Episode 62 - Presence

Denise and Jackie dive into Step 8 of their recovery and mental health journey, exploring what it means to list the harms we’ve caused and how to navigate making amends. Denise shares personal reflections on her 40 years of sobriety, questioning when "living amends" are enough and noticing her tendency to overcompensate by overworking herself, even at a relative's recent funeral. Jackie contrasts this by sharing her experiences with presence and reliability during her social work practicum, which leads into a larger family discussion about community trust, vulnerability, and the systemic barriers that prevent people from asking for help.From the shifting cultural landscape of the "double sandwich generation" to the corporate challenges faced by women in leadership, the duo highlights how deeply connected our responsibilities are to our personal well-being. Ultimately, they turn the mirror inward, challenging listeners to place themselves on their own Step 8 list and recognize the self-harm caused by negative self-talk, ignoring physical cues, and rejecting necessary support.Key Times:00:01:25 Processing grief: Showing up for family after their aunt’s passing00:02:14 Introduction to Step 8 and the concept of "living amends" over 40 years of sobriety00:03:37 Overcompensating with service: The "Porthos booth" realization at the funeral00:05:30 Owning shortcomings: Trying to right a forgotten phone call from a past meeting00:09:25 Lessons in presence: Tornado relief, community reliability, and showing up in a practicum00:11:49 Reimagining virtual vs. in-person container spaces for their busy community00:14:26 Navigating the fatigue of the modern world and the "double sandwich generation" crunch00:15:30 Body nourishment: Unlearning competitive performance expectations to embrace slower movement00:18:20 Armadillo armor: The discomfort of receiving help and asking for what you actually need00:21:49 Self-amends: Reconnecting with physical hunger cues and emotional releases (the beauty of a good cry)00:25:39 Cultural recommendations: The Book of Delights, Theo of Golden, and being kind to service workers00:29:48 The isolation baseline: From New York bodegas to the scary reality of turning to AI for connection00:32:00 Leadership dynamics: Full-time expectations, systemic barriers, and women exiting the workforce00:34:57 Real estate reality: Systemic racism, redlining, covenants, and the generational loss of wealth00:38:54 Celebrating corporate diversity: Token infrastructure investments vs. genuine inclusive leadership00:40:02 Turning Step 8 inward: Facing fear, shame, resentments, and putting yourself on the harm listTopics Covered:Redefining the podcast boundaries from "Emergency Protocol" to "12 Steps for Everyone"Evaluating when living amends transition from healing to overcompensationThe infrastructure of consistency: Building a reliable community container, whether governmental or localThe H.A.L.T. H. (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Horny) wellness check-in frameworkDouble sandwich generation dynamics: Simultaneously managing aging parents, grandchildren, and careersEmbracing emotional fluidity: Allowing unexpected tears to serve as a necessary chemical releaseSystemic oppression and redlining in corporate real estate history, and the long path to modern reparationsShifting the Step 8 framework to include self-amends, body attunement, and radical self-forgivenessJoin our upcoming meetings:https://forms.gle/4VxnNUnev1RoRJMCA (Zoom meeting on Saturday at 10am PST, the meeting is password-protected so please fill out the form to receive the link and password!)Follow Us:Follow Jackie: jackiefreed.laFollow Denise: @denise.freedFollow us on Instagram: @12stepsforeveryoneFollow us on Tik Tok: @12stepsforeveryone