Episode 504: Why We Avoid Connection (Even When We Crave It)

We live in a world where people are more digitally connected than ever, yet loneliness remains incredibly common. Most of us move through daily life surrounded by strangers while following an unspoken rule: don’t engage. In this episode, we’re exploring why humans are so socially cautious, but also why even brief conversations with strangers can meaningfully improve our happiness, health, and sense of connection. My guest is Nicholas Epley,  the John Templeton Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Behavior Science, and Director of the Roman Family Center for Decision Research, at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. He is the author of Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want. His latest book is A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection. Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include: Why are conversations with strangers usually better than we expect? Do people really want to be left alone in public? Why do small moments of connection matter so much? How has technology changed everyday social interaction? For people who want to be a little more social, what’s a good starting point? You can visit Nicholas’ website to learn more about his work. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. *** Thank you to our sponsors!  This spring, give yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day — not just the moment you get home. Head to cozyearth.com and use my code JUSTIN for an exclusive 20% off.  If you’re looking for a dating experience where you can explore on your own terms, check out Feeld, a dating app for the curious. Go to feeld.co or download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.