Virtual Kitchen Table

On our 60th episode, we are finally talking about Learning to Read! This can be a loaded topic with some proponents of self-directed education and unschooling taking the stand that reading will happen in its own time, versus reading research that strongly suggests otherwise, citing the complexities with learning to read requiring explicit instruction. When our experience doesn’t match the advice or research on either one of those, it can be confusing.As we discuss this, we try to keep various angles in mind but full disclosure: we do have a lot of trust in a child’s inherent process. The distinction is likely that we also believe that parents and life itself are rich parts of a child’s literacy process and in some cases a child themself may request a supportive or formal resource.We are grateful to have found a list by Sue Elvis (Stories of an Unschooling Family) from her post,Sharing Some Thoughts on Learning to Read which we used to guide the order of our discussion.Resources:Sharing Some Thoughts on Learning to Read - Sue Elvis, Stories of an Unschooling FamilyEvoke LearningUnschooling and reading: my daughter’s journey so far - Cyrille Tignard, Unschooling and ThrivingHow Pokémon Sealed our Unschooling Fate - Missy Willis, Let ‘em Go BarefootSpot the Learning - Virtual Kitchen TableLearning to Read 1 - Esther Jones, A Place on a HillReading Doesn’t Need to Be Taught - Sara, Happiness is HereUnschooling and Learning to Read - Sue Patterson, Unschooling Mom 2 Mom8 Benefits to Learning to Read Later - Hayley, Taking a Kinder Path

We finally wrapped up Hayley’s What is Unschooling? blog post series in this conversation. Sue Elvis of Stories of an Unschooling Family joined us again as we had a second look at the Myths and Misconceptions related to unschooling.While we do continue “busting myths,” ultimately we burrow deep into the beauty of living and learning curiously and respectfully with our children because, as we came to realize again through sharing our experiences, it’s so much more than just defending this remarkable way at life against the status quo.Part 1 - Episode 56Part 2 - Episode 57Part 3 - Episode 58Resources:What is Unschooling? Part 3: Myths and Misconceptions - Taking a Kinder PathStories of an Unschooling FamilyDegree Free8 Benefits of Learning to Read Later (and taking a more natural approach) - Taking a Kinder PathUnschooling Math - What Does Learning Math/s Naturally Look Like? - Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastThe Rich Experience of Unschooling Science - Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastThe State of Flow in Learning - Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastSpot the Learning! How Our Children are Learning More Than We Might Think  - Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastWhat Do Our Unschooling Days Look Like? - Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastUnschooling A-Ha Moments - Virtual Kitchen Table Podcast

We discussed Part 3 of Hayley’s What is Unschooling? series.  Sue Elvis from Stories of an Unschooling Family joined us to tap back into this next part of the topic.This time we discussed Myths and Misconceptions about unschooling. We were keen to do this because we know how misunderstood unschooling often is, even by people embarking upon it. We found ourselves out of time with some of Hayley’s post to still discuss, so stay tuned for a continuation of the conversation. We’d love you to have a listen!We Discuss:Deschooling - what it is and different ways to think about itMoving in an unschooling direction without having specific language for deschoolingThe idea of unschooling as lazy parentingThe idea of child-led (in learning and in living and whether there’s a distinction)Unschooling as a rejection of curriculums, classes, checklists, routines, timetablesThe concern about children being  ‘behind’, uneducated and unprepared for the real worldThe different things that the “real world” means to different peopleQuestions of post-secondary education and optionsChoosing to live a life with rhythm and orderResources:What is Unschooling? Part 3: Myths and Misconceptions- Taking a Kinder PathStories of an Unschooling FamilyWhat is Unschooling? Part One: A Framework of Ideas - Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastWhat is Unschooling? Part Two: What Unschooling Looks Like - Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastDeschooling Through the Lens of the Unschool Challenge - Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastWhat is Unschooling and How Does it Work? - Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastWhat Do Our Unschooling Days Look Like? - Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastUnschooling A-Ha Moments - Virtual Kitchen Table Podcast

We welcomed Sue Elvis of Stories of an Unschooling Family to discuss Part Two of Hayley’s What is Unschooling? series.It was another rich opportunity to dig deeply into the nuts and bolts of the practical side of unschooling, with concrete examples and shared experiences.We hope you’ll have a listen and learn something new.Resources:What is Unschooling, Part 2: What Does Unschooling Like? Taking a Kinder PathUnschooling: What’s in a Name? – Ever LearningHome Ed Labels and Jargon: Sorting Them Through, Episode 19 – Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastWhat is Unschooling and How Does it Work? Episode 18 - Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastWhat Do Our Unschooling Days Look Like? Part One, Episode 1 - Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastWhat Do Our Unschooling Days Look Like? Part One, Episode 2 - Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastSandra Dodd's Big Book of Unschooling by Sandra Dodd  - Sandra DoddLadies Fixing the World podcastEU382: Unschooling Stumbling Blocks: It’s Not the Unschooling - Exploring Unschooling PodcastUnderstanding Unschooling – Ever Learning

Do you ever wonder what unschooling is really about? Or maybe you have a sense of it yourself but wonder how to describe it if asked? This ended up being a very full and nuanced conversation based on the first part of Hayley’s blog post series by the same name. What a joy to speak with Sue Elvis from Stories of an Unschooling Family and reflect about the framework of unschooling in detail based on Hayley’s ideas and our own. We seem to learn as we discuss and think you’ll gain some perspective from this conversation and some fuel for your own realizations.  Resources: What is Unschooling? Part 1: A Framework of Ideas, Hayley, Taking a Kinder PathStories of an Unschooling FamilyCurious Unschoolers, Sue ElvisRadical Unschool Love, Sue ElvisThe Unschool Challenge, Sue ElvisUnschooling: A Voyage of Discovery, Episode 31Unschooling – What’s in a Name, Ever LearningWhat is Unschooling and How Does it Work? Episode 18Do We Deserve Joy? Unpacking Perspectives of Joy in Home Education, Episode 8Ladies Fixing the World podcast 8 Benefits of Learning to Read Later (and taking a more natural approach), Taking a Kinder Path

Resources:Episode 54: Parents Can’t Teach Their Children Everything and That’s Okay Episode 16: Lists or Not: How Do We and Those We Love Keep Organized?

This isn’t a criticism of the abilities of home educating parents, but instead reassurance for all parents that there is no need to take all of the things on. Children being taught everything ahead of time isn’t how deep and meaningful learning usually happens.At the same time, it’s not a conversation about “hands-off” parenting — far from it! Instead it’s a reminder of the roles that our presence, relationship and belief in children play as we walk alongside them (and ahead as needed) in their development.In this discussion, we look at the pressure that parents are under to prepare their kids for various stages of childhood and adulthood, as well as the pressure kids feel to live a life of “getting prepared” for future stages. It is neither possible nor necessary.We really enjoyed the directions this topic took us in and hope you will too. Join us as we think it through!Resources: A Lifetime for Learning – Parents Don’t Need to Offer Everything, Ever LearningReflecting on the Process of Self-Directed Learning, Ever LearningOn Chores, Learning Respect and Such … Is There a Gentler Way? Ever LearningEpisode 25: Self-Directed Learning Beyond AcademicsEpisode 52: Does Teaching Have a Place in Self-Directed Education?Why I’m Divesting from Parenting, Fran Liberatore, A Life Unschooled SubstackVirtual Kitchen Table Community

We happily welcomed Pam Laricchia, Anna Brown and Erika Ellis from www.livingjoyfully.ca to discuss the topic of Stories. Pam, Anna and Erika have spoken in depth about the nuances and choices within the stories we tell both ourselves and others.  In this conversation we explore what it is about looking at things through the lens of stories, and the flexibility within those stories, that is so powerful, how the past stories that we carry about ourselves and our children impact the way we see things and show up in our role as parent.  We also talk about how we can support our children in the way they see or tell their stories.  Resources: Living Joyfully PodcastExploring Unschooling PodcastLiving Joyfully NetworkExploring Unschooling Podcast Episode 404: Foundations: StoriesTaking a Kinder Path – The Power of Words and the Stories We Tell Ourselves

We read a Substack article by Esther Jones, Unschooling and the Magic of Teaching and were inspired to peel back the role that teaching might play within self-directed learning and a number of aspects that are related. It turned out to be a very interesting topic and we’d love you to have a listen!Resources: Unschooling and the Magic of Learning – Esther Jones SubstackUnschooling – What’s in a Name?Episode 19: Home Ed Labels and Jargon: Sorting Them ThroughHomeschool High School Ideas – The Beauty of Mentorships For Teens – Ever LearningFinancially Accessible Homeschooling – How Do We Offer our Children an Abundant Life? – Ever Learning

It was really an honour to speak with Linsey Briggs of @unschoolingstanley about a topic she shares so generously about. Her insights were both beautiful and practical. It’s always amazing to see the different angles and experiences each person has and so this was another full conversation.In listening back through our discussion, I was reminded of how closely it fit with what Hayley has always written so much about — compassion for self, our children and others — on her Taking a Kinder Path blog. If you missed Episode 50, which honoured Hayley and discussed some of her work, please go back and listen to the previous episode.And we hope you’ll join us here for this episode’s conversation with Linsey.Resources: @unschoolingstanleyVirtual Kitchen Table CommunityVirtual Kitchen Table Episode 50: My Journey to Taking a Kinder PathVirtual Kitchen Table Episode 21: Emotional Labour

Oof. This is hard. This episode is one in which we give the sad news that our wonderful Hayley has passed on. We also attempt to honour her as best we can by discussing her post, My Journey to Taking a Kinder Path. We’re not sure we’ve ever known someone whose blog name is so perfectly reflective of who they are. Hayley has endured cancer and cancer treatment for the past year and a half and did so bravely and optimistically. Our hearts are full of love for her family and our thoughts include them often these days. The sadness we feel, interspersed with the joy we know from having known Hayley, speaks volumes about the value and authenticity of online friendship. We are immensely grateful that Sue Elvis from Stories of an Unschooling Family joined us for this conversation. It was through Sue that we had the opportunity to know Hayley, and out of a hope for more conversation with Hayley from “across the pond” about  the values we share, that the Virtual Kitchen Table idea was inspired and born. Today we discuss Hayley’s own road  to the idea of Taking a Kinder Path: For Ourselves, Our Children and the World and relate it to each of our own. There are so many similarities across three different countries and four different families. We’d love you to have a listen. Sue closes our conversation with these thoughts:“It’s really been an honour to talk about Hayley’s work and so I think we all feel such deep grief for the loss of a friend. I also feel that mingled with that is a sense of joy from her work.  She brought joy and her work will continue bringing joy to people lives, and I think that our conversation today has been mingled up with joy and grief. She can’t help but bring that joy to our lives … … Thank you Hayley for always turning up and writing the blog post and leaving that fabulous legacy.  We need to keep passing on that message that Hayley was so good at sharing … to be kind, don’t divide,  be respectful and love.”Thank you, Hayley, for your beautiful writing and wisdom that we will continue to share and discuss. And thank you for your friendship. We are grateful.  Resources:My Journey to a Kinder Path Episode 5, Part 1: Kindness and Unconditional Love – What Do They Have to Do With Unschooling? Episode 5, Part 2: Kindness and Unconditional Love – What Do They Have to Do With Unschooling? How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk – Adele Faber, Elaine MazlishDr. Sears – Attachment ParentingRaising Your Spirited Child – Mary Sheedy Kurcinka 

Resources: 7 Reasons to Talk to Yourself Out Loud | Psychology Today Canada On Chores, Learning Respect and Such … Is There a Gentler Way? – Ever LearningHomeschooling High School and Socialization: Not all Teen Community has to be Homeschool Community  – Ever Learning Basil and Honey Newsletter, The weaving together of our stories – by Anna Hewitt 

Based on a core section of Hayley’s blog post, Taking a Kinder Path to the Festivities: For You, Your Children and the Planet, we discuss kind and collaborative approaches we can take to the holiday season With two holiday season discussions behind us, we weren’t sure how much there was left to talk about. It turns out that was no problem! We had some in-depth conversation about planning WITH our kids rather than just for them, Santa Claus (or not – and all kinds of things in between), gift-giving and the differences between the receiver choosing and the giver choosing, what keeping things “simple” means and how that isn’t always about material things, giving grace and openness to those we’re spending time with, dealing with different convictions within our family and how to be kind to ourselves. There are lots of our own stories in this one:Our own childhood background with Santa, what gift-giving looked like in our families of origin versus with our own families, how to avoid resentment and overload, whether we need to take on making the traditional meal simply because we are mothers and many more. This is a content-packed episode.Come join us!Resources: Taking a Kinder Path to the Festivities for You, Your Children and the PlanetVirtual Kitchen Table Episode 17: Being Intentional about the Holidays – Ideas for Thoughtful FamiliesVirtual Kitchen Table Episode 32: Being Intentional About the Holidays – Finding a Fit for Our FamiliesChristmas Customs: Weaving Together Faith and Festivity and Whether to “Do Santa”Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 37: Nurturing our Well-Being Through Creative Practices Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 41: Creative Kids, Creative ParentsDealing with Conflict at Christmas: Taking a Kinder PathLiving Joyfully Network 

Anne from Eclectic Kids, Bird Bound and @obytheby and April Scully from Modern Homeschoolers join for a conversation about the many faces of whole life learning. The conversation is as vibrant, messy, wonderful and meaningful as whole life learning itself is. We talk not only about the “academic” side of learning but also about including children in real life experiences  — even hard or uncomfortable ones sometimes —  and the self-awareness, care for others and resilience they develop bit by bit.How child development and family life can be actual interests and passions of ours, so our self-care needs won’t all be the same Enjoying watching our kids enjoying things  Resources:Home Ed Labels and Jargon: Sorting Them Through – Virtual Kitchen Table Podcast Unschooling: What’s in a Name? – Ever LearningModern HomeschoolersConflict to Clarity WorkshopBird Bound Extraschooling/Eclectic Kids

We Discuss: Kindergarten in the past in comparison to now (each sharing memories of our own start of school)Sharing stories of our child’s start to the school years The awareness of making a mistake being unacceptable and when/how that beginsThe longing to belong and not be rejected as a subconscious survival mechanism The normalization of separation of young children from their families The discomfort of separation from a parent being labelled “ separation anxiety” How reluctance to go to nursery school or kindergarten can be about more than separation anxiety, but also just the particular environment not being a rightThat, even though we have gained so much information about child development in the last few decades, we have moved farther away from having kindergarten set up in a way that actually fits that development What might be behind the resistance to making a change for our children and opting out of the school system – so many families are struggling but the it’s hard to make the change That the comment “readiness for school”  is often more about a child being able to handle it then being an environment where they would optimally thriveHow uncomfortable it is to make a choice that’s different from the massesHow just knowing one other homeschool family can make the difference and offer some sort of framework for living outside of the systemHow school is not just the specific hours the children are there but all the pieces around it like special events, friends, etcKids who appear to enjoy school or go along with it, but aren’t necessarily thriving in the way they might with a more individualized environmentReally well thought out baby, toddler, and preschool programming, and resources, and the wish that they extended into the school yearsA mix of public and private offerings Inclusive and exclusive homeschool activities – the trickiness of finding belonging yet also a group that is sometimes small or limited enough to work for our kids Flexible, community-friendly schools Flexible, community-based learning The capacity and energy needed to build and maintain community The possibility of parents whose kids are older offering their time, resources and presence to younger families Whether kindergarten is necessary What other community-based ways there might be to curate That early learning and development are much more nuanced than the concrete concepts and skills that are most commonly talked aboutEarly social-emotional intelligence and critical thinking and the everyday, natural interactions that provide a model The importance of kids feeling safe in order to learn and develop to their full potential  Resources:High School Diplomas, College Degrees, and Future Careers: Is There More Than One Way?  Erin from Ever Learning and Missy Willis from Let ‘em Go BarefootPractical Ideas for Building and Contributing to Community, Virtual Kitchen Table, Episode 29Homeschooling Community: Finding, Sustaining and How it Evolves, Episode 15Choice in Education: Living and Learning in Community, Episode 3Are Unschoolers Bringing Back Vintage Kindergarten? – Missy Willis from Let’em Go BarefootI’m just so glad he didn’t sit on the line. – Kara S. Anderson

We say “yes” there is!Missy Willis from Let ‘em Go Barefoot and I connected this summer to have a conversation based on one of Missy’s Substack essays, Make the High School Diploma mean something again.In this conversation, we dive into thoughts about the high school, diploma itself, and changes over the years, discuss post- secondary education such as colleges, universities and the trades, and make our way to discussing future career and lifestyle possibilities. We talk about the way that choices can be made within the particular goals, visions and aptitude of an individual.In short, we question the existing narratives around the assumed paths and imagine what some of the other options, which are just as valid and sometimes more rewarding (and affordable) might be. Diplomas, degrees and assumed job paths for some? Absolutely!  But for all? We say “no” and invite you to listen to the deeper thoughts we have in our discussion! *This recording isn’t a regular part of either the Virtual Kitchen Podcast or  Let ‘em Go Barefoot podcast, but it will be posted among the Virtual Kitchen Table episodes so that it can easily be accessed through your preferred podcast apps. 

We talk about beginning the “school year,” either as a new homeschool family or a continuing family from the perspective of both connection and practical ideas. It can be an exciting time of year, but it can also be daunting! Even a new age of stage our child has reached can make this time of year full of feelings and concerns. We base the bulk of the conversation on Hayley’s blog post, New to Home Education: Your First Week and my Instagram post, If you’re  beginning homeschooling or returning to homeschooling and feeling uneasy in the midst of Back to School season, here are some ideas as you get into the groove. We talk about ways of easing in and just putting “one foot in front of the other.”  We hope you’ll join us and have a listen!Resources: New to Home Education: Your First Week, Taking a Kinder Path Fear of Missing Out, Episode 26 , Virtual Kitchen Table Lists or Not – How Do We and Those We Love Keep Organized?, Episode 16, Virtual Kitchen Table Stories of an Unschooling Family, Sue Elvis Fablehaven Series by Brandon MullThe Seven Kinds of Rest You Actually Need, Psychology Today, Claudia SkowrowNature Journalling, Time Outdoors and Taking Pressure off Ourselves and our Children, Episode 44, Virtual Kitchen Table Spark.to.flame.homelearning

We dive into a deep exploration of different perspectives about nature study and outdoor time and where those things are both similar and different. We discuss what this looks like at different ages, including the teenage years, and also bring the temperature down a bit as far as parental pressure to “get kids outside” and/or doing formal nature study. We’d love you to join us for a listen! Resources:Home Ed Resources - Nature Study, Taking a Kinder PathHomeschooling Philosophies, and Supporting Interests: Nature Study the Natural Way, Ever LearningThe Rich Experience of Unschooling Science, Episode #30, Virtual Kitchen Table Podcast Unschooling Math: What Does Learning Math/s Naturally Look Like- Part One, Episode #36, Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastUnschooling Math: What Does Math/Maths Naturally Look Like - Part Two, Episode #38, Virtual Kitchen Table PodcastWhat is Strewng? Peeling Back the Layers of Intention, Connection and Practice, Episode #27, Virtual Kitchen Table Podcast Confessions of an Early 2000s Homeschool Mum, Ever LearningEclectic Kids

Does homeschooling have to cost a lot of money? We tap into this topic with Anne from @obytheby and Eclectic Kids and come to the conclusion that living richly and abundantly is indeed possible without expensive classes, outings and materials. We agree that sometimes we might choose those things but that as we slow down, observe and integrate other things into our days, they don’t seem as necessary or even desired. *This isn’t a conversation that suggests that everyone wants to or can homeschool, either financially or otherwise. It’s an opportunity for us to sift through how home education can be simplified and enjoyed at a much lower cost than people might imagine and that while that still might not make it possible for ALL people, it might make it possible for MORE people. Something that comes up throughout the conversation is the role that gradual deschooling plays in becoming more comfortable with living simply. We’d love you to tune in and hear our thoughts. If you have links to additional free, low-cost or Pay What You Can resources, please send them our way via Comments or the Ever Learning email and we’ll get a running list going. Resources: @obythebyEclectic KidsEclectic Kids ExploreBirdboundAbundant Homeschooling Doesn’t Need to Cost a Lot of Money – Ever LearningHow Much Novelty Do Our Kids Need? – Episode #11: Virtual Kitchen Table Episode Fear of Missing Out – Episode #26: Virtual Kitchen Table Episode Easy Peasy HomeschoolAll in One Homeschool High SchoolThe Good and the Beautiful Khan AcademyVirtual Kitchen Table Community

Sometimes we all feel we’ve missed the mark with our kids and it’s not a great feeling. What might be helpful during those times? In this conversation, we return to follow up on the discussion from Episode #40: Feel Like a Rubbish Parent? Nine Things to Remember When You Feel Like a Rubbish Parent and weave in some action steps as well as explore many related thoughts. We invite you to join us! Both of these conversations are based on Hayley’s blog posts of the same titles. You can link in the Resources to read the full posts. Resources:What to Do When You Feel Like a Rubbish Parent: 13 Steps to Dealing With Parenting Doubt – Taking a Kinder PathEpisode #40: Feel Like a Rubbish Parent? 9 Things to Do When You Doubt your ParentingWho I Am: The Words I Tell Myself by Susan Verde, Peter H. Reynolds (Illustrator)BirdboundLulastic HippyshakeEver Learning – Being Conscious of the External Processor: How Being Aware of the Way our Child Makes Decisions Can Help Us Avoid Getting Tangled Up 19 Benefits of a Good Cry: The Comforting Case for Crying (and Why it’s Good for Us) – Taking a Kinder PathVirtual Kitchen Table Community Joy lists : A Home Education Essential (what they are, why you should have one and how to get started). – Taking a kinder pathSelf-soothing checklists : the secret to raising our mood and energy levels fast – Taking a kinder pathCreate a calming kit to help you cope (45+ ideas to get started right now) – Taking a kinder path

We came back to chat about creativity and creative practice again with Cyrielle from Unschooling and Thriving, and Kendel from spark.to.flame.homelearning joined in and added her perspective. We shared insights about our children’s creativity and our own, and ways we consider and support them and ourselves, both practically and thoughtfully.  This was a really interesting conversation with a lot of little nuggets throughout that helped us zero in on the value of various forms and aspects of creativity and the ways we can invest in our families and ourselves to support well-being and create joy.  Please join us for a listen. Resources:Unschooling and [email protected] your Time – Unschooling and Thriving Episode #37: Nurturing our Well-being Through Creative Practices Episode #6: The State of Flow in LearningTendril TheorySelf-Determination Theory 

“Do you feel like a rubbish parent? Scared of letting your children down? Convinced you’re not good enough …?”We dug into Hayley’s blog post of the same name and discussed those moments or maybe seasons when we feel utterly lost as a parent, and also the ones where we just aren’t quite sure. We talk about changes in parenting trends and the evolving role and expectations of parenthood, share challenges and ideas and so much more. Join us for an interesting conversation that might be quite relatable. Resources: Connection ParentingVirtual Kitchen Table Episode # 20 – Deschooling Imperfectly: The Beauty of IntentionVirtual Kitchen Table Community 

We were joined by Bex Tobin Fine, author of the picture book You Are Home and thoroughly enjoyed a conversation with her about the many aspects of home. We tapped into how we define home, where we feel at home, considerations within our home educating lives, how we collaborate with our children in relation to home and, woven into all of that, is how we nurture in ourselves and our children that in a very real sense, we are our own home. Resources: Books by BexVirtual Kitchen Table Episode #27: What is Strewing – Being IntentionalExploring Unschooling Podcast #189 – Pam Laricchia and Amy MartinezVirtual Kitchen Table Episode #37: Nurturing our Well-Being Through Creative Practices

Episode 38: What a delight to have Sue Elvis from Stories of an Unschooling Family and April from Modern Homeschoolers join again to talk about mathematics and the various and interesting ways that skills and knowledge are developed. This is a good addition to Episode 36: Unschooling Math – What Does Learning Math/s Naturally Look Like? There was more to discuss so here we are!If you enjoy these discussions feel free to be in touch for further information about the Virtual Kitchen Table Community. We’d love to welcome you to pull up a chair. Resources: Stories of an Unschooling FamilyModern HomeschoolersVirtual Kitchen Table Episode 27: What is Strewing?My Little Poppies – GameschoolingProdigyMath SeedsNumberphileTiming it Right Board GameCool math games Free to Learn by Dr. Peter GrayVirtual Kitchen Table Community

It was so, so interesting to meet with Cyrielle from Unschooling and Thriving to talk about the way creative practices support our well-being. We explored various ideas and understandings of creativity and discussed what it can look like in our own lives as well as in our children’s. We’d love you to join us for a listen! We discuss:Curating and creating themes (with books, sensory kits, etc) Cycle awareness Recognizing the distinction between making things for our children versus creating for ourselvesThe “bubble of creativity” and the benefit it brings to our entire being (some similarity to “flow” in learning)Choosing repetitive and restful activities at times and more challenging projects when feeling more energetic and inspired The range of creativity from visual art to things like reading and planningThat self-care can be deeper than physical grooming and treating ourselves Soul care as a deeper “filling of our cup”Differentiating between creativity and creative hobbies – beneficial in different ways The role of movement and repetition in handiwork Self-Determination Theory as it relates to crafting – autonomy, competence and relatednessEngaging socially while also engaging with a craft A range of hands-on creative activities from gardening to baking to soap-making to Lego building Developing intention Intrinsic motivation versus extrinsic motivation That creative practices are not necessarily as valued as physical exercise in relation to health and well-being How the way people style or dress themselves can be a way of creative self-expression Creative practice as stress relief and rest from anxiety Physical movement during creative thinkingBreaking down the idea that creativity is separate from organizationCreativity as part of life – separate from creative hobbies Engaging in creative practice without pressure of perfectionism Process versus outcome and how the focus is different for different kids and adults Kids being inspired to create something but feeling held back by fear or comparison Reframing creative expression when we feel judgements of our kids cropping up How to prioritize time for creative self-expression as a parent Using the word “practice” rather than “habit” Shifting our way of thinking of things so that time has been intentionally set aside for creative endeavoursThinking about choices versus “shoulds” in the sense that we might choose to leave things that other people might assume need to be done in order to have time for rest and creative self-care Creative rest That sometimes rest needs to happen before creativity (can be hard to accept if we’re feeling time is scarce)Communicating to family members, spouses, etc that we are being intentional about our creative timeThat often our kids enjoy seeing our creativity and downtime and that if we see it’s a time that we feel we are truly needed, we can make the choice to postpone our own activity, but still make note of our own need as wellThat taking time to create is a gift not only to ourself but also to our familyThe difference between creating something freestyle versus following directionsHaving conversations within marriages about expectations of the role we’re in or have chosen (a full-time mother doesn’t necessarily equal a housewife and a breadwinner doesn’t necessarily mean that working outside the home has included having time to be creative)Resources:Unschooling and Thriving (Workshops, Series and Online Community)Craft Psychology: How Crafting Promotes Health, Dr. Anne KirketerpMartha Beck websiteEpisode 6: The State of Flow in Learning, Virtual Kitchen TableEpisode 8: Do We Deserve Joy? Unpacking Perspective of Joy in Home Education, Virtual Kitchen TableEpisode 12: Perspectives on Self-Care – for our children, for ourselves, Virtual Kitchen TableJohn Muir Laws – Nature Stewardship Through Science, Education, and ArtVirtual Kitchen Table Community

What a delight to have Sue Elvis from Stories of an Unschooling Family and April from Modern Homeschoolers join to talk about mathematics and the various and interesting ways that skills and knowledge are developed. We cover a lot – this might be the longest Virtual Kitchen Table episode we’ve had and we are likely going to have a second discussion. If you enjoy these discussions feel free to be in touch for further information about the Virtual Kitchen Table Community.Resources: Stories of an Unschooling FamilyModern HomeschoolersLet ‘em Go Barefoot -Episode 39 – Joyful Maths with Ruth RinaldiThe Mathematician’s Lament – Paul LockhartVirtual Kitchen Table – Spot the LearningModern Homeschoolers Instagram Math ReelSelf-Directed podcastKids Learn Math Easily When They Control Their Own Learning – Dr. Peter Gray article Math SeedsNumber BlocksHow Children Acquire “Academic” Skills Without Formal Instruction – Dr. Peter GrayStories of an Unschooling Family – Maths blog postsJoyful Maths With RuthVirtual Kitchen Table Community

*Virtual Kitchen Table is now an online community as well as a podcast. 😊 Check the link above and listen here for our thoughts. In this conversation, Anne from @obytheby and Eclectic Kids and Kendel from @spark.to.flame.homelearning, join in to discuss how interesting and authentic online connections can be. We Discuss: Connecting with people based on interests versus being in our physical lives Social media as a way of sharing inspiration Online friends and acquaintances as another layer of people we wonder and care about Facebook as a way to find local people and build in-person community That sharing the highlights encourages others to find the glimmers and be inspiredBridging the differences by focusing on the little niche points we have in common rather than noticing differences – maybe it’s easier to do that with online contacts than with in-person relationshipsPrivate community as having a purpose of connecting more meaningfully than social media and meeting specific needsAsynchronous communication as a way of having time to think through responses and interactions The pressure to join the next new thing – TikTok, Substack, Threads, etc – and feeling reactive about being expected to join simply because people say you should 😉The ability to communicate in more depth and vulnerability online because we’re not connected in regular in-person ways where we have connections that could go sideways or lead to gossip or conflict The paradox of small talk – the opportunity to skip the small talk and get quickly to a deep level of knowing, yet the genuine interest in the everyday things of someone’s life once connecting at a deep level “Resting into” a level of trust and acceptance Virtual friendships as being a key entry point at the adult level rather than getting to know people because the kids know each other which is quite common in in-person life. How many homeschool parents move past talking about homeschooling and parenthood once their kids are beyond those years and the beauty of being able to find people online who share the same passion for continuing to focus on it as kids get older The accessibility of podcasts and writing and choosing to directly connect with people who are creating and sharing The range of stages people are in within the homeschooling and unschooling community and the reciprocity of learning How people who homeschooled and unschooled as kids already know it can “work” so there’s less need to gather assurance in that area and more time to enjoy the living and learning “Virtual overwhelm” and Fear of Missing Out That often “You know when you know” in the sense that you come into contact with the style or writer or peer that resonates with you and that you find encouragement from The flexibility and space to participate as makes sense for us – community as support and not pressure Our conditioning that participation has to look a certain way What the virtual world will look like when this much larger cohort of home educated kids are adults – will there be as much need for reassurance?Online overload and the potential benefit of beginning home ed before the rise of social media, blogs and podcasts. The growing societal acceptance of online friendships as real friendships Finding ways to take care of and look out for one another across the internet The mark of true community being the felt absence of someone when they aren’t there Resources: Virtual Kitchen Table CommunityEver Learning Living Joyfully NetworkThe Teenage Liberation Handbook by Grace LlewellynEclectic Kids (Anne’s website)@obytheby (Anne’s Instagram account)@spark.to.flame.homelearning

The Virtual Kitchen Table now includes a COMMUNITY as well as a podcast. 😃 We’d love for you to read on … Some time ago Hayley had the idea of discussing online community as an episode topic and at first we wondered if it might be part of a Community conversation, but we had far too much to talk about relating to in-person community so we’ve recorded not one, but two (next one coming soon) conversations about virtual connections and how they can begin to develop into relationships and community. In this episode, Ashley and I discuss how much value there is in online connection and community AND introduce and describe the new Virtual Kitchen Table Community. We discuss:The practical ins and outs of virtual connectionsDepth of conversationDiscernment of who we interact withPersonal online responsibility to both others and ourselvesChallenging ourselves to find value in people that are different from us even when it’s much easier to connect only with people like us OR not doing that depending on our online purposeThe courage and risk of sharing and opening ourselves upBuilding a culture of safety and respect The distinction between social media and private forumsHow there are different online communities that work for different people or even different aspects of people’s needs, personalities and interests How tapping into different communities is a healthy way to engage in different parts of ourselves without placing all the expectation on one group Community as learning and sharing, receiving and givingVirtual Kitchen Table Community: Our community has evolved from the Unschooling Together community which evolved from the Stories of an Unschooling Family community, founded by Sue Elvis. During our time in Unschooling Together, it’s become clear that although we want to continue to highlight discussion about unschooling, we want to move beyond focusing solely on that term, and rather broaden to include people who don’t necessarily use the term or those who do things more eclectically. We already have had people in the community identifying differently as far as how they live and learn so we’ve seen that it can work wonderfully. What we have solidly in common is a strong interest in thoughtful and respectful parenting, education and community. If you only want to hear about the community, you can skip ahead to the 1 hour, 16 minute mark. We would love to see you in the community. 🙂Resources:Virtual Kitchen Table CommunityPsychology Today – Peter GrayTaking a Kinder Path Stories of an Unschooling Family Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 27: What is Strewing? Peeling Back the Layers of Intention, Connection and Practice A few other groups:Living Joyfully Network 90 Minute School Day – DITL Community Confident Homeschool Mom CollectiveFeel free to add others you know of in the Comments.

Following our Episode 32, Being Intentional for the Holidays – Finding a Fit for our Families, we continue the theme of deepening our understanding of what works for us, this time as a new year begins. We discuss our thoughts about resolutions and goals for parents and children alike, as well as share thoughts about the line parents walk between facilitating and encouraging kids as they journey into a new year or phase and knowing when to “let be” and step aside. We talk about how that can all happen with gentleness … our “successful” interactions as well as our fumbles. We’d love you to have a listen! Resources: Lists or Not – How Do We and Those We Love Keep Organized, Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 16The Happiness Project – Gretchen Ruben The Twelve Week Year – Brian P. Moran Deschooling Imperfectly: The Beauty of Intention, Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 20Ten Benefits of Making Mistakes – Taking a Kinder PathJoy Lists – Taking a Kinder Path Goodreads Annual Reading Challenge NaNoWriMo Novel Writing Jacquie Lawson Advent Calendar

We return this season to the topic of Being Intentional about the Holidays and thinking about what will best fit our own individual crew, including ourselves. Keeping in mind our own rhythms and preferences alongside those of our family members, we remind ourselves that we have choice during this busy season and come up with some creative ideas for everyone to enjoy. We Discuss: Being mindful of our capacity and limits Observing the menstrual cycle and the role it plays in higher and lower energy, etc, communicating about how we’re feeling The importance of restBuilding in extra time on either side of Christmas to allow time for the range of things we’d like to doDecorating whenever feels like the right time for us Joy lists as a way of creating awareness and a menu of sorts of what each family member would like to doFun Family Christmas challenges as a way of keeping connected and giving shape to time togetherRemembering we have choice even when sometimes it feels as if everything is necessary Taking time to ask each family member what their hopes are for the season Solidly including kids’ wishes in the plans The value placed on “being ready for Christmas,” and its meaning of having presents ready and wrapped Different strategies and pacing for gift shopping Considering feelings of disappointment or letdown after the excitement Setting our children up for success at various gatherings, parties and eventsLetting kids know what other people at a gathering might be interested in and vice versa to facilitate points of connection The change in dynamics as kids get older and adjusting plans and conversation accordingly Social strategies – people’s thoughts are their own and it’s not our responsibility to change minds about homeschooling, particular parenting practices, etc That difficulties can be opportunities Creating an atmosphere/ambience (candles, decorations, music, swapping out regular things for a festive version while we’re getting something anyway) that “holds” even when energy and ideas are lower – kids will be fine if we don’t do “all the things”Noticing what’s meaningful or nostalgic to our kids themselves- is there a small toy or decoration they tend to look for, an activity they ask about? Consciously working on flexibility around traditions and understanding that changes can be hard for tradition-oriented kids and family members, including ourselvesBeing financially intentional and also giving ourselves grace and flexibility Proactive and practical ideas for calming and settling Resources:Boundaries 101: Raising Confident Learners with Liana Francisco, 90 Minute School Day Episode 30Taking a Kinder Path to the Festivities for You, Your children and the Planet – Taking a Kinder PathFestive Joy Lists – Taking a Kinder PathHome Ed Resources: Festive Fun for all the Family- Taking a Kinder Path20 Reassuring Resources for Respectful Parenting at Christmas (and the whole year round) – Taking a Kinder PathDealing with Conflict at Christmas – Taking a Kinder PathBeing Intentional about the Holidays – Ideas for Thoughtful Families, Episode 17

We returned to finish our conversation about Hayley’s blog post of the same name as this episode. We recommend listening to Part One first as it will give context to the conversation, but of course if jumping in here suits you, there is still lots to be gained. Thank you to Sue Elvis from Stories of an Unschooling Family for joining us again and bringing her thoughts and experience! Resources:Unschooling, A Voyage of Discovery Stories of an Unschooling FamilyTaking a Kinder PathCurious UnschoolersRadical Unschool LoveThe Unschool Challenge Episode 6: The State of Flow in Learning Exploring Unschooling podcast, Episode #96, Ordinary Unschooling

Resources: Unschooling, A Voyage of Discovery, Taking a Kinder PathStories of an Unschooling Family On Chores, Learning Respect and Such … Is there a Gentler Way, Ever Learning Curious Unschoolers, Sue ElvisRadical Unschoolers, Sue Elvis The Unschool Challenge, Sue Elvis

Have you ever thought about what it looks like to learn science in an organic way? To really celebrate it and live a life where you and your kids are interacting with it through passion and practicality? To see it linked to or naturally occurring in so many other things in your days? We chat with April from @modern.homeschoolers and Anne from @obytheby in the latest episode, The Rich Experience of Unschooling Science. We talk about curiosity, joy, fun, depth of learning, our role as parents, stewardship, gaps (or not) and more. We hope you’ll have a listen! Resources: @[email protected]@heroineofyourstoryVirtual Kitchen Table Episode #28: Spot the Learning Merlin appSeek appPlanet Fungi Documentary Magic School Bus program Magic School Bus booksWow in the World podcast Dinosaur Train program Science Max program But Why podcast The Art of Noticing Explorations in the Ant World Letters to a Young Scientist Dude Perfect YouTube channel Crazy Russian Hacker YouTube channelMythbusters Bird cast (migration) app

One of the things that’s been important to each of us at the Virtual Kitchen Table is community, both for the sake of all and also as a way to better support educational options for families. In one of our earliest episodes (linked in Resources/Show Notes) we talked about the benefit of rich and varied community as places to live and learn. Several episodes later, we discussed homeschool communities (also linked). In today’s episode, Kendel from @spark.to.flame.homelearning joins us again as we find some practical ideas for building and contributing to community with the local spaces and people around us as well as specific thoughts in relation to home education. We touch on so much in this conversation and yet it feels there’s still more to think about. We’d love you to have a listen! Resources: @spark.to.flame.homelearningEpisode #3 – Choice in Education: Living and Learning in Community, Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #15: Homeschool Community – Finding, Sustaining and How it Evolves Who are the People in your Neighbourhood? Ever LearningHappiness is Here – Is Unschooling Too Focused on the Individual?Happiness is Here – Nature Journalling: Adopt a Creek for a YearNovitas Magazine – Grassroots Community Support During the Current Housing Crisis Novitas Magazine – Project Knotwork: Merging community and education through project-based self-directed learning Five Ways That Home Education Can Be Healthy For Communities

Have you ever wondered whether your child is learning enough? Or maybe you suspect there’s more than meets the eye to what they’re taking in through outdoor play, online gaming, the stories they tell, the things they are making or any other number of things? We were so thrilled to have April Scully from @modern.homeschoolers and @heroineofyourstory and Kelly Edwards from the @90minuteschoolday join us to peel back the layers beyond what we might see at first glance and really notice and respect the depth of what our children are pursuing. This is another long episode as we really dig into the specifics of learning as well as our role, process and practical tips as parents. We hope you’ll tune in! We Discuss: The mix of skills integrated into any given activity when we look beyond the first glance Kids picking up the skills they need based on the meaning in their play and the relationships that they have That “pulling out” the learning helps us with feelings of self-doubt about how much is happening in our days How profoundly learning is connected to relationship Being mindful of not taking over interesting learning opportunities and seeing them all as “teachable moments” That there is purpose behind all the exploration and potential mess! Allowing time and space to pursue mastery if wished, reach the end, and really satiate that interest – protecting the time and space to pursue things in depth “Soft skills” development happening right alongside concrete ones Our pauses in reaction as being crucial to allowing for our kids’ thoughts and excitement about something to rise up Being open-minded about the rules of the house – working through what we want the culture of our house to be as far as allowing flexibility for physical play or finding a designated space That everybody has the right to change their mind – what will work for all of us, parents included?Valuing non-academic learning at least as much as academic – there’s very little that kids can’t learn quite quickly once they’re a bit older, experienced and mature Self-directed competence leading to confidenceHow these deep explorations our children do can form core memories in the longterm The perseverance involved in learning something for just for its own sake The value of a child learning a goal that isn’t important to anyone else but them – entirely intrinsic How some kids like to learn what they share in a very encouraging way with others and a piece of the learning is in the retelling That our children’s natural learning style teaches us a lot about our own preferred way of taking in information and also the ways that aren’t natural to us How our children sharing their stories with us is a form of writing – an opportunity for them to process, self-edit and more The value of mixed ages and learning in connection with other people The abundance of skills developed through gaming – reading, numbers, online etiquette, risk-taking – and how easy they are for us to missA story of learning to read and the parental processing that went along with it Strong interests as being portals to learning so many things That our children are not learning for the purpose of performing or “checking boxes” so it’s helpful to be aware of that in how we process our thoughts and respond How learning in flow is a whole different quality of learning Practical ideas for creating a culture of deep, natural learning, including ones for parents quite new to a more self-directed style of home education Resources: 90 Minute School DayModern HomeschoolersHeroine of your StoryImportance of early years in attachment- Modern Homeschooling The Soft Skills Disconnect by Nation Soft Skills Association Honey, I’m Homeschooling the Kids podcastVirtual Kitchen Table Episode #6: The State of Flow in Learning Practical Ideas for Capturing Natural Learning if You Need to Record Keep: Stories of an Unschooling Family

Have you heard of strewing? Is it something you actively do? We really enjoyed having Kendel from @spark.to.flame.homelearning join us for a conversation about the more nuanced aspects of strewing. There was a lot more to discuss than we first imagined. We’d love if you’d have a listen! We Discuss:Keeping track of the things we’ve shared with our kids as a way of seeing the fullness of what’s happening in our lives Strewing as active, thoughtful and intentional but without attached expectations Strewing as scattering seeds and fertilizing ground – enriching the environment How terms and words can feel like they come with a set of rules Spontaneous strewing Inviting our kids into our interests as wellHow strewing can offer comfort and practicality if parents are newer to homeschooling or not using a curriculumThat strewing is both simple and complex Strewing as a fun, enjoyable practice How all parents living in connection with their kids are likely doing some form of strewing without necessarily having a name for itDigitally documenting the things we share and strew and do Strewing as something that can be shared with family just even as a way to show what we’ve been up to Strewing as connected to our children’s love languages Sharing ideas with people of all ages as a form of strewing Strewing for the purpose of connecting and sharing rather than for a learning goal Differentiating between the delight-directed learning of curating around a child’s interest to cover certain subjects versus authentically offering something with no strings attachedHow some things might be seen as objectively educational or academicSneaky or stealth learning – manipulation versus autonomy of choiceWhether there’s such a thing as a strewing “fail” and if so, how we might define that How there can be room to share our thoughts without manipulating the situation and turning things into a lesson or our own agenda Being connected and observant as a way of knowing when we might be pushing our kids beyond what they’re comfortable with That it’s helpful to remember that the world has so many opportunities rather than coming at things from a scarcity mindset Trust in us as having a lot to do with how kids feel about what we offer Not feeling absolute or time-limited about what we offer – something may be enjoyed at another time The vast difference in children’s responses and warm-up time – a “maybe” can mean completely different things from different children Creating a safe and welcoming environment for kids to join things if they are self-conscious or apprehensive – the line between being strategically supportive and manipulativeWhole family strewing Modeling being a curious person Sensory strewing! Expanding our ideas of what’s importantThat diving into a child’s interest too intensely can actually hamper it or at least hamper their willingness to share Being upfront about the time commitment and intensity of what we’re offering if it’s a bigger thing – a volunteer job or theatre opportunity, sports team and noticing when it’s something we’d like them to do because it would feel good to us What kids’ interpretation of an activity or commitment is Supporting our kids’ developing sense of self and consent Low cost strewing ideas (so many interesting things came up!)Accepting and leaning into ideas from extended family, friends and neighboursResources:Strewing: Definition and Suggestions – Sandra Dodd The Gardener and the Carpenter – Alison Gopnick What to Do When Strewing is Rejected- Stories of an Unschooling Family When Our Help and Strewing Are Rejected – Stories of an Unschooling FamilyThe Big Fib Podcast Love Languages for Children – Dr. Gary Chapman Episode 15: Homeschooling Community-Finding, Sustaining and How it Evolves – Everlearning

The time of year leading up to the conventional school year can include mixed emotions. We’re surrounded by back to school focus, fellow home educators talking about their plans and maybe even wondering how we might get to our family’s own aspirations and ideas. Please pull up a chair and listen in as we talk about moving through the fear of missing out. We Discuss: How people are talking about planning and curriculum and being ready for the beginning of the school year. It sometimes feels like we must be missing something. That so much has to do with how we perceive homeschooling and education and the way we go about that so some people‘s actual homeschool styles are going to require more planning than others. It doesn’t necessarily make them better but it’s just kind of the reality of logistics. Taking personality into consideration rather than making assumptions about homeschool styles That there isn’t one way of doing things and so just because we see people doing those things doesn’t mean that we are necessarily missing out if we don’t. It also doesn’t mean that our kids are necessarily missing out if we don’t. Adventure lists, project lists, joy lists and compiling of ideas and plans with flexibility built in Marketing in Back to School sales that promote the idea of a new and fresh start Centering of school and Back to School in kids’ books, shows and movies and how that doesn’t always resonate for homeschool families – finding our own norms Acknowledging that our kids will be missing out on things no matter what decisions we make – school or not, particular homeschool style, our particular location That it’s okay not to do “all the things” whether that’s following the Olympics or taking advantage of traditional fall activities or anything else Practical ways to work through feeling grief or uncertainty about the first day of school or various milestones like school pictures, riding in the bus, track and field. The idea of “what enough is” and looking very intentionally at how rich everyday life can be The school year as simply an extension of what you’re already doing and both the ordinary and extraordinary things you’re enjoying. Marking down the ordinary things on the calendar as a way of noting the regular abundance of our lives Taking “stock” of the content and process of our week from three perspectives: What do our children bring and initiate? What do we? What do the natural happenings of life? Is there an area we’d like to pay more attention to? Challenging common assumptions about linear or standardized learning and developmental stages Potential fear of missing out on what we had intended to bring to parenting, so actually missing out on the implementation of our own ideas Abundant family living on a budget – ways for home education to be as accessible as possible Resources: Taking a Kinder Path – 4 lists to liven up your home ed days (And keep you on track for a life you love)  Taking a Kinder Path – Joy lists: A Home Education Essential (what they are, why you should have one and how to get started) Taking a Kinder Path – Home Ed Resources – Read-aloud round-up 2021 (gorgeous gift ideas with) Taking a Kinder Path – 13 Best-Year-Yet Resources for Home-Ed Planning Taking a Kinder Path – New to home education – Your first week Life is Already Full – Moving Away from the Fear of Missing Out Are we Looking from the Perspective of a Child? A Piece of Ordinary Abundant Family Living on a Budget Episode 16: Lists or Not – How Do We and Those We Love Keep Organized? Episode 25: Self-Directed Learning Beyond Acadmics A Lifetime for Learning – Parents Don’t Need to Offer Everything Homeschooling Terms that Crept Up on Me…Confessions of an Early 2000s Homeschooling Mum

Often when self-directed learning or home education in general is discussed, the focus is on skills that are considered academic or subject-oriented such as reading, writing, mathematics, science, history and others. However, a growing number of other things such as learning to swim, skate, learn an instrument and drive a car are now assumed to need formal, paid instruction as well. Sometimes this is preferred and beneficial but could some of it be marketing or fear-based? What happens when children learn life skills or pursue interests in their own time or with support from family?  Please join us as we discuss a topic that might be of interest regardless of how or where your child is educated.  Resources: Free to Learn – Dr. Peter Gray 

The middle-age years can be a challenging time but could they be full of promise and opportunity as well? We loved having Missy Willis of Let ‘em Go Barefoot and Sue Elvis of Stories of an Unschooling Family chat with us about midlife and what the possibilities are if we approach this life stage with an unschooling mindset. Please have a look at the Resources below to link directly to Missy’s essay that inspired the conversation and Sue’s latest unschooling book which challenges us not only with our children’s unschooling but with our own perspective. We hope you’ll enjoy our discussion. Resources:  Embracing Midlife with an Unschooling Mindset – Missy Willis, Let ‘em Go Barefoot Substack  The Unschool Challenge – Sue Elvis

Episode 23: Living Authentically, Confidently and Intentionally – a Conversation About How We Show Up in Our Lives, with Teresa Wiedrick    A few months ago, Teresa Wiedrick shared her experience of her coaching work with homeschool moms and supporting women to get “out of their own way” and it struck a chord. We were so happy to have her chat with us more specifically about living authentically, confidently and intentionally and many of the common themes we might encounter. Teresa’s website, Capturing the Charmed Life,  is home to her many offerings such as blogging and coaching as well as her podcast, Homeschool Mama Self-Care. She is also the author of Homeschool Mama Self-Care: Nurturing the Nurturer. Join us around the table as we chat about this important journey!    We Discuss: The idea of “getting out of our own way” to do the things we’d like to or feel inspired to do Thoughts around our lives in the areas of authenticity, confidence and intention How this existential work can be helpful to do at various ages and life seasons for a range of people    Resources: Capturing the Charmed Life Homeschool Mama Self-care Podcast, Episode with Teresa and Erin Homeschool Mama Self-Care: Nurturing the Nurturer, Teresa’s book Virtual Kitchen Table, Episode 21: Emotional Labour  Virtual Kitchen Table, Episode 22: Does Homeschooling our Children Shape our Identity? 

Have you ever thought about your identity as a homeschool parent? We discuss our identities as home educating mothers and the role that home ed plays in how others see us, how we see ourselves and even how our children might see us and themselves. We were so pleased to welcome Brittany Acciavatti to our conversation. You can find Brittany at @britt_acciavatti on Instagram. We Discuss: What it would feel like if our child went to school as far as how we see ourselves, our role, our time? Home education and child development as an actual interest and passion The decision to home educate often being proactive rather than necessarily reactive How life transitions naturally lead us to reflect The potential invisibility of the role of homeschool parent to other people outside of the homeschool world That because it weaves throughout our lives, it sometimes doesn’t seem like a role But also … The pressure sometimes of feeling like an ambassador of the home education world Not pressuring our kids to be ambassadors or perform as a way of defending our choice to home educate or prove how wonderful it is The natural inclination to want to share things we’re excited about, particularly when they are new to us The odd dynamic of wanting to celebrate our kids without boasting about our role, or, conversely, access support for struggles without blaming ourselves - our roles are kind of woven together with our kids in the context of how schooled society sees success and failure The vast amount of personal work and learning that goes into our role, and the potential sense of loss if a child goes to school That our role changes but does not necessarily lessen as kids get into the older years The deep responsibility we feel for our children as we partner with them on this path - there is no external entity to ‘blame’ Protecting them from external assumptions and supporting them as they emerge through various stages, but also recognizing the need to carefully fade back sometimes The importance of our role - needing to be there for those deep and sensitive questions and conversations Finding time for ourselves and having our kids regularly see that - creating space for ourselves That we don’t need to take responsibility for other people’s perceptions or opinions of our roles or identities but we can be gentle with ourselves in how we manage that for ourselves Having collaborative relationships and partnerships with our children and how that can deepen in the older years Excitement for the years ahead and enjoying the collaborative process with our kids Home education as something that we choose, but for kids it is simply their life Our ego - checking ourselves and not taking it personally if our kids are not enjoying things as much as we imagine they might Protecting our identity and acknowledging our insecurity at times, remembering that our kids are coming from a different vantage point from ours as parents Resources: My Very Last First Day of “Not Back to School” - Ever Learning Unschooling Together Community

We had a really interesting conversation about the concept of ‘emotional labour,’ both in the context in which it’s being described in Emotional Labour by Rose Hackman and other writings and podcasts (see Resources), as well as our own concept and ideas about how we see it within family life. Please join us as we come to understand what the term means, how it plays out and the choices we make around it.  We Discuss:   Anticipatory grief and supporting ourselves while we’re supporting others  Holding the perspectives, thoughts and feelings of multiple people within the role of parent – all the pieces we hold at once  How we need to be compassionate with ourselves  Putting language to the familiarity of emotional labour  That emotional labour is truly work which takes skill, effort and time and this explains why we might feel tired  Emotional labour as a primary responsibility for people working in the service industry – keeping people happy  That we begin co-regulating alongside our children as infants and little ones as one of our first forms of emotional labour The tax on our systems from various personalities and neurology, including our own – it can be genuinely tiring even when we are choosing it Two layers of consideration – sometimes we have more energy than others to begin with and then we’re also accumulating energy from emotional labour that at some point needs to be discharged  Being open to the individual timing and tools each person needs and uses to move through grief  Improving our emotional skillset toward all people through parenting and home education  Moments of compensation for other people’s lack of emotional labour, whether that’s our children, spouse or others  The social cohesion that results from emotional labour  The ‘hidden’ aspect of emotional labour because so much is in our head  The additional emotional labour often involved for people who are vulnerable in someway to partake in activities – differences of power  The emotional labour involved in facilitating children’s and family social activities Consent – reflections about pushing past our own consent and that of our child’s to maintain social comfort Tending first to the person who feels the least safe or most impacted  That it’s okay for people not to be happy all the time and recognizing that we simply can’t be the fixers of all things  Tolerating an array of emotions – in our society, not all emotions are welcome and that can complicate modelling and expression Recognizing and acknowledging the emotional labour of our children and others as well  Recognizing when we are filtering or editing  the expressions of our emotions for other people –  putting other people’s emotions ahead of ours and that we can choose to do that and it’s okay, but that it does come at a cost  People having the opportunity to be on the receiving end of emotional labour as well  The high capacity for men and boys to experience and act through empathy  The social cost that sometimes happens for females when they don’t do the emotional labour that’s expected People pleasing as currency  The nuances of emotional intelligence and the ways kids develop and show it  Making a choice of how much to give and when not to put others ahead Seeing emotional labour as truly valuable, not just expected Giving ourselves grace and creating room for our own rest, time and care  Resources:   Emotional Labour – Rose Hackman  Sage Family podcast – Rachel Rainboldt Fed Up – Gemma Hartley The Powerful Purpose of Introverts – Holley Gerth

If you’ve been in the homeschooling world for long, you’ll likely have come across the word ‘deschooling’ and may understand it in the context of children having time and space to get in touch with their natural curiosity and learning. Soon enough, it becomes clear that more of the work in this area is actually for parents. We continue deschooling but this almost always plays out imperfectly. Missteps are inevitable. Join us as we discuss how our bigger picture intentions seem to still shine, and we share ideas about how we can have compassion for ourselves in the midst. We so appreciated being joined by Esther Jones of  The Unschool Space podcast and A Place on a Hill blog, which can be found along with her workshops and offerings to parents at www.esther-jones.com.  We Discuss: How deschooling is not a linear process That moments of resistance can be the learning moments  Getting curious rather than being too hard on ourselves  How deschooling perfectly is actually an oxymoron of sorts Noticing some of the places we get caught up by the physical sensations we experience Seeing external expectations as almost a third person in the relationship with our children Outer opinions and pressures pulling us back in our process  Getting comfortable with imperfection, for our kids and for us  Finding our own strategies when we’re feeling shaky about things  That having expanded our own ideas about a range of possibilities as home educating families, people might feel reassured talking to us about their own kids’ paths and choices  Being easy on ourselves about how early messaging we received runs deep and can be very disconnecting from our physical processes and inner knowing   That as parents, we might have some bits of resentment that we didn’t have the same degree of choice and acceptance in our choices that our children have All the messages that we carry into adulthood and how we can be thoughtful about how we model that for our kids  Self-compassion as being key both for ourselves and in our modelling for our kids  Our kids as a barometer to our intentions, helping us be aware of potential manipulation  Personality differences between kids and how they mirror or don’t mirror our intentions back to us  Feeling pressure to “fully deschool” and then making changes more quickly than is ideal Wrestling between one’s intuition and external information/deschooling Considering how we best live as a starting point rather than getting too attached to a particular label  That we can keep checking our responses and reactions Taking note of resistance  Understanding that everyday is a new piece of work to navigate relationship and communication; there will be disconnecting moments and opportunity for repair  The potential for us to feel frustrated toward home ed books and blogs when things aren’t turning out the way “they said it would”  That our certainty can pull us away from the vastness of possibility  How we can trust that our children have wonderful ideas, skills and knowledge to bring to a situation and actually take the pressure off ourselves a bit  That when we bump into an edge, we can stay with it as long as we need to. It’s okay to take the time to work through  The idea of saying “yes” more is not quite so straightforward and that our kids can often read when a “yes” is not an authentic one and can actually better under consent when they see some authentic “nos” modelled as well  Unravelling gently  That we can take some time to make a decision and can communicate that with our kids  That imperfections and working things through flexibly actually help our kids to be well-equipped and self-aware     Resources: Esther Jones blog, podcast and offerings  Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #14: Kids and Screens, Pondering Digital Tech From a Few Angles – Part One

Episode 19: Home Ed Labels and Jargon: Sorting Them Through   If we’ve been in the world of home education for some time, we are likely accustomed to a variety of terms that might not be familiar to others, but even then, we often interpret things differently. Join as we explore a variety of terms such as deschooling, unschooling, strewing, gameschooling, project-based learning and more and dig into what they mean to each of us.    We Discuss: What does ‘unschooling’ mean? The beauty of different terms but acknowledging their incompleteness  Unschooling as a way of life that reflects the way we interact and learn rather than a method  Acknowledging the usefulness of the term “unschooling” to help us connect with others and the information  Using a term that links to our particular situation  Who is leading? Child-led learning doesn’t mean child-run family  The need to acknowledge the power we inherently have as parents and how we discharge that power  The link between respect and responsibility  That independence doesn’t need to be forced  Potential meanings behind different terminology  Leadership and power can be good things when people aren’t grappling from a point of scarcity  ‘Big Juicy Conversations’  – Conversation as a Tool Project-Based Learning  Gameschooling – varying perspectives and various possibilities  Stealth or sneaky learning  Strewing  To what degree we are true to a particular label   Labels as having both the potential to unite or divide, include or exclude How holding tight to labels or trying to fit into a label can end up diluting the framework in some ways  The variety of ways we can look at the same word    Resources: Understanding Unschooling, Ever Learning  What is Unschooling? Part 3,  Myths and Misconceptions, Taking a Kinder Path  Unschooling – What’s in a Name?  Ever Learning Unschooling is not “Child-Led Learning,” Pam Sorooshian  Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers, Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Mate M.D. Unschooling: A Voyage of Discovery, Taking a Kinder Path The Unschool Space – Putting Relationship First Exploring Unschooling, Unschooling as a Lifestyle, Episode 251 Project-Based Homeschooling: Mentoring Self-Directed Learners,Lori Pickert My Little Poppies – Cait Curley Homeschooling Terms that Crept Up on Me … Confessions of an Early 2000s Homeschooling Mom, Ever Learning Unschooling Together Community 

Episode 18: What is Unschooling and How Does it Work?  We Discuss: The origin of the term “unschooling” as we understand it  Different paths to unschooling - our own experiences  The assumption of school as the default  Respectful/Attachment parenting as a pipeline to unschooling  Whether we use the term unschooling to describe what we’re doing  Whether home education culture has moved more toward labels Respecting children as whole people and the difficulties that can come up in school settings  Radical Unschooling - duh, duh, duh   Freedom for children and arbitrary requirements  The nice thing about being on the other end of parenting and observing how things play out That challenges and failings of systems don’t necessarily reflect the teachers and assistants who work there  How learning happens naturally all the time and we couldn’t stop it if we tried (looking at the world’s inventions and discoveries show us this)  Failing as an important part of learning and how one person’s discovery is often built upon another person’s previous one Living, learning and exploring naturally have been common to all cultures and times - it just happened to be coined by John Holt to explain the way we understand it after years of standardized schooled assumptions Whether learning needs to be painful and the ways our views have changed about that over time  The fear that children won’t learn and how learning actually happens as a by-product of life rather than learning being for learning’s sake That learning isn’t always about utility but we never know where a thread is going to lead  How coercion creates resistance and the differences between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation  The goal doesn’t need to be to learn ‘it all.’ We don’t need to stuff learning in. That gaps in learning are not only by normal, but opportunities for growth. We don’t want a standardized world - variances are needed.  The often random and changing standards of school  How this way of living really keeps us in our toes and imagining things from our kids’ perspectives  The ways autonomy leads to deep learning  An experience with a young adult identifying their own gaps and what their reaction has been. What is our responsibility as a parent?  Resources:  John Holt  Dr. Peter Gray  Taking a Kinder Path (for ourselves, our children and the world)

Episode 17: Being Intentional about the Holidays - Ideas for Thoughtful Families We’re talking about holidays and gatherings in this episode, digging into what helps families make the most of their time together! As we head into a season that can be quite full for many, we share ideas about intention, choice, communication and building in rest and open time.  We were so happy to have Pam Laricchia and Anna Brown from Living Joyfully join us to share their insight and experience. Pam and Anna have a course, Navigating Family Gatherings that, while relevant to gatherings at any time of year, might be particularly timely to many right now. You can also hear more from Pam and Anna on the Exploring Unschooling podcast, the Living Joyfully podcast, and in the Living Joyfully Network.  We Discuss: The power of being intentional  Understanding that we have a choice, even if something feels really obligatory. We can make decisions that feel more comfortable to us … “choices within choices” Being a host who helps people feel comfortable, welcomed and accommodated  Food! Most get-togethers and parties involve food so thinking through how our kids respond to different types of food, intervals between food, blood sugars, energy levels, etc Including our kids in planning conversations in whichever ways feel like a fit Absorbing any comments or difficult moments that might be directed toward our children as we’ve done some preparatory work to be well-resourced The many possibilities of what we can bring with us (books, games, toys) as options for our families and others Remembering that people want things to go well and want people to enjoy themselves - coming in with positive energy Navigating the common “homeschooling question” and ideas for doing that taking context into consideration.  How to help facilitate conversations about our kids’ interests and what they’re up to if they want to share with people  Practical ways of sharing what our homeschooling kids are up to  Possibilities for helping engage other people - kids and adults - showing interest in them and finding out more about them as well!  Building in open time and rest before, during and after the holidays and how beautiful that downtime can be … weaving the decompression throughout  Communicating with our kids about how they are feeling, what they’re anticipating, how they might feel after a holiday or event  Choice again! Playing with ideas around options when the choice isn’t feeling clear. Sometimes it might be helpful to imagine what we’d do “if” we have a choice and we may be surprised what comes up 

What is the role of lists in our lives? How do we each make lists, or not? Is list-making essential to organization or are there other ways to plan and keep intentional about things? How are our personalities and learning styles and those of our children reflected in the way we each make sense of information and understanding ideas in our lives? Is there a societal bias toward certain styles of organization and even organization itself? And could list-making be deeper and more creative than imagined? Please join us as we dive into a topic that seems practical at first glance but took us into some interesting discussion. We Discuss:   Kinds of lists – Joy, Adventure, Project  What is the relationship between the way we organize information and what helps us individually? What overwhelms us? How do we organize information if we don’t use lists? Prioritizing responsibilities to other people over our own things Hands-on lists and mental lists versus written lists “Stacking lists” The role of personality in the way we plan and keep track of things. What is our tolerance for change or a need to pivot? The link between list-making and how we individually process things – internal versus external and somewhere in between Verbal processing versus written lists The way that lists can help in an unschooling life to see new ideas as invitations That lists aren’t necessarily “to do” lists, but can also be a sort of menu Our children seeing their input as respected when it’s written down Family culture – the very different ways that each family and family member processes things The danger of lists? Too much planning, not enough action? Planning in unschooling? Sometimes there’s actually more organizational skill involved! Self-directed learning as a process that makes use many planning tools How a loosely held list can be a sort of “living document” “Planning for personalities” in our families Societal biases toward certain styles of planning Planning and lists for self-care List-making as a recipe for disappointment depending on how we see it. How do we remain forward-thinking and plan for our kids and also let go of the outcome? Could a list be seen as brainstorming? Lists as ways to be helpful and pass on information to other people “Not to do” lists as an idea! Resources  Joy Lists: A Home Education Essential – Taking a Kinder Path The Four Tendencies Gretchen Rubin How Do Unschoolers Plan and Record Learning? Happiness is Here Self-Soothing checklists – Taking a Kinder Path

Homeschool communities and groups – Do we need to join one? Should we start one? How do we consider changes to both communities and our family over time? We were so grateful to have Kendel from @spark.to.flame.homelearning on Instagram to share her insight and experience with facilitating a local home ed group with us as we discussed each of our own thoughts and experiences. We invite you to join in for a listen!   We Discuss: Homeschool community as a help to confidently beginning the home ed journey, although not a necessity New families who began to homeschool during the pandemic – accepted or not into pre-pandemic groups? Navigating the choices (co-ops, forest schools, field trips, lessons, get-togethers with families) Being welcomed as pivotal to our overall feeling about home education  Moving away from the “right” answer for a homeschool group because families, communities and needs evolve  Children developing friendships based on what we’d like in our lives in a similar way that adults do  The unique bonding that can develop over time between homeschool peers, possibly because of such a degree of open time together  Children being valued by other kids because they are seen as being so valued by their parents.  Joining a community as a way of giving shape to the week  Differences between the dynamics of the groups  The challenges among families and organizers of operating by consensus (even though it is still ultimately positive!)  Whether we cling to homeschool connections!  How open or not to keep our communities? The potential for exclusion and at the same time, for pushing children to include beyond what they are comfortable with  Forest schools, parent-led and facilitator-led Shared ideas of what to do when children have different needs or preferences of going to a group event  Really letting children have their feelings about whether or not they want to be there and finding ways to make a special or comfortable aspect for them  Having first hand experiences at a young age of navigating and working things out creatively  Discussing ahead of time, being honest about how everyone is feeling How kids having their emotions validated helps them learn so much about themselves  No set outcomes and relinquishing control  Not “punishing” kids for having a good time in the sense of saying “I told you so” Being clear with ourselves about what we are looking to get out of homeschool community  Moving away from the expectation of a homeschool community utopia  The hope for more homeschool families over time  And more … !   Resources: Spark To Flame Homelearning Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #3: Choice in Education, Living and Learning in Community  Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #13: Socialization and Homeschooling, Exploring it from Different Angles  Kiki and the Wildlings Instagram  Home Educating Wildlings

Conversation continued from Part One … here Screen time is a big topic. The world has become increasingly digital and parents are trying to make caring and thoughtful decisions amidst many sources of advice, often contrary to one another. This is the first part of our conversation, thinking through and pondering our own experiences and we would love you to join us! We were thrilled to be joined at the “table” by Missy Willis of the podcast and blog Let ‘em Go Barefoot. Missy is a long-time unschooling parent, a former special education teacher and now the co-author of Life Unschooled, A Guide to Living and Learning Without School. She has a wealth of experience and wisdom that she humbly and helpfully shares. Enjoy!    We Discuss: Can gaming in fact strengthen cognitive processes? How being in a place of joy or flow can really accelerate learning and integrate learning Using gaming as a way to check out or cope with something deeper – when it can it be helpful  That it’s easier for kids to be open if they are experiencing something uncomfortable or overloading related to technology if they feel they will still have choices  Big emotions – could games be an opportunity to practice those and feel those out in a safe space? But maybe dysregulating at times for other kids? The feedback loop that naturally happens when kids get to practice their “big feelings” and find out what is tolerated by other kids or peers and what important learning that is  Young children and screens – what do we think? How children’s TV can actually be a springboard to all sorts of other activity, learning and creativity  Bringing in technology as a tool in uncomfortable and sensory overloading situations, noting societal judgement about that Neurodivergence and screens – tapping into various ways of looking at things  That we can bring in more joy and connection and leaning toward what our kids are into rather than going straight to taking away The polarity that is sometimes drawn between outdoor time and technology  The importance and beauty of human connection and sensory input for young children and how they are likely to naturally seek those out, hopefully with parents present and undistracted Social media, peers and teens  – the relevance of relationships to family established in earlier years to draw back to  The feeling of wanting to reel things back in through control as parents and what we might do instead Being on the “same side” as our kids and figuring out the challenges of social media  Time. 🙂 We can slow down and think it through    Resources: Let ‘em Go Barefoot podcast, blog and community – Missy Willis Psychology Today, Peter Gray article  Stories of an Unschooling Family article by Sue Elvis A Hunter-Gatherer’s Guide to the 21st Century; Evolution and the Challenges of Human Life, Heather Heying and Bret Weinstein Hold Onto Your Kids: Why Parents Need  to Matter More Than Peers – Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate  Dr. Gabor Mate article, excerpt from A Postscript from the Digital Age, The Digital Revolution Bent out of Shape     * Photo by Missy Willis

Our conversation … (listen to Part Two here) Screen time is a big topic. The world has become increasingly digital and parents are trying to make caring and thoughtful decisions amidst many sources of advice, often contrary to one another. This is the first part of our conversation, thinking through and pondering our own experiences and we would love you to join us! We were thrilled to be joined at the “table” by Missy Willis of the podcast and blog Let ‘em Go Barefoot. Missy is a long-time unschooling parent, a former special education teacher and now the co-author of Life Unschooled, A Guide to Living and Learning Without School. She has a wealth of experience and wisdom that she humbly and helpfully shares. Enjoy!    We Discuss: How this conversation is a learning opportunity for all of us  The “shift” that has happened in a relatively short time in relation to concerns about screens/digital tech and the growing  sources of information and opinion, often contrary to one another.  How “unlimited screens” are often associated with radical unschooling, but not that many years ago, families of various kinds seem to have been less rule-oriented in relation to technology  That it’s okay to be wondering and thinking through how things are working for our families  How using something as a treat, reward or seeing it as a “forbidden fruit” can create a sort of a drive toward it  Joining our children – taking the opportunity to try out being in their world and seeing more of what they’re into  We can let our child know we need a bit of time to understand better before making a decision, reflect a bit more, be honest that we don’t always have the answers – in this way we show humility  How having some really open time and space to do something is the only real way  for kids to learn more about themselves and the limits and conditions that work for them  The potential loss of connection with older generations when kids dive more deeply into technology  An abundance mindset rather than a scarcity one, allowing children to really be generous and flexible in sharing common devices or making some compromises to their time.  How communicating and problem-solving together rather than having a standard rule not only takes more effort and leads to developing greater skill for the parent, but for the child too.  Grace. Remembering that we are all trying our best, working together and navigating things as we can    Resources: Letemgobarefoot Instagram  Game On! : Missy Willis, Let ‘ Em Go Barefoot What Worries Me About Fortnite (and 9 Reasons Not to Limit Children’s ‘Screentime.’ : Hayley, Taking a Kinder Path * Photo by Missy Willis