Episode 3: Practicing Non-retaliation

"Hatred never ceased by hatred, but only by love. This is an eternal truth."  --Buddha

This episode explores how we can respond to harm with love and compassion. The power to not retaliate when someone appears to harm us is most extraordinary mind! This power of non-retaliation can be generated in the following ways:

1. Develop compassion for the person appearing to harm us. This person is controlled by their delusions (uncontrolled minds like anger, attachment, jealousy, pride). We can also think, "this person is harming themselves also by creating the karma to suffer in the future by harming us." This person is suffering now and in the future.

2. We can also cool the wish to retaliate by realizing that the source of our pain comes from our own delusions (uncontrolled mind) and that no one has the power to take away our happiness. This person harming us is merely an instrument delivering our own bad karma to us.

Some everyday ways that we respond to harm by retaliating are responding with annoyance, saying "no" to their small requests for help, or just not liking them. Not liking someone can be so very painful to them!

To learn not to retaliate we can contemplate the person with compassion, and generate a wish to respond with kindness or gentleness. We can even plan our new response in advance. the meditation called "Exchanging Self with Others" is a really powerful way to help you do this.

Meditation 2: Exchanging Self with Others

The meditation called "Exchanging Self with Others" guides you to walk a mile in their shoes!

Step 1. Choose someone that causes you some harm or pain

Step 2. Imagine that your consciousness leaves your body and enters the body of the other person.

Step 3. First, simply imagine the world through their eyes. Imagine a day in their life and try to feel what they feel and see what they see. 

Step 4. Observe what causes them pain. Then observe what makes them happy.

Step 5. View yourself through their eyes. What do you do that causes them pain? What could you do that would bring them happiness or relief?

Step 6. Feel a wish for them to not suffer from anything that you do. Develop a wish to respond to them in one of the kind ways you imagined. 

Practice in Daily Life

Determine to not retaliate to this person this week, but instead to be kind to them in the ways you imagined. Try this mindfully for a week, but ideally non-retaliation for this person will stick. It is so freeing!