We're recording. Why, hello. And we have more than five listeners this time. That's right. Our last Patreon episode was for five people. It was literally five listeners. It's a magical moment. It was a magical moment. But we are glad you're here plus five listeners. Exactly. The original five have a special place in our heart. But everyone else does as well because you're all supporting our show with your money, which is crazy. We don't know why you're doing that. Still kind of boggles my mind. We love you. Yes. And thank you. Every single day.
For supporting our weird little show that we didn't really think anybody would ever listen to. Let alone give money to. No. How freaking weird is that? So you guys are the best. Totally the best. I have a small Patreon-only update after our last episode. This is very exclusive, folks. Only you get this little tidbit of information. And that's why I gave a little bit of misinformation about the Heaven's Gate cult in our last Patreon episode. Heaven's Gate did not drink Kool-Aid to commit suicide. Samantha, why did you lie to us? Because I was misinformed myself. Actually, I was just wrong. They mixed phenobarbital with applesauce and washed it down with vodka. That's so specific. It is.
Because I read the Jim Jones book and I finished it since our Patreon episode. And yes, don't drink the Kool-Aid is a phrase that originated from Jonestown. And I thought it was the Heaven's Gate. It's not. Because Heaven's Gate, it would be don't eat the applesauce. Don't eat the applesauce and then wash it down with vodka. And I'd go, of course I wouldn't do that. That's gross.
Yeah. Like, don't worry. I've never done that in my life and I never will. Sounds like a terrible combination. Plus, you know, the phenobarbital. Oh, yeah, that. The worst part. Oh, yeah, the deadly part. Yeah. The thing that always weirded me out about Heaven's Gate, I mean, that's all weird, but that they were all wearing the same matching shoes. That is weird. The whole thing was weird. Some sort of Nike shoes. Did you listen to the Heaven's Gate podcast? No. I started it and it was really well done and I just kind of got...
I don't want to say bored with it because I really love the narrator or the host. He does a really good job and I've listened to some of his other stuff, but I don't know. I think they made it a little too long and I just kind of got bored with it before I even got to the mass suicide part. I should maybe give it another try. I've heard really good things about it, but I have been reading the Johnstown book and I'm going to need a break. From cult? From cult mass suicide. Yeah, that's true. Johnstown was a rough book. I don't want to jump.
from one of the other even i'm like a little too much yeah i would recommend the podcast and i might give it another try i just got a little burned out on it yeah fair do you have anything else to say before we jump into alien autopsy i'm so excited for this topic so excited this is as soon as we said oh we should come up with some like unsolved mysteries adjacent topics to talk about for patreon i was immediately like Like Alien Autopsy? Oh, yeah. And we found it on Netflix. So if you have Netflix, you can watch the entire thing. It's a little hard to find. I feel like Netflix doesn't put it out there. That's true. You have to really type in the whole title and then it's like still you have to scroll down because they're like, don't sort of want to admit that it's something they paid money for. I don't know. But it's there, folks. It has a lot. So this was actually a pretty big deal. I have a little bit of background. Yes. Oh, I remember how much Fox hyped this back in the day. It was huge. So Alien Autopsy is a set. This is from Wikipedia. Alien Autopsy is a 17 minute black and white film depicting a medical examination or autopsy. It was released in 1995 by London based entrepreneur Ray Santilli, who's in the document.
alien autopsy fact or fiction. He presented it as an authentic autopsy of the body of an extraterrestrial being recovered from the 1947 crash of a flying disc, quote unquote, near Roswell, New Mexico. It was allegedly supplied to him by a retired military cameraman who wished to remain anonymous. And Fox Television broadcasted the footage in the United States on August 28th, 1995 under the title Alien Autopsy Fact or Fiction. The program caused a sensation. Fox rebroadcasted the program twice, each time to higher ratings, with the November 1995 broadcast winning its time slot again with 11.7 million views. That's crazy. All right. So it's not just me, remember.
this a lot of people watch this bullshit you could get i don't know if it's just the 17 minute footage or the hour special but i remember at blockbuster they had the alien That's hilarious. And they, I mean, for the Alien Autopsy Factor Fiction, because that's the full title of the one that aired on Fox, they interviewed, like, some, like, we'll get to it, but special effects makeup artist Stan Winston, who did Jurassic Park and the Alien films. Which, the special effects in Alien and Aliens are so good. They're so good. It really, really holds up. They interviewed several, like, world-renowned forensic pathologists, which, when we talk about them, we'll debate whether or not they deserve that title. But, yeah, they, I mean, this wasn't just, like, some, I don't know, low-budget, random, like, random people, like.
And they could not have promoted the hell out of this special more. Like, it was advertised every commercial break for every show, I swear. You were just drowning in. You're not going to believe when we air this alien autopsy footage. Fact or fiction? Definitely fact. Tune in. Definitely fact. Should we jump right into our little breakdown? Yeah, I want to read the disclaimer that's at the very beginning of this special that they both put up as a title card and read to you. I feel like Fox for a while...
really liked acting as if their content was, like, more saucy and ridiculous and, like, needed more warnings than it actually did. Like, they got really into, like, the little reigning thing at the top corner. They would have, like, the V for, like, violence. I don't know. They just were trying to be, like, the trashiest network ever. But so this was the title card that came up. The following program deals with controversial subjects. The theories, opinions, and beliefs expressed are not the only possible interpretation. Viewers are invited to make a judgment based on all available information.
Thanks, Fox. I will make a judgment. Well, and so it opens with Jonathan Franks, who, can we talk about this guy for a second? Yes, because I am not a Star Trek person. Neither am I. I do not have this, like, like, Mac was watching it with me, and I think he was having this very, like, fond, nostalgic moment from, like, growing up watching him on Star Trek. And I was just like, this smug bastard. He just, smug is a good way to describe him. And he always has these, like, his eyes are, like, kind of watery. They're very small for someone on television. He has this, like, faraway look in his eyes, and he's always just acting like I'm really philosophical as I'm talking to you. What if? What if?
And he's like holding his chin. Yeah. You know, he's like stroking his chin and looking past the camera. What if the alien is real? I think I put that on our Instagram story. If you saw it, you definitely know what I'm talking about. It's hilarious. I'm sorry if I just crushed all of your dreams because you're in love with Jonathan Frakes, but. Whatever. So he also comes out. He has sympathy for you.
I wrote down, we open with Jonathan Franks emerging out of the shadows to tell us that if what we are about to see is real, it's the most startling film footage in history. Although we remain skeptical, some experts believe this is authentic footage of an alien life form. And then he gives us the warnings. It's very gruesome. It's very graphic. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. Cover your children's eyes. They'll never be the same once they've seen.
an alien cut into. But the first thing we talk about is Roswell, because that's where this alien life form is supposed to have originated. Also, they only had, what, 17 minutes of autopsy footage, so they had to stretch it out. They really did. And, I mean, we have to talk about the opening sequence first, the very 90s intro, where we get important moments from the documentary. And at some point, even throughout it, we'll get a shot of the sky with a transparent...
picture of the alien's face superimposed on the sky shot. It's very bizarre. The font that they use, which is this like grungy typewriter font that used to be used all the time. It's just like that font is my childhood. Totally. So we joined Jonathan Franks at the Army Airfield at Roswell, where he tells us that in the summer of 1947, something definitely crashed just outside of town. And 48 years later, it remains a mystery. It definitely crashed. Here's the thing about Roswell, because I'm very skeptical. Obviously, you know this by now. You've been listening to this podcast. But like the alien thing.
has been confirmed basically by the government that they have these alloys and that film footage that was really convincing. Yeah, if we had made this a few months ago, we could go, this is the stupidest thing. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Who cares? I can't say that now. But now the government has confirmed they have these alien alloys and basically the world has gotten so weird that everyone shrugged and no one cared. Pretty much. Because weird news comes out every single day. Aliens are real. Aliens are real, whatever. Donald Trump's still president. Who cares? That doesn't really affect my life. Let the aliens...
go about their business. They're probably happier than we are. Yeah, I wouldn't say that I totally believe that there was an alien crash landing at Roswell, but I can't also say that I totally disbelieve it. I know, it's a weird... It puts us in a strange spot. Yeah, it's a little strange. So they play some 40s radio broadcasts from just after the crash, which takes us back to that era. I thought that was a really nice detail. And then we get a few different people who weren't immediate witnesses of the crash, but they were adjacent. So a lot of these are children of people who worked at Roswell. Walter Haught is interviewed. He is a former Roswell Army Air Force public relations officer. He said that he was given a press release, which stated basically that they had in their...
possession, they being the government, a flying disc. He was told to give the press release to the media, but then within two hours, General Ramsey took charge and issued a new statement that it wasn't a flying disc, it was a weather balloon. So who wrote that original press release? I don't know. I think he probably wrote it, but he was given directive from someone above him. Because he was the public relations officer, so he probably wrote it. But he was told what to write and to give it directly to the media, and then all of a sudden this general... Wait, no. Actually, it's boring news.
Don't pay attention. Right, exactly. So then we see Dr. Jesse Marcel, who is listed as a Roswell eyewitness. His father worked at the Air Force. He remembers his father waking them up very excited, and he claims that his father brought debris from the crash and spread it out on his kitchen table. He says that on the debris there was symbols or hieroglyphs. Yeah, it was very strange. Like, you would remember if your dad...
burst into the house at two in the morning and made you look at alien aircraft debris yes totally i mean i would personally that that happened very rarely so kevin randall comes in next he's the author of a book called ufo crash at roswell and i wrote also the owner of a gray v-shaped mustache true He said that more people handled the Raswell debris than anyone previously suspected. He thinks about four dozen people. And he says that there was foil-like material that you could wad up into a ball and then it would unfold itself. Which, like I said, I would have thought this was a crazy claim, but now we supposedly know that the government has these alloys they can't identify. They can't be identified with elements we know on Earth. It just sounds crazy coming out of my mouth, but... It's apparently true. We can't deny it anymore. I don't know.
I know, it's crazy. And then, so now we see Frankie Rowe, who is a woman, and another child whose father worked at the Air Force and who also claims to have been shown crash debris. She says that they tried to burn it and it would not burn. She said they tried to cut it and it would not cut. She says that when you wadded it up into a ball in your hand, it felt like you weren't holding anything.
She often refers to her dad as daddy, which made me uncomfortable. Yeah, I don't approve of that. No, I hate when people do that. But she said that he saw two bodies that were lying on the ground and that there was one, what he called a little person that was still alive. And she said that he thought it was very sad that that alien's friends were dead or something. At one point, I thought that was the most credible part of her claim is when she said, my dad would not have gotten excited about a weatherman. I wrote that down too. He was not an easily excitable person. And that's a good point. A lot of these people I don't think were. They show pictures of her dad with other airmen who work there. And it's totally a good point that these are not...
conspiratorial-minded people. They're people who work for the government. Yeah. They're army people. Right. They're probably not easily excitable. And they probably could recognize a weather balloon or something of this earth if it had crashed. These aren't dumb people either. Right. So I think that's a really good point. Yeah, it's whether or not she's accurate in that information. Right. And these people were children when this happened. But she also says that she held it herself and that she experienced wadding it up into a ball. And she said it would get smaller and smaller and smaller until you almost couldn't see it. And then it would just get bigger again.
which is very specific and very crazy. Yeah. Kevin Randall, who's the author, gives us the timeline. So the craft and the bodies were taken to a hangar on the airfield that evening. The bodies were supposedly put in a wooden crate. They shipped a lot of people who were involved to Fort Worth, so the press couldn't get a hold of them. Families were silenced. Frankie says that she was threatened by a man with a baton.
Yeah, that was scary. It sounded scary. He said, this is a big desert. And if we put you out there, nobody would ever find you. Yeah, she said that a man came to the house, or made multiple men, and basically told her to lie. And she said, no, you didn't see what you saw. And her mom had told them never to lie. And so she said, no, I did see that. And then all of a sudden, he was threatening her, basically to kill her and her whole family. Yeah. Just frightening for a child. And she's very convincing, because she's tearing up when she's talking about this. Yeah. The next day, the debris is thought to have been flown to Wright Airfield in Dayton, Ohio. And the bodies were thought to have been taken somewhere else, but no one knows where.
Several people say that it was brilliant of the government to say, we have captured a flying saucer to the public, and then all of a sudden say, no, no, no, we made a mistake. It was a weather balloon. I didn't really understand that logic. Did you? Because we wouldn't even be talking about it now. If they had said it was a weather balloon from the start, then I feel like there'd be fewer conspiracy theories. Exactly. I don't know why that was so brilliant. Because it looks like they're covering something up, right? So that's how you breed these conspiracy theories. I didn't get that at all. But that's about what we get as far as the history of Roswell. And now we start talking about the autopsy itself. So the first person we meet is the man himself, Ray Santilli, who...
of course, says that the alien autopsy is going to be subject to ridicule. And he's very self-deprecating and kind of convincing when he says, who's going to believe that? This is a ridiculous thing to say. I wrote that down too. He's a pretty good actor. Yeah. He owns a small music and video distribution company in London. And his claim is that he was acquiring some 1950s rock and roll footage when an elderly American cameraman he had been dealing with said that he had something to show him. Sure. I mean, that's a good backstory. It makes sense. It establishes kind of the right timeline of who would have this in their possession.
We'll learn later that a lot of thought went into this. So the cameraman told Santilli that he had top military security clearance and that in 1947, he was flown urgently to Roswell, where he filmed the recovery of several aliens as well as the autopsy. The cameraman claims that a few reels of film needed additional processing. I'm doing air quotes. So he kept them, but sent the others on to Washington. After this processing, he tried to get the government to come pick up the remaining...
reels of film, but they wouldn't. And I wrote down, in parentheses, odd for a government who is so apparently determined to cover up this UFO crash. So I have some more footage of the alien itself. Just keep it in a box and then sell it to some guy in a few years. Santilli refuses to reveal the identity of the cameraman, citing journalistic privilege or something like that. A man named William Deere, who is a private investigator. Is he your pick for our most valuable mustache? He's such a hilarious character. I think he could be just because he's got the whole package. He has very gray hair, but then a very dark mustache.
He's also wearing two pinky rings, not just one, two. I didn't notice the pinky ring. And the world's ugliest tie. This guy thinks he's Sherlock Holmes. He thinks he's Sherlock Holmes, but he's wearing like a knockoff Versace tie. Yeah, he is. Oh, he says, I'm going to tell you, and I've been in this business for many years, that guy, me and the cameraman, lives somewhere in Florida. He doesn't say why. I was like, well, maybe, yeah. He's basically like, he's old. You know where old people are? Florida. Pretty much. I was like, okay, we're supposed to take your word for it. Just leave him alone. I don't know.
Do you have to send this very shady-seeming private investigator after him? Yeah, Fox apparently hired this private investigator to try and find this cameraman. I think they really liked doing that at the time. Spoiler alert, the cameraman doesn't exist, so he couldn't be found. First of all, I think William Deere thought he was seconds away from getting his own show, because he plays up to the camera so much. Oh, yes. And I think there was a period of time where any excuse that Fox had to hire a private investigator or hook someone up to a lie detector, they would take it. Later we get this definitely staged...
shot of a boardroom with his like team sitting around a table and he's at a like a flip board writing down their plan it's hilarious i all i can do is shake my head and then go no i i don't know william dear where are you william dear today oh my god i hope listening to this i hope you're a patreon supporter Oh, my goodness. So we next transition into discussion of the film itself. And, of course, Jonathan Franks warns us that it's very gruesome. It's a 17-minute film. It's black and white. The room is stark. There's just a small table with instruments on it, a clock, and then what looks to be a glass partition of some sort where someone could sit on the other side and observe. There's a humanoid figure on the exam table. It has a bulbous belly. The genitals are hilariously blurred out, even though later they tell us that it doesn't have any genitals, so I don't know why.
We can't see just a Barbie crotch of the alien. Yeah. And Fox did that. That wasn't a part of the original film. Apparently, I don't think it's great. It's blurred out in every version of this because Fox re-aired it three times. And I might be wrong about this, but I feel like I read it on the internet. It's not blurred out in every version. The Netflix one, it is. So maybe if you can find one of the originals. You can see some sweet fake alien crotch. I guess. Finally. So it has a traditional gray alien head and face with the extra big eyes. The ears are really low. It has a bulbous head. The thing is, the second you see this alien. It looks so fake. You go, this is not real.
it looks like a halloween mask attached to some sort of fake but it just it looks it looks so fake yeah just the way that the like face is so rigid and fake looking i don't know how else to say it there's no way someone looked at this and was like well that's real oh my god yeah so the alien is intact except for a large wound on its right leg people in the video are dressed head to toe in contamination suits with which of course obscure their features and then basically they perform the autopsy which includes cutting open the chest and abdomen pulling out the guts and peeling back the face etc taking the brain out supposed brain um yeah okay taking something out of its fake fake head yeah exactly and then they start talking about the evidence so um we again we kind of go back to the roswell witnesses um we don't get like i said any firsthand accounts of seeing the aliens but the two children frankie and jesse uh think that the alien shown in the video matches what their parents say the alien looked like yeah our parents said that the alien looked really fake so i mean the roswell aliens were described as like the traditional gray and that's what this is some word for that
that we should know. I think it's gray. The grays. Because there's the grays, there's the reptilians. Just pretend that that was me. The Nordics? The Nordics? What? There's like Nordic aliens that supposedly look like white people. I think with blue eyes. I'm not really sure. Someone tell me how wrong I am. What? The only reason I know this is because I listened to the last podcast on the left and their alien segments are hilarious. So are the Nordics the aliens that really racist people believe in? Maybe. I would assume. I think they are like really tall, white, blue-eyed.
I had no idea about this. You're blowing my mind. Yeah, that's about the extent of what I know about it. But I think people claim that they walk among us, maybe. I might be wrong. I'm really not an alien conspirator, so I don't know. But yeah, there's those. There's the reptilians. There's the greys. If you need an example of reptilian, Barack Obama. Hillary Clinton. Known murderer from the Boys in the Tracks mystery.
My favorite thing that was going around Twitter right after Donald Trump's inauguration is that his bodyguards look like they have fake hands that go across their... Because I think their real hands are holding guns underneath their suits. There's a specific picture of this bald-headed white guy with his fake hand. And going around Twitter, people were calling him a reptilian. And it was so funny. I just... I can't get over... I'm not sure I ever will get over the idea that people really think... Our government is run by reptilian alien people? Yes. It's kind of fun if you're not taking it seriously. I mean, I guess it was fun until more recently.
But yeah, just where did that come from and why? I don't know, but I think it's hilarious. It's hilarious, but it's like also kind of sad that there's like enough people that believe this. So many people think that. And it's always like the political party you don't like. They're the reptilians, right? Oh, sure. It's not like all of them. It's like, yeah, the Democrats are reptilians or vice versa. So much of this is just going to be going, guys, I don't know what to say. This is just, it's troubling. It's troubling. Okay, back to the film. They next speculate on the items that are in the film. The clock is a model that was manufactured in the 1940s and the phone is also a model.
Yeah, they couldn't possibly get that somewhere else. No, they didn't go to an antique store and buy those things. The phone was also apparently a model from 1937. What? This is all real. And then they ask, can the film itself be dated? And then Kodak helps us out. Legitimately Kodak. They tell us that the code on the film is a square and a triangle, which were used in Rochester, New York by Eastman Kodak Company to denote the following years of manufacture. 1927, 1947, or 1967. So that checks out. So it technically could be from the 1940s, but it also could be from 1967.
So I don't know who this is. I wrote down, Unibrow tells us that the film could have been shot in the late, is that the Kodak guy? No, this is a different guy. He was what they called a senior curator at Eastman House, and I have no idea what that means. Well, Eastman Kodak Company is the full name of Kodak. Okay, so it must be something associated with that. And I don't know how to pronounce his name. I think that's why I just wrote down Unibrow. I'm sorry. But I also wrote down, I'm worried he lost his job after this, because he was the most, at least from the footage they included, and I'm sure this is edited in a very disingenuous way, but he seemed like the most like, this is real, guys. And I was like, hmm.
Because he says, I'm often asked, Unibrow says, I'm often asked, how difficult is it to fake a film? And the answer he gives them is no. It is not easy to fake a motion picture. It would take an amount of technical know-how that would make the operation not worthwhile. He's basically saying that it would be so expensive to fake a film like this that why would you even do it? Right. Which? To sell it to Fox. Yeah. That's why. Exactly. You think Ray Santilli didn't make bank on this thing? That's also how a lot of magic tricks work, is that they're so complicated.
that your brain is like, well, no one would bother to do all these things. So you just, that's how the illusion works. It seems kind of similar. It's like, you're like, well, who would, yeah, who would, this is a weird hobby, making fake alien autopsy videos. So it must be real. But that doesn't, no. Fortunately, next we get the voice of reason in the form of Alan Davu, Davu? He's the Hollywood director of E.T., Congo, Empire of the Sun, etc. He asserts that he thinks the film is a hoax, and he's suspicious of the film because of how it regularly goes in and out of focus as if to hide what may not be real. Yeah, which is...
True. And he says what you see is a cameraman who is intentionally making the camera go out of focus. It doesn't make sense that he would make no adjustments to the focus, which is true. Like as soon as they start doing something like cutting open the head, it goes blurry or the cameraman conveniently like gets behind one of the doctors as if there wasn't a ton of room in this room. It is very convenient the times that you can't see what's happening. Yeah. And they, you know, come back with, oh.
This isn't a fancy photographer. This is a Navy combat cameraman, and cameras didn't maintain focus, and the doctors are getting in the way. Sure, that's all true, but they happen to get in the way at the most convenient times. Yeah, Alan says that during pivotal moments in the procedure, such as when the skull is being opened, the cameraman repeatedly moves to places where he can't see what's happening, such as the doctor's back, when he could simply walk to the other side of the table to get a better view, which is totally true. And then what you said, the next, they bring in someone for the opposing view, and we get Dr. Roderick Ryan, who is kind of legit. He's a Navy combat cameraman who photographed atomic bomb tests, and I said he looks kind of like Donald Trump. Yeah, a little bit. He had a very Trump-like.
look, which immediately made me not like him. He films nuclear testing at Bikini Atoll. I can't imagine. That's insane. So this is no schmuck. He knows what he's talking about. And he says that the film going in and out of focus is consistent with the type of equipment they used. The camera did not have through lens focusing, so if it had maintained focus, that would have indicated to him that the film was more modern.
Or the film equipment used was more modern. Right. You would have to manually focus it each time. And this is because they're moving around and the camera's not automatically focusing. So things are going to go out of focus, which is true. Except this alien looks like bullshit. And also, yes, it is happening at only the most convenient time, not any other time. He also contends that the cameraman keeps moving behind the doctors to stay out of their way. Like, I really think they could have just gone to the other side of the table. Yeah, no. Whatever.
Next, we talk about the anatomy of the alien. And Jonathan Frank says, is this really an autopsy of an alien being or could it be something else? A dummy, a deformed human, an incredible hoax. To find out, we showed the video to two of the world's leading pathologists. The idea that this is a deformed human is so... I can't believe they spend any time on it. This next part is a little problematic, folks. It's insulting to our intelligence. It's insulting to... The field of forensic pathology. Okay, you have alien autopsy, fact, or fiction. You have two options. This is an alien or this is a hoax. Don't try to tell me that this is some sort of...
Deformed human being. Deformed human being that, yeah, what? The amount of time they spend on this is the worst part of the special, in my opinion. Yeah, so we get two people. Chris Milroy, who is a little more logical about the situation. And then Cyril Wecht, who... I kind of loved Chris Milroy. So he's in Sheffield, and he's approaching this with... A healthy amount of skepticism. I think this is someone who, unlike most people...
needed to stop by Sheffield on vacation, and it's not a tourist destination, really. He says this in, like, the most dour, like, sarcastic way. You can tell, like, he's just going, like, oh, this is all bullshit. But without saying it, you know? They're asking me if this could be a human, so I'm gonna go along with it. So I'm just gonna answer it in a really, like, sarcastic way, but without, like, blinking. And it's just so, I wish they had more footage of him, but I'm sure it would just, like, give away that it's all totally fake. Yeah, he doesn't give us that much information. He's hilarious to me. He says, yeah, the ears are low-set, below the position that one would expect to see in a normal human. He said, you don't see any male genitalia, and therefore it could be a female body. But what he says, which I think is another good point, is that
spent nearly two hours examining the alien. Why wouldn't you spend weeks, months, probably years examining this thing? After two hours, you're like, well, get done with this alien. Let's move along. Pretty much. You wouldn't do a traditional autopsy. You'd go much slower. But this is a traditional autopsy. So that makes no sense. It's pretty hilarious. And thanks to him for pointing it out. But now we need to talk about Cyril Wecht, who was a past president of the American Academy of Forensic Science. And who was apparently done and supervised like 40,000 autopsies. It made me wonder about all of those autopsies. It made me wonder about all of our forensic science. Yep.
I am honestly concerned. Please have this guy in Sheffield oversee things and not Cyril. Oh, my God. So he seems to be assuming that this is a human. He says, I have never performed an autopsy on anybody who even closely resembles the being we see in this film. Yeah, because it's not real. What? Exactly. So he points out that there are six fingers and six toes, telling us that this is a condition known as polydactyly, which he loves to say. I mean, it is kind of a cool world, I guess. And then here's where it gets a little bit off the rails. He says, we could be looking at a woman with Turner syndrome, a chromosomal disorder that affects one in 5,000 female births. No, we're not. Jonathan Franks does the voiceover here and says that victims, which is a weird...
way to describe them, lack female chromosomes and do not develop sexually. Few survive to adulthood. So... I'm just hanging my head in shame. I don't, for, I don't know, my country? Well, this is, it gets even...
They show a child with this disorder. It looks nothing like the alien. If you Google Turner syndrome, the images you see look, even the children who have it who have survived, I don't know how long these children survived, but a lot of his children, they look like normal female children. They don't look like this alien. They have like a wider neck, but that's about the only way you can distinguish them from other children. Did this alien have a wide neck? No. No, it had like a normal size neck. It just had a bulbous head. I kind of want to punch the face here on the face. He was speculating, honestly, and this is, it's gross. He was speculating because the alien body had no breasts that hadn't developed sexually, so that it was a female that had an issue with their ovaries.
Cyril, I'm coming for you. Watch your back. Because next they talk about whether or not the injuries that the alien sustained could have been caused by radiation experiments. And then they show footage from actual victims of radiation, and that seems really tacky. Yeah. Because this documentary is so fucking tacky. Don't include actual victims of something serious in your stupid, are we looking at an alien, cash grab documentary. Oh my god.
To show people who are actually suffering from radiation points. They say because it had a burn on one specific part of its body that that for some reason meant it could be radiation. Because they're in contamination suits, it could have been radiation. But then I just wrote down this bitch, which I'm talking about Cyril, says that what we could be looking at is a very unfortunate woman who had a malignancy, probably the ovaries or the cervix or the uterus. What? Just any female part? Who then received radiation treatment. That's a possibility that we should keep in mind. No, we shouldn't. Have you ever known anyone who had ovarian cancer or cervical cancer? Did they suddenly turn into an alien from the radiation? Does that happen?
Yeah. They suddenly grow a bulbous head. They lose their breasts. They're gray. Their eyes are gigantic and dark. Why is this man supposedly of science defaulting to the extremely antiquated belief that if a woman has a problem, her uterus must be broken? Her cervix must be broken. Why would it have anything to do with the cervix? This alien doesn't have a penis, so it must be a woman. And it's deformed, so it must be a woman whose cervix is broken. What we see here is a woman, she's 35 years old, she's unmarried, and she hasn't had children. Look what's happened to her. Look at this old maid.
Undesirable. No breasts. Throw her in the garbage. Like, what? It's... This looks nothing like a human. This is crazy. He's a fucking Halloween store prop. What are you talking about? I hope this guy lost his medical license. I hope so, too. And he's so excited. He's standing in front of, like, a TV that's showing the autopsy footage, and he's, like, so excited to point out the polydactyly and how this woman's cervix is broken. This is another point. The people...
are excited to be on television in a way that I don't understand. Like, don't you worry about people making fun of you? Like, people are always so excited to go on television for any reason. Yeah, I don't get it. And I don't, maybe this is weird to say because we have a podcast, but. But I wouldn't, I wouldn't be on TV. I wouldn't be on TV. I once was like, when the Iraq war started, there was like an NBC news person or something like out on the streets of Chicago trying to get public opinions. And they like came up to me and Mac and were like, what do you think? And I'm like, yes, I'm against the Iraq war. But I was like, there's no way I want to be on TV. I'm going to be.
I'm going to be like in a documentary about like how stupid Americans are or something. That's my first thought is I'm not going to articulate myself because I can't even talk. I'm not going to articulate myself and I'm just a little ridiculous. So we were like, no thanks. And the woman was like, really? Because fucking everyone wants to be on TV. Yeah, I don't get it. And this guy, even though he's just like a successful doctor, he's still like, I can't wait to go on the Fox's trashiest, stupidest special and talk about how this is my like deformed ex-wife or whatever his issue with women is. Yeah, I don't get it. The last thing we see with this guy is him talking about the organs because you see them in the autopsy video cutting open the alien, pulling out the guts.
He's puking. Okay. Well, we had to take a little break from recording, folks, because while discussing disgusting Cyril, Lenny literally puked. Which, you know, coincidence? I don't think so. The last thing we see of Cyril is he's talking about the organs, because you see in the autopsy video they pull the organs out of the alien. And he says, he's like amazed by this. He's like, I can't correlate the organs with any human body I've ever seen. And I just wrote in all capital letters, because it's animal parts inside a plastic dummy, which we'll learn about later. He's still insisting this is some... He's like, the liver, if this is what actually is the liver, it should be over here, but it's over here. I'm like, that's because it's fucking fake, Cyril.
Yeah. I don't understand why he can't just be like... I hate him so much. Yeah, I don't know. It's bizarre. But we move on from the anatomy of the alien to next talk about whether or not it could have been special effects. Yes, a practical question. Right. Jonathan Frank's voiceover asks, how hard would it be to create a dummy that bleeds so convincingly? They ask Stan Winston, who built the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park and the predators in Aliens, which, impressive special effects design. This guy, again, no schmuck. He knows what he's doing. I believe the aliens in the movie Alien way more than I believe in this alien. So...
So they interview Winston, and his initial reaction was that it wasn't real. But then when they started the autopsy, and he thought about how difficult it is for them, being him in his studio in the special effects world, to simulate cutting skin, he started thinking that if it wasn't real, he would be really proud to create something like that himself. He basically says this would be really expensive to do. It's not easy. I really expected that Stan Winston and his studio, because you get a bunch of people watching from his studio, were going to be the ones that were like, this is definitely special effects. And they were so impressed by it. I think they probably cut out the part where they were like, yeah, this is special effects, and just left in them going.
This is really well done. If the person who made this came here, I would give him a job. This would be very expensive to do, so it seems unlikely. But I'm sure in the footage that's not used, they're like, well, obviously this is fake. I think it was probably edited a certain way. Yeah, so that they're going, obviously this is fake, but it is pretty well done. Yeah, they talk about how difficult it is to make something uniformly wet. So inside of the alien, you can kind of see that it's all moist as if it was the actual inside of a body. It bleeds very convincingly and uniformly. They show the skin being caught with a scalpel. And then you see the blood dripping down, which I'm sure is hard to do. They also can't seem to get past the 1947 part.
consider that just because the people are claiming to have shot this video in 1947 like doesn't mean that it was actually shot in 1947 because they keep talking about how silicones weren't available back then yeah this is the 1990s like but they're available now right yeah like that that's not evidence that i guess they were taking the film stock age very seriously but you couldn't get old film i also just personally even though it's like a little bit greeny and black and white it doesn't look like film processed in the 40s yeah it doesn't have any burns or marks or dust there's no spots there's no no like the the actual processing of the film looks like really clean and nice. Yeah. So that seems weird to me that they wouldn't have said.
Like the Kodak guy, no one said anything about that. It was very strange. Yeah. I'm just assuming they edited that out. The last part of this, I kind of fizzled out taking notes. It was like, they do a little investigation. They bring back, what's that guy, investigator? His last name's Deer. William Deer. William Deer. They bring him back. I wrote down that they're trying to find the cameraman, that lots of dudes with mustaches are on the job. So many mustaches. If you're into mustaches, this is the special for you. He goes to Florida and meets with some old guy who's clearly fucking with them. Someone got a terse letter from the government about Roswell. I don't even know who. And then the last thing I wrote down was that Stanton fucking Friedman thinks it's fake. So there's that. There was a part where Congressman Stephen Schiff from New Mexico.
was trying to get information regarding Roswell. Was that the guy who got the terse letter from the government? I'm like, of course, the government's sick of answering these questions. When they said, oh, it wasn't a regular weather balloon. It was a high altitude balloon used for detecting Russian nukes. Yeah, okay, I don't know. All right, sure. That's about where it ends. No, Jonathan Frakes gives a little hilarious speech in the desert about what if. That's what I put it. What if. I recorded that for our Instagram story. A few people have gotten to see that. What if an alien lost on his way? That's where he's stroking his chin, looking with his watery eyes in the distance. And his family never knows what happens. And then he just ends with, we are not alone.
Which I wrote in all caps. Yep. So that's how that ended. Do you want to hear the aftermath of this? Yes. Yes, I would. All right. This is according to Wikipedia. On April 4th, 2006, Sky, which is a UK telecommunications company, broadcasted the documentary.
Eamon Investigates, Alien Autopsy, presented by Eamon Holmes. I hope I got that name wrong, or name right. Oh, you hope you got it wrong. Well, you did. I'm sure I did. In this program, Ray Santilli and fellow producer Gary Shufield admit that their film was actually a reconstruction, I'm doing air quotes, containing only, in their words, a few frames from the original 22 rolls of film. So Santilli and Shufield stated that they had restored, quote unquote, the damaged footage by filming a simulated autopsy on a fabricated alien, based upon what Santilli said he saw in 1992, and then adding in a few frames of the original film that had not degraded.
They have not identified which frames are from the alleged original. According to Santilli, a set was constructed in the living room of an empty flat in Rochester Square, Camden Town, London. John Humphreys, an artist and sculptor, was employed to construct two dummy alien bodies over a period of three weeks using cast-containing sheep brains set in raspberry jam, chicken entrails, and knuckle joints from a local butcher. Now we know if you want that hard-to-achieve all over wetness. You use raspberry jam and chicken gizzards. Not that hard, guys. Gross. Alien artifacts, supposedly items recovered from the crash site, were depicted in the footage. These included alien symbols.
and six-finger control panels, which Santilli described in the Sky documentary as being the result of artistic license on his part. So this is all fucking fake. I just closed my eyes. Oh, boy. I don't remember seeing any control panels. They didn't show it in the factory. They went, this is too fake. Let's cut that part out. Because I did realize that the amount, so they were saying, oh, there's 17 minutes of footage. But the amount of footage they show in the factory special does not add up to 17 minutes. It does not. There's a lot more that was left out. Yeah, so it was totally fake. I hope John Humphreys got a job.
working as a special effects artist on a big place. I guess. Because apparently he's really good. He'll show up with some jam his first day. This is my secret. My trade secret. I think I mentioned in a past episode that I really enjoy the FX show Face Off. Oh yeah. Where they do the special effects makeup. They're really good. And they create some really impressive creatures that they put on humans. Right. So watching this, it didn't surprise me that this could be done. It impressed a lot of people in the 1990s. The face is so fake. And there's this part where they're peeling off part of the eyeball. The eyes look so fake. It looks so dumb. There's just no way. There's not. Even me watching this.
like 11 or however old I was as a young dumb person there was not a second where I was like yep that's real never no not at all now do I think that I mean the jury's still out for me on Roswell but this documentary oh yeah film alien autopsy film totally fake so fake and I think everyone working on it knew that I don't know if the like Roswell witnesses knew but they seem pretty convinced and I feel like the people's interviews are cut down in such a way that this was edited strategically yeah so the part where they go well obviously it's not real but if it was and then You missed that first beginning sentence. It's very important. Yep. But I mean, would you recommend, so let's rate it out of Robert's Dex. What do you think? Two? Really? I mean, it depends on what you're looking to get out of it. It's pretty entertaining. It's a good laugh. It's only an hour. You can put this on with your friends and laugh at it. That, actually, I would give it a high rating for. So if you're doing it, I was going to do like, I don't know.
three and a half yeah i would say if you have some friends over and you're maybe a little bit drunk or high that this is perfect this will be fun to watch order some pizza and watch alien autopsy fact or fiction maybe play with some pogs and just remember because this is really like the most 90s thing really it's like intensive shoot it into your veins 90s if you are just gonna you need to entertain yourself on, like, a Sunday afternoon by yourself. I wouldn't watch this by yourself. I wouldn't watch this by yourself. I would give, like, a two for that. If I hadn't had to do this for the podcast, I probably wouldn't have made it through. We watched this together a couple weeks ago, which was fun. Yeah, that was very good. And then I re-watched it by myself to take notes. And then I was like, ugh. It was a little bit of a chore, so I wouldn't watch this by yourself. But it's on there if you have friends over. Yeah. For a party. Also, I think on Amazon, there's the Jonathan Frakes-hosted show, Beyond Belief. Oh, we're going to definitely do that for a Patreon. Which...
is kind of a similar, it's like half Unsolved Mysteries, half fakeness, where they do little sketchy reenactments and then you're supposed to vote in your mind if you think it's true or false. And at the end, without any evidence to back it up whatsoever, he goes, no, that was false. And my brother loved that show. I remember watching that show. And I think we should probably do an episode of that. Yeah, we'll have to pick a good one. Actually, I think we had one picked out. I don't remember. Maybe we did. It was videos or some paranormal videos. Oh, that's different. Was that something else? We're going to do, I think for next month, from the show Sightings. Oh, Sightings, that's great. They put together a ghost.
Straight to video special, which we found somewhere. So we're going to watch that. There's like people who have taken photos of ghosts, supposedly, or videos of ghosts. Like home videos with ghosts in them. I'm really excited. Yes. That's on YouTube, I think. More info on that to come. Yeah. That's going to be good. Yeah, it is. Do we have anything else to say about alien autopsy? I'm just remembering, there used to be, I don't even know if this is still true. There used to be a skateboard company called Alien Workshop. I didn't know this was a skateboard company, and I bought this hat that said Alien Workshop on it. Oh. And I just remember wearing that school and getting called a poser. Because I didn't skate.
But I was thinking about that the other day, and I was like, man, I wish I had that hat. Yeah, that would be super cool. Now, I'm sure you threw it away. I'm sure I was like, oh, I can't wear this. I'm a poser. Aw. And I sent it to the Goodwill. You're just like aliens. Yeah, I was like, this is just me being way too in the box files. So I bought this hat at them all. That is really funny. Yeah. Well, I got nothing else. I mean, yeah, get high and watch this.
otherwise you're gonna go this is just not real a lot you're gonna find yourself saying that yeah a lot super fake it made me nostalgic for old school fake news which was like weekly world news yeah which if i guess if you don't live in the united states we just have this black and white tabloid that was sold at the grocery store like way too late for a black like an all black and white paper it was called weekly world news and it had the most ridiculous made-up bullshit that was pretty much half about aliens it'd be like bigfoot secret lover found in the white house and Yeah, these many congressmen are secretly aliens. That may be where the reptilian stuff was bred. Probably, which is sad. Probably. And it just makes me go, I wish people, like I wish conspiracy nutters were still worried about that instead of saying like... School shootings aren't real? Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to say. Instead of being Sandy Hook truthers, I wish they were sitting around going... Our government. Our government is repressing aliens and Bigfoots. I think they are, but they're also Sandy Hook truthers, unfortunately. Point your energy into Bigfoot and leave victims of school shootings alone. Yeah, that's a good point. But it makes me kind of nostalgic for a simpler time in a way. Yeah.
Yeah. Factor fiction. Definitely fiction. 100% fiction. Oh, yeah. Our consensus is that you're not happy. Fiction. But I'm sure there was, you know, I don't know, some little old ladies in a retirement home watching it going, this is real. And I know it's real because Bill Clinton is a reptilian.
I've said this before on the show and I'll say it again. If you have a family member who believes members of the government are actually reptilians, I want to hear from you. I want to know what they say. I want to know what your Thanksgiving is like. Yeah, where that theory came from and what your thoughts are in it. Apparently like 10% of people think this. Something ridiculous. Oh my god. And I just want to know more. I'm sure I don't, but also I do. I have a coloring sheet from a coloring book. I don't even remember which coloring book it is now. It might be the last podcast fan coloring book that has Donald Trump depicted as a reptilian. It's like a fake Time magazine cover. Sure. And it says reptilian of the year. I definitely colored that.
And had a lot of fun doing it. Did you guys like a little tongue, like a snake tongue sticking out? It was great. We all know that. I mean, that's true. That's not crazy. No, not at all. I used to be the biggest fan of Christopher Pike novels back in the day, which were these, before everything was a young adult novel, and your pickings were slim. He wrote these, you know, sort of like R.L. Stine books for teens that were either really ridiculous murders or sometimes there was like space travel or something. But it seemed like the twist in, I don't know, five of them was like, oh, these aren't people. They're ancient lizards. And it kept happening. And I was like, what?
what's with this guy in the ancient lizards like oh you thought these were hot sexy teenagers nuh-uh ancient lizards i've definitely read one of those i guess i don't didn't recall the name yeah i've definitely read that that plot sounds so familiar to me you probably read one of uh yeah i swear like five of his books ended that way yeah i don't what was up with him i don't know there was looking back those are weird and also terrible books i'm sorry to break it to you i loved them so much go look at one now it's not good i'm so sorry i'm sorry for myself most of all yeah well Oh, well. I think we can close the chapter. Thanks for supporting us on Patreon, guys. Oh, Patreon people. You're so amazing. Spread the word that if people want additional content, if you enjoy this, let us know on our social media. There's something else you would like us to cover. Send us your requests for sure. Unsolved Mysteries Adjacent. We are very open to requests. Yeah, we're enjoying doing kind of lighthearted things for Patreon. I think we'll keep doing that. Maybe not all the time, but sort of this alien stuff is really fun. It's nice to take a break from brutal murders and other sad subjects and talk about the things that are really important to this country, like whether or not alien autopsies are real and whether or not people caught ghosts on home videos. Yeah. Send us your requests. Yeah.
We love you guys. You're the best. Bye. Bye.