Episode 3: The importance of engaging in your own treatment To Readers My very first visit What happened during my first appointment My second first visit The key to treatment: me How to find a good psychiatrist

Psychiatric treatment ultimately depends on one's own agency. The same can be said of other forms of treatment, but mental health care tends to be more effective the more actively the patient engages with it. *The series is based on the real-life experience of Kim Nam-young, a JoongAng Ilbo reporter currently living with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The following articles are written from Kim's first-person perspective. I have PTSD. Itaewon is a well-known nightlife district in Yongsan District, central Seoul, and a popular spot for Halloween celebrations because of its diverse international culture. The disaster occurred during the first Halloween season after social distancing restrictions imposed during the Covid-19 pandemic had been lifted. Large crowds gathered in the area to celebrate. As more and more people poured into the neighborhood, the crowd became dangerously packed. The situation eventually led to a crowd crush in a narrow alley, amid a lack of effective crowd-control measures, leaving some 350 people dead or injured, including 159 fatalities. As a reporter on the social affairs desk, I covered the Itaewon disaster on Oct. 29, 2022. Since November of the following year, I have been receiving treatment regularly. I attend psychiatric counseling sessions and take medication every day. I am only revealing the illness now, more than two years later, not because I have overcome it. This is not a story about recovery, but a record of living through the illness. To be honest, I still do not know when, or if, I will overcome it. Instead, I want to talk about the time I have spent living alongside PTSD. Even now, I continue to work as a policy and social affairs reporter while exercising, traveling and going on with daily life. If someone is hesitant to see a doctor, I hope this piece helps. I also hope we can become a society where people do not feel forced to hide emotional pain and trauma. There is a chill in the waiting room. The psychiatrist sits expressionless, listening — at least in my eyes — half-heartedly to what I have to say. I leave the doctor's office holding a mysterious prescription with little explanation. This is what I imagined before I ever stepped inside a psychiatric clinic. The reality, however, was the complete opposite. It was far warmer than I expected, and the doctor listened carefully to what I said. The explanation about the medication was so kind and easy to understand that I could have repeated it word for word to someone else. My first psychiatric visit was on Nov. 9, 2022 — a turning point in my life. The visit was for my PTSD from covering the Oct. 29 Itaewon disaster the same year. Psychiatric treatment ultimately depends on one's own agency. The same can be said of other forms of treatment, but mental health care tends to be more effective the more actively the patient engages with it. That does not mean I was willingly active from the start. During my initial consultation, I underwent numerous tests, such as a heart rate variability (HRV) test, the Beck Depression Inventory, and the Beck Anxiety Inventory. These tests are widely used to objectively and scientifically assess levels of stress, depression and anxiety. I think I received those tests on the first day of my visit because I had already explained that I was seeking treatment because of the Itaewon disaster. The HRV test involved attaching clip-like sensors to my hands to measure my autonomic nervous system and heart activity. This is done because PTSD disrupts the balance of one's autonomic nervous system. The body continues reacting as if it is still in danger. My HRV test reflected exactly that. My sympathetic nervous system was excessively activated. The results of the depression and anxiety tests were not much different. After the tests, I sat down with a psychiatrist to review the results. I was asked questions like why I had come and what symptoms I had been experiencing. I explained that I worked as a r...