Episode 31 - When You Lose Yourself Trying to Be Liked

https://realpositivechange.com When You Lose Yourself Trying to Be Liked Intro: Have you ever walked away from a conversation and thought… “Why did I say that?” “Why didn’t I just say what I really felt?” “Why do I always do that?” Or maybe you find yourself saying yes… when you really mean no. Agreeing… when you actually feel something different. Not because you don’t have thoughts or opinions— but because you don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable… or unhappy with you. It’s exhausting to be the person that everyone wants you to be… trying not to offend anyone… adjusting yourself so everyone else feels comfortable… being what you think will make them happy. Today, I want to talk about something many women experience over time… How trying to be liked… can slowly lead to losing touch with who you really are. And how to gently find your way back.   Segment 1: Is this actually true? Is it true that trying to keep everyone happy can cause you to lose yourself? Yes—but not all at once. It happens quietly. Little by little. You adjust your words. You soften your opinions. You avoid tension. You prioritize everyone else’s comfort. And over time, you stop asking yourself: “What do I actually think?” “What do I actually feel?” “What do I actually want?”   Segment 2: Why do we do this? Most of the time, this comes from a good place. You care about people. You value connection. You want peace in your relationships. But underneath that… there can be a deeper belief: “If everyone is happy with me… then I’m okay.” So your mind begins to link: approval = safety disapproval = discomfort And without even realizing it, you begin shaping yourself around that.   Segment 3: What does losing yourself look like? It doesn’t mean you disappear. It looks more like: second-guessing yourself feeling unsure of your opinions going along with things that don’t feel quite right feeling a quiet frustration you can’t fully explain Because part of you knows: “This isn’t completely me.”   Segment 4: The shift back to yourself Finding your way back doesn’t mean becoming harsh or uncaring. It means becoming honest… in a gentle way. It starts with awareness: “What do I actually feel right now?” “What would I say if I wasn’t worried about how this would be received?” Not that you always say it out loud… But you begin by telling the truth to yourself.   Segment 5: Art can help bring you out of this cycle And this is where art becomes so powerful. Because when you sit down to create… you start to see the pattern show up right there on the page. You gather your materials… you’re ready to begin… and then a thought slips in: “I wonder what I should make that others will like…” And I want you to notice that. That right there… is the same pattern. You’re still in performance mode. You’re still thinking about someone else’s reaction. You’re still adjusting yourself—even in a space that was meant just for you. So let me ask you something gently… What if, just for a moment… you didn’t have to be liked here? What if no one was going to see this? What if there was nothing to get right? Because when you create from the place of “Will this be good enough?” or “Will someone like this?” You’re not actually expressing yourself… You’re managing perception. And that is exhausting.   But something shifts when you begin to step out of that. Not perfectly… just a small step. You pause… you notice the thought… “I’m trying to make something someone would approve of.” And instead of following it… you gently set it down. And you ask yourself: “What do I feel like choosing right now?” Not what looks best. Not what makes sense. Not what someone else would like. Just… what are you drawn to?   Maybe you reach for a color you didn’t plan on. Maybe you tear paper instead of placing it perfectly. Maybe you write a word that feels honest—even if it’s messy. And in that moment, something important is happening. You’re not trying to be liked. You’re not adjusting. You’re not performing. You’re simply responding to what’s inside of you.   And I want you to hear this clearly… That might feel uncomfortable at first. Because if you’re used to being aware of everyone else… turning inward can feel unfamiliar. You might even feel a little exposed… even though no one is watching. That’s how deep this pattern can run.   But if you stay with it… just for a few minutes… you may start to feel a shift. A quiet one. Where your shoulders soften. Your thoughts slow down. And your choices begin to feel more like… you. Not the version of you shaped for everyone else. But the real you.   And this is why art matters. Because it gives you a place to practice being yourself again. Without pressure. Without expectation. Without needing a reaction. Just you… creating something that reflects what’s true for you.   Segment 6: You’re Not for Everyone (and that’s okay) I want to share something that might feel a little uncomfortable… but also really freeing. You’re not for everyone. And I’ll be honest… even saying that out loud has been a journey for me, because I’m a reformed people pleaser. For a long time, I thought: “If I can just say things the right way… if I can just be careful enough… if I can just not offend anyone…” Then everything would feel peaceful. But what I started to realize was this… When I stayed small… when I watered myself down… when I held back parts of who I was in the name of keeping everyone comfortable… I wasn’t just avoiding disconnection. I was also missing real connection. Because yes… maybe you won’t offend anyone… But you also won’t truly connect with anyone either.   Connection doesn’t come from being perfectly agreeable. It comes from being real. From letting people actually see you. And that means not everyone is going to resonate with you. Not everyone is going to understand you. And sometimes… someone might even feel hurt.   Now I want to be clear… I’m not saying it’s okay to be careless or intentionally hurtful. But there is a difference between: being hurtful… and someone feeling hurt. If your intention is honest… if your heart is not to harm… and someone still feels hurt… it may be because something inside of them was already tender. Something your words touched. And that’s not something you can always control.   And this connects right back to your art. Because when you create… you practice showing up without adjusting. Without filtering. Without asking: “Will everyone like this?” You simply ask: “Is this true for me?”   And the more you practice that in your art… the more it carries into your life. You begin to speak a little more honestly. Show up a little more fully. Connect a little more deeply. Not with everyone… But with the right people.   Segment 7: A simple practice Here’s something simple you can try: Sit down with a few materials. Before you begin, ask yourself: “What have I been holding in?” or “What feels true for me right now?” Then create something that reflects that. No fixing. No explaining. No making it pretty. Just let it be yours.   Closing: You don’t lose yourself overnight. And you don’t find yourself overnight either. But every time you choose to turn inward… every time you allow yourself to express something honestly… you come back to yourself, little by little.   Outro: So today, give yourself permission to create something that reflects you. Not what anyone else would expect. Not what anyone else would like. Just you. Because the more you create from that place… the more you begin to remember who you are.