From Avoiding Intimacy Altogether to Losing Track of Time and Space | Alex Gear | EP211

Send us Fan MailThere is a reason so many men stop dating, ghost after great dates, or avoid intimacy altogether. It is not a lack of desire. It is a fear so loaded with shame that most men would rather disappear than face it. This episode is raw and vulnerable, and you can feel it in Chad's energy - and the numerous technical glitches that show up, even the computers were feeling it. It's not a fun conversation to have, but for a lot of men, it's the most important one yet. In this episode, Chad sits down with UK-based sex and intimacy coach Alex Gear to talk about one of the most common and least discussed issues in men's sexual health: performance anxiety and what the industry calls premature ejaculation. Together they unpack where the fear actually comes from, why confidence alone cannot fix it, how the pressure men put on themselves to perform is the very thing preventing the experience they want, and why resolving this one issue ripples out into every area of a man's life. This one is for every man who has ever avoided something he wanted because he was afraid of what might happen if it went well. In this interview, you'll learn: •       Why “premature ejaculation” is a misleading term and why there is no correct duration for sex•       How porn, locker room culture, and mainstream media created a performance standard no real sex life can meet - and no one even really wants!•       Why confidence-building techniques can paper over fear but never actually remove it•       How the fear underneath performance anxiety is almost always the same core wound: I am not good enough•       Why men ghost after great dates, and why it has nothing to do with not being interested•       How the shame around this issue keeps men suffering alone and avoiding not just sex but connection, dating, and relationships•       Why trying to make your partner orgasm from a place of anxiety almost guarantees she won’t•       What the orgasm gap actually reveals about men’s fear of failure rather than indifference to their partner’s pleasure•       What it looks like on the other side: intimacy where time and space disappear and presence replaces performance•       Why this work is not just for men who feel broken but for any man who wants more from his intimate life You are allowed to choose yourself. You are allowed to stop playing small. The life you are grieving may be the very thing making room for the one you actually belong in. With Love and Safety,Chad & April ❤️ What We Discuss: 0:00 — The fear underneath premature ejaculation: I don’t know if I’m good enough0:38 — Welcome to Safe to Love | Introducing Alex Gear, sex and intimacy coach1:10 — Why “premature ejaculation” is a loaded term and what language actually serves men better3:41 — How porn and mainstream media wrote the rulebook for men’s sexual identity8:23 — Why every guy’s dream is control, and why the obsession with duration gets in the way10:05 — Neither partner knows what the other wants, and nobody is asking12:29 — Why confidence is not the fix: papering over fear versus removing it14:52 — It is not a fear of sex. It is a fear of not being good enough16:02 — How performance anxiety cascades into avoidance of emotional vulnerability and relationships19:10 — How social media pile-ons weaponize sexual performance to assassinate men’s character23:52 — Why so many men have stopped dating entirely and why you didn’t hear back from him after a great date29:21 — Suffering in isolation: why men will not admit this to other men32:29 — The Orgasm Gap34:17 — Why desperately trying to make her orgasm is exactly what prevents it36:46 — When men like Clavicular say they don’t care if she comes: protection mechanism, not indifference40:04 — Alex’s four to six week program42:21 — What early results actually look like: removing fear so the real work can begin44:35 — This work is not just for men who feel broken. It is for any man who wants more45:54 — How confidence in the bedroom becomes confidence everywhere46:50 — What safe, deep sexual intimacy actually feels like on the other side of this work49:50 — Alex’s closing message: love is available for everyone. See your own value. Follow Alex on Instagram  |  https://www.instagram.com/intimacyanxietyalexBook a call on Alex's Website  |  https://www.alex-gear.comSupport the show🔔 Subscribe for more great content and share this with someone who needs to hear it. Ready to get to work on yourself and your own relationship?❤️ Work With ChadInstagram |  @chadonlove❤️  Work with AprilInstagram |  @aprilbenincosa  Follow or Contact Safe to Love:Email | [email protected] |   safetolove.org YouTube |   @SafetoLoveShow Facebook |  Safe-to-Love Instagram |  @safetoloveshow TikTok | @safetoloveshow