The Raw Onion Podcast

About Our GuestSarosh Iqbal is the founder of Prezio. She transitioned from a career in Silicon Valley into building a brand rooted in personalization and meaning. Her journey has been one of resilience: navigating uncertainty, redefining success, and trusting herself through the process.Website: prezio.giftsInstagram: @prezio.giftsLinkedIn: Sarosh IqbalThere is a particular kind of weight that arrives without announcing itself. Not because everything is wrong, but because everything has been held together, carefully, for a very long time. By the rules of the household you grew up in. By the definition of success that was handed to you before you were old enough to ask whether you wanted it. By the version of yourself that learned, somewhere early, that staying within the lines was the price of belonging.That weight is what we wanted to start with this month.May is our series on resilience, and before we get into what it looks like in practice, we want to name what it is not. It is not toughness. It is not pushing through. From a neuroscience perspective, resilience is your nervous system’s ability to return to itself after stress, uncertainty, or fear, without losing your capacity to think clearly and stay connected to who you are.The brain does not distinguish cleanly between physical danger and social risk. Disappointing your family, stepping outside your culture’s definition of what a woman should want, choosing a path that doesn’t match the one mapped for you before you were old enough to choose, these register neurologically as threat. Which means that every time a woman chooses ambition or independence, something in the nervous system is already bracing. Not because she is broken. Because her brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do.To open our May series, we sat down with Sarosh Iqbal, founder of Prezio. Sarosh grew up in Pakistan, in a household that offered her every opportunity it could, and with it, a very clear script: get the grades, get the degree, fit into the career. She followed it, all the way to a corporate career in Silicon Valley. When that chapter ended, she built Prezio, a personalized gifting company rooted in creativity and meaning. What that transition looked like in the body, and what it cost, is at the heart of this conversation.What she describes is not clean or linear. She was building something new while raising three children, while fielding the opinions of a community that had its own definition of how a good mother spends her time. The guilt was real. The fear of rejection from the people she loved most was real. And that particular fear lands differently in the body than professional rejection, because family is where the nervous system first learned what belonging means.We also spent time in this episode on the space between shame and guilt, on what happens when a woman’s worth gets tied entirely to her roles, and on what it costs to want something beyond them. And near the end, there is a moment Sarosh shares about her ten-year-old son that quietly holds the whole conversation together.This is what resilience looks like when it is not performing itself.If something in this episode landed close to home and you find yourself wanting support in working through what it is touching, reach out to us at [email protected] Ohanesian is the founder and owner of Triage Coaching and Consulting, a practice focused on burnout regulation through ancestral lineage and heritage-informed approaches.She works with high-performing individuals and teams to interrupt stress patterns that lead to burnout, strengthen communication under pressure, and cultivate cultures grounded in clarity, energy, confidence, and sustainable performance.Her offerings include one-on-one coaching, group programs, and upcoming retreats.Yoshie Barnett is the founder of Lotus Flower Journeys and a Crossroads Coach. She supports high-achieving women in their 40s and beyond who find themselves at a turning point, often held back by perfectionism, and ready to reconnect with who they truly are.If you appear confident on the outside but feel quietly stuck within, you can learn more or connect with her at lotusflowerjourneys.com. Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

Some conversations are soft in tone but heavy in meaning. This one settles differently.In Episode 20 of The Raw Onion, we explore the neuroscience of the aging brain. we look at it not just as biology, but as a deeply human experience that can leave us feeling confused, tender, and even heartbroken.You know that ache when someone you love starts repeating stories, snaps in a way that doesn’t feel like them, or looks at you with eyes that seem unfamiliar? It’s more than concern. It hurts. If you’re in midlife, squeezed between raising your family and supporting aging parents or relatives, you’re likely carrying this every day. That’s the sandwich generation reality, a crossroads where your heart pulls in two directions at once. Most people in the middle don’t have language for it yet.Stephanie unpacks the neuroscience behind the prefrontal cortex, amygdala, and hippocampus. She shares why nuance fades, reactions quicken, and emotions feel more fragile. Her uncle story stays with you. A simple offer of help with chopsticks read as a threat to his identity and independence.Then she names it: ambiguous loss. The grief of loving someone still physically here, but changing in ways that feel out of reach. No closure, no clear ending. Just this tender, ongoing tension between who they were and who they are now.Because care shows up in simple ways too, Stephanie mentions making raw vegan walnut taco meat for her aging parents. Walnuts support brain health with omega-3s, and it's an easy way to nourish without fanfare.If any of this feels close, this episode has something for you. It’s about compassion, adaptation, and what it means to keep loving people as they change.Stephanie Ohanesian is the founder and owner of Triage Coaching and Consulting, an ancestral lineage and heritage burnout regulation company. She helps high-performing individuals and teams reset stress patterns that drive burnout loops, improve communication under pressure, and build cultures of restored clarity, energy, confidence and sustainable performance. She specializes in one-on-one, group, and upcoming retreats.Yoshie Barnett is the founder of Lotus Flower Journeys and a Crossroads Coach. She works with high-achieving women in their 40s and beyond who are standing at a crossroads, held back by perfectionism, and ready to find their way back to themselves.If you are someone who looks capable on the outside and feels quietly stuck on the inside, you can reach her at lotusflowerjourneys.com. Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

Dr. Stephanie P. Covall, PhD, MA, NBC-HWC, holds a doctorate in neuroscience and a Master of Arts in psychology, alongside certifications in coaching and integrative health. She works at the intersection of brain science, nutrition, and behavior change, guiding clients toward sustainable health transformations through an evidence-based, whole-person approach. Her practice, Realize Better Health, is built on one grounding idea: that lasting change comes not from overhauling your life, but from understanding it.She was exactly the right person for this conversation.Something shifts in midlife. Most of us feel it before we have words for it.Sleep becomes unreliable. The things that used to recharge you don’t land the same way. Your weight, your energy, your memory, your mood. Something just... moved. And the fear that follows that noticing can be louder than the change itself.This episode sits with that.We call it the Great Neural Recalibration. Your brain at midlife is not breaking down. It is reorganizing. It is changing how it processes reward, stress, and meaning. The burnout, the emotional shifts, the fog, the sense that what used to work no longer fits. These are not signs that something has gone wrong. They are signs that your brain is doing something real.We covered a lot of ground with Dr. Covall in this conversation. The relationship between what we eat and how the brain functions. Why sleep is not a productivity tool but something the body genuinely requires. Why the strategies that worked for years can quietly stop working. And the one that surprised us most: what loneliness does in the body, and how many people in this phase are experiencing it without naming it.Midlife is not the chapter where things fall apart. It is the chapter where your brain begins to let go of urgency and move toward something more discerning. Different cultures have understood this for a long time. We are just catching up to it.If you recognize yourself in any of this, Dr. Covall works directly with people navigating exactly this terrain. You can reach her at [email protected] or visit RealizeBetterHealth.com for a free discovery call.And if the emotional or identity side of this recalibration is where you’re sitting, we’re here too. You’re welcome to reach out.This is Part 3 in our April aging brain series. Next week, we continue.You don’t have to figure this out alone. Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

Sierra Abler is a doctoral candidate pursuing her Doctor of Education in Applied Leadership, the founder and CEO of Innovative Leadership, and the host of the Confidence Compass podcast. A farmer’s wife and mom of two boys with a third on the way, Sierra works primarily with educators and teachers, helping people recognize and expand the leadership skills they already carry rather than starting from scratch.At 27, she brings both academic grounding and real-time lived experience to this conversation. She is someone who is actively navigating a doctoral program, a growing business, a farm, and a full family life simultaneously, which makes her perspective on the early adult brain not just informed, but immediate.The decade when you were supposed to have it all figured out was actually the decade your brain was least equipped to do so.We don’t say this to excuse anything. We say it because it changes the story you might still be carrying about who you were then, and why.This episode is part of our Aging Brain Series, and we’re moving into the early adult brain, roughly the 20s through mid-30s. We sat down with Sierra, and what unfolded was a conversation that landed far beyond any single age group.The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for planning, impulse control, and identity integration, doesn’t fully mature until around 25. But the expectation of having it together often arrives years before that. That gap between what the brain is capable of and what we demand of it is where a lot of quiet shame lives, and it doesn’t always dissolve just because the years pass.Sierra brings a scaffold analogy to this conversation that stays with you. The idea that the first 18 years lay the outer frame, and everything after is the interior work. Adding rooms, knocking down walls, making space for what actually matters now. It’s a simple image, and it holds something true about how identity doesn’t form once and settle. It keeps building. It keeps revising.What we found ourselves circling in this episode is the tension between expansion and pressure that so many people feel when they’re in the thick of this phase, and how easily that tension gets mislabeled as personal failure rather than recognized as the natural friction of a brain doing its developmental work.For our listeners who are further along in life, this episode offers something different: a chance to look back at that chapter with less judgment. To recognize that the version of you who felt scattered, or didn’t know what she wanted, or made choices that didn’t hold, wasn’t failing. She was wiring.We’re curious: when you look back at your early adult years, is there something you would offer that younger version of yourself, if she could hear it now?And if any of this is stirring something current for you, about where you are now, patterns that still feel active, or identity questions that feel unresolved, we’re always open to hearing from you. You can reach us at [email protected]. Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

Dr. Punam V. Saxena is a TEDx and SXSW speaker, two-time author, and advocate with over 35 years of work in equity and education. A second-generation Indian American who grew up as the only Indian family in rural Georgia, she speaks on cultural bias, the Model Minority Stereotype, parent engagement, and empowering South Asian women’s voices in leadership. Her signature TEDx talk, The Key to Enhancing Student Success, explores the minority experience of growing up as “other.”We are opening a new series on The Raw Onion, and it begins where so much of what we carry as adults actually begins.With the young brain.Not because this episode is only for parents. But because every single one of us was once a child in a system, a home, a culture, that was either building us up or quietly chipping away at something essential.And most of us never had the conversation we needed about what was actually happening.This episode is that conversation.Dr. Saxena spent her early years being tested for a gifted program twice and not passing, not because she was not brilliant, but because the assessments were built around a language and culture that was not hers. She describes losing 25 years of her life to what that moment took from her. That experience became the foundation of 35 years of advocacy, and it is the thread running through everything she shares here.What she brings to this episode is not a framework or a method. It is honesty. The kind that makes you pause and think about the child you were, the adults who surrounded you, and what was quietly being encoded in that developing brain before you ever had words for it.We explore what the education system was built for, and who it was not built for. We sit with the concept of a secure base, the one relationship, the one presence, where a child can simply exist without performing. We talk about selective cultural identity and what children silently choose to carry forward. We talk about legacy, presence, and what it actually means to show up for a young mind in a world moving faster than any prior generation.Stephanie‘s work at Triage Coaching and Consulting focuses on inherited generational stress and the neuroscience of how family patterns shape our nervous systems across generations.If you are in your 40s or beyond and something in your life no longer fits the way it once did, Yoshie works with women navigating exactly that. Visit Lotus Flower Journeys to learn more. Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

There is a new version of intelligence circulating right now.It sounds sharp. It sounds informed. It sounds like someone who has been paying attention.It is well-articulated hopelessness.And most of us, at some point in the last few years, have either performed it or quietly believed it.In this final episode of the Discernment in the Age of Chaos series, we go somewhere that feels almost countercultural to say out loud right now. We talk about hope. Not the soft kind. Not the kind that asks you to look away from what is real. The kind the nervous system actually has to be trained toward, because the brain left to its own devices in a chaotic environment will choose something else entirely.That is where the neuroscience comes in.This episode closes out a month of looking at what it means to stay grounded when everything around us is designed to pull us under. Discernment. Emotional contagion. Nervous system overwhelm. And now, at the end of it: the question we think matters most.Not “is the world okay?”But who do you become in a world that isn’t?If something from this series has stayed with you, we would love to hear what it was.Where in your life right now are you reacting to what is happening, rather than participating in it?Burnout isn’t always about work.Sometimes the stress response you’re running didn’t start with you.Stephanie works with high-performing individuals and teams to understand what is actually driving the loop, and reset it at the level where it began. Neuroscience-based, practical, and built for people who have already tried everything else. Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

For the first time in human history, we are living inside a global nervous system. Not as a metaphor. Literally.And for those of us in this community, there is something worth sitting with: we are among the last people who will ever have known life before that was true. We grew up with downtime built into the day by default. Evenings that ended. A world that existed mostly within a radius we could actually see.That is not nostalgia. That is neuroscience.The human nervous system was shaped over hundreds of thousands of years to process the emotional signals of a small, contained world. That same system now wakes up every morning and immediately begins processing the emotional temperature of millions.In Episode 15, we go deep on what it actually means to maintain psychological sovereignty inside an environment that was not designed with your wellbeing in mind. We explore what the brain is actually doing when the noise of the world gets loud, and why so many of us feel depleted in ways that are hard to name.What we hope you take from this one is not a to-do list. It is a different relationship with what is happening inside you. Understanding that your system is overwhelmed is not the same as something being wrong with you.This is the third episode in our March series, Discernment in the Age of Chaos. If something here resonates, we would love to hear from you in the comments. Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

Emotional ContagionStephanie opens this episode with one question.Not a framework. Not a breathing exercise. Just a question she wants you to sit with before anything else.Right now, in this exact moment, are you actually anxious? Or are you carrying anxiety that doesn’t even belong to you?It sounds simple. But the answer, and the science behind it, might shift something.Here’s what’s actually happening in your bodyYour nervous system was never a closed system. It was built to scan, sync, and absorb the emotional signals of the people around you. Before your conscious mind catches up. Before you even realize it’s happening.Stephanie breaks down the three biological mechanisms behind this, and once you hear them, you will start seeing them everywhere. In the room you just walked into. In the conversation that left you feeling off. In the seven minutes you spent scrolling before you got out of bed.The part that lands hardest: historically, emotional contagion moved through small groups. Families. Villages. Maybe a few dozen people. Today, your nervous system is absorbing the emotional signals of thousands of people before noon, fed to you by algorithms specifically designed to surface whatever creates the strongest reaction.Your nervous system was built for a village. Not for eight billion people’s fears.And then there’s what happens inside familiesChildren don’t pick up stress through words. They pick it up through nervous systems. Tone. Breath. The tension in a room before anyone says a thing. Stephanie goes into what this means for how emotional patterns move across generations, and it’s one of the more quietly affecting parts of this conversation.What this episode is really askingIt’s not asking you to disconnect or look away from what’s happening in the world. The conversation is more honest than that.It’s asking whether you can tell the difference between anxiety that belongs to your actual life, and anxiety that belongs to the emotional climate around you. That distinction, it turns out, is where clarity starts.We close with something Stephanie said that has stayed with us:If you have never allowed yourself to build your inner world, you will not survive the change of the outer world.Not a warning. An opening.This one is worth the listen.We’d love to know: when you actually pause and ask yourself that question, what do you notice? Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

Something happened to Stephanie recently that opened this whole conversation.She was helping her mom out of a building. Blinkers on. Gone in under a minute. By the time she turned around, a stranger was photographing her license plate, shaking, then screaming, then in tears.It was not about the car.We have all felt it lately. Conversations that turn sharp fast. Small moments carrying weight they shouldn’t. Everyone just one thing away from the edge.So we had to ask: why does everything feel like an emergency right now?Your brain was not built for 24/7 global threat exposure.For most of human history, threats were local. Your nervous system would activate, you would respond, and then you would recover. The stress cycle completed. Today, that loop never closes.Layer in something that is not being talked about enough right now: collective betrayal. Not just disappointment. Betrayal is what happens when a source of perceived safety becomes a source of threat. Your brain, which runs on prediction, experiences that as a full internal alarm. All at once.And your negativity bias, your attention being hijacked by outrage and breaking news? That is not a flaw. It is ancient survival wiring being deliberately exploited.Many of us are living in partial activation. Not panicking, not at rest. Just simmering. Cortisol running with nowhere to go. Irritable. Fatigued. Low-grade hopeless.That is not weakness. That is a nervous system that has been fed urgency until it cannot tell the difference anymore.This series is about discernment. Not looking away, but developing the filter that the world is actively working against.It starts with one question:What are you consuming that your nervous system is experiencing as a threat?And what would shift, automatically, if clarity guided your attention instead of urgency?Next week, in Part 2, we turn toward a tender possibility: that some of what you are carrying right now may not even be yours.Subscribe so you don’t miss Part 2.What is one thing your system is treating as a threat that might not need to be? Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

About Our GuestGiGi Hahl is an Empowerment Coach, public speaker, and Master NLP Practitioner passionate about helping people unlock their inner power and live with intention. Her work combines mindset coaching, leadership development, and embodied movement to help individuals build confidence, clarity, and meaningful forward momentum.We have been sitting with horse energy all month. The freeze, the place where the nervous system shuts down not out of weakness but out of overwhelm. The thaw, the slow return to feeling and choice. And now, finally, the run.Not the run as urgency or performance. Not proving anything to anyone. The run as something quieter: movement that comes from actually knowing yourself well enough to trust what you feel.In this episode, Stephanie is joined by GiGi Hahl, an empowerment coach and NLP practitioner whose work centers on one question: how do we stop abandoning ourselves and start living in agreement with who we actually are? She brings warmth, real stories, and a way of naming things that makes the work feel less like self-improvement and more like a return to yourself.She talks about self-trust not as something you decide to have, but as something your nervous system needs to learn through repetition. Tiny acts of keeping a commitment to yourself. Following through on something small and noticing that you did. It is not glamorous. It does not feel like a breakthrough. But that is exactly what makes it stick.The conversation also moves through the difference between fear and panic, what it actually costs to start honoring your own voice, and why the people around us sometimes read that shift as selfishness. Stephanie connects it to the neuroscience, and it lands differently than you might expect.Stephanie also shares something personal in this episode. The burnout that landed her in the ER, and what it took to understand why it happened. It is one of the more honest moments in the series.Where in your life are you still waiting to trust yourself before you act? Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

You can’t force a horse to drink water.You can’t force your nervous system either.There is a moment most of us know well. You are clear. You know what needs to change. And yet, nothing moves.You are not confused. You are not lazy. You are not broken.You are regulated for a life you are leaving behind.That is what this episode sits with. Because once you understand what is actually happening in your body during that pause, the shame around it dissolves. And something else becomes possible.We opened with the horse. Not the cinematic image of full gallop, but something quieter: horses are emotional mirrors. They absorb and reflect the nervous system of whoever is near them. The Fire Horse year will do the same. It will amplify whatever you are carrying.Which is why regulation comes before momentum.In Episode 9 and Episode 10, we explored the shed. The internal, necessary release of old identity and old roles.This episode is about what lives right before the run begins.Clarity often precedes paralysis. The moment you shift from I kind of want to change to yes, I am done is also when the freeze can deepen. Your brain sees the next chapter clearly. But your body is still calibrated for the life you are leaving. That is not a flaw. That is biology.A horse does not bolt from panic. It moves when the field feels clear. When it senses its own strength.You do not need to override your freeze. You need to build the safety that lets your fire move.One more episode in this series coming next week, and it is a special one.Where are you right now in the shed-to-stride arc? We would love to hear. Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

There’s this moment after a snake sheds its skin where it doesn’t immediately move. It’s not stuck. It’s not weak. It’s recalibrating.And there’s a good chance that’s exactly where you are right now.In our “The Recode: From Skin to Stride” series, we’re living in the last weeks of the Year of the Snake before the Fire Horse arrives on February 17th. The space between shedding and moving is where most of us get lost.Last week we talked about the shed itself. Why you’re not who you were anymore. Why awareness alone can feel exhausting. But shedding doesn’t automatically tell you what matters now. It just removes what no longer fits.This week’s episode is about what happens after awareness. When your internal operating system begins to reorganize itself. When the pause becomes mandatory, not because you’re failing, but because your brain needs time to dismantle old predictive models.When Values ReorderYour values don’t disappear when you put yourself first. They reorder. And once values reorder, behavior has to follow. That’s not selfishness. That’s recoding.The brain needs rest to declutter. Without it, your brain defaults back to the old identity because it’s cheaper and safer. The pause isn’t a problem. It’s the solution.The question that matters most right now: Whose disappointment feels louder than my own needs?That question is usually where the recode is happening.Between the Snake and the HorseSnake energy teaches us awareness. Horse energy teaches us movement. But there’s a pause between the two, and this is that episode.The stride comes next. But this week, we’re honoring the pause. Because you’re not lost. You’re recalibrating. And the nervous system knows exactly what it’s doing, even when it feels like you don’t.What do you value now that you didn’t before?Which pause are you honoring this week?Say “no” once, rest once, or name one old pattern you’re shedding. Let’s witness each other’s recalibration. Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

We’re in the final days of the Year of the Snake, about to step into the Year of the Fire Horse. And if you think that’s just cultural metaphor, stay with me.The snake and the fire horse are both ruled by fire. But they express it in completely opposite ways.Snake fire is yin. Internal. Smoldering. The kind that rewires your nervous system behind the scenes while you’re sitting still, wondering why nothing feels the same anymore.Fire horse is yang. External. Kinetic. The kind that moves your body before your brain gives permission.Here’s what most people miss: you’re not changing elements. You’re not becoming someone new. You’re flipping the switch from hidden combustion to open ignition.Identity shifting isn’t about abandoning who you are at your core. It’s about honoring that the internal work has to happen first, slow and uncomfortable, before the body is ready to move.And right now? A lot of us are between skins.If life feels quieter, slower, or you’re less willing to do the things you used to do, you’re not late. You’re shedding.Snakes don’t negotiate with old skin. They don’t explain themselves. They release what no longer fits because staying the same becomes too painful.Between skins is not behind.Next week, we’ll talk about how the body signals readiness for action, and why real momentum feels clean, not frantic.For now, maybe the question isn’t “who am I becoming?” Maybe it’s “what am I done pretending still fits?”Stephanie Ohannesian is the founder of Triage Coaching & Consulting and a neuroscience-based resilience strategist helping global leaders and communities break the burnout cycle. With a background spanning neuroscience, psychology, and cultural intelligence, she transforms inherited stress into intentional resilience, working across sectors from the Middle East to the Americas. Her approach bridges science and soul to create sustainable, high-impact leadership.Yoshie Barnett is a Certified Life Coach (ICF/ACC) and founder of Lotus Flower Journeys, helping women release perfectionism and reconnect with their authentic selves through her P.E.A.C.E. framework. Originally from Japan and shaped by life between cultures, her approach is gentle and intuitive, guided by your values and natural rhythm rather than force or shoulds. Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

About Our GuestChrista Skinner is no stranger to life’s unexpected turns. She met her ex-husband when they were just 12 years old, fell in love as teenagers, and spent over three decades building a life together. After 22 years of marriage and raising three daughters, she found herself facing divorce. The process left her depleted for years, but through it, she discovered something powerful: there is life after divorce, and it can be even more fulfilling than before.Now a certified health and life coach and accredited divorce coach trained by the world’s leading expert Sarah Davison, Christa is a member of the International Divorce Coach Center of Excellence (IDCCOE) and is currently completing her Masters Practitioner certification in domestic violence. She is also a co-author of the upcoming book Emotional Alchemy. Her mission is to create a sense of balance and peace for women before, during, or after divorce.What Forgiveness Actually IsForgiveness might be the most misunderstood concept in healing. It’s not about excusing what happened or letting anyone off the hook. Forgiveness is what you do for your nervous system.When you forgive yourself, you’re telling your nervous system that the danger is over. Your brain has been rehearsing the past, looping through what went wrong, where you failed. That rumination keeps you stuck in survival mode. Self-forgiveness allows the rumination to subside so your voice can return, not as a reaction, but as authorship of what comes next.The Two Layers of ForgivenessChrista reminded us that forgiveness has two layers: forgiving yourself for the choices you made, the things you didn’t see coming, the ways you stayed longer than you should have. And forgiving others who hurt you. Both matter. Both free you.For women who’ve spent decades directing love outward, forgiveness requires turning that same compassion inward. Christa spoke honestly about how she forgot what it meant to love herself. Put your oxygen mask on first. When you practice self-forgiveness, you’re showing the next generation that mistakes don’t define you, that healing is possible, that choosing yourself matters.Forgiveness Sets You FreeAs Christa said, forgiveness is the most important step of healing. Not because it erases what happened, but because it frees you to step into what’s next.What patterns are you still rehearsing? What would it feel like if forgiveness gave your nervous system permission to finally rest?You can learn more about Christa’s work at ChristaSkinnerCoaching.com. Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

You decide to change something. Set a boundary. Say no when you used to say yes. Show up differently.And suddenly the people closest to you feel... off.They don’t outright say “don’t change.” But the jokes land weird. The concern feels heavy. The comments sting a little. Something shifts in how they respond to you, and you can’t quite name it.Nothing like personal growth to make the holidays awkward.In Episode 7 of The Raw Onion, we talk about why identity shifts don’t just feel scary to you. They can feel threatening to the people around you. And what’s happening in both brains when that discomfort shows up.When You Change, Their Brain Has to RemapHere’s what most people don’t realize: your growth isn’t just about you.When you shift who you are, the people in your life have to update their internal map of the relationship. The brain loves systems. It tracks roles. Who supports. Who struggles. Who leads. Who stays small.Even loving relationships unconsciously organize around these roles. The listener. The fixer. The one who never says no.When you change, their brain needs to update that map. And updating requires energy. Glucose. Effort. Most people don’t want to give more.So your growth isn’t threatening because it’s wrong. It’s threatening because it’s unfamiliar.Envy Shows Up as PainOne of the most fascinating pieces of neuroscience we cover: subconscious envy activates the anterior cingulate cortex, the same region involved in social pain, shame, and feeling excluded.So envy doesn’t show up in the brain as motivation. It shows up as discomfort.When someone close to you grows, their brain might not think, “Good for her.” It might think, “What does this say about me?”And because women are often taught that envy is bad, it leaks out sideways. Minimizing. Over-concern. Subtle criticism. Emotional withdrawal.Your growth can unintentionally highlight a question someone else isn’t ready to ask themselves.Pushback Doesn’t Mean StopIf you’re getting pushback while trying to level up, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.It means you’re crossing a meaningful threshold.Abundance arrives when the nervous system stops preparing for loss. But first, your nervous system has to trust that change is safe. And so does theirs.Sometimes the discomfort isn’t a warning sign. It’s a rite of passage.What version of yourself are you afraid to let go of? And who might you be on the other side?Tell us about a time your growth triggered unexpected pushback from someone close to you. What did that feel like? How did you navigate it? Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

You’ve made the plan. You’ve felt the surge of New Year motivation. You know exactly what you need to do.So why, by February, does it all fall apart?Here’s what most productivity gurus won’t tell you: your brain isn’t designed for self-improvement. It’s designed for survival, prediction, and energy conservation. And when your resolution threatens who your brain thinks you are, it gets flagged as a risk, not growth.That’s the identity prediction problem.In Episode 6 of The Raw Onion, we break down why 96% of us abandon our resolutions and what neuroscience reveals about lasting change. Spoiler: it has nothing to do with willpower.The Brain’s Protection SystemYour brain will always protect who you think you are, even if that version of you is exhausted.Think about it. You decide you’re going to start working out, eat better, speak up more at work. Sounds logical, right? But if your brain has spent years building neural pathways around the identity of “someone who doesn’t have time for the gym” or “someone who keeps the peace by staying quiet,” suddenly your resolution isn’t just a behavior change.It’s an identity threat.And your brain responds to identity threats the same way it responds to physical danger: by pulling you back to what’s familiar, what’s safe, what’s predictable.That’s why gyms turn into ghost towns by February. That’s why you find yourself back in old patterns despite your best intentions. You’re not failing. You’re returning to your identity defaults.The Real Work: Identity First, Behavior SecondMost resolutions work backward. They focus on the action (lose 20 pounds, wake up at 5am, launch the business) without addressing the identity underneath.But here’s what changes everything: name the identity first, then choose one action that confirms it.Instead of “I’m trying to work out,” ask yourself: if this behavior were already true about me, what would it say about who I am?* I work out → I am someone who protects my energy* I speak up → I am someone whose voice belongs in the room* I rest → I am someone who does not earn worth through exhaustionSee the difference? You’re not forcing behavior change onto an incompatible identity. You’re building a new identity and letting the behaviors flow from there.The Language Your Brain Actually HearsHere’s a simple identity hack you can use today: re-language your words.Your brain listens to everything you tell it. When you say “I’m trying to” or “I should,” you’re reinforcing that this behavior doesn’t match who you are yet.But when you shift to “I’m becoming someone who” or “I’m practicing being,” you bypass the identity threat. You give your brain permission to evolve without triggering its alarm system.This isn’t about being fake. It’s about understanding that the discomfort you feel when stepping into something new, that “imposter syndrome” feeling, is often proof you’re evolving.Your brain getting a little scared? That’s your sign you’re heading in the right direction.Beyond Resolutions: RealignmentThis is what we mean by realignment over resolutions.Resolutions demand instant transformation. They assume you can just decide to be different and willpower will carry you through.Realignment recognizes that change happens from the inside out. It starts with understanding your brain well enough to stop fighting it. It honors the fact that you can’t build a new life on top of an old identity without doing the deeper work first.Take care of your identity first. Know who you are and choose who you want to become. Then let your actions reflect that version of you, one small confirmation at a time.Your InvitationIf any of this resonates, this episode is for you. Stephanie walks through the neuroscience of why change feels so hard, plus practical identity-shifting tools you can start using today.Ready to go deeper? We’re creating resources specifically designed to help you with real, true identity shifting work. We’ll announce when they’re ready.Until then, remember: lasting change isn’t a motivation problem. It’s an identity prediction problem. And once you understand that, everything shifts.What identity are you stepping into this year? Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

Sara Wald is a former social worker, journalist, and mental health advocate with over 20 years of experience across nonprofit, media, and corporate sectors. She holds a BA in Social Work from the University of Montana and a Master’s in Journalism from Michigan State University. As the founder of Redefining Love, a cultural intervention model designed to stop cycles of harm one person, one boundary, one grace-filled moment at a time, Sara is committed to breaking generational trauma cycles. An Amazon best-selling author, TEDx speaker, blogger, and entrepreneur, she advocates for mental health in homes, workplaces, schools, and communities. Sara lives in Billings, Montana, where she continues her work helping people build healthier relationships through boundaries, accountability, and grace.We kicked off the new year with Sara Wald, founder of Redefining Love and TEDx speaker, and what she shared about boundaries shifted everything.This wasn’t the usual “just say no” advice. Sara introduced Redefining Love framework: Boundaries, Accountability, and Grace. Three elements that work together to interrupt generational harm patterns while actually reducing shame instead of creating more.The part that landed hardest? Boundaries aren’t walls to keep people out. They’re the container that lets you show up authentically without burning out. And grace, the element most of us skip entirely, is what makes the whole thing sustainable.Sara reminded us that we’re all doing the best we can with the tools we have. Some days that looks messy. Some days we’re tired and our boundaries get blurry. That’s where grace enters, not as an excuse, but as the practice that keeps us moving forward instead of spiraling in shame.If you’ve been carrying guilt about distancing from family patterns or struggling to hold space for yourself while everyone else needs you, this conversation offers a roadmap that actually accounts for your humanity.What would change if you gave yourself the same grace you extend to others? Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

Your ex texted. Your problematic aunt wants to reconnect. That person from 13 years ago just slid into your DMs with a “Hey beautiful!”You didn’t manifest this. Your brain just smelled cinnamon and went feral.Here’s what’s actually happening: during the holidays, your hippocampus (your brain’s memory organizer) and your amygdala (your emotional threat detector) start overlapping in ways that make old relationships feel safer than they actually were. Your brain literally lowers its critical thinking filters when nostalgia kicks in.The warm, fuzzy memories you’re feeling? They’re not reality. They’re your brain’s default mode network triggering selective memory. You’re forgetting what jerks they were and remembering only the cozy parts because familiarity feels safer than uncertainty.But familiar doesn’t mean healthy.Your nervous system prefers known terrain, even when that terrain hurt you. It’s the “devil you know” principle, wrapped in sugar plum fairy dust.Three Steps to Protect Your Peace1. Name what’s happening in your body Is your chest tight? Your stomach heavy? Naming the sensation shifts activity from your threat-response amygdala to your decision-making prefrontal cortex. Your body knows before your brain starts making excuses.2. Separate memory from reality Ask yourself: Am I reacting to who they are today, or who they used to be to me? This breaks emotional time travel and restores your adult perspective. It interrupts old attachment loops.3. Reclaim power with one question What version of myself am I responsible for protecting now? Not what’s kind, not what’s fair. Who do you become if you let them back in? That question alone is discernment, not avoidance.The Real GiftLetting someone stay in the past doesn’t mean you’re cold. It means your nervous system has matured. You can forgive without re-inviting, because healing doesn’t require access.Some people are like old apps. They made sense at the time, but now they just drain your battery and slow everything down.Not everyone who reappears is meant to re-enter. Some are just reminders of how far you’ve actually come.What old pattern are you choosing to leave in 2025 instead of carrying into the new year?Happy New Year from Stephanie and Yoshie! Here’s to stepping into 2026 with clearer boundaries, wiser choices, and a nervous system that knows its worth. We’ll see you next week for our first episode of the new year with a special guest. Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

If you’re part of the sandwich generation (caring for aging parents while still raising kids, managing a career, and trying to keep it all together) the holidays probably feel less like a Hallmark movie and more like a nervous system mismatch waiting to happen.Welcome to Episode 2 of The Raw Onion, where we’re peeling back the layers of what’s really happening in your brain (and theirs) when holiday cheer collides with caregiving burnout.You’re Not AloneUp to 25% of the U.S. population is part of the sandwich generation. The holidays stack emotional, cognitive, and sensory stressors on top of chronic caretaking stress. And when you’re already running on fumes, the pressure to create that perfect holiday moment can be the thing that breaks you.You’re not failing. You’re frying.What’s Happening in the Aging BrainThe aging brain operates with reduced dopamine (less emotional resilience), reduced serotonin (more irritability and sadness), and slower cognitive flexibility (harder to pivot or process new information).Here’s the critical part: they’re not being difficult. They’re neurologically less able to pivot.Their amygdala is more easily activated while their prefrontal cortex struggles to override it. So when you’re trying to share holiday memories, you might actually be triggering their nervous system rather than soothing it.The Nostalgia TrapThe aging brain doesn’t just remember emotional memories. It relives them.When you activate the hippocampus (the memory center), older adults often lose the ability to contextualize what they’re remembering. That beautiful moment you’re trying to share about Christmas past might actually be flooding them with unfiltered grief about who’s no longer here or painful memories they can’t properly process.Nostalgia isn’t neutral. For the aging brain, it can trigger connection or activate grief, and they often can’t tell which is coming.What’s Happening in YOUR BrainWhile their brain struggles with reduced dopamine and rigid patterns, yours is drowning in elevated cortisol. All day. Every day.When cortisol is chronically elevated:* Your patience gets short* Your empathy lowers* Your emotional regulation becomes impossibly tight* You’re operating on fumesThen the guilt cycle starts: you snap, you feel guilty, you go numb, you feel like you’re failing.But you’re not failing. Your nervous system is responding appropriately to prolonged stress. The problem is you’re trying to push through it instead of honoring what’s actually happening.The Hallmark Movie MismatchTwo dysregulated nervous systems trying to have a beautiful holiday moment together. You both want safety but are fighting for it in opposite ways. That’s not failure. That’s biology.How to Actually Help (Both of You)The Reset Breath Two short inhales through your nose, one long exhale. This signals the vagus nerve that you’re safe and gives your prefrontal cortex a chance to come back online.Name Your Brain When you’re about to snap, give your brain a name. “Annie, you’re completely overloaded right now. What do you need?” You’re shifting your brain from being the problem to being something you can observe. It bypasses the guilt loop.Accept, Don’t Solve Acceptance lowers cortisol faster than problem-solving. Accept that there’s too much going on. Accept that the aging brain is struggling. That acceptance isn’t giving up. It’s giving your nervous system permission to stop fighting reality.Reframe Success A successful holiday isn’t happiness. It’s felt safety. Presence overrides performance.Your InvitationLower your expectations. Create micro-moments of connection instead of marathon gatherings. Rest without guilt, because rest isn’t optional.This season isn’t about recreating the past. It’s about protecting nervous systems in the present.Before you walk into the kitchen, the living room, or the car:* Take the reset breath* Name your brain and externalize what you’re feeling* Accept the overload* Lower expectations* Rest without guiltYou’re not trying to fix anyone. You’re trying to regulate the moment so everyone can experience tiny pockets of safety and connection.That’s enough.Are you navigating the holidays with aging loved ones? We want to hear from you. Leave a comment or share your story.Stephanie specializes in inherited generational stress and the neuroscience of how family patterns shape our nervous systems across generations. Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to the very first episode of The Raw Onion Podcast.I’m Stephanie Ohannesian, your Generational Inherited Stress Specialist, and alongside my brilliant co-host Yoshie Barnett, we’re here to peel back the layers of burnout, perfectionism, and the crossroads you never saw coming.This month, we’re keeping episodes shorter because we know you’re busy. These are designed for your commute, your carpool line, or those rare 20 minutes when you can actually breathe.The Corporate “Family” TrapLet’s talk about something you’ve heard a thousand times at work: “We’re a family.”Sounds warm and supportive, right?Here’s what’s actually happening: When your boss uses the word “family,” your anterior cingulate cortex lights up. This is the same part of your brain that processes social connection with your actual family.Your brain can’t tell the difference. And that’s not an accident.What’s Really Happening in Your BrainThe word “family” triggers an ancient psychological shortcut that includes:* Belonging and loyalty* Forgiveness and unconditional support* Shared identity* Sacrifice for the groupCompanies use this to:* Increase loyalty and reduce turnover* Minimize pushback on unreasonable demands* Create emotional obligation* Make you feel guilty for setting boundariesYour amygdala (fight-or-flight center) becomes hypersensitive to social rejection. You become more likely to skip boundaries, say yes when your body screams no, and tolerate overload because you don’t want to “betray the family.”That single word neurologically primes you for burnout by making corporate stress feel like personal survival stress.The Holiday AmplifierNow we’re in holiday season, and you’re juggling two families:* Your real one (home, kids, chosen family)* The corporate one (that operates like a business but calls itself family)The holidays intensify this because:* Q4 crunch time demands peak performance* Holiday parties feel mandatory even when you’re exhausted* Your brain is already overloaded with actual family obligationsYou’re getting squeezed from both sides, and your nervous system is running on fumes.Your 72-Hour Boundary CheckI’ve been using this myself, and it works. Here’s how:Step 1: Scan the Next 72 HoursAt the end of each day, write down ALL commitments for the next 72 hours:* Deadlines, meetings, parties, errands* Emotional obligations (yes, those count)Write it ALL down.Step 2: Identify Real vs. SymbolicAsk yourself:* Which do I actually have to show up for? (Kid’s holiday concert = real)* Which are symbolic expectations that aren’t essential? (Office gift exchange = maybe optional)Step 3: Reset Your BoundariesRemove, delegate, or postpone where possible. Then communicate clearly:“I’ll attend the first hour of the party, then I need to leave to rest.”No explanation needed. No apology required.Why This WorksYour prefrontal cortex can only hold 4-7 items in working memory at once. During holidays, you’re trying to juggle 50-60 obligations.By writing everything down, you tell your brain: “I can handle what’s on the list. The rest is optional.”This immediately:* Lowers stress hormones* Calms your nervous system* Interrupts the guilt loop* Stops you from linking obligation to moral failure (the key to breaking perfectionism)What This Means For YouCorporate culture uses the word “family” strategically to reduce turnover, increase loyalty, and create emotional obligation. During the holidays, this manipulation intensifies.But now you know what’s happening in your brain. You can see the attachment hijack.So go enjoy your holiday season. Go to those parties if you want. But leave when you’re ready. Set boundaries without guilt. And use your 72-Hour Boundary Check to reclaim your peace.We Would like to Hear From YouQuestions about the 72-Hour Boundary Check? Want to share your holiday boundary wins or struggles? Reach out. We’re honored to be here with you.Thank you for tuning in to our first episode. We’ll see you next week as we continue peeling back the layers.Here’s to a holiday season on YOUR terms.Stephanie & Yoshie Get full access to The Raw Onion Podcast at therawonion.substack.com/subscribe