Leave Them, Love Them, Let Them (When There’s A Fly In Your Proverbial New Years Ointment)

Your ex texted. Your problematic aunt wants to reconnect. That person from 13 years ago just slid into your DMs with a “Hey beautiful!”You didn’t manifest this. Your brain just smelled cinnamon and went feral.Here’s what’s actually happening: during the holidays, your hippocampus (your brain’s memory organizer) and your amygdala (your emotional threat detector) start overlapping in ways that make old relationships feel safer than they actually were. Your brain literally lowers its critical thinking filters when nostalgia kicks in.The warm, fuzzy memories you’re feeling? They’re not reality. They’re your brain’s default mode network triggering selective memory. You’re forgetting what jerks they were and remembering only the cozy parts because familiarity feels safer than uncertainty.But familiar doesn’t mean healthy.Your nervous system prefers known terrain, even when that terrain hurt you. It’s the “devil you know” principle, wrapped in sugar plum fairy dust.Three Steps to Protect Your Peace1. Name what’s happening in your bodyIs your chest tight? Your stomach heavy? Naming the sensation shifts activity from your threat-response amygdala to your decision-making prefrontal cortex. Your body knows before your brain starts making excuses.2. Separate memory from realityAsk yourself: Am I reacting to who they are today, or who they used to be to me? This breaks emotional time travel and restores your adult perspective. It interrupts old attachment loops.3. Reclaim power with one questionWhat version of myself am I responsible for protecting now? Not what’s kind, not what’s fair. Who do you become if you let them back in? That question alone is discernment, not avoidance.The Real GiftLetting someone stay in the past doesn’t mean you’re cold. It means your nervous system has matured. You can forgive without re-inviting, because healing doesn’t require access.Some people are like old apps. They made sense at the time, but now they just drain your battery and slow everything down.Not everyone who reappears is meant to re-enter. Some are just reminders of how far you’ve actually come.What old pattern are you choosing to leave in 2025 instead of carrying into the new year?Happy New Year from Stephanie and Yoshie! Here’s to stepping into 2026 with clearer boundaries, wiser choices, and a nervous system that knows its worth. We’ll see you next week for our first episode of the new year with a special guest.