The Delve Podcast

==Media Links==Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/==Participants==Ali McGarelAdam W. Fominaya==Overview of Big Ideas==The 50th episode opens with Ali and Adam reflecting on the podcast itself: the pleasure of dialogue, public thinking, and watching ideas become sharper over time.The central claim: insight does not automatically require change. Understanding why you do something does not mean you must stop doing it.Psychodynamic work can reveal how childhood strategies were adaptive in their original context, even if they now create friction.Change and non-change both carry consequences. The question is not “What is the correct choice?” but “Which consequences are you willing to live with?”Client autonomy matters. Therapists can notice, question, and challenge, but they should not coerce clients into the therapist’s preferred values.A therapist can “fight” for a client’s stated goals, but that is different from imposing goals the client has not chosen.In relationships, repeatedly asking someone to change may eventually require accepting that they have declined. Then the question becomes what you will do with that reality.==Breakdown of Segments==50th episode reflection: Ali and Adam exchange appreciation, discuss the podcast’s growth, and reflect on dialogue as a way to build clearer ideas.Why insight is not the same as change: Adam distinguishes psychodynamic awareness from behavioral change; Ali names the missing step of choosing whether to act.Childhood adaptation and adult context: emotional guardedness may have once helped someone survive their family system, while later frustrating a romantic partner.The right to remain the same: the hosts explore a person who understands their emotional avoidance but still chooses not to become highly emotionally expressive.Consequences either way: changing can cost something; not changing can cost something; neither path is consequence-free.Autonomy in therapy: a testing anecdote illustrates that clients can stop, refuse, or choose against the clinician’s preference.When challenge is ethical: Adam describes challenging clients when their behavior conflicts with goals they have clearly stated.Fighting for the client’s values: the therapist’s pressure is framed as legitimate only when it serves the client’s own chosen direction.Relationship impasse: the closing quote turns the theme outward: if someone keeps declining your request that they change, your remaining task is deciding what you will do.==AI Recommended References==Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self-determination in human behavior. Plenum.Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational interviewing: Helping people change (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.Prochaska, J. O., Norcross, J. C., & DiClemente, C. C. (1994). Changing for good. William Morrow.

==Media Links==website: delvepsych.cominstagram: @delvepsychchicagoyoutube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/==Participants==Ali McGarelAdam W. Fominaya==Overview of Big Ideas==Most behavior-change advice assumes awareness: put the phone away, choose your words carefully, notice activation, use the right script.The problem is that people often need help precisely when awareness has already vanished.Autopilot is not moral failure; it is a normal feature of human attention.The useful question is not, "How do I prevent this perfectly?" but, "Once I notice, how quickly can I respond?"Behavioral change often works backward: start at the moment you become aware, then gradually shorten the lag.The "notice and respond" pathway can move from months, to minutes, to seconds.Repair still counts, even if it comes late. Going back teaches people: "I may get lost, but I will return."In relationships, if something matters to your partner, it matters to the relationship.Caring does not mean capitulating. It means getting curious before explaining, defending, or dismissing.==Breakdown of Segments==Opening and Delve updates: word-of-mouth support, services, Substack, and Katherine's post on clients wanting therapy that goes beyond validation.Directive therapy vs telling people what to do: exploring ideas, perspective, and the difference between being challenged and being instructed.The lay model of behavior change: why advice like "put your phone away" or "use better communication skills" quietly depends on awareness already being present.Human attention is fickle: airline safety, crisis information, distraction, and why attention cannot simply be commanded on demand.Relationship safe words and the "pancake" problem: if someone is aware enough to use the safe word, they may already be aware enough to slow down.Autopilot and phone scrolling: the familiar moment of waking up several videos deep and wondering how you got there.Minute zero vs minute four: why people may be more capable of change after awareness returns than at the very beginning of the behavior.Responsibility after noticing: once awareness arrives, the task is to act toward goals, needs, and values.Emotional preconditions: boredom before scrolling, anxiety before fighting, and learning to tolerate the feeling that precedes the habit.Set state and hard rules: preparing the mind before high-risk situations, while recognizing that activation can still overwhelm intention.The notice-and-respond pathway: stop trying to be perfect at prevention; get faster at repair.Shaving off the end: reduce a two-hour fight to four minutes, then two minutes, then twelve seconds, then one.The go-back approach: even a six-month latency can become a meaningful repair if the person returns and takes responsibility.Relationship needs and curiosity: when a partner brings up a need, the first move should be interest, not rebuttal.Stop explaining, start listening: defending the status quo can make partners feel alone together.==AI Recommended References (APA)==Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493-503.Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, fast and slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998-1009.Wood, W., & Neal, D. T. (2007). A new look at habits and the habit-goal interface. Psychological Review, 114(4), 843-863.

==Media Links==Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/==Participants==Hosts:Ali McGarelAdam Fominaya ==Overview of Big Ideas==This episode pushes back on the idea that chemistry is a trustworthy oracle.What feels like spark may actually be anxiety, uncertainty, intermittent reassurance, attachment dynamics, attraction, alcohol, or plain old nervous activation.The better dating question is not "Did I feel fireworks?" but "Can this person support the life I mean to live, and can I support theirs?"Romanticism trains people to expect instant certainty, but durable love may be steadier, less cinematic, and more deliberately built.Curiosity, friendship, humor, respect, and openness to one another's worlds may matter more than a dramatic first-date jolt. ==Breakdown of Segments==Opening provocation: Adam bluntly argues that many people sabotage themselves by treating "no spark" as decisive.Romanticism under review: movies, media, and dating culture sell the fantasy that immediate intensity reveals destiny.The perception detour: the conversation uses visual examples to argue that the mind often delivers compelling but imperfect interpretations.Anxiety as chemistry: they explore how uncertainty, hot-and-cold behavior, and nervous activation can masquerade as romantic depth.Compatibility over fireworks: goals, values, needs, and mutual support become the sturdier rubric.The deal-breaker problem: a short list of true non-negotiables may help; a sprawling checklist may simply keep people single.Stable is not boring by default: they distinguish between lacking a theatrical spark and genuinely disliking someone's company.Friendship-first love: a story about a marriage that began without obvious chemistry becomes a counterexample to soulmate logic.Shared life as co-creation: relationships are framed less as finding the finished right person and more as building the right thing together. ==AI Recommended References==Schachter, S., & Singer, J. E. (1962). Cognitive, social, and physiological determinants of emotional state. Psychological Review, 69(5), 379-399. Dutton, D. G., & Aron, A. P. (1974). Some evidence for heightened sexual attraction under conditions of high anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 30(4), 510-517. Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511-524.

==Media Links==Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/==Participants==Ali McGarelAdam W. Fominaya==Overview of Big Ideas==The episode tackles free will not as a purely abstract puzzle, but as a practical question for therapy: do we have choices, and what follows if we do?Adam sketches the old deterministic "clockwork universe" problem, then argues that both modern physics and lived human experience complicate any simple claim that everything is fully predetermined.Ali brings the discussion back to the therapy room: even when life is constrained by systems, history, power, or suffering, there is still often some meaningful zone of response.The conversation distinguishes between having unlimited options and having agency within limits. Freedom is not omnipotence.Viktor Frankl becomes a key example: even under horrific external constraint, a person may still retain some interior capacity to choose stance, meaning, and response.The clinical takeaway is stark: therapists more or less have to work as though agency matters. Without that premise, growth, responsibility, and intentional change become nearly unintelligible. ==Breakdown of Segments==Opening setup: Ali and Adam frame free will as one of those unavoidable questions sitting underneath psychotherapy itself.Physics detour: determinism, the "clockwork universe," and a brief turn to quantum uncertainty as a challenge to strict predictability.Psychology level: whatever the metaphysics, human beings seem to experience themselves as choosing, deliberating, and acting.Religion and predestination: the episode makes room for faith traditions while still emphasizing the experiencing self as an active participant.Systems and constraints: Ali raises the crucial corrective that social conditions, power, and circumstance sharply delimit available choices.Frankl and the camps: they use Man's Search for Meaning to illustrate the claim that inner stance can remain a site of agency even amid profound external coercion.Therapy implications: external locus of control, helplessness, and passivity are contrasted with the difficult but vital question, "What can I do here?"Closing challenge: stop waiting for the magical fix, stop flirting with powerlessness, and use whatever agency seems genuinely available. ==AI Recommended References==Carroll, S. (2019). Something deeply hidden: Quantum worlds and the emergence of spacetime. Dutton. Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man's search for meaning. Beacon Press. Frankfurt, H. G. (1969). Alternate possibilities and moral responsibility. The Journal of Philosophy, 66(23), 829-839. https://doi.org/10.2307/2023833 Rotter, J. B. (1966). Generalized expectancies for internal versus external control of reinforcement. Psychological Monographs: General and Applied, 80(1), 1-28.

==Media Links==website: delvepsych.cominstagram: @delvepsychchicagoyoutube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/==Participants==Ali McGarelAdam Fominaya==Overview of Big Ideas==This episode tackles a very modern anxiety: when does opening up to friends become too much? Ali and Adam argue that the line is not simply "talking about hard things" versus "keeping them to yourself." The real questions are about consent, capacity, frequency, and fit. They also push back on the idea that all distress should be outsourced either to friends or only to therapists; people need a wider repertoire. Journaling, music, meditation, private processing, therapy, and friendship all have their place. Just as important, the receiver has agency too: good support includes boundaries, honest feedback, and the right to say yes, no, or not right now. ==Breakdown of Segments==Opening Delve updates and the central question: what is the difference between healthy venting and emotional dumping?A challenge to the over-medicalized idea that only therapists should hold emotional pain, with a reminder that human beings have always relied on communal care.Adam's practical heuristic: try to soothe internally first, then externalize privately through writing, voice notes, or art, then consider therapy, and then bring it to friends if needed.Ali's core guideline: ask first. "Do you have the capacity for this right now?" turns support into consent rather than assumption.A useful distinction between different goals: validation, problem solving, emotional processing, distraction, suppression, artistic expression, meditation, narrative-making, and simple companionship are not the same thing.A reminder that your friends' personalities matter too. Some people validate well, some problem-solve fast, and some need clearer instructions about what kind of support you want.A strong defense of boundaries on the receiving side: it does not make you a bad friend to realize a four-hour call was too much and say so afterward.A generous closing reflection that suffering can become part of growth, caretaking, and even modeling for others how to live with emotion more skillfully.Quote-board coda: "You are a reaction to your parents," followed by a discussion of how even absent or harmful caregivers still shape the context from which we begin. ==AI Recommended References (APA)==Burleson, B. R. (2003). The experience and effects of emotional support: What the study of cultural and gender differences can tell us about close relationships, emotion, and interpersonal communication. Personal Relationships, 10(1), 1-23. Linehan, M. M. (2025). DBT skills training manual (Rev. ed.). Guilford Press. Pennebaker, J. W., & Smyth, J. M. (2016). Opening up by writing it down: How expressive writing improves health and eases emotional pain (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.

==Media Links==website: delvepsych.cominstagram: @delvepsychchicagoyoutube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/==Participants==Ali McGarelAdam Fominaya==Overview of Big Ideas==This episode takes the "male loneliness epidemic" seriously without pretending that concern for men cancels concern for women or trans people. Ali and Adam explore how many men are taught to build their value through status, toughness, money, and partnership, while getting very little training in vulnerability, emotionally rich friendship, or asking for help. The result is a brittle kind of masculinity: perform strength, suppress fear, rely too heavily on a romantic partner, and then feel stranded when real connection is needed. The closing quote-board riff shifts to envy, arguing that envy is not someone else's fault to solve; it is yours to understand, metabolize, and manage. ==Breakdown of Segments==Opening banter, Delve updates, and a setup of the central question: is the male loneliness epidemic real, and if so, what is actually driving it?A careful framing that says talking about male struggle does not require ignoring the very real structural inequities faced by women and trans people.A discussion of why men may be struggling in newer ways: educational decline, changing social roles, economic pressure, and confusion about purpose once older gender arrangements no longer organize identity.A turn toward friendship and intimacy: men may be lonelier not only because they have fewer close bonds, but because many were never taught how to build emotionally expressive friendships in the first place.A sharp critique of the "be strong" script, including how male vulnerability can feel socially perilous in dating, work, leadership, and everyday male peer culture.A funny but pointed section on how men often socialize side-by-side rather than face-to-face, plus the role of homophobia and masculine policing in limiting closeness.A practical intervention: do not let your romantic partner become your only person. Call your friends. Rebuild your wider relational world before a crisis forces the issue.A closing mini-segment on envy: envy can reveal a genuine longing, but it becomes corrosive when it is dumped onto others or turned into a demand that they apologize for having what you want.==AI Recommended References (APA)==Plank, L. (2019). For the love of men: A new vision for mindful masculinity. St. Martin's Griffin. Reeves, R. V. (2022). Of boys and men: Why the modern male is struggling, why it matters, and what to do about it. Brookings Institution Press. Way, N. (2013). Deep secrets: Boys' friendships and the crisis of connection. Harvard University Press.

website: delvepsych.cominstagram: @delvepsychchicagoyoutube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/==Participants==Ali McGarelAdam Fominaya==Overview of Big Ideas==Therapy is not about becoming unbothered, robotic, or perfectly stoic. This episode argues that spiraling, panic, grief, and anger do not automatically mean failure; progress is messy, and shame usually makes it worse. Adam and Ali also separate emotions from behavior: you may not get to choose what you feel, but you do have some agency in how you relate to it and what you do next. ==Breakdown of Segments==Opening Delve updates, a plug for sharing the podcast, and a quick nod to therapy services and Substack.Why people treat one panic attack, relapse, or bad fight as proof that all progress is gone, and why that framing is badly distorted.A critique of the fantasy of "mastering" mental health, plus a discussion of how emotional suppression has often been gendered and socially enforced.A useful distinction between emotion and behavior: panic, sadness, and anger may arrive on their own, but you still have choices about expression, context, and consequences.Examples from sobriety, couples therapy, job interviews, and improv to show that setbacks are not the same thing as total collapse.What healthy spiraling might look like: crying, cocooning, grieving, and feeling fully without turning pain into collateral damage for everyone nearby.A closing reflection on a stoic-style quote about doing the hard thing in pursuit of the good, not merely the easy, pleasurable, or status-laden thing. ==AI Recommended References==Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. Greenberg, L. S. (2015). Emotion-focused therapy: Coaching clients to work through their feelings (2nd ed.). American Psychological Association. Sorabji, R. (2000). Emotion and peace of mind: From Stoic agitation to Christian temptation. Oxford University Press.

==Media Links==website: delvepsych.cominstagram: @delvepsychchicagoyoutube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/==Participants==Ali McGarelAdam W. Fominaya==Overview of Big Ideas==Expectations can spoil experience when life is forced to match a fantasy.Unplanned moments often bring more joy than curated ones.Meaning may come more from process than outcome.Boundaries are about what I will do, not controlling someone else.==Breakdown of Segments==Return from hiatus and setup for the theme of expectations.Why special occasions and big goals so often disappoint.Process versus outcome in work, art, and life.Whether wellness requires purpose, striving, or something gentler.A closing reframing of boundaries as self-definition, not control.==AI Recommended References==Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man's search for meaning. Beacon Press.Kabat-Zinn, J. (2013). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness (Rev. ed.). Bantam Books.Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

====Media Links====website: delvepsych.cominstagram: @delvepsychchicagoyoutube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/====Participants====Ali McGarelAdam W. Fominaya====Overview of Big Ideas====Procrastination is often framed as personal failure, but it can be a predictable byproduct of a culture that yokes worth to output.The "spark" narrative (find motivation, get back to your old self) can be an ideological trap: it treats monotony as pathology.Meaning and vigor tend to arise from pursuit: moving toward values, goals, and identity commitments, not from waiting for inspiration.Motivation is crafted, not discovered: action generates fuel; it rarely "strikes" on its own.Work is necessary, but job-as-identity is optional. A more livable stance is competence at work plus meaning elsewhere.There is a counter-ethic worth taking seriously: stop striving, practice being, and let life exist without constant optimization.A helpful clinical "hack": if someone overdoes action, teach stillness; if they overdoes stillness, teach pursuit.Many people feel betrayed after "doing everything right" (degree, job, house) and still feeling bored, lonely, or empty: the promised happiness was overstated.A parallel idea in relationships: we can cling not to the person, but to the story we were sold (love-bombing, future-faking, belonging to the lie).====Breakdown of Segments====Cold open and Delve updates: services, consultation plug, Substack, and word-of-mouth request.The Reddit prompt: feeling stuck in a loop, loss of focus, monotony, and the desire to "find the way back."Reading the post against the culture: critique of capitalist/neoliberal messaging that equates productivity with virtue.Alternative cultural frames: more communal/egalitarian notions of work and belonging, versus hyper-individualized achievement.Therapy trap door: do not try to recreate the past; instead ask what the person is working toward now (values and identity pursuit).Symbolic self-completion: when an identity goal is "achieved," novelty drops and motivation often collapses into boredom.Existential pivot: meaning is endowed, not found; reconnect with a goals/values list to restore direction.The "just be" argument: meditation, presence, and the possibility that striving itself is the problem (with honest ambivalence).Practical synthesis: do your job (stoic competence), then build meaning outside work; detach from the shame story.Concrete motivation advice: stop waiting to feel like it; take the first excruciating step and let momentum do its work.Quote on the board: "You felt a sense of belonging to the lie that they told you" applied to careers and to breakups/love-bombing.Closing reflections: the discomfort of realizing the promised life script did not deliver what it advertised.====AI Recommended References (APA)====Baumeister, R. F. (1991). Meanings of life. Guilford Press.Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man's search for meaning. Beacon Press. (Original work published 1946)Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The "what" and "why" of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227-268.Steel, P. (2007). The nature of procrastination: A meta-analytic and theoretical review of quintessential self-regulatory failure. Psychological Bulletin, 133(1), 65-94.Hochschild, A. R. (1983). The managed heart: Commercialization of human feeling. University of California Press.

====Media Links====website: delvepsych.cominstagram: @delvepsychchicagoyoutube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/====Participants====Ali McGarelAdam W. Fominaya====Overview of Big Ideas====Many of us were trained (especially in academia) to meet new ideas with suspicion: what is wrong with this?That "reading against" posture can protect truth-seeking, but it can also suffocate discovery if used too early."Reading with" means steelmanning: fortifying an idea to see what might be valuable before trying to demolish it.A parallel frame from literary theory: paranoid reading (avoid being duped) versus reparative reading (see what can be built).Standards should match stakes: if you are making policy, health, or high-impact decisions, tighten scrutiny; if you are exploring, loosen it.Even statistics smuggles in a mindset: null-hypothesis testing begins from "nothing is there," and alpha levels are conventions you can justify shifting.Motivation and ego complicate inquiry: we avoid critiques of ideas we love (and then call it "being rational").Identity can get cramped by self-stories ("I am just an anxious person"); ACT invites values-based living beyond limiting narratives, while also noticing how the self is co-created in relationship.====Breakdown of Segments====Cold open and Delve updates: ad-free show, word-of-mouth request, and practice offerings.Two default mentalities: empiricist skepticism as the dominant educated reflex versus a more generative, exploratory posture.Reading against: the value of trying to kill your own ideas so only resilient claims survive.Reading with and steelmanning: how strengthening an argument helps you find what is worth studying rather than prematurely dismissing it.Innovation versus rigidity: how a culture of constant critique can calcify thinking (Kuhn-like cycles get mentioned).Paranoid versus reparative reading: adjacent vocabulary from literary analysis that maps neatly onto the same dilemma.The stats detour: null hypothesis significance testing, type I error, and why alpha is a movable threshold tied to your aims.A real example of motivated reasoning: wanting to avoid criticism of cognitive dissonance because it undergirds how we teach and practice.Closing quote and identity: "resist being narrowly defined," plus ACT-style defusion from limiting stories and the co-created self.====AI Recommended References (APA)====Cooley, C. H. (1902). Human nature and the social order. Charles Scribner's Sons.Festinger, L. (1957). A theory of cognitive dissonance. Stanford University Press.Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and commitment therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. Guilford Press.Kuhn, T. S. (1962). The structure of scientific revolutions. University of Chicago Press.Sedgwick, E. K. (2003). Paranoid reading and reparative reading, or, you're so paranoid, you probably think this essay is about you. In Touching feeling: Affect, pedagogy, performativity (pp. 123-151). Duke University Press.

====Media Links====website: delvepsych.cominstagram: @delvepsychchicagoyoutube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/====Participants====Ali McGarelAdam W. Fominaya====Overview of Big Ideas===="Intern" can mean anything from brand-new to someone with hundreds of clinical hours who just has not graduated or licensed yet.Intern therapy is closer to an apprenticeship model: active learning, close oversight, and structured growth.Good training hinges on supervision. At minimum, interns should receive weekly, licensed supervision; many also receive school-based group supervision.Delve describes an intentionally high-support model: multiple supervision layers plus didactics and live-learning opportunities.The main downside is pacing: newer interns may need more time to think, consult, and return with answers. The upside is intensity of care and follow-through.Cost can be a major advantage: intern slots often come with sliding scale, and sometimes pro bono options.Fresh minds matter: early-career clinicians may bring novel perspectives and intellectual risk-taking that more seasoned therapists can lose.The hosts critique broken incentives in training: quality supervision is time-expensive, often financially unrewarded, and can be mishandled in lower-support sites.They also discuss a recently passed Illinois insurance change they worked on, aiming to reduce barriers to reimbursing student-provided care under certain state-regulated plans.====Breakdown of Segments====Why "intern therapist" is a confusing label: hours of experience vary wildly, and licensing status can mislead clients.How supervision actually works: individual supervision, school group supervision, and (at Delve) additional layers of consultation and teaching.The economics and ethics of training: why some sites under-supervise, and why that is a clinical and moral problem.Why Delve trains anyway: a values-driven "passion project" model, even when it is not profitable.What it feels like to start at zero: fear, learning-by-doing, and why patience early in the year can pay off.The intern advantage: high motivation, smaller caseloads, deeper week-to-week reflection, and willingness to say "let me think and bring this back."Avoiding burnout and staying present: the focus demands of therapy, and practical tricks for maintaining attention.Closing encouragement: do not discount younger clinicians; once confidence and humility balance, they can "start cooking."Coda quote: "Avoidance of an inevitability is futile" as a nudge toward action over delay.====AI Recommended References (APA)====American Psychological Association. (2015). Guidelines for clinical supervision in health service psychology. American Psychologist, 70(1), 33-46.Bernard, J. M., & Goodyear, R. K. (2018). Fundamentals of clinical supervision (6th ed.). Pearson.Borders, L. D., & Brown, L. L. (2005). The new handbook of counseling supervision. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.Falender, C. A., & Shafranske, E. P. (2004). Clinical supervision: A competency-based approach. American Psychological Association.Milne, D. (2009). Evidence-based clinical supervision: Principles and practice. BPS Blackwell.

--Media Links--website: delvepsych.cominstagram: @delvepsychchicagoyoutube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20⁠substack: ⁠https://delvepsych.substack.com/⁠--Participants--Ali McGarelAdam W. Fominaya--Overview of Big Ideas--A well-meant “How are you feeling today?” can inadvertently become a demand for improvement, loading guilt onto someone who already feels wretched.The urge to rescue often curdles into frustration: we hate witnessing suffering, so we try to solve it—and then resent the person when they don’t “get better.”Advice (“go for a walk,” “try a run”) is usually not novel; it can amplify shame by implying the depressed person is simply failing to do the obvious.A more humane stance is presence without coercion: stop trying to fix, keep trying to care.Support can be instrumental (doing practical tasks) or emotional (staying close, receptive, and steady).Sometimes the most restorative help is non-topical connection—rejoining a friend in ordinary togetherness that reawakens identity and belonging.The episode problematizes tidy, authoritative definitions of “depression,” arguing for humility: clinical models, lay language, and alternative framings can coexist without credential-policing.--Breakdown of Segments--Cold open and Delve updates: invite word-of-mouth sharing, reflect on writing barriers, and describe a “small-chunks” approach to blog content (and a future book-shaped compilation).The viral prompt: react to Matias James Barker’s “don’t text your depressed friends” critique; unpack how check-ins can become reassurance-seeking for the helper.The advice trap and shame spiral: why suggestions rarely help; reframing “ideas” as curiosity about reasoning; how pushing solutions can externalize and intensify shame.Low-lift invitations: concrete companionship (movie, s’mores, showing up) that reduces decision-fatigue while preserving the right to decline.Togetherness as medicine: instrumental vs emotional support; why being-with can heal more than problem-solving; bookshelf anecdote as memorable care.Limits and self-care for supporters: intentionality, choosing one’s effort, and not extending beyond capacity.What is “depression,” anyway?: critique of false consensus; respect for plural definitions; perils of ad hominem credential attacks.Closing reflections: admiration, fallibility, and the gap between intellectualizing solutions and actually living them.--AI Recommended References (APA)--American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.; DSM-5-TR). American Psychiatric Publishing.Beck, A. T., Rush, A. J., Shaw, B. F., & Emery, G. (1979). Cognitive therapy of depression. Guilford Press.Hari, J. (2018). Lost connections: Uncovering the real causes of depression—and the unexpected solutions. Bloomsbury Publishing.

MEDIA LINKSWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/HostsAli McGarelAdam W. FominayaOVERVIEW OF BIG IDEASAli and Adam unpack the “internal working model” as a mental blueprint: the mostly-implicit rulebook we carry about who we are, what other people are like, and what the world tends to do to us.They emphasize generalization. A painful early event rarely stays “one-to-one” (not just “chihuahuas are dangerous”), but expands into broader assumptions (“dogs are dangerous,” “animals can’t be trusted,” “the world is unsafe”).They highlight a clinical nuance: the same childhood context can yield divergent lessons. Two siblings can walk out of the same house with different narratives because the organism is always constructing meaning, not merely recording events.A practical triad becomes the organizing frame: how I see myself, how I see others, how I see the world. The episode shows how one early motif (e.g., “I’m helpless” or “I’m a burden”) can shape adulthood across medical situations, home repairs, and intimate relationships—either through clinging dependence or rigid self-reliance.They also point to “competing beliefs” and split paths: “I’m a burden” can coexist with “I must take care of everyone else,” producing the familiar pattern of over-giving and under-receiving.Finally, they bring it into the therapy room: many “confusing” behaviors make sense once you locate the old organizing principle that once protected the person. The question becomes: did it work then, and is it helping now?BREAKDOWN OF SEGMENTSOpening and Delve reminders (services, consultation, and sharing the show).Defining internal working models and why they’re bigger than single-event triggers.Generalization in action: the chihuahua example expands into world-level beliefs.Self-beliefs: childhood illness as a seed for “helpless/dependent” or “burden,” then traced through adult stressors (health, household tasks, attachment needs).Other-beliefs: the scraped-knee vignette (“people aren’t responsive”) and how it becomes mistrust, refusal of help, or even feeling insulted by care.World-beliefs: “the world is unfair/dangerous,” illustrated through guarded reactions to billing and assumptions about how businesses operate.Closing reflections on stillness: why silence is hard, and how waiting in the uncomfortable middle can sometimes let the situation clarify rather than forcing a rushed, anxiety-driven decision.AI RECOMMENDED REFERENCES (APA)Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum.Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press.Bowlby, J. (1969/1982). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment (2nd ed.). Basic Books.Bretherton, I. (1992). The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Developmental Psychology, 28(5), 759–775.Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema therapy: A practitioner’s guide. Guilford Press.

MEDIA LINKSWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/HostsAli McGarelAdam W. Fominaya, PhDOVERVIEW OF BIG IDEASAli and Adam continue their goals-needs-values framework by zooming in on “needs” and why this category so often confuses people. They argue that a “need” isn’t a craving or an impulse; it’s something that, if missing, leaves you persistently off-balance.They sketch three layers: universal needs (belonging, safety, stability), transient “Sims needs” that fluctuate and demand immediate attention (sleep, bathroom, basic functioning), and personal needs that are uniquely yours or uniquely intensified for you.A practical distinction: values are outputs (how you mean to live, what you do), while needs are receipts from the world (what you require from your environment, time, and relationships to stay psychologically steady).They warn against over-specific lists: the point isn’t perfect taxonomy, it’s building a usable compass. When a big feeling hits, revisit the list—something in your goals, needs, or values is likely being neglected or overfed.The episode closes with a riff that lands as a principle: fatalism is a kind of faux prophecy. Our brains tilt toward loss, threat, and catastrophe, so “it’ll all go badly” often feels more plausible than “it could go well.”BREAKDOWN OF SEGMENTSIntro, recap of goals-needs-values as “north stars,” and a reminder that the aim is pursuit, not flawless achievement.Why “needs” are tricky: universal needs are often invisible until they’re threatened; transient needs hijack the moment; neither necessarily belongs on a personal list unless they’ve become salient.Wants versus needs, via the recurring pastry example: wanting something intensely doesn’t make it a need.Personal needs defined: the idiosyncratic requirements that keep you regulated (solitude, creative time, projects, being in nature, etc.), plus “dialed up” universal needs shaped by history and context.Needs versus values: exercise as an example—often a value (a chosen way of living), sometimes pointing to a deeper need (time, support, presence, affirmation).How to use the list: decision-making, schedule planning, and troubleshooting the “why do I feel off?” moments.Negativity bias and risk aversion: why people default to catastrophic forecasts, and why “predicting doom” can masquerade as realism.AI RECOMMENDED REFERENCES (APA)Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C., & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323–370. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.5.4.323Kahneman, D., & Tversky, A. (1979). Prospect theory: An analysis of decision under risk. Econometrica, 47(2), 263–291. https://doi.org/10.2307/1914185Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review, 50(4), 370–396. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0054346

MEDIA LINKSWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/HostsAli McGarelAdam W. FominayaOVERVIEW OF BIG IDEASAli and Adam dig into regret as something many people experience as “an emotion,” while Adam argues it’s better understood as a cognitive process: a backward-looking judgment that you “should have chosen differently” because you dislike the outcome.They frame this as the historian’s fallacy in everyday life: importing today’s knowledge, perspective, and consequences into the past self, then condemning that past self for not having information it literally couldn’t have had.A key move is separating the thought-structure (“I should’ve known”) from the actual emotions happening now (shame, embarrassment, disappointment, sorrow, worry). Regret-talk can become a dodge that blocks the real work: repairing, grieving, apologizing, tolerating uncertainty, or recommitting to values.They also critique outcome-obsessed living (“ends justify the means”) and nudge toward a process-oriented stance: less fixated on getting the perfect outcome, more focused on living a coherent way, even when life hands you lemons.The episode stays playful with time-travel riffs (and the chaos of trying to “fix” timelines), then pivots into a deeper point: the past and future only exist as representations in the brain right now. Memory is fallible and gets subtly rewritten with recall, so even “hindsight” isn’t a pristine window.BREAKDOWN OF SEGMENTSIntro, how to support the podcast by sharing it, and a reminder of Delve services plus consultation info and Substack.What regret is (and isn’t): cognitive process vs emotion; why people cling to regret; why it can keep you stuck.Historian’s fallacy explained with a concrete example (the “gift that offended someone” scenario) and the idea that “I should have known” often smuggles in magical thinking.Shifting from regret to present-tense emotions and present-tense actions: relational repair, naming worry, handling shame, dealing with consequences.Process-oriented living vs outcome fixation; why “bad outcomes” and discomfort are part of growth rather than proof you failed.Time travel as metaphor: trying to retroactively fix the past often makes things haywire; levity as an antidote to rumination.The present-moment thesis: memory and future-plans live in current neural hardware; perception of the past changes as you change; “hindsight is 50/50.”Closing recap and callouts to Delve’s website and Substack.AI RECOMMENDED REFERENCES (APA)Fischer, D. H. (1970). Historians’ fallacies: Toward a logic of historical thought. Harper & Row.Harrington, A. (2019). Mind fixers: Psychiatry’s troubled search for the biology of mental illness. W. W. Norton & Company.Nader, K., Schafe, G. E., & LeDoux, J. E. (2000). Fear memories require protein synthesis in the amygdala for reconsolidation after retrieval. Nature, 406, 722–726. https://doi.org/10.1038/35021052Roese, N. J., & Vohs, K. D. (2012). Hindsight bias. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 7(5), 411–426. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691612454303

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/ParticipantsHostsAli McGarelAdam W. Fominaya, PhDOverview of big ideasA listener question opens a familiar ache: how do you stop comparing yourself to others when it’s corroding your self-worth?Ali and Adam treat comparison as more than a quirky personal flaw. It’s often a learned reflex shaped by social hierarchies, scarcity stories, and the quiet pressure to climb.They tease apart “doing well at life” from the culturally manufactured scoreboard that tells you what should count. If you’re chasing someone else’s rubric, you’ll stay perpetually behind.They also normalize the problem without romanticizing it: you may not be responsible for the first comparison-thought, but you do have leverage over what you feed, rehearse, and obey.The antidote isn’t magical confidence. It’s values. It’s choosing what you actually want, tolerating the discomfort of not optimizing, and building a wider reality than the narrow highlight-reel you’ve been measuring yourself against.Breakdown of segmentsOpening, how to support the show, and a reminder that Delve offers consultation calls plus a small number of very low-fee and occasional pro-bono slots (Illinois-based).The listener prompt and the comparison spiral: career progress, “emotional stability,” and the shame of feeling envy.A systems lens: how class, status ladders, and “more is better” conditioning recruit people into relentless self-evaluation.A pop-culture mirror: a Black Mirror-style world where ratings become destiny, used as a vivid metaphor for social approval addiction.What change looks like in real life: growth tends to be awkward and uncomfy. The goal isn’t to delete thoughts, but to notice them, name them, and refuse to let them drive.Concrete experiments: talk honestly with trusted people (even the person you’re comparing yourself to), learn how mutual and hidden comparison often is, and widen your social world by meeting strangers and encountering different contexts.Closing reflections: gratitude as a daily reorientation, and forgiveness as an internal unburdening that doesn’t require the other person’s participation.AI Recommended References (APA formatted)Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140. https://doi.org/10.1177/001872675400700202Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and commitment therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. Guilford Press.Wright, J. (Director). (2016). Nosedive (Season 3, Episode 1) [TV series episode]. In C. Brooker (Creator), Black Mirror. Netflix.

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/HostsAli McGarelAdam W. Fominaya, PhDOverview of Big IdeasA listener question becomes a deceptively weighty inquiry: kids learn conflict styles by watching conflict. Bandura’s social learning theory (and the Bobo doll studies) as a stark demonstration of imitation, hostile language pickup, and behavioral “generalization” beyond what was directly modeled. PubMed+1A crisp primer on experimental design: control groups, random assignment, and why comparison is the engine of inference. Observational learning isn’t “just for kids”: adults (and even animals) infer consequences by watching, not only by being reinforced directly. Why a simplistic rewards/punishments frame is often too anemic for humans: cognition, context, and “mentalizing” muddy the neat behaviorist story. Two vivid side-threads: decision fatigue in judges and the “Rat Park” line of work as reminders that environment and depletion can warp behavior. PubMed+1Breakdown of SegmentsWelcome + practice notes: listener-supported ethos, consultation plug, Substack, and availability/low-fee options. The question: “How do kids learn how to fight?” framed as learning-by-observation. Bandura refresher: Bobo doll as a template for mimicry + escalation/generalization (new aggressive acts, not merely copied ones). PubMed+1Science detour: what makes a study “experimental,” why controls matter, and why random assignment protects against hidden timing/context effects. Beyond humans: a dog/puppet example to illustrate vicarious learning of consequences. Complexity check: humans (and even rats) don’t reduce cleanly to pellets-and-levers; cognition and social context change the equation. PubMed+1Closing ethos: an anti-perfectionism push—start small, iterate, and act a little before you feel “ready.” AI Recommended References (APA)Alexander, B. K., Coambs, R. B., & Hadaway, P. F. (1978). The effect of housing and gender on morphine self-administration in rats. Psychopharmacology, 58(2), 175–179. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF00426903 Springer LinkBandura, A., Ross, D., & Ross, S. A. (1961). Transmission of aggression through imitation of aggressive models. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 63, 575–582. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0045925 PubMedBandura, A., Ross, D., & Ross, S. A. (1963). Imitation of film-mediated aggressive models. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 66, 3–11. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0048687 PubMedDanziger, S., Levav, J., & Avnaim-Pesso, L. (2011). Extraneous factors in judicial decisions. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(17), 6889–6892. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1018033108 PubMedGallup, G. G., Jr. (1970). Chimpanzees: Self-recognition. Science, 167(3914), 86–87. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.167.3914.86 PubMedGage, S. H., & Sumnall, H. R. (2019). Rat Park: How a rat paradise changed the narrative of addiction. Addiction, 114(5), 917–922. https://doi.org/10.1111/add.14481 PubMed

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/HostsAli McGarel — Staff Therapist, Delve Psychotherapy of Chicago Adam Fominaya — Executive & Clinical Director, Delve Psychotherapy of Chicago Overview of Big IdeasWanting approval is ancient: social acceptance once meant survival—and it still shapes how we move through work, friendship, and belonging. The control fantasy: “If I do everything right, nobody will dislike me” sounds logical, but collapses under real human subjectivity and projection. Over-pleasing erodes identity: if you try to satisfy everyone, you become an amorphous “average of expectations,” not a person. “Pick your mirrors”: choose whose feedback gets to shape your self-concept—don’t hand the mirror to strangers and hecklers. Practical repair after a “bad impression”: allow the sting, then reconnect with your core people—often without needing to litigate the whole story. A spicy clinical aside: reframing can help, but existential wounds (belonging, worth, grace) can’t be solved with “half measures.” Breakdown of SegmentsListener prompt + why this is universal: approval-seeking as social wiring; control as the hidden agenda. Why “doing everything right” fails: norms are contested; people interpret you through their own history. Impression management: presenting “better than I am” vs. “worse than I am,” and the unspoken motives underneath. The looking-glass problem: you can’t read minds, yet you internalize what you think others think. Stop caring what everyone thinks: rumination over strangers steals presence from the people who actually matter. Halloween example: friends-of-friends anxiety, plus a two-part response—feel the hurt, then return to your relational “home base.” CBT vs. the abyss: role-play shows reframing can soothe, but deeper questions still demand deeper work. Closing: reach out for topic requests; consults + blog plug. AI Recommended ReferencesBollas, C. (1987). The shadow of the object: Psychoanalysis of the unthought known. Columbia University Press. Google BooksCooley, C. H. (1902). Human nature and the social order. Scribner’s. Brock UniversityHayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and commitment therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. Guilford Press. ACBSPaulhus, D. L. (1984). Two-component models of socially desirable responding. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 46(3), 598–609. www2.psych.ubc.ca

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/HostsAli McGarel – Staff Therapist, Delve Psychotherapy of ChicagoAdam W. Fominaya, PhD – Executive & Clinical Director, Delve Psychotherapy of ChicagoOverview of Big IdeasWhy holiday visits can feel like emotional obligation more than genuine choice.Clarifying your reason for going (or not going): love, guilt, fear, money, hope for repair, or simple habit.The grief of realizing your family may never want the same level of emotional closeness that you do.Acceptance as a skill: seeing people as they are, not as you wish they were, and choosing your limits accordingly.Boundaries as actions you take—leaving, limiting time, declining invites—rather than rules you impose on others.How “family is forever” beliefs collide with chosen family, especially in LGBTQ+ and marginalized communities.When misgendering, bigotry, or chronic invalidation make staying engaged more harmful than stepping back.Breakdown of SegmentsThe Dreaded Question: “Are You Coming Home?”Ali and Adam name the pressure of feeling like a bad child if you don’t show up, even when visits leave you drained or unsafe.What Are You Hoping Will Happen?They invite listeners to ask, “In order to accomplish what am I going?” and notice when the real fantasy is finally being seen or finally changing someone’s mind.Fantasy Family vs. Real FamilyThe hosts explore how TV, culture, and nostalgia create an idealized picture of family that clashes with messy, imperfect reality—and how that gap fuels shame and confusion.Power, Roles, and the Hidden JudgeThey unpack how one family member often functions as the unspoken “arbiter,” setting expectations about who must visit, who must forgive, and who is allowed to be upset.Boundaries, Not UltimatumsAli and Adam distinguish between trying to control relatives’ beliefs and simply choosing what you’ll participate in: staying shorter, not discussing politics, or opting out entirely.When Identity Is on the LineThe episode addresses situations where pronouns, queerness, race, or partners are dismissed or mocked—naming that you may need to leave, at least for a season, to stay emotionally and physically safe.You’re Allowed to Choose YourselfThey close by giving explicit permission not to go home if the cost is too high, and by reminding listeners that chosen family, friendships, and community can also be home.AI Recommended References (APA)Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.Bowen, M. (1978). Family therapy in clinical practice. Jason Aronson.Kerr, M. E., & Bowen, M. (1988). Family evaluation: An approach based on Bowen theory. W. W. Norton.Meyer, I. H. (2003). Prejudice, social stress, and mental health in lesbian, gay, and bisexual populations: Conceptual issues and research evidence. Psychological Bulletin, 129(5), 674–697.

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/ParticipantsHostsAli McGarel – Staff Therapist, Delve Psychotherapy of ChicagoAdam W. Fominaya, PhD – Executive & Clinical Director, Delve Psychotherapy of ChicagoOverview of Big IdeasForgiveness is optional, not a moral duty; it’s one possible route to relief, not the only path.“Getting rid of negative emotions” is impossible on command; those feelings are your work, not your offender’s.You can heal, set limits, and build a meaningful life without reconciling—or even speaking—with the person who hurt you.Empathy, perspective-taking, and “grace” are tools you may choose if they help you; they are never owed.Trauma recovery is less about erasing pain and more about shrinking its grip on your current choices.Body-based practices and experiential work (like psychodrama) can move stuck emotions when language alone falls short.Acts of forgiveness in extreme situations (like courtrooms) are often “for me, not for you”—a way to stop centering one’s life on the harm.Breakdown of Segments1. Two Reddit Posts and the Forgiveness BacklashAli and Adam start with online posts about estrangement and anti-forgiveness sentiment, unpacking why many people now bristle at the idea that they “have to” forgive.2. What Do We Mean by Forgiveness, Really?They tease apart understanding, empathy, grace, and reconciliation, arguing that these are distinct moves. You can adopt some and refuse others without being “bitter” or “petty.”3. Your Feelings, Your JobThe hosts normalize anger, grief, and fear as expected responses to harm. Processing those emotions is framed as internal work that doesn’t require the offender’s participation or apology.4. Boundaries, Estrangement, and Changing Your MindThey explore cutting contact, staying distant, or cautiously reconnecting later. The emphasis: you are allowed to revise your stance as people (including you) change over time.5. Trauma, the Body, and Experiential WorkAli and Adam discuss how talk therapy, body-focused practices, and psychodrama-style group work can complement each other, giving people more ways to metabolize what happened.6. “I Am Here to Give Everything”The episode closes on the question of healthy self-giving—how to be generous without self-erasing, and how to stop giving when a relationship or system keeps causing harm.AI Recommended ReferencesBaskin, T. W., & Enright, R. D. (2004). Intervention studies on forgiveness: A meta-analysis. Journal of Counseling & Development, 82(1), 79–90.Clark, T. L., & Davis-Gage, D. (2010). Treating trauma: Using psychodrama in groups. VISTAS Online. American Counseling Association.Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2000). Helping clients forgive: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association.Raj, P., Elizabeth, C. S., & Padmakumari, P. (2016). Mental health through forgiveness: Exploring the roots and benefits. Cogent Psychology, 3(1), 1153817.

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/HostsAli McGarel – Staff Therapist, Delve Psychotherapy of ChicagoAdam W. Fominaya, PhD – Executive & Clinical Director, Delve Psychotherapy of ChicagoOverview of Big IdeasWhy we rush to “fix” the people we love, especially when we’re tired, sick, or stressed.How family-of-origin dynamics and caregiver meltdowns teach us that big emotions are dangerous and must be shut down.The costs of jumping to advice, reframes, or “you’ll be fine” before we’ve actually understood the other person.Concrete skills for genuine empathy: curiosity, open questions, reflection, validation, grounded reassurance, and simply staying present.Choosing trust and hope as active commitments in relationships so that no one has to be alone in their sorrow.Breakdown of SegmentsSick, Tired, and Ready to FightAli and Adam start with daylight savings fog and being under the weather, then explore why conflict spikes when our bodies and brains are depleted.Why We Jump Straight to FixingThey unpack the impulse to immediately offer solutions—how discomfort with another’s pain, fear of being a “bad partner,” and the urge to restore normalcy push us to shut feelings down.Childhood Templates for CrisisThey revisit the crisis styles many of us saw growing up: going numb, collapsing, or exploding, and how those patterns script the belief that intense emotion is catastrophic.Is This a Breakup or Just a Hard Day?They challenge all-or-nothing thinking in conflict (“If we fight like this, maybe we shouldn’t be together”) and invite a return to shared values and the relationship we actually want to build.Curiosity as the First MoveInstead of defending against “You never listen,” they model questions like, “What am I missing?” and “Where is this coming from for you?” as doorways back into connection.What to Say When You Don’t Know What to SayAdam offers language for staying in it: “I don’t know what to say, but I want to understand,” naming what you hear (“I hear panic”), and reflecting both the situation and the feeling.Validation, Reframing, and Reassurance—In That OrderThey differentiate validating the struggle, gently offering a new angle, and only then reassuring. Reassurance lands when it’s rooted in real knowledge of the person, not hollow optimism.Joining, Modeling, and Being a Steady PresenceThey highlight the power of simply being with someone—sharing a game, sitting quietly, and modeling how to move through fear or grief without abandoning yourself or each other.Metaphors, Images, and Feeling Truly “Gotten”They explore how vivid metaphors—like being stuck in a hot-air balloon you don’t know how to fly, or stranded on an island—can make people feel deeply and precisely understood.“Unalone in Our Sorrow” and Climbing Into the CaveDrawing on John Green’s language about being “unalone in our sorrow,” they frame empathy as climbing down into the cave with someone, not yelling fixes from the edge.Invitations for ListenersListeners are invited to experiment this week: ask one curious question instead of defending yourself, reflect one feeling before offering any solution, and notice how different the conversation feels.AI Recommended ReferencesGottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. Three Rivers Press.Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational interviewing: Helping people change (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.Rogers, C. R. (1957). The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21(2), 95–103. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0045357vlogbrothers. (2023, March 14). The seduction of despair [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIbqS6XoNiE

Media Links• website: delvepsych.com• instagram: @delvepsychchicago• youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20• substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/ParticipantsHosts:• Ali McGarel• Adam FominayaGuests:• None this episodeOverview of Big Ideas• Anger carries a cultural stigma—especially for women—and is often misread as inherently destructive rather than informative.• Gendered socialization profoundly shapes how anger is expressed, suppressed, or rewarded.• Anger frequently masks deeper emotions, but it can also be a primary, clarifying signal about boundaries and injustice.• Healthy engagement with anger involves intention rather than reactivity, allowing emotion without surrendering to destructive behavior.• Anger can be transformative: mobilizing social change, strengthening relationships, and helping clients reclaim agency.• Therapy benefits from bringing live emotion into the room—working with anger directly rather than abstractly.Breakdown of Segments• How We Learn AngerAli and Adam explore how Western norms teach women to soften or hide anger, while men are pushed to redirect vulnerable emotions into aggression. The conversation moves through examples from sports, childhood messaging, and cultural expectations.• Anger as MessengerThey discuss anger as a boundary signal and its role in motivating social change. Anger doesn’t always conceal a “deeper” feeling—sometimes it is the primary, meaningful emotion.• Gender, Culture, and Emotional PermissionAdam outlines how emotion expression is policed differently in workplaces, relationships, and friend groups. Ali reflects on internal vs. external pressures to appear “not too much,” especially for women.• Anger Work in TherapyThe hosts compare approaches:– Helping clients identify emotions beneath over-reliance on anger– Helping others find anger when they over-internalize– Using emotional experience in session (even conflict) as therapeutic material– Distinguishing anger (emotion) from aggression (behavior)– Teaching clients to respond rather than react• Healthy ExpressionSkills include: intentional timing, self-focused language, boundary setting, and aligning behavior with goals and values. They draw parallels with relational patterns, breakups, and the role of clarity of purpose.• Social Change & Systemic AngerThey reflect on anger’s historical function in collective action and protest, and the importance of discerning when forceful boundary-setting becomes necessary.• Final Reflection: Language, Cultural Norms, and “Dreams Don’t Got Timelines”Adam riffs on linguistic elitism and language evolution, leading into a closing reflection on releasing rigid timelines for life goals and allowing oneself to pursue dreams without expiration dates.AI Recommended ReferencesBarrett, L. F. (2017). How emotions are made: The secret life of the brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.Ellis, A., & Dryden, W. (1997). The practice of rational emotive behavior therapy (2nd ed.). Springer.Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s search for meaning. Beacon Press. (Original work published 1959)Greenberg, L. S. (2015). Emotion-focused therapy: Coaching clients to work through their feelings (2nd ed.). American Psychological Association.Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.Tavris, C. (1989). Anger: The misunderstood emotion. Simon & Schuster.

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaGuest: None this episodeA viral “seven questions” claim about therapy gets a careful walkthrough—what’s useful, what’s oversimplified, and what’s missing.Themes: worth and lovability; fear of rejection; relating to emotions vs. controlling them; identity as co-created; finding meaning; contemporary grief work; and breaking repetitive, familiar patterns.Throughlines: how individualism shapes pop-psych, why discomfort is part of change, and how warmth and repair build safety in relationships and parenting.Warm-up & house notes. Why this recurring format (social media take, Reddit Qs, topic dive, listener feedback). Quick ask to share the show.The seven questions—one by one.Am I enough/lovable? Inherent worth and how achievement/appearance messages can skew “lovability.”Will I be rejected or betrayed? Attachment patterns and staying with yourself rather than pre-emptively bolting.How do I stay safe/in control? Shift from control to relating to emotions; broaden strategies beyond thought-policing.Who am I really? Pushback on the lone “true self” hunt; identity is co-constructed with others and culture.What does this mean? Purpose and meaning as stabilizers; the value (and scarcity) of existential work.How do I live with loss? Grief is cyclical; resist rescuing—sit with pain while supporting engagement with life.Why do I keep sabotaging myself? Familiar ≠ healthy; growth can feel “unreasonable” at first.Parenting & repair. Simple, honest repairs (“I didn’t like how I spoke to you”) communicate safety over time.ACT mountain image. Be the mountain; weather changes, you remain.Close. Bravery often comes before readiness; discomfort is part of change.Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of Attachment. Lawrence Erlbaum.Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Guilford Press.Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. Guilford Press. (Emotion regulation & acceptance skills.)Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). “The ‘What’ and ‘Why’ of Goal Pursuits.” Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268. (Self-Determination Theory: needs for autonomy, competence, relatedness.)Frankl, V. E. (1946/2006). Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press.Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying. Macmillan.Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). “The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement.” Death Studies, 23(3), 197–224.Wachtel, P. L. (1997). Psychoanalysis and Behavior Therapy: Toward an Integration. Basic Books. (Cyclical patterns in distress and change.)Source discussed on-air: Weaver, G. C. “80% of therapy is about one of these seven questions.” (Instagram post).ParticipantsOverview of Big IdeasBreakdown of SegmentsAI Recommended References

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaGuests: NoneWe often rush to label people—“toxic,” “narcissistic,” “rude”—instead of sitting with our own discomfort. This episode explores how that habit (appraisal/judgment) protects us in the short term but costs us connection, nuance, and growth. Adam and Ali unpack why the brain loves categories, how common attribution errors fuel snap judgments, and a simple four-part framework for talking about hard moments without blame.Why we default to judgment: Externalizing is easier than self-examination; labels feel safer than uncertainty.Everyday examples: A harmless comment or a tense moment on a first date can trigger elaborate stories that say more about us than them.What overusing “toxic/narcissist” reveals: Chronic labeling often reflects our own fears and hypervigilance, not objective reality.Own your inner experience: Swap “you made me feel” for “here’s what came up in me.”Four actions for tough conversations:Share primary emotions,Ask open, non-leading questions,Make requests (not demands),Offer gifts (recognition, care, goodwill).Big-picture psychology: Attribution theory, fundamental attribution error, and actor–observer bias explain why we misread others.Quote of the day: “We suffer more in our imagination than in reality.” Tied to how our narratives amplify pain.What’s next: Interest in deeper dives on Stoicism/Buddhism and a future book review of Selfie.Heider, F. (1958). The Psychology of Interpersonal Relations. Wiley.Jones, E. E., & Davis, K. E. (1965). “From Acts to Dispositions: The Attribution Process in Person Perception.” In L. Berkowitz (Ed.), Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, Vol. 2, pp. 219–266. Academic Press.Kelley, H. H. (1973). “The Processes of Causal Attribution.” American Psychologist, 28, 107–128.Ross, L. (1977). “The Intuitive Psychologist and His Shortcomings: Distortions in the Attribution Process.” In L. Berkowitz (Ed.), Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, Vol. 10, pp. 173–220. Academic Press.Jones, E. E., & Nisbett, R. E. (1971). “The Actor and the Observer: Divergent Perceptions of the Causes of Behavior.” In E. E. Jones et al. (Eds.), Attribution: Perceiving the Causes of Behavior. General Learning Press.Seneca, Epistulae Morales ad Lucilium, Letter 13 (“De Vanis Terroribus”): “Plura sunt… opinione quam re laboramus.”Hirschman, A. O. (1970). Exit, Voice, and Loyalty: Responses to Decline in Firms, Organizations, and States. Harvard University Press.

--Media Links--• Website: delvepsych.com• Instagram: @delvepsychchicago• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20• Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/ --Participants--Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam Fominaya--Overview of Big Ideas--Ali and Adam respond to a listener’s Reddit post about self-forgiveness, guilt, and shame. They unpack how over-identifying with depression, anxiety, or ADHD can limit growth, and how self-forgiveness often means acceptance, not erasure of the past. They explore the distinction between rumination and emotional processing, discuss how diagnostic labels can both clarify and constrain, and reflect on what it means to live virtuously in the present rather than chasing redemption through others’ perceptions.--Breakdown of Segments--• The Reddit question: how do you really forgive yourself?• The trap of over-identifying with diagnoses like depression or ADHD• Shifting from blame and identity to choice and responsibility• Adam’s critique of diagnostic thinking and the illusion of “clarity”• The book Selfie and how individualism distorts identity and self-worth• Ali and Adam on present-focused living: “What do you want to do now?”• Flaws as subjective traits — the same traits can be strengths• Processing vs. ruminating: emotional change as the marker of progress• Narrative exposure therapy and how trauma processing actually feels• Forgiveness as acceptance, not permission or forgetting• The quote: “Rescuing them from their struggle invalidates their struggle and their strength.”• Why therapists shouldn’t “save” clients but trust their resilience--References--• Selfie: How We Became So Self-Obsessed and What It’s Doing to Us by Will Storr (2017)• Schreiber, M., & Maercker, A. (2011). “Rebuilding Meaning after Trauma: Theory and Applications of Narrative Exposure Therapy.” Frontiers in Psychology.• Epictetus, Enchiridion — Stoic principles of focusing on what is within one’s control.• Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. (discussion of acceptance and change balance).

--Media Links--• Website: delvepsych.com• Instagram: @delvepsychchicago• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20• Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/--Participants--Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam Fominaya--Overview of Big Ideas--Ali and Adam tackle the deceptively simple question, “How do we know if psychotherapy is working?” They explore the tension between scientific measurement and human experience—how therapy outcomes resist clean quantification, and how psychology’s methods often rest on value judgments rather than objective truths. Adam shares his evolving skepticism toward traditional measures like depression scores, questioning whether they capture anything “real.” Together, they wrestle with the institutional, philosophical, and ethical implications of trying to prove psychotherapy’s worth—while acknowledging that real change is still felt deeply in the therapy room.--Breakdown of Segments--• Opening reflections on science vs heart in therapy• Why psychology struggles to measure “real” outcomes• Constructs, validity, and the limits of objectivity• How “values judgments” sneak into definitions of health and success• The difference between feeling better and being well• The field’s bias toward legitimizing itself rather than questioning itself• Acknowledging the tension between subjective evidence and genuine transformation• Closing quote: “Obsessing about why is an abandonment of what is” — exploring when curiosity turns into avoidance--References--• Cronbach, L. J., & Meehl, P. E. (1955). Construct validity in psychological tests. Psychological Bulletin, 52(4), 281–302.• Wampold, B. E., & Imel, Z. E. (2015). The Great Psychotherapy Debate: The Evidence for What Makes Psychotherapy Work. Routledge.• Bohart, A. C., & Tallman, K. (2010). Clients: The neglected common factor in psychotherapy. In The Heart and Soul of Change: Delivering What Works in Therapy (2nd ed.). American Psychological Association.

--Media Links--• Website: delvepsych.com• Instagram: @delvepsychchicago• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20• Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/--Participants--Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam Fominaya--Overview of Big Ideas--Ali and Adam explore how psychology risks losing touch with its human roots. They discuss how modern training, empirical pressures, and the push for legitimacy have over-mechanized therapy—turning it into protocols rather than relationships. The episode advocates reclaiming warmth, authenticity, and relational presence as the true foundation of healing work.--Breakdown of Segments--• Opening reflections on global listeners and spreading helpful ideas.• Adam’s reflections from Thailand and reading Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning.• The “loss of humanity” in psychology: how experimentalism, empiricism, and behaviorism overshadow the human element.• Ali’s question: why does a field built to help humans feel so mechanized?• The profession’s effort to prove legitimacy through “hard science” methods.• Psychology as the “most fundamental science”—since all science is done by humans.• How to bring humanity back: the power of relationship and genuine care.• Carl Rogers and common-factors research—why empathy and presence matter more than technique.• Balancing care and boundaries; being human without over-involvement.• The art of self-disclosure—sharing for the client’s benefit, not one’s own.• Storytelling as ancient human teaching; reclaiming it in therapy.• Closing reflections on authenticity: clients come for your humanity, not robotic answers.• Quote of the day: “You are not afraid of abandonment. You are afraid of confirming your existing belief that you are unlovable.”• Discussion on attachment styles—why real growth happens in relationships, not outside them.• Metaphor of learning to ride a bike—security and growth require being “on the bike.”--References--• Frankl, V. E. (1959). Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press.• Rogers, C. R. (1957). The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21(2), 95-103.• Wampold, B. E., & Imel, Z. E. (2015). The Great Psychotherapy Debate: The Evidence for What Makes Psychotherapy Work. Routledge.• Bandura, A. (1977). Social Learning Theory. Prentice Hall.

--Media Links--• Website: delvepsych.com• Instagram: @delvepsychchicago• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20• Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/--Participants--Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaGuests: none--Overview of Big Ideas--• Can other people “make” us feel something? The show argues that emotions are ours; words like “attacked” or “rejected” are often perceptions or judgments, not feelings. • Swapping finger-pointy language (“you made me…”) for “I felt…” reduces defensiveness and keeps the focus on your inner experience. • Break arguments into parts: what happened, what you felt, and what you needed—instead of litigating who said what. • You can’t choose your first feeling, but you are responsible for your next thought and first action; there’s a choice point between stimulus and response. • Past experiences “prime” certain reactions; sequence isn’t the same as cause. Noticing your patterns gives you more freedom. • Attention shapes outcomes: what you focus on in dating or friendships can quietly recreate old dynamics. --Breakdown of Segments--• Listener question: “Do other people make us feel emotions?”• Feelings vs. perceptions: why “attacked,” “blamed,” and “rejected” aren’t emotions—and what to say instead. • The skill: “break it into pieces”—separating their behavior, your interpretation, your emotion, and your need. • Name-calling example: how to set a clear boundary (“I want friendships without name-calling”) without counterattacks. • The fallacy trap: after-then-therefore—why heated moments wake up old hurts, but don’t strictly cause them. • Choice in action: you can’t pick your first feeling, but you can pick your next move. • Dating aside: the “cyclical irony” of distress—how our attention and habits can re-invite the very patterns we don’t want. • Closing: invite to share the pod; ask female-identified listeners to pass it along to male-identified friends. --References--• Rosenberg, M. B. (2015). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (3rd ed.). PuddleDancer Press. (Practical tools for naming feelings/needs without blame.) Center for Nonviolent Communication• Lazarus, R. S. (1991). Emotion and Adaptation. Oxford University Press. (Appraisal theory: emotions arise from how we evaluate events.) Oxford University Press• Gross, J. J. (1998). The Emerging Field of Emotion Regulation: An Integrative Review. Review of General Psychology. (Process model for choosing responses to emotion.) SAGE Journals• The Gottman Institute. “The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling” (and antidotes). (Research-based guidance for de-escalating conflict.) Gottman Institute+1• Encyclopaedia Britannica. “Post hoc ergo propter hoc.” (On the fallacy of mistaking sequence for cause.) Encyclopedia Britannica• Frankl, V. E. Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press. (A classic argument for freedom of response and responsibility.) Beacon

--Media Links--• Website: delvepsych.com• Instagram: @delvepsychchicago• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20• Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/--Participants--Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaGuests: none--Overview of Big Ideas--• The “never good enough” feeling is a story our minds tell—often fueled by comparison and hedonic adaptation. It shifts the goalposts and keeps us chasing. ResearchGate+1• Don’t wait to feel better before you act. Do small, values-aligned actions even on hard days; behavior change often precedes mood change. (ACT + Behavioral Activation.) PubMed+1• Your emotions, thoughts, and identity are related but separable; identifying as your diagnosis can tighten the box of self-stigma. Wiley Online Library• With others, understanding repairs more than “I’m sorry.” Real apologies pair genuine remorse with concrete change; in couples, effective repairs matter more than perfect words. ncmr.lps.library.cmu.edu+1--Breakdown of Segments--• Reddit prompt: “Ever feel like you’ll never be good enough?” What that story does to motivation and hope. • Outcome chasing vs. living now: why waiting to “arrive” keeps us from the life we want.• “Feel bad, do it anyway”: values, goals, and tiny actions when the day is heavy. PubMed+1• The danger of self-labels: moving from “this is who I am” to “this is what I’m feeling and choosing next.” Wiley Online Library• When your past is thrown in your face: systems get used to old roles; sometimes you set boundaries, re-narrate, or disengage.• Apologies vs. understanding: why good understanding often dissolves the “need” for an apology—and what a real apology includes (remorse + change). ncmr.lps.library.cmu.edu• Quick sign-off and teaser for future topics (nonlinearity of change).--References--• Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J., Bond, F., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Model, processes, and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy. (Values + committed action framework.) PubMed+2Anxiety Institute+2• Dimidjian, S., et al. (2006). Randomized trial of behavioral activation, cognitive therapy, and antidepressant medication. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. (Doing first can lift mood—especially for severe depression.) PubMed• Wills, T. A. (1981). Downward comparison principles in social psychology. Psychological Bulletin. (Why “others would envy what I’m loathing” sometimes helps.) ResearchGate• Brickman, P., Coates, D., & Janoff-Bulman, R. (1978). Lottery winners and accident victims: Is happiness relative? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. (Classic hedonic adaptation study.) Gwern+1• Corrigan, P. W., & Watson, A. C. (2002). The paradox of self-stigma and mental illness. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice. (Risks of over-identifying with diagnosis.) Wiley Online Library• Lewicki, R. J., Polin, B., & Lount, R. (2016). An exploration of the structure of effective apologies. Negotiation and Conflict Management Research. (Six elements: regret, explanation, responsibility, repentance, repair, request.) ncmr.lps.library.cmu.edu• Scher, S. J., & Darley, J. M. (1997). How effective are the things people say to apologize? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. (Why “sorry if/that you felt…” backfires.) SpringerLink• Gottman, J., et al. (2000). Predicting marital stability and divorce in newlyweds. Journal of Family Psychology. (Repair and interaction patterns predict outcomes.) John Gottman

--Media Links--• Website: delvepsych.com• Instagram: @delvepsychchicago• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20• Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/--Participants--Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaGuests: none--Overview of Big Ideas--• The Delve framework defines three pillars: Goals (specific, measurable, and discrete “one-and-done” projects), Needs (what you require from the world to stay well—universal, personal, and transient), and Values (broad, evolving directions for how you live). • Pursue purpose, not perfection: contentment comes from daily pursuit of goals/needs/values, not from chasing end states. • Emotions are signals, not dictators: unpleasant feelings often flag drift from your stated purpose—use them to realign rather than to avoid action. • Don’t let wants, proclivities, or momentary emotional reactions steer your life; take responsibility for choices that align with purpose. • Examples in practice: facing fears while acting on values (e.g., social anxiety work in group, spider phobia via exposure); relationships heal in vivo, not before you begin them. --Breakdown of Segments--• Why this episode: celebrating #20 and why purpose beats outcomes. • The Delve definitions: what “goals,” “needs,” and “values” mean in this model. • Goals: make them objective and discrete (book, degree, wedding), not vague states (“be better in relationships”). • Needs in three layers: universal (autonomy, connection), personal (your unique emphasis—e.g., financial security), transient (“Sims-style” sleep/food/space needs that burst out if ignored). • Values: broad directions (health, creativity, honesty) that flex across seasons of life; keep names out of values so they survive life’s changes. • Avoiding traps: wants vs needs; proclivities vs choices; reacting to feelings vs acting from values. • Pursuit over outcome: the journey is your life—graduations are brief; purpose is daily. • Using feelings as feedback: two questions—“What have I not been paying attention to?” and “What do I intend to do now?” • Updating your list: it’s living—test, learn, and revise as life changes. • A nudge on responsibility: kindness isn’t incompatibile with being a bit selfish—put your mask on first. --References--• Greenberg, L. (2011). Emotion-Focused Therapy (APA)—core EFT text on working with emotions as information and change agents. American Psychological Association• Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2016). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, 2e: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (Guilford)—values-based action and psychological flexibility. Guilford Press• Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). “The What and Why of Goal Pursuits: Human Needs and the Self-Determination of Behavior.” Psychological Inquiry—autonomy, competence, relatedness as basic psychological needs. Self Determination Theory• Locke, E. A., & Latham, G. P. (2002). “Building a Practically Useful Theory of Goal Setting and Task Motivation.” American Psychologist—evidence behind specific, challenging goals and measurable endpoints. PubMed• Doran, G. T. (1981). “There’s a S.M.A.R.T. Way to Write Management’s Goals and Objectives.” Management Review—origin of SMART; useful contrast with the Delve “discrete project” emphasis. community.mis.temple.edu• Craske, M. G., Treanor, M., Conway, C. C., Zbozinek, T., & Vervliet, B. (2014). “Maximizing Exposure Therapy: An Inhibitory Learning Approach.” Behaviour Research and Therapy—why exposure while anxious is effective. PMC• Heimberg, R. G., et al. (1990). “Cognitive-behavioral group treatment for social phobia.” Behaviour Research and Therapy—evidence base for group work with social anxiety. SpringerLink• Ryff, C. D. (2013). “Psychological Well-Being Revisited.” Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics (review)—eudaimonic well-being (purpose/meaning) and health links.

--Media Links--• Website: delvepsych.com• Instagram: @delvepsychchicago• YouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20• Substack: delvepsych.substack.com--Participants--Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam Fominaya--Overview of Big Ideas--• Scale care via supervision and culturally grounded providers (“task-sharing”), not just 1:1 therapy.• Boundaries aren’t cudgels: start soft, escalate only as needed; focus on your choices, goals, and values.• Input vs output boundaries; how to receive a boundary without shame or counterattack.• Identity threat & the “narcissism of small differences”: resist hyper-focusing on trivial divergences. --Breakdown of Segments--• 00:00 — Intro; global listeners; why supervision scales care.• 05:00 — Task-sharing model; ethics, culture, and burnout realities.• 10:00 — “Weaponizing” boundaries vs owning your choices.• 15:00 — Example: Nicola & Ivan; drop demands, name needs.• 20:00 — Input vs output boundaries; soft vs hard styles.• 29:00 — Escalation ladder; minimize defensiveness.• 40:00 — Fairness to both sides; repair and care.• 45:00 — Role-play: chronic lateness; negotiate, then decide.• 55:00 — Quote + “narcissism of small differences”; zoom out to common ground. --Key Takeaways--• Start soft; escalate only if necessary.• Boundaries = your decisions, not their indictments.• Before hard talks: regulate, plan, anticipate triggers.• Receiving a boundary? De-personalize; seek understanding, not vindication.--Notable Quotes--• “Drop the demand; hold truer to the need.”• “If you look for differences, you will find them.” --Action Steps--• Illinois: inquire for therapy; sliding scale and (at recording) one pro-bono slot.• Anywhere: follow Substack + podcast for ongoing skills.

--Media Links--• Website: delvepsych.com• Instagram: @delvepsychchicago• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20• Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/--Participants--Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaGuests: none--Overview of Big Ideas--Ali and Adam explore how couples can handle conflict more effectively. They focus on personal responsibility, clear asks instead of demands, repair after arguments, and small gestures that keep connection alive.--Breakdown of Segments--• Why couples therapy can be intimidating but rewarding• How couples work is more complex than individual therapy• What changes when conflict unfolds in the room• Personal responsibility and choosing accept, ask, or leave• Asks versus demands, and deciding what you will do if the answer is no• The Gottman Four Horsemen and healthier alternatives• Adam’s four actions: ask questions, share emotions, make asks, offer gifts• Different ways couples can repair after conflict, including humor• Why listening and validation can matter more than apologies• Insight as an agent of change and living with intention--References--• John M. Gottman & Julie Schwartz Gottman (2023). Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection. Harmony Books.• John M. Gottman & Nan Silver (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.• Susan M. Johnson (2004). The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection. Routledge.

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: Delve Psych ChannelSubstack: delvepsych.substack.comHostsAli McGarel, Staff Therapist at Delve Psychotherapy of ChicagoAdam Fominaya, Executive and Clinical Director at Delve Psychotherapy of ChicagoGuestsNone this episodeIn this conversation, Ali and Adam break down four “brutal truths of psychology” that recently circulated on social media. Using their clinical knowledge and real-world therapeutic experience, they explore how these truths intersect with identity, emotional life, and the stories we tell ourselves. They also highlight the nuance often missing from popularized versions of psychology, bringing in deeper theoretical and clinical perspectives.The episode closes with a reflection on boredom, stability, and Adam’s now-famous phrase: “Sometimes it’s Thursday.”Introduction – Ali and Adam welcome listeners back, explain their ad-free mission, and encourage sharing.Truth #1: You are not a passive observer of reality – The brain as narrator, the impact of filters and biases, and how locus of responsibility shapes our interpretation of events.Truth #2: What you avoid controls you – Why avoidance strengthens shame and resentment, how to face discomfort, and the neurological pathways between feelings, planning, and action.Truth #3: You are not who you think you are – Identity as fluid and shaped by habits, feedback, and relationships; discussion of symbolic self-completion, multiple selves, and the tension between idealized, feared, and realized selves.Truth #4: You are wired for emotion but built to regulate it – A debate on the term “regulation,” the difference between reacting vs. responding, and strategies for holding emotions without being hijacked by them.Closing Reflections – Why mundane moments (like boredom in relationships) can signal stability, and how “Sometimes it’s Thursday” became a grounding metaphor.Vintage Block YouTube Channel – where the AI’s “brutal truths” were posted.Internal Family Systems (IFS) model of multiple selves.Freud’s structural model (id, ego, superego).Self-determination theory (Deci & Ryan).Symbolic Self-Completion (Wicklund & Gollwitzer).Charles Cooley’s Looking Glass Self.Les Greenberg – Emotion-Focused Therapy.Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?ParticipantsOverview of Big IdeasBreakdown of SegmentsReferences

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: Delve PsychSubstack: delvepsych.substack.comHostsAli McGarel — Staff Therapist at Delve Psychotherapy of ChicagoAdam Fominaya — Executive, Clinical, and Training Director at Delve Psychotherapy of ChicagoThis episode blends personal reflection with psychological insight as Ali and Adam explore the pressures of productivity, the nature of creativity, and the ways our cultural and personal stories shape both. They touch on motivation—what it is, how it works, and how to manufacture it when it doesn’t come naturally. Along the way, they connect these ideas to broader systems like capitalism, psychology’s own history, and theories of intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation.The discussion also celebrates Delve’s fifth anniversary, the growth of its training program, and the ongoing commitment to creating a supportive and thoughtful therapy community.Opening reflections — Ali and Adam thank listeners, talk about word-of-mouth support, and highlight recent blog posts from the Delve Substack.Delve’s 5-year anniversary — Looking back at the growth of the practice and the evolution of the training program.Productivity and creativity in clients’ lives — From art students to professionals, why motivation feels elusive.When creativity meets deadlines — The difference between passion-driven projects and output-focused demands.Manufacturing motivation — Why waiting to “feel like it” doesn’t work, and how action generates motivation.The 85% rule — Adam’s heuristic for finishing creative projects and overcoming symbolic self-completion.Goals, needs, and values — Using big-picture commitments to reignite motivation when creative fire dwindles.Capitalism, behaviorism, and output culture — A systemic lens on why we equate worth with productivity.Intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation — Why rewards can backfire, and how self-determination theory reframes motivation.The stories we tell ourselves — How beliefs and self-narratives influence our emotions and experiences.Closing thoughts — Encouragement to share the podcast, explore Delve’s services, and reflect on personal goals.Katherine Nieweglowski’s blog post on therapist uncertainty and repair (via Substack)Jeff Haden — The Motivation MythAlfie Kohn — Punished by RewardsSelf-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan, University of Rochester)

Media Links:Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/ParticipantsHosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaOverview of Big IdeasWelcoming new interns at Delve and the value of training fresh therapists from day one.Reddit question: “Scared of Being Alone and Scared of Being in a Relationship.”Avoidant attachment patterns—wanting closeness, then withdrawing when intimacy grows.How early caregiver relationships can shape (but not permanently define) adult attachment.Attachment as a relational stance, not a fixed identity—people may shift styles depending on the partner and context.The role of emotions in dating: “butterflies” often signal anxiety, not destiny.Relationships inevitably include boredom, irritation, and conflict alongside love.Feelings can’t reveal objective truths about a partner—perceptions are shaped by bias and brain shortcuts.Working with primary vs. secondary emotions—anger as a cover for deeper feelings.Breakdown of SegmentsOpening & Announcements – Ali and Adam share updates about Delve’s services, Substack, and the excitement of new intern orientation.Introducing the Reddit Question – Reading and unpacking a post about fear of both commitment and loneliness.Attachment Styles 101 – Explanation of secure, anxious, and avoidant attachment, with examples and clinical nuances.Nature vs. Nurture in Attachment – How childhood experiences shape tendencies, but also how adult relationships can shift them.Emotions in Relationships – Debunking the myth of constant butterflies; discussing the “misattribution of arousal” and why calm can feel like boredom.Long-Term Relationship Reality – Stability over thrill, and how “boring” can mean secure and healthy.Primary vs. Secondary Emotions – Anger as a protective layer over deeper feelings like fear, hurt, or embarrassment.Closing Thoughts – Advice for the Redditor, plus reflections on choosing partnership intentionally rather than by chasing chemistry.ReferencesBowlby, J., & Ainsworth, M. (Attachment theory origins)Kirkpatrick, L. A., & Davis, K. E. (1994). Attachment style, gender, and relationship stability. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.Fraley, R. C., et al. (2021). Do life events lead to enduring changes in adult attachment styles? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.Dutton, D. G., & Aron, A. P. (1974). Some evidence for heightened sexual attraction under conditions of high anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. (Capilano Suspension Bridge study)Lisa Feldman Barrett (Research on emotions and affective science)

Media Links:Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/Participants:Hosts:Ali McGarelAdam FominayaOverview of Big Ideas:In this thoughtful and energizing episode, Ali and Adam challenge the popular notion that happiness should be life’s ultimate goal. They explore the deeper psychological and philosophical underpinnings of emotional well-being, drawing from Buddhism, Stoicism, and lived clinical experience. Instead of chasing or clinging to happiness, they propose a shift toward emotional equanimity, self-efficacy, and values-driven action. Along the way, they reflect on toxic positivity, motivation, burnout, and how to live meaningfully even when emotions are hard.Breakdown of Segments:Intro & Purpose of the PodcastAli and Adam reaffirm Delve’s mission: providing value without chasing fame or ads, and building a community rooted in thoughtful conversations.Philosophical Grounding of TherapyAdam positions psychology as more of a philosophical discipline than a purely scientific one. Therapy, to him, is about offering perspectives—not solutions.The Misconception of Happiness as a GoalThe hosts unpack the futility of pursuing happiness as a constant state. Instead, they frame happiness as a fleeting experience—not an end point to strive for or cling to.Cultural Roots of Toxic PositivityThey explore how advertising, capitalism, and individualistic ideals reinforce the idea that products and achievements should lead to happiness.The Graduate School Mentality & Deferred JoyBoth share personal stories of grinding through training with the false hope that happiness comes after milestones. Instead, they advocate for living during the process.The 85% Rule for ProductivityAdam shares his personal rule: if a project is 85% done, your motivation doesn’t matter—you just need to finish it. It’s a practical take on discipline and completion.Reframing Emotional Goals in TherapyRather than eliminating negative emotions, the goal is to build a relationship with them. Therapy helps people live with emotions, not eradicate them.Values Over Emotions: The Granny MetaphorA powerful story about visiting Granny despite a fear of bridges helps illustrate acting in service of values over emotional avoidance.Motivation Comes from Action, Not the Other Way AroundThey debunk the myth that motivation must come before action—highlighting how action often breeds motivation.Social Media, False Signals, and Inner RealityA reflection on how curated online lives can hide emotional realities, even unintentionally.Closing Reflection: “Don’t Just Do Something, Stand There”Adam explains the wisdom behind choosing presence over reaction, especially in emotionally charged moments. Slowing down can deepen relationships and prevent emotional reactivity.References:Stoic philosophy (Epictetus)Buddhist perspectives on suffering and happinessLes Greenberg (emotion-focused therapy)The Barkley Marathons documentarySelf-Determination Theory (teased for future episodes)

Media Links:Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/Participants:Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaGuests: None this episodeOverview of Big Ideas:Ali and Adam explore the concept of identity through a deeply relational and integrative lens. They discuss how we construct the self not just from within, but also with the input of others—family, friends, mentors, and even critics. This episode dives into the tension between the “idealized self,” “feared self,” and the “realized self,” emphasizing that identity is both flexible and co-created. The conversation also touches on emotional authenticity, the limits of toxic positivity, and how embracing discomfort can foster real growth.Breakdown of Segments:Welcome Back & Reflections on HostingAdam expresses appreciation for Ali’s return and her role in hosting, highlighting the challenges of leading the podcast solo.The Eight Domains & Origins of the Identity FrameworkThey revisit Delve’s eight domains, especially the added “identity” and “systemic” domains inspired by The Handbook of Integrative Psychotherapy.What Is Identity? Inside-Out vs. Outside-InThe hosts challenge the individualistic notion of self-generated identity, proposing instead that identity is fundamentally relational.The Created SelfAdam introduces the idea of the “created self”—the notion that identity is formed through ongoing feedback and relational dynamics. This includes the concept of choosing who has a voice in shaping our self-concept.Language and Identity LabelsThey explore how labels (e.g., “good person,” “Chicagoan”) help construct our sense of self, and how word choice shapes attachment to identity.Idealized Self, Feared Self, and Realized SelfA rich discussion on how we oscillate between who we aspire to be, who we fear becoming, and who we are in the moment—encouraging flexibility and acceptance.Role Models and Anti-ModelsUsing metaphors and doodles, they contrast being driven by who we want to be versus fleeing from who we don’t want to be, emphasizing the importance of directional clarity.Navigating Growth Through FeedbackThe difference between surrounding oneself with affirming voices and echo chambers. Choosing trusted others who will challenge and support your values-based growth.Toxic Positivity vs. Emotional HonestyThey reject the idea of always feeling good, advocating instead for learning how to sit with difficult feelings as a meaningful part of life.Closing Reflections & Ali’s Actor Group VisionAli shares her passion for developing actor-focused therapy groups, and the healing power of shared struggle in group settings.References:The Handbook of Integrative PsychotherapyConcepts from Freudian psychology: id, ego, superegoRouge test and theory of mind (developmental psychology)Mentalizing theoryTemporal extension in cognitive developmentFundamental attribution error (teased for a future episode)

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.comParticipantsHosts: Adam FominayaGuest: Andrea BinkOverviewAdam and Andrea reconnect for a wide-ranging, unfiltered conversation about life as therapists, mentors, and humans. With Ali on vacation, the two reflect on the challenges of therapist burnout, the power of mindfulness and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), and how shared vulnerability fosters professional growth. They also dig deep into modern dating, relationship dynamics, and how uncertainty and risk-taking shape emotional intimacy.Breakdown of Segments– How therapists are really doing: burnout, consultation, and the myth of emotional regulation– ACT principles explained: present-moment awareness, values-based action, and acceptance without passivity– The importance of training future clinicians with empathy, flexibility, and support– Self-compassion and self-management: giving yourself permission to not be perfect– Catastrophizing and control: what we fear vs. what actually happens– Dating in the algorithm era: swiping fatigue, values alignment, and what makes it worth sticking around– Building relationships: shared vision, compromise, and the creative act of “teaching someone how to love you”– Taking emotional risks: how vulnerability, uncertainty, and communication create real connectionReferences & Further ReadingHayes, S. C. et al. – Foundational work on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)Neff, K. – Self-compassion theory and practices (self-compassion.org)Arthur Ashe – Quote: “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”Discussion of mentalizing and self-mentalizing in relational psychologyTopics related to sunk cost fallacy, loss aversion, and uncertainty tolerance

Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.comHosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaWhy Group Therapy?Ali and Adam explore their passion for group therapy, highlighting its unique value compared to individual therapy. They discuss their successful dating and relationship group at Delve Psychotherapy and the powerful healing potential of sharing experiences in a safe, structured environment.Expanding Group Therapy OfferingsDelve is planning to introduce new groups, including one specifically for actors to address the unique struggles of the industry, and another potentially aimed at parents.The Magic of Shared HealingThe hosts emphasize how group therapy fosters vulnerability, encourages mutual support, and cultivates personal growth through both sharing and listening. They outline the organic development of trust, leadership, and empathy among group members.Conflict and GrowthConflict in group settings is expected and welcomed as a therapeutic opportunity. Ali and Adam discuss examples of how group members can safely process feelings such as jealousy or resentment, leading to significant personal insights.Dating and Relationships as a Core FocusThe hosts share why they chose dating and relationships as their group's focus, addressing contemporary challenges like dating apps, changing gender roles, and emotional management within relationships.Open and Inclusive EnvironmentDelve's groups are open to individuals of all identities, orientations, and relationship configurations, promoting understanding across diverse experiences.Challenging MisconceptionsAli and Adam address misconceptions around group therapy, clarifying its portrayal in media and encouraging listeners to reconsider its potential value.Further Reading and ResourcesJohn Green's Everything is TuberculosisDr. Orna Guralnik’s couples therapy series (non-fiction TV show)For consultations or more information, visit delvepsych.com.

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchiYouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.com ParticipantsHosts: Ali McGarel, Adam Fominaya Overview·        Episode 10 of Delve Podcast, hosted by Ally(therapist) and Adam (clinical director).·        Delve Psychotherapy offers individual, couples,group, and family therapy — see delvepsych.com and their Substack.·        Hosts aim to share helpful, healing ideas — notseeking fame — and encourage sharing the podcast.·        Main topic: Reddit user overwhelmed by globalcrises, anxiety, fear, and doomscrolling.·        Hosts validate the panic as a normal response tomodern stressors.·        Adam highlights long-term global progress inhealth and technology.·        Humans have a negativity bias — it’s easier tonotice danger than improvement.·        Psychological experience is internal; emotionslike fear and hopelessness are parts we can relate to.·        Key idea: “Be afraid and do things anyway.”Action doesn’t have to wait for relief.·        Rather than stopping bad habits, startvalue-driven behaviors aligned with GNVs (goals, needs, values).·        Positive psychology myths (“you should alwaysfeel good”) are unrealistic.·        Despair is seductive, but small, consistent actscan influence the world.·        Power isn’t zero — everyone holds a“17-billionth” of global impact.·        Avoid the savior complex — healing begins within(“put your mask on first”).·        “Do your dishes”: small acts (like volunteering)make collective change possible.·        Powerlessness feels real, but it’s largely a lie— we have agency.·        Ending quote: “The winds they do be blowing.” Wecan’t stop the chaos, but we choose how to respond.·        Temporary withdrawal is okay, but chronicshutdown may call for professional help.References & Further Reading· John Green, Vlog Brothers– referenced for theconcept of “the seduction of despair.”·   Zeynep Tufekci, sociologist – cited for herinsights on collective action and the metaphor of “doing the dishes.”·   Buddhist philosophy – invoked to highlight theidea that healing begins within.·   Positive psychology – critiqued for promotingunrealistic emotional expectations.·   Historical data – referenced by Adam tocontextualize modern anxiety (e.g., declines in child mortality, disease).·   Delve Psychotherapy Substack – hosts recommendtheir blog for further thought-provoking content.

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchiYouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.comParticipantsHosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaOverviewWhy is dating so hard?Ali and Adam draw from their clinical work and co-led dating therapy group to explore why modern dating feels so fraught—and how to make it more meaningful.The dating profile isn’t a resume.Trying to represent your whole self in three photos and a prompt is impossible. The goal is to start real conversations, not craft a perfect brand.Depth starts before the first date.They walk through photo choices, prompt strategies, and first messages—focusing on how to lead with authenticity, care, and clarity about your values.Bad matches are good signs.Intentional dating means fewer matches, more rejections, and better outcomes. Reframing rejection as necessary—and even helpful—opens space for real connection.Lead with love—even in the apps.From transparent bios to thoughtful swipes, Adam and Ali argue that empathy, self-awareness, and even a little stoicism can reshape how we seek connection.Breakdown of SegmentsReflections from Delve’s dating therapy groupHow to choose photos that show more than just attractivenessWhy group shots, kids, and exes in photos can undermine your messageWhat to say in prompts: a 3-part guide (offer, need, personality)How to stay intentional while swipingWhen to swipe vs. wait for matchesThe mindset needed for good conversationsWhy rejection is part of the processHandling harassment and burnout on dating appsTexting before the first date: how much is enough?The case for emotional risk and why it’s worth itReferences & Further ReadingDelve Substack: "React, Respond, Expand" – conversation skills in actionStoic concept of amor fati (“love your fate”)Research on facial recognition and the fusiform gyrus (neuroscience of dating photos)

Trigger Warning: This episode will discuss themes of self-harm and suicide. Suicide Prevention Resources:If you or someone you know is experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please reach out immediately:988: Connects you directly with a mental health professional.1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433): National suicide prevention hotline with trained staff ready to help.Media Links:Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsych20YouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.comParticipants:Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaOverview of Big Ideas:The Hidden Cost of Acting: Ali shares her deeply personal experiences navigating mental health challenges while pursuing acting professionally.Identity and Passion: The complexities actors face when their identity and self-worth become intertwined with their professional success.Navigating Rejection: Strategies and emotional truths about handling frequent rejection and maintaining self-esteem in a competitive industry.Comparative Suffering: Exploring the inevitable comparisons and envy actors face, and how to manage these difficult emotions.The Courage to Pivot: Understanding the strength required to step away from a passion when it becomes detrimental to one's mental health.Breakdown of Segments:Delve’s Mission and Services: Introduction to Delve Psychotherapy's therapeutic offerings and current availability.Ali’s Personal Journey: Ali discusses her transition from acting in LA to psychotherapy, highlighting mental health struggles common among actors.Self Harm and Mental Health in Acting: Discussion on the mental health risks in the acting industry, including Ali's experience of losing a fellow actor to suicide.Challenges Unique to Actors: Managing rejection, financial instability, identity crises, and unrealistic expectations.Advice for Current Actors: Practical advice on maintaining mental health, setting realistic expectations, and finding fulfillment outside of professional success.The Decision to Leave Acting: Ali describes the grieving process of leaving the industry, framing it as an empowered, courageous decision rather than a failure.Psychotherapy Group for Actors: Introduction to an upcoming psychotherapy group specifically designed to support actors in Illinois.Relationship Insights: Brief discussion on healthy communication strategies in relationships, emphasizing emotional vulnerability and understanding.References & Further Reading:Brene Brown’s work on vulnerability and resilience.Alfie Kohn’s Punished by Rewards, discussing intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation.Self-Determination Theory (Deci and Ryan), exploring how external rewards can reduce intrinsic motivation.

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.comParticipantsHosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaOverview of Big IdeasSocietal Expectations and Personal Goals: Exploring how societal expectations shape feelings of inadequacy, the struggle to define personal values and goals, and strategies for aligning your life authentically.Comfort in Discomfort: Emphasizing how genuine growth often requires stepping outside comfort zones and intentionally facing challenging emotions.Reframing Anxious Attachment: Understanding attachment styles as dynamic roles rather than fixed identities, and strategies to manage insecurities and relationship anxieties.Navigating Personal Insecurities in Dating: Addressing how personal insecurities, like height, influence self-perception and dating experiences, highlighting the value of authenticity, clear communication, and emotional compatibility.Breakdown of Segments1. Feeling Behind in LifeAli and Adam respond to a user struggling with feeling behind due to societal expectations. They unpack how cultural influences shape our perceptions of success and productivity, encouraging listeners to clearly identify and pursue their own meaningful values and goals rather than societal benchmarks.2. Anxious Attachment and RelationshipsThe hosts tackle a question about anxious attachment in romantic relationships, emphasizing that attachment styles are situational rather than fixed personality traits. Adam clarifies misconceptions about anxious attachment, stressing that experiencing anxiety in relationships is healthy and manageable. They recommend reframing needs for reassurance as expressions of vulnerability rather than demands on a partner, and offer advice for cultivating healthier relational dynamics.3. Accepting Physical Insecurities in DatingAli and Adam address a young man’s concerns about his height impacting romantic relationships. Adam offers a male perspective, highlighting the significance of authenticity and emotional safety over superficial attributes. They emphasize clear, vulnerable communication about insecurities, encouraging listeners to find partners who affirm their deeper qualities, fostering emotional security.References & Further ReadingLevine, Amir, and Rachel Heller. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love (2010).Discussions on productivity and work-life balance inspired by ongoing European trials of the 4-day workweek.

Media Links• Website: delvepsych.com• Instagram: @delvepsych20• YouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20• Substack: delvepsych.substack.comParticipants• Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaOverview of Big Ideas• Heartbreak feels like “neural super-glue” being ripped apart; grief must be faced, not dodged.• Emotional pain is a teacher—leaning in builds resilience and a stronger sense of self.• Writing unsent Angry and Longing Letters helps untangle mixed feelings without reopening old wounds.• Demonizing an ex can protect you short-term, but lasting peace comes from seeing shared humanity.• FOMO is the fantasy of the road not taken; the grass gets greener where you choose to water it.Breakdown of SegmentsWhy breakups send people to therapy in the first place.The “attachment physics” behind painful separations.Distance with dignity: post-mortem first, then a clean break.Angry vs. Longing Letters—how to write them and why they work.Using Kübler-Ross grief stages as prompts for deeper reflection.Re-investing in friendships to curb late-night loneliness.Protective demonization: a useful shield, but not a home.Dating while healing—radical honesty as the kindest policy.Dispelling the myth of a universal timeline for moving on.References & Further Reading• Levine, Amir & Heller, Rachel. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment (2010)• Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth. On Death and Dying (1969)• Pennebaker, James W. Opening Up by Writing It Down (2016)• Marcus Aurelius (trans. Hays). Meditations — reflections on amor fati• Film: Forget Paris (1995) — a rom-com lens on symbolic loss

Media Links:Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.comParticipants:Hosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaGuest: Kara Britzman, PhDOverview of Big Ideas:• Feeling is the work — Kara Britzman joins Ali and Adam to explore what it means to move beyond intellectualizing and actually experience emotions in therapy.• Mentorship matters — Kara traces her lineage of training all the way back to Carl Rogers.• Emotion-focused therapy — How activating emotion during a session promotes lasting change.• Neurodivergent clients — Especially adults with autism and ADHD — face gaps in research and clinical fit.• CBT’s limitations — Cognitive behavioral therapy often backfires for clients with pathological demand avoidance (PDA).• Relational therapy — A more adaptive approach that honors the individual’s lived experience.• Diagnostic humility — Labels can guide, but what matters most is how the client experiences their inner world.• Trust is a choice — A closing reflection on how mistrust can be more damaging than vulnerability.Breakdown of Segments:• Welcoming Kara and an update on Delve’s low-fee and pro bono offerings• Kara’s origin story and early mentorship at NIU• What makes emotion-focused therapy effective• Helping clients who intellectualize emotions access their felt experience• Somatic entry points and the mind-body link• The shifting landscape of adult autism and neurodivergence• Problems with CBT and PDA in therapeutic work• Kara’s preferred tools and the value of a flexible, integrative approach• The difference between external and internal validation in diagnosis• Ending quote from Adam’s whiteboard: “I’ll do more damage not trusting anyone”References & Further Reading:• Greenberg, L. — Emotion-Focused Therapy• Barrett, L. F. — How Emotions Are Made• Neff, M. — Self-Care for Autistic Burnout: A Neurodivergent’s Guide• North American PDA Association — Resources on Pathological Demand Avoidance• Relational therapy frameworks (e.g., Safran & Muran)

Subtitle: How Mindful Conversations and Personal Responsibility Can Transform RelationshipsMedia LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.comParticipantsHosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaOverviewThe Go-Back Approach: Adam introduces a therapeutic strategy called the "Go-Back Approach," a way to revisit important conversations in a calmer, more deliberate moment. Rather than addressing tensions in the heat of conflict, clients are encouraged to reflect and revisit them later for a more grounded discussion.Owning Your Choices: The hosts discuss the significance of personal responsibility in managing resentment and frustration in relationships. Adam emphasizes that unresolved resentment is often more about our own choices than the actions of others.Exit, Voice, Loyalty: Adam references the book Exit, Voice, Loyalty to illustrate how individuals manage dissatisfaction: leaving, voicing concerns, or staying silent. He draws parallels to personal relationships, noting how these choices are mirrored in interpersonal dynamics.Reframing Stuckness: In a therapist-client role play, Adam challenges the idea of feeling "stuck," arguing that feeling bad and being stuck are distinct experiences. He guides the fictional client, Kate, through understanding how day-to-day choices are still within her control, even amidst external setbacks.Big Feelings as Signifiers: Adam closes the episode by exploring Les Greenberg's Emotion-Focused Therapy, emphasizing how big emotions signify the need for mindful choices rather than impulsive reactions. Ali reflects on how this idea transformed her understanding of emotional responses in therapy.Breakdown of SegmentsIntroduction: Ali celebrates her recent graduation and discusses the mission of Delve Psychotherapy, including low-cost and pro bono options for therapy.The Go-Back Approach: Adam introduces the concept of revisiting conflicts calmly and strategically rather than reacting in the moment.Owning Your Choices: The hosts explore how avoiding conflict often leads to deeper resentment, and Adam reframes resentment as a matter of personal responsibility.Therapist-Client Role Play: Adam role-plays a session with "Kate," a fictional client pursuing a singing career, struggling with career stagnation and familial pressure. Adam emphasizes choice and agency, even when circumstances feel beyond control.Big Feelings as Signifiers: Adam and Ali discuss the importance of responding, rather than reacting, to emotions—using big feelings as a cue for meaningful decisions.Closing Thoughts: Ali reflects on the emotional depth of the role play, and Adam shares insights from Emotion-Focused Therapy as a framework for understanding choices and emotional processing.References & Further ReadingHirschman, A. O. Exit, Voice, and Loyalty: Responses to Decline in Firms, Organizations, and States (1970).Greenberg, L. Emotion-Focused Therapy: Coaching Clients to Work Through Their Feelings (2002).Festinger, L. (1957). A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance.Gottman, J. & Gottman, J. Fight Right: Turning Conflict into a Pathway for Intimacy and Growth.Amanda Palmer. The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help (2014).

Media Links• Website: delvepsych.com• Instagram: @delvepsychchicago• YouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20• Substack: delvepsych.substack.comParticipantsHosts – Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaOverview of Big Ideas• Mood meets method – How a therapist’s own emotional state can quietly shape a session, and why a flawless “game‑face” isn’t always helpful.• Authentic presence – Bringing real humanity into the room without letting clients slip into caretaking the clinician.• The woods metaphor – Therapy as guiding someone through familiar yet ever‑shifting forest paths: the guide knows the terrain, but the traveler still spots hidden roots and snakes.• Common factors over techniques – A strong alliance, felt safety, and shared meaning usually matter more than any single modality.• Advice‑giving done right – From playful “buy‑a‑cat” suggestions to devil’s‑advocate maneuvers, directive moments can spark insight without robbing agency.• Three decision drivers – When clients feel stuck, check for missing data, clearer analysis, or lived experience before acting.• Love without score‑keeping – Choosing to love as a verb and refusing silent, transactional tally sheets in relationships.Breakdown of Segments• Opening & house‑keeping – Website/Substack shout‑outs.• Mood in the therapy chair – Acting analogies, “leave your baggage at the door,” and when that fails.• Therapeutic relationship defined – Power balance, client expertise, and mid‑way guiding.• Common factors deep‑dive – Why research keeps circling back to alliance and safety.• When clients want answers – Neutrality fatigue, strategic side‑taking, and permission‑giving advice.• Decision‑making toolkit – Data, analysis, experience; mindfulness of imagined futures.• Do not love transactionally – Loyalty, responsibility, and open requests over silent score‑cards.• Wrap‑up & plugs – Affordable therapy offerings and a Substack tease.References & Further Reading• Rogers C. R. (1957). “The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change.”• Bandura A. (1977). Social Learning Theory.• Norcross J. C. & Lambert M. J. (2019). “Evidence‑based therapy relationships.”• Wampold B. E. & Imel Z. E. (2015). The Great Psychotherapy Debate.• Delve Psychotherapy Substack (2025). “Tell me what to do!!!”

Episode Title: Before Therapy – What Linklater’s Before Trilogy Teaches Us About Love, Process & PresenceMedia LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.comParticipantsHosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaGuest: Colleen Paul, LCPC — staff therapist & certified clinical trauma professionalOverview of Big Ideas• Why the Before trilogy still resonates: raw, real-time conversation and authentic tension beat Hollywood fairy‑tales every time.• Creative roots & counseling: acting, film study, and improv sharpen attunement to subtext, empathy, and rule‑breaking therapy.• “Happiness is in the doing”: the hosts unpack Jesse’s line to explore process‑over‑outcome living with clients.• Opening & closing pain: therapy as practice for tolerating discomfort while staying engaged in life’s story.• Finding your “why”: Nietzsche’s maxim—“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how”—anchors change work.Breakdown of Segments• Welcome & clinic update – Delve’s services and low‑cost therapy options.• Film geek meet‑cute – how Ali’s partner and Colleen’s film degree sparked the topic.• Slice‑of‑life cinema – long takes, ambient eavesdropping, and why dialog‑driven films feel therapeutic.• Real love vs. rom‑com myths – quirks that charm early on often trigger later conflict.• Therapists’ thought experiment – what advice would they give Jesse or Céline between films?• Process, purpose & disappointment – coaching clients who chase creative dreams through rejection.• Quotes on the whiteboard – “Everything was fine … until you hit me with reality” and the value of confronting truth.• Closing & how to connect with Delve therapists.References & Further Listening/Reading Richard Linklater (dir.). Before Sunrise (1995), Before Sunset (2004), Before Midnight (2013). Friedrich Nietzsche. “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” Buddhist aphorism on seeing the world “as it is.” Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) literature on values‑led action.Enjoy the episode, and let us know what conversations the films spark for you!

Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.comHosts: Ali McGarel, Adam FominayaWhy this podcast? Ali and Adam unveil Delve’s mission: demystify depth‑oriented psychotherapy for everyday life.The Delve Model. Eight synergistic domains—psychodynamics, cognition, emotion, behavior, physiology, systems, identity, relationships—offer a 360° view of change.Depth over quick fixes. Sustainable growth emerges by addressing the person beneath the symptom.Real‑world applications. Three listener dilemmas (skeptical dad, late‑blooming dater, “no‑spark” partner) illustrate the model in action.The courage to stay uncertain. Why people prefer bleak certainties to liberating unknowns.References & Further Reading Stricker G. & Gold J. (eds.). The Comprehensive Handbook of Psychotherapy Integration (1988). Barrett L. F. How Emotions Are Made (2017) — plus her YouTube lectures on constructed emotion. Schachter S. & Singer J. (1962). “Cognitive, social, and physiological determinants of emotional state.”

Media LinksWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: delvepsych.substack.comAdam and Ali launch the Delve Podcast! We discuss our mission, professional relationship, and perspectives on the beginning of this journey.