Relationship OCD: the shame, the doubt and the rumination loops

Do you love your partner? Are you sure? What about now? Still sure? If your brain won't stop cross-examining your own feelings, this one's for you.In this episode, Jess and Laura dig into relationship OCD (rOCD) — the subtype that turns love into a courtroom and your own mind into the world's most annoying prosecutor. We cover what rOCD actually looks like, why it's so easy to mistake for genuine doubt, and how it gets you stuck in a loop of checking, reassurance-seeking, and mental reviewing that makes everything worse (classic OCD, honestly).We also get into retroactive jealousy, false memories (yes, including the "did I actually kiss someone at that party in 2009?" variety), where our weirdly perfectionist ideas about relationships come from, and how different treatment approaches can help you stop taking your brain spam quite so literally.Plus: The rOCD trap, some extra considerations for this subtype, and a surprise cameo in the Exposure Lab.Podcast by Laura Mole, Adv. Dip, MBACP OCD specialist therapistandJessica Hayes, Msc PGDip, BABCP Accred OCD and perinatal specialist therapistEdited by Christian NicksonTime stamps:00:00 Relationship OCD Google searches02:47 Intro and hello04:40 Brain Spam07:20 Why relationship OCD? 07:42 What is rOCD and what does it look like? 12:45 What might someone with rOCD do?15:00 Where we get perfectionist views of relationships 19:49 The relationship OCD trap23:20 Retroactive jealousy 24:00 Did I just kiss that person? And other false memories27:20 Is this OCD or normal doubt?36:19 How do we work with rOCD? 40:00 How different approaches can work for OCD47:30 Extra considerations for this subtype of OCD1:02:34 Exposure Lab and Peter's cameo1:05:55 GoodbyesGet in Touch:Got intrusive thoughts to share or questions for us:Email us at [email protected] us on Instagram and Tiktok: @justcheckingpodFor our individual OCD pages, you can find Laura on Tiktok and Instagram as @ocdtherapylaura and Jess as @jess_helps_your_ocdPlease check out our privacy policy https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YJZ4Sdh4OpxjRR9twGY6dOMH9n55Mq6qTqLBxOtN3Fw/edit?usp=sharing Content Warnings:We do reference some thoughts that people may find distressing so please listen with caution if this is you, and take a break if you need to. Disclaimer This podcast provides educational content only and is not a substitute for professional mental health support, please contact a mental health professional for advice and support.