EP#84: Exploring and Negotiating BD$M: Tips from Decade-Long K!nkster London Crave

If you're new to the world of BD$M, it's important to approach it with caution and care. K!nk educator London Crave shares her insights on how to explore BD$M in a safe and consensual manner. 5 Ways to Explore K!nk & Negotiate a Scene: Focus on what you do want to try: When negotiating boundaries, it's important to approach it from a positive perspective rather than a negative one. Instead of focusing on what you don't want, focus on what you do want to try. This approach can help narrow the playing field and make it easier to control the scene. Avoid negotiating mid-scene: Negotiating during a scene can be clouded by the rush of endorphins, adrenaline, and dopamine. It's best to stop the scene and negotiate before continuing, rather than trying to negotiate during the scene. Vet potential partners: Before engaging in pickup play, it's important to have a better understanding of how to vet and screen potential partners. The best place to find events and groups is FetL!fe, which is like a fet!sh Facebook. Attend meet and greets and get vetted before attending private events. Negotiate aftercare: Drop can occur after scenes, great s/x, or big events, and it is when the feel-good brain chemicals crash out, causing physical and mental effects. To deal with drop, it is essential to negotiate aftercare, which is how to take care of oneself and the people involved in the scene after it is over. Treat negotiations as a seduction: Negotiations can be playful, fun, and teasing. It's important to bring the same mood to the negotiations as you would to the scene itself. Negotiations do not have to be business-like or very thorough, but they should cover safety and boundaries. Remember, exploring BD$M can be empowering and help individuals learn more about themselves. But always prioritize safety, consent, and communication. About London: London Crave (she/her) is a bis/xual, polyamorous k!nkster who has been active in the BD$M, non-monogamous, and s/x positive lifestyles for a decade.  In that time, she has led 2 BD$M focused groups that held k!nk focused parties, movie nights, educational events, and other social activities. She has presented classes and demos at various k!nk-focused events and dungeons in Arkansas, Oklahoma, and nationwide virtual events as well as the University or Arkansas, CAVU Center's Conference on Spirituality, S/xuality and Intimacy, and Konsplosion. London is available for a variety of classes, panels, and discussion related to BD$M, ethical Non-Monogamy, s/x positivity, and s/xual expression and empowerment. She can be reached at [email protected] for all inquiries. - Jen's Podcast: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/jenniferkayloruscinpodcast/⁠ - Coaching with Jen: ⁠https://www.jenniferkayloruscin.com/love-coach-jennifer-ruscin⁠ - Support this podcast with a small monthly donation to help sustain future episodes. ⁠https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jennifer-ruscin/support⁠