Filling the Engine of the Earth

Scilla Elworthy said, “anger is like gasoline, if you keep it in, it poisons you, if you spit it out, it makes everything around you more flammable. If you put it in an engine, it can move you forward”I like this a lotI’ve kept anger in, and know that does, indeed, make me sickI know how to spit it out, and I’m old enough to have learned that I prefer it when that’s not what I doBut what engine?I don’t have a clear course of actionAn existing engine I can pour my grief/anger/love intoTo make real changeLike, many attorneys are pouring their grief into lawsuitsI get the ACLU’s engineBut what’s mine?Maybe mine isn’t here yet - but that feels like a cop outThe fact remains, I haven’t found an avenueNo Kings Days are wonderful, but every four months is not enoughI have a lot of love (showing up as anger) I want to act onBut it doesn’t know where to goThomas Hubl gave us an exercise onceOf taking anger and moving it down through your body and into the earthAt first I was like “I don’t want anger to fill my whole body”(as if it wasn’t already)And, “I don’t want to give the earth this icky stuff”But he continued, “when the energy goes into the earth, what comes back up from the earth is your clear yes or your clear no. The earth knows how to compost energy into truth, and gives you a foundation to move with clarity.”I did the exerciseWhen the energy reached and went into the earthTruth came back.It actually gave me both my clear yes and my clear no.The anger I’d been feeling was with my son’s coachEvangelical toxic masculinity wrapped in scriptureI’d struggled with anger with him for more than a yearAnd the next time it came up, I did this exerciseAs my anger passed all the way down my body and hit the earth,I got a very clear, “here are my values and priorities” yes,And a very clear, “i won’t engage with this kind of behavior” noAnd was able to communicate it without anger or dramaJust with clarityBecause my anger had been turned INTO clarityAnd it’s worked with other things, tooI have no idea how this applies at scale, with collective angerBut I’m curiousAnd I’ve decided to channel my anger into the engine of the earthPouring through thick roots, my anger is pulled by the branching tendrilsEffortlessly drawing energy through my body and into the earthOffering clarity in returnEven though clear action hasn’t arisenThat’s OK. I’m filling my tank.Engines need fuel. Fill-ups take time.And this is an edge for me - urgencyProfessional pit crews can fill an engine with gas in record timeI am not a pit crewThis is not a fine-tuned machineI don’t know how long it will takeBut I do believe that when my path becomes clearI’ll be topped up and ready to goClear in my values and supported in my structure.Next time you’re angryI invite you to try this ‘bringing it down, through, and into the earth”See what happensI’d love to hear how it goes for you. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com