EP 69: Why You Over-Function (and How to Stop)

What if healing your inner child could unlock the wisdom of your ancestors? In this episode of Leading Below the Surface, LaTonya Wilkins sits down with Tamala Floyd, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Psychotherapist, and the first Black IFS lead trainer  for a raw and revelatory conversation about Internal Family Systems (IFS), ancestral trauma, and what it really takes to heal below the surface. From navigating white-dominated spaces to transforming inherited rage, Tamala shares how IFS can reach the communities that need it most and how you can start your own healing journey without ever stepping into a therapy office.🎥 Prefer to watch? This episode is also available on YouTube with chapters: https://www.youtube.com/@changecoaches/podcastsEpisode Chapters [00:00] Welcome & introducing Tamala FloydLaTonya shares how she discovered Tamala's book through a previous guestWhy she's fangirling — and what makes this conversation different[03:15] Being the first Black IFS lead trainerHow Tamala came to IFS through The Body Keeps the ScoreWhat it means to be a gatekeeper — and why representation in leadership matters[07:30] Bringing IFS into Black and marginalized communitiesWhy language and framing matter when working across culturesThe "storyteller part" — and why Tamala pushed back on the traditional IFS approach[11:00] What IFS actually is — and why it's not a fadParts, protectors, and getting to the root of trauma (not just managing it)[15:00] LaTonya's personal IFS session & the ten-year-old withinA vulnerable share about divorce, displacement, and emotional catharsisWhat it felt like to finally talk to her younger self[18:00] Tamala's ten-year-old — abandonment, rejection, and healingHow Tamala's own wound shaped her people-pleasing and rageWhat happened when that part finally released its burden[20:30] Reconnecting with your inner child through travel, play, and joyHow Tamala's ten-year-old "drags her by the hand" to the beachWhy adult joy doesn't have to look exactly like childhood joy — just carry its spirit[26:00] Where to start: what's not working & what triggers youTwo entry points for doing your own IFS workThe question to ask yourself when a protective part shows up: What am I afraid would happen if I didn't do this?[31:00] Jealousy, envy, and the fixed vs. growth mindsetWhat envy is really protecting — and the scarcity wound underneathWhy two things can be true at once[34:00] Parts, contradictions, and why you're not inconsistentHow to make sense of holding opposing beliefs at the same time"You're dealing with two different parts of me" — the most freeing reframe[37:00] Legacy burdens and bringing in ancestral wisdomTamala's original contribution to IFS: inviting ancestors in to release inherited woundsWhy it's not your burden to carry — and how to let it go for your whole lineage[41:00] Altars, ancestors, and practical ways to connectWhere to start if you want to connect with your ancestors todayPlants, photos, and conversations — small acts with big resonance[43:00] Healing Works Academy — IFS for everyoneWhy Tamala created an online space for self-guided IFS healing[45:00] Where to find Tamala & final thoughtsResources, platforms, and how to go deeper with this workResources 🔹 Tamala Floyd: https://tamalafloyd.com 🔹 Healing Works Academy:https://www.tamalafloyd.com/work-with-me/   🔹 Book: Listening When Parts Speak — available at Bookshop.org  🔹 Explore Coaching Below the Surface™ (ICF-approved): https://changecoaches.io/coaching-below-the-surface/ 🔹 Follow Change Coaches on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/change-coaches 🔹 LaTonya Wilkins on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/latonyawilkins/🔹 If this conversation resonated, come go deeper with me. I send a semi-monthly newsletter on grounded leadership, identity, and what it means to lead below the surface. Join here: https://change-coaches.kit.com/profile