ESSAY February 2025 - Step One and the Grace of God - Luke H., Oregon, USA

I’ve had several conversations over the last 24 hours about Step One. It seems that everything right down to the core of my being resisted admitting my powerlessness. This has been, quite possibly, the biggest hurdle in my recovery journey. Admitting complete defeat felt like dying, it felt like I’d be giving up, it felt like the end. And it was the end—the end of my old life and the only passageway through which I could be born into the new life. Freedom from the bondage of self is a free gift that can only be accessed by the grace of God. As long as I was trying, wishing, willing, and working to make it happen, it eluded me. It was only when I entered into the despair and hopelessness—the “broken and contrite spirit” (SA, 88) of Step One—that the door swung open freely and God was there. My self-will had been blocking God all that time.