How to Heal From Abuse and Set Boundaries (Birgitta Visser)

A gentle note before you dive in: this conversation touches on suicide, violence, and childhood abuse. It's okay to pause, skip ahead, or come back to this one another time. Birgitta Visser needed four hours of frog poison, a purging bucket, and a shaman telling her flat out, "your ego was sitting in the driver's seat and was refusing to let go," before she could finally heal from abuse and set boundaries for good. Getting to that mat took a while: abuse from a family friend at 10 or 11, her father's sudden death at 44 when she was 14, an eating disorder that had her throwing away her own school lunch, and a 2009 crisis (her ex-boyfriend's kidnapping by a gang, a death threat from the gang's leader, and an attempt on her own life) severe enough to finally send her looking for real help. Birgitta is now a light empowerment coach and light language healer, but what she wants you to actually take from her story isn't the mystical stuff, it's the boundaries. For years she was, in her words, a magnet for "broken birds": paying other people's bills, finding them jobs, going the extra mile for partners who never returned it, because nobody had ever taught her she was allowed to say no. We talk about how one piece of unhealed trauma creates the next, why the most empathetic people in the room are usually the ones who need boundaries the most, and what it actually took (years of Reiki and EFT, and eventually that frog poison) to finally believe she was worth protecting. If you've ever people-pleased yourself into exhaustion, or you're still carrying something from your own childhood you've never quite named, Birgitta's story is proof that the ugly middle of a demolition really does lead somewhere beautiful. Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVU0Ek_mgGo In this episode Why one unhealed wound creates the next, and how abuse from a family friend at 10 or 11 shaped decades of Birgitta's relationships The eating disorder that started in high school, and the modeling-industry rejection that followed What it actually took to survive a 2009 crisis (her ex-boyfriend's kidnapping by a gang, a death threat against her, and a suicide attempt) and start over Why the most empathetic, "high-vibration" people are often the ones who need boundaries the most Inside a shamanic Kambo ceremony: what four hours of purging taught her about her own ego How to stop being a magnet for "broken birds" in your relationships and start protecting your own energy Timestamps (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet Birgitta Visser, light empowerment coach and light language healer (02:10) Growing up a self-described "nomad" between Holland and Malaysia, and abuse from a family friend at 10 or 11 (04:41) Her father's sudden death at 44, and a mother left with nothing (05:40) The eating disorder that started with throwing away her own school lunch (07:46) Modeling rejection, and the stepfather's death that led to a three-month stint with drugs (13:58) Learning to set boundaries, one broken relationship at a time (15:51) Hitting rock bottom in 2009: her ex-boyfriend's kidnapping by a gang, a death threat against her, and a suicide attempt (21:31) Studying Reiki, EFT, and other healing modalities after her first counselor didn't help (28:30) Inside a shamanic Kambo ceremony: four hours of purging and a lesson about her ego (31:26) Her book, "Becoming Authentically Me" (34:32) Where to find Birgitta: powersoulhealing.com About Birgitta Visser Birgitta Visser is a light empowerment coach, divine channel, and light language healer. She is the author of "Becoming Authentically Me" and contributed a chapter, "A Journey to the Light Within," to a collaborative book with 13 other women authors. Learn more at PowerSoulHealing.com. Favorite quotes "One bit of trauma creates another bit of trauma if it's not healed." —Birgitta Visser "Everything we need is inside ourselves." —Birgitta Visser "It's not, why is this happening to us? But why is this happening for us? Big difference." —Birgitta Visser Resources mentioned PowerSoulHealing.com: Birgitta's website Becoming Authentically Me: Birgitta's book Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), the "tapping" modality Birgitta trained in as part of her healing journey Reiki, the energy-healing practice Birgitta calls her "saving grace," which she later trained others in as a Reiki master Related episodes Healing From Narcissistic Abuse: more on recognizing and recovering from relationships that take and take From Fragile to Fierce: Rebecca Whitman's 7 Pillars of Abundance: another guest's framework for rebuilding after repeated hardship How Unresolved Trauma Is Ruling Your Life: the deeper mechanics behind why Birgitta says "one bit of trauma creates another" Subscribe & connect If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show. Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here. Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz