Episode 21: Emotional Labour

We had a really interesting conversation about the concept of ‘emotional labour,’ both in the context in which it’s being described in Emotional Labour by Rose Hackman and other writings and podcasts (see Resources), as well as our own concept and ideas about how we see it within family life. Please join us as we come to understand what the term means, how it plays out and the choices we make around it.  We Discuss:   Anticipatory grief and supporting ourselves while we’re supporting others  Holding the perspectives, thoughts and feelings of multiple people within the role of parent – all the pieces we hold at once  How we need to be compassionate with ourselves  Putting language to the familiarity of emotional labour  That emotional labour is truly work which takes skill, effort and time and this explains why we might feel tired  Emotional labour as a primary responsibility for people working in the service industry – keeping people happy  That we begin co-regulating alongside our children as infants and little ones as one of our first forms of emotional labour The tax on our systems from various personalities and neurology, including our own – it can be genuinely tiring even when we are choosing it Two layers of consideration – sometimes we have more energy than others to begin with and then we’re also accumulating energy from emotional labour that at some point needs to be discharged  Being open to the individual timing and tools each person needs and uses to move through grief  Improving our emotional skillset toward all people through parenting and home education  Moments of compensation for other people’s lack of emotional labour, whether that’s our children, spouse or others  The social cohesion that results from emotional labour  The ‘hidden’ aspect of emotional labour because so much is in our head  The additional emotional labour often involved for people who are vulnerable in someway to partake in activities – differences of power  The emotional labour involved in facilitating children’s and family social activities Consent – reflections about pushing past our own consent and that of our child’s to maintain social comfort Tending first to the person who feels the least safe or most impacted  That it’s okay for people not to be happy all the time and recognizing that we simply can’t be the fixers of all things  Tolerating an array of emotions – in our society, not all emotions are welcome and that can complicate modelling and expression Recognizing and acknowledging the emotional labour of our children and others as well  Recognizing when we are filtering or editing  the expressions of our emotions for other people –  putting other people’s emotions ahead of ours and that we can choose to do that and it’s okay, but that it does come at a cost  People having the opportunity to be on the receiving end of emotional labour as well  The high capacity for men and boys to experience and act through empathy  The social cost that sometimes happens for females when they don’t do the emotional labour that’s expected People pleasing as currency  The nuances of emotional intelligence and the ways kids develop and show it  Making a choice of how much to give and when not to put others ahead Seeing emotional labour as truly valuable, not just expected Giving ourselves grace and creating room for our own rest, time and care  Resources:   Emotional Labour – Rose Hackman  Sage Family podcast – Rachel Rainboldt Fed Up – Gemma Hartley The Powerful Purpose of Introverts – Holley Gerth