ESSAY April 2024 - My Inner Civil War - Amjed B., Texas, USA

When I was new to the Fellowship, I heard something that made me laugh: “I’m a self-loathing narcissist.” I thought it was funny, but I also wanted to cry at how true this statement was for me. I’m a sexaholic and have truly earned my seat in these SA rooms. I have a fatal, incurable, progressive disease—a real soul sickness. By an incomprehensible miracle, the Program helped me find my way to a Higher Power who restored me to sanity. Granted, all I have is a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition, but that much is an absolute miracle to me. The other part of my story is that I am also a raging volcano. My self-loathing has led me to near-fatal road rage and some actual suicide attempts.