Ep 53 - David and Bathsheba

When King David learned that their rival neighbors, who the Israelites had allegedly already wiped off the face of the Earth twice, the Ammonites, had lost their king, he decided to send a couple diplomats over to pay his respects. When the diplomats showed up, the Ammonite elders advised the new king that these men were most likely spies checking for any weaknesses, and they had no reason to believe otherwise. They did the only logical thing and shaved these men's beards off and cut a hole in their robe to expose their naked buttholes. This started a war.During the war, David got the hots for a woman he spied on while she was taking a bath and whose name was coincidentally Bathsheba. He did the logical thing and ordered her to the palace, ordered her to have sex with him, came inside of her, and then had her husband (who was a hero in his army currently fighting in the War of the Naked Buttholes) killed. God was so mad that he did the only logical thing. And that was to murder David and Bathsheba's baby.