Expression - off the record

What this episode covers

I had to/have to sometimes express, for want of better words, literally, in making sense of what's happening inside me..and my body/mind/intellect/conscience? had to keep me awake late at night to have me be sleep deprived enough to be uninhibited enough to speak what's bansheeing in my mind space, from people suppressing my expression? Im too healthy for their sense of incompetence or from not knowing what I have been called to do, like a vocation? I teach those who sign up on how to arrive at their own niche - their own calling/vocation - so they can have a say in an industry/niche they are exclusively designed to fulfil by appropriately occupying the 'office.' I am having a moment of needing to speak to someone(s) who would understand what im working on and why its important for everybody without them getting into competition or drama triad.Maybe I should just sleep and get my space sorted out, 'says my better sense..or rational logical preserve what I can sense..while people would take and take and take and not give anything much back that would fill my bank without want for paying my necessary bills'..but/and its just another entrepreneurial..poor entrepreneurial? imbalanced moment?Judgement comes easy..and there are people watching and judging and forming opinions left right and center? Maybe people don't care that much ..or maybe they do, like those vultures the photographer was taking pics of as a malnourished kid was starving to death, and there's something that has an opportunity to transmute an experience into something better while I wilt and wallow in self-pity...or drama of my own nature/stature..or grandiosity finding expression from the normal 'perfectitude' of my conscience.I guess people do have a 'im taking the point' for knocking something off me, for I work on conscience and 'who am I to talk/work on conscience' like attitude towards me when people have a difficulty with handling their 7 cardinal sins. The thought being, 'if im so perfect, I should solve my own problems..and why should I need money..for money is material and im on a spiritual path'..and so on and so forth conversations about what I do and where im headed and what I should be doing ...There is this thing of not listening to others on your path to a better place, but 'not listening' is also part of the problem im working on..and I have a bottoms up approach, so everybody's gunk comes dropping into the abyss and I go cleaning aakaashaganga and paataalaganga. I do know something a lot of people don't, and I teach those interested in being the solitary reaper of wordsworthian fame that was Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa, I imagine. Not being too significant has its 'opinion'-inspiring moments, but sometimes a Koel just needs to sing, like a Myrtle breathes its fragrance into the night air.

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