Forgive or Not? Making Peace With Your Own Emotions

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/ParticipantsHostsAli McGarel – Staff Therapist, Delve Psychotherapy of ChicagoAdam W. Fominaya, PhD – Executive & Clinical Director, Delve Psychotherapy of ChicagoOverview of Big IdeasForgiveness is optional, not a moral duty; it’s one possible route to relief, not the only path.“Getting rid of negative emotions” is impossible on command; those feelings are your work, not your offender’s.You can heal, set limits, and build a meaningful life without reconciling—or even speaking—with the person who hurt you.Empathy, perspective-taking, and “grace” are tools you may choose if they help you; they are never owed.Trauma recovery is less about erasing pain and more about shrinking its grip on your current choices.Body-based practices and experiential work (like psychodrama) can move stuck emotions when language alone falls short.Acts of forgiveness in extreme situations (like courtrooms) are often “for me, not for you”—a way to stop centering one’s life on the harm.Breakdown of Segments1. Two Reddit Posts and the Forgiveness BacklashAli and Adam start with online posts about estrangement and anti-forgiveness sentiment, unpacking why many people now bristle at the idea that they “have to” forgive.2. What Do We Mean by Forgiveness, Really?They tease apart understanding, empathy, grace, and reconciliation, arguing that these are distinct moves. You can adopt some and refuse others without being “bitter” or “petty.”3. Your Feelings, Your JobThe hosts normalize anger, grief, and fear as expected responses to harm. Processing those emotions is framed as internal work that doesn’t require the offender’s participation or apology.4. Boundaries, Estrangement, and Changing Your MindThey explore cutting contact, staying distant, or cautiously reconnecting later. The emphasis: you are allowed to revise your stance as people (including you) change over time.5. Trauma, the Body, and Experiential WorkAli and Adam discuss how talk therapy, body-focused practices, and psychodrama-style group work can complement each other, giving people more ways to metabolize what happened.6. “I Am Here to Give Everything”The episode closes on the question of healthy self-giving—how to be generous without self-erasing, and how to stop giving when a relationship or system keeps causing harm.AI Recommended ReferencesBaskin, T. W., & Enright, R. D. (2004). Intervention studies on forgiveness: A meta-analysis. Journal of Counseling & Development, 82(1), 79–90.Clark, T. L., & Davis-Gage, D. (2010). Treating trauma: Using psychodrama in groups. VISTAS Online. American Counseling Association.Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2000). Helping clients forgive: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association.Raj, P., Elizabeth, C. S., & Padmakumari, P. (2016). Mental health through forgiveness: Exploring the roots and benefits. Cogent Psychology, 3(1), 1153817.