ESSAY August 2025 - The Availability To Dive - Luke H, Memphis, TN

This period of being single has given him time to work a rigorous program. For most of my life, I’ve been looking for someone to connect with me and make me whole. I felt “inadequate, unworthy, alone, and afraid” (SA 203), always comparing my insides to the outsides of others. I was terrified of people seeing me for fear that they’d reject me—which was why I never learned to date. It felt too risky.  I began acting out when I was 12 and entered SA when I was 22, so I spent at least a decade lost inside myself. I didn’t realize that lust was really my problem; it felt more like my solution. In reality, it was stunting my ability to grow up emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. I couldn’t feel my feelings and thus couldn’t relate to those around me.