EPISODE · Jun 4, 2026 · 41 MIN
ep #5 Unicorn People & The Wheel
from no one's watching · host Michael Quinn
Episode 5 — No One's Watching PodcastEpisode 5 of the No One's Watching Podcast. Still don't know what to title it. If you're watching this, you shouldn't be.This week: marathon training week 3 at 249 lbs, the 9K that actually felt good, and why zone 2 running is a travesty that works. Also broke down the diet — goal weight times ten, 160 grams of protein, eat whatever you want after that. Simple. Plus the only correct way to eat an Uncrustable involves a toaster and frozen peanut butter and if you disagree you're wrong.Then things got weird. Introduced the intelligence loop theory — cavemen and geniuses are the same person, just on opposite ends of a circle that connect. Met Chelsea in high school. She read the dictionary poolside. She was a menace.Then the unicorn people tier list. Amish people are D tier. Amish people in an airport are B tier. An Amish little person in Chicago O'Hare airport is S tier and I have never seen anything rarer in 29 years of life. If you think you can beat it let me know.Also: you can buy 51% of Detroit for $256 million. Elon could do that tonight. Pretty sure that means you own the city.Ended the episode with the No One's Watching Wheel — a random topic spinner I built with Claude. Spun it twice. Became a surfer dude cult leader and then a Russian spy blowing my cover as president for a day. Renamed the Gulf of America, made the Ravens and Orioles the national birds, put my face on Mount Rushmore, and gave the nuclear codes to Russia for safekeeping. Baltimore things.📱 TikTok & Instagram: stopwatching.today 🎥 YouTube: stopwatching-today
What this episode covers
Episode 5 — No One's Watching PodcastEpisode 5 of the No One's Watching Podcast. Still don't know what to title it. If you're watching this, you shouldn't be.This week: marathon training week 3 at 249 lbs, the 9K that actually felt good, and why zone 2 running is a travesty that works. Also broke down the diet — goal weight times ten, 160 grams of protein, eat whatever you want after that. Simple. Plus the only correct way to eat an Uncrustable involves a toaster and frozen peanut butter and if you disagree you're wrong.Then things got weird. Introduced the intelligence loop theory — cavemen and geniuses are the same person, just on opposite ends of a circle that connect. Met Chelsea in high school. She read the dictionary poolside. She was a menace.Then the unicorn people tier list. Amish people are D tier. Amish people in an airport are B tier. An Amish little person in Chicago O'Hare airport is S tier and I have never seen anything rarer in 29 years of life. If you think you can beat it let me know.Also: you can buy 51% of Detroit for $256 million. Elon could do that tonight. Pretty sure that means you own the city.Ended the episode with the No One's Watching Wheel — a random topic spinner I built with Claude. Spun it twice. Became a surfer dude cult leader and then a Russian spy blowing my cover as president for a day. Renamed the Gulf of America, made the Ravens and Orioles the national birds, put my face on Mount Rushmore, and gave the nuclear codes to Russia for safekeeping. Baltimore things.📱 TikTok & Instagram: stopwatching.today 🎥 YouTube: stopwatching-today
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ep #5 Unicorn People & The Wheel
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