We have a choice to show up. However we want, and whatever we want to do, it is a choice. No one is telling us how to show up. This is your Badass Durney podcast.
I am Terrine Walsh, serial entrepreneur, growth strategist, executive leadership coach, and best-selling author. Each week, I will bring you a guest or a thought that will help you align what you love with what you do in order to build that Badass life and business you dream of. Welcome everybody to your Badass Durney podcast, Achiever Arena chat of the week. So this week, I kept having a visceral reaction to something that I was curious if it happens to you, because as I dissected it for myself, I definitely realized I'm not the only one that might be feeling this way.
So I wanted to make sure I brought it into the arena so we could talk about it. We could maybe digest it differently, reframe it, so it doesn't trigger you as much as it triggered me, and also find some better solutions on how to navigate the response when this happens. So what was going on in my mind? When I go into different, let's say, programs, or group activities, or even like, I've gone through Tony Robbins training, and even just initiating new group thoughts, right?
There's this request that happens where it's like, are you gonna give me 110%, are you gonna go all in? Give it your best. And for some reason, when I'm asked, am I gonna go all in, am I gonna give it 110%, it's like, when I'm doing that all the time, like I'm trying my best, I'm going all in. I mean, that's just my conditioning on how I go after achieving something.
And then I realized that when I'm challenged with thinking about it, when someone's like, is it at 110%, or when I'm going, are you gonna go all in? I found myself getting triggered. Like, am I gonna be judged on my performance of how I choose to respond to whatever challenge comes my way? And I had to sit and think about A, why that is, then I'll tell you that in a second, and then B, what does it matter?
Like, what matters to me? What do I really wanna take away from these moments, from these programs, from these group thoughts, or group activities that I know are gonna help me get to that next level, but what is it that I am in the room for, and what do I want to really take away from it so I can get grounded in myself, and align my actions at whatever percent I want to give in that moment, in order to really find value for my time spent, and then the connections I'm about to make. But in that first thought, right, in that trigger of, are you going to go, did you put in 110%, are you gonna go all in, what triggers me, is a conform to behavior that would happen to me, as a child, under pressure, when I was about to be compared to other people in my class. So I don't know if any of you have this type of upbringing and education, most of our educational system is based on comparison of how we perform against others' level of performance, and it doesn't really take in all the other elements of exposure, creativity, even just how we choose to respond and communicate about things.
And I found that when you do things with me that have a point of measure, I immediately start to judge myself and don't want to be compared to other people, so I'd rather navigate my own way than subject myself to comparing against somebody else's form of measurement. I have to breathe into that one, because it literally has created so much mental destruction, for me, for a very long time, that comparison model of how I am performing against others, that actually made me do less than, in order to avoid trying my best, still not having it be good enough, and still coming out less than. Can any of you relate to that? It also created this overachiever in me, when I did find things that I did super well, to lean into it hardcore, even though it might not fill me up, I could just do it really well, because then at least I was recognized for that skill and the top of that game, and not really compared to anyone else in the areas that I was less than, or just didn't add up to that particular standard.
It took a lot of unlearning, a lot of forgiveness, and a lot of self-worth, management, mindset work for me to overcome the way I get shut down, when someone is giving me a box to meet the top of, and it might not necessarily be a fit for me, nor a matter to me, but in order for me to get over that threshold, to be considered successful, to match those around me, I have to perform a certain way, in order to meet their level of achievement, their level of acceptance of my performance. So, because I know not the only one that probably feels this way, and I'm sure some of you listening can relate to this sensation, do you get triggered when somebody positions a question that has a form of measurement against it? And is that something that is coming from a childhood experience where that point of measure could have been just the way that system worked in order for them to allow all of us to move forward, let's say to the next grade, or even in the sports team to get onto the varsity team, or whatever measurement of performance we were held against, there are so many things that could be destructive to our inner alignment of what we believe for ourselves, but allowed us also, there's a lot of grace and gratitude in the fact that allowed us to figure out how to perform against others in an arena. So you see the pros and cons of the mindset around measurement, I think it's super important to figure out how does it trigger us today?
And is it holding us back from the ultimate performance we choose now as adults in our lives, right? As adults, we have a choice, we have a choice to show up. However we want, and whatever we want to do, it is a choice, no one is telling us how to show up anymore. And if you choose to believe the limitations that others put on you, and how to show up, and it still makes you feel less than, and incapable of actually hitting that measurement, you might wanna dig a little deeper into where that mindset was created in the first place.
Because I guarantee, in this day and age, anything that anybody else knows, that anybody else has measured against, that anyone else is capable of doing, you are 100% capable of making it happen. You just have to choose to go in that direction, and make sure it is aligned with who you really are. Those are the lessons I have to teach myself in order to raise up my self-worth, and create the form of measurement that made sense to me. So me going all in, or me going at 110% is totally different than the person standing next to me.
And it's a totally different marker than what you choose in order to show up at your best, or at the fullest force. But what I also discovered when I looked at that is, if I am misaligned on the inside, if I'm going after something that doesn't mean something to me, if I am at a point where inside I'm a broken, because of some disjointed behavior that occurred, some dysfunction that I'm still carrying around, then no matter what percent, or what level of effort I put towards that thing I really want, it is literally going to be at a lesser percent, because I haven't healed that part of me, or taken the stories, or reframed it in a way that makes me feel empowered and truthful about what I want to go after next. It's amazing what triggers us, isn't it? And then the second part, right?
Like how do we actually move into alignment so that when these triggers occur, you can kind of check yourself and say, oh, okay, I see you. I see you a little dark spot on my shoulder that's trying to remind me that I'm less than, when I know I am fully capable of achieving anything I want right now, I just have to choose to go after it at whatever force that I desire. And I will continue to find alignment that what it means to me to create that level of fulfillment in everything I do, not so much about the achievement, not so much about hitting a score, not so much about comparing myself to others, but truly connecting to the alignment within me on my path in order to feel fulfillment so that I can serve more and be more, truly connect with myself more in the life that I choose to have. So when it comes to the comparison model, right, that we were all raised under in order to graduate a class, in order to move into what's next, in order to get a promotion at your job, there's a comparison model that's generally created so that others can measure who moves ahead faster.
When you're on your own independent path, when you truly get connected to who you are and how you wanna live in this life in your way, you're the only judge, you are the only judge on your performance, you're the only judge that matters. Everything else must fall to the wayside, and it must be let go and it must be for forgive because it wasn't their intention to make you feel smaller than who you are meant to be. It was just a system in order to help you move into some next level so that you could be part of society, so that you could belong to something, or in certain cases, feel the outcast so that you can then overachieve in other areas and become that great in that area that you truly enjoy because you found success and praise in that arena. But I invite you to check in with yourself and see where are you being triggered when there is a point of measure in front of you to succeed and I'm using my quotation hand, which you guys know I love to do, but really what is that measure and turn it into asking yourself, how much will this fill me up?
That is the one measurement that I allow everybody to use because it is the one measurement that actually makes sense to me and that I've seen an amazing transformation happen when I change the mindset of measuring up to someone else's performance measure of you versus measuring your level of fulfillment in everything that you do, every choice that you make, how much does it fill you up matters? Because that means you're taking action. When it's a 10 out of 10 of fulfillment, that's alignment. When it's an eight out of 10, really close to being aligned.
Anything less than that, anything less than a seven should be questioned. Whether or not you could continue to do it or question whether you could tweak it a little bit to make it more fulfilling. It matters, that's the only point of measurement that matters and I ask you to truly allow yourself to check in and say, am I in alignment right now when I'm triggered and if I am triggered, what is out of alignment so that I can dig a little deeper, find a better path, reframe it and focus on my fulfillment against this particular task. It is a conformed behavior to show up in other people's systems and outperformance or try to outperform it, but constantly fall into the trap of being criticized, being judged and weighing that judgment over what you truly believe about yourself.
There are many times where I thought I was doing my best. I was going in 110%, I was giving it my all and actually felt really great about my performance until the numbers came back to me and I was being judged by someone else that it wasn't enough. So I had to learn the language within myself. This is enough for me.
This is my definition of enough. This is my level of fulfillment and this is what matters most to me. And for anybody that had judged me through that process to help me recognize what meant most to me, I thank them. And I also forgive them.
Because I had to let go of the energy that held me back in order to step forward into what I truly believe, what I truly desire, what I truly want. Because it's my path. I'm an adult, I have choices and I choose to show up in the world that I designed for myself. And it's not to say that I don't have doubts and these things consistently creep up on me to show me that I still have work to do, but that to me is living in the achiever arena.
It's actually allowing me to be my true self as I show up in all that I do and help others do the same. That's my service heart, that's my purpose. So what I do in my practice as a coach is what I do in my consulting company. I like to simplify everything, find what matters and make sure we're going after that.
Because that's what matters most at the end of the day is how we feel about ourselves, are we fulfilled? And where else would we like to take this amazing journey that we're on? So I hope that this sparks some thought for you today and figuring out are you aligned? What can you do when you're triggered to get faster back into alignment in order to sustain that fulfilling life that you're going after?
It's an amazing deep breath that I love to take around these moments because I am so grateful that I took the time to learn these skills to dissect these moments and then also be able to share them with you so that you can have your aha, your breakthroughs, your grounding moments to decide what matters most and lean into that hardcore so you can align what you love with what you do every single day, which you know I am all about. So thanks for joining me today on this chat. Any questions you have, I would love to hear from you and I love your reviews that are coming in on the show. It is so cool to see the impact that these conversations are happening, but truly you know I'm here walking alongside you.
So thanks for joining me today and again, reach out if I can be of service. Thank you for joining me today. Before you move on to the next episode, please post a review or share this episode with someone you think would appreciate it. Your feedback and support means everything to me.
For more information, check out yourbadastrony.com or karaewaltch.com. I truly believe everyone is capable of living a badass life. Thank you for listening.