Funfiltered Episode #038 - "How Smart I'm Kind of Not Really Am"

Ed-Bo. Edders. Steady. It was by these names and more that I never referred to Eddie Boylett. As a sobriquet, “Eddie” is perfectly effective and the suggestion that I adopt any variants to forge a frivolous fraternity is one at which I hiss. HISS, I say! Eddie has elected to move on from the Funfiltered podcast. And so one has been compelled to cogitate: what morphemes can one offer by way of farewell or, at most, fare-okay? Has he voided his contract? Yes, of course. But the open is no place for the airing of dirty laundry, unless you live in the Third World where drinking water is a commodity, community co-operation is key and worrying about your neighbour clocking some skids in your kecks is an accordingly bourgeois angst. No, this new public of cyberspace demands the positive spin as I assure you that, behind the scenes, in the marbled halls of the small-claims courts, we are doing everything we can to bring this motherfucker to justice. So what can I say about Eddie Boylett? Very little. The Funfiltered boys and I have met on only one occasion. They trekked to Bracknell on my sterling in the September of ’19 for a pre-partnership powwow in my local tavern, The Wattle. Oh, had we only stayed in The Wattle. The caprices of that particular evening and the savageries they unleashed/exposed were such that we all vowed never to breathe a solitary word of their evil. Regardfully, I am unofficially but spiritually precluded from doing so. Let’s just say “Getting to Know You” ain’t exactly the song one would use to score the proceedings, unless one was a spiteful Director-God fond of ironies and incongruities. Otherwise, I have only communed with Eddie via the media of Skype and cellular transmission. I can safely affirm him the most tolerable of the trinity. He’s certainly the personage to have induced the fewest panic attacks. And what is hollow praise if not applause that isn’t quite? A clap without hands. I have answered my own question. Fare-okay, Eddie. Fare-okay.