Failing to talk myself out of the mental health system and being a bad person

So I thought I was through the worst of it when I made the videos at the park the other day, but I wasn't. So I still don't even know if it's a good idea to talk to myself. But I feel like I need a new life strategy than the one I've had this last year. So because this one has failed, I failed to talk myself out of the mental health system. I'm back on Seroquel, and I'm tapering myself onto lithium again. And not sure if it's a good idea to do this without the help of a psychiatrist. Yet I feel like it's hard to do stuff. So even making a call to make an appointment is hard. And then I can drive right down the far so I need someone's help to drive me. And so I feel like by trying to be strong, I've I don't know. And I haven't showered probably since the last time I made videos. And I was in bed all day yesterday. And right now I'm trying to color kind of like people do in the psych ward. And yeah, this has been really, really, really, really challenging. I feel like, now I just feel like I'm a bad person. Like I have a mental illness, but I'm the bad person. And the other day, I was sitting outside and talking to somebody and then somebody went away. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/bipolar_inquiry. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.