing emotional states intentionally via memories and reframing changes as experiments, and shares where to find his book and dad-focused programs.00:00 Show Intro00:45 Meet Josh Davis01:36 What Is NLP02:15 Origins of NLP04:51 Why Josh Teaches Dads05:30 Quick NLP Takeaways06:44 Control What You Can08:18 Desire Discrepancy Example11:56 Letting Go of Outcomes13:45 Well Formed Outcomes14:42 Positive Goals and Context16:47 Measurable and Ecological19:16 Partner Resistance Intentions22:24 Assume Positive Intent23:28 Curious Questions Not Criticism24:05 Meet Them Where They Are26:17 Join Their Energy28:04 Intimacy When Things Go Wrong28:44 Choose Your Emotional State31:34 Love As An Experiment35:33 Memories Versus Thoughts37:17 Programs Book And Resources38:57 Final Takeaway And Wrapwww.joshdavisphd.com/dads This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe