Video Village

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) start on a wing and a prayer with PROPELLER ONE-WAY NIGHT COACH, Rue EUPHORIA - SEASON 3, engage in MORTAL KOMBAT II as we contemplate the Babalities of evil, orcastrate an appraisal of KILLER WHALE, breach Homelander security with THE BOYS - SEASON 5, get Apepleptic over LEE CRONIN’S THE MUMMY, Pe-lé into BALLS UP, offer a public investigation of SPIDER-NOIR and scrutinise the sketchy SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE UK.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) feel our time slip away in THE BOROUGHS, grapple with violent male psychosexuality (and review HALF MAN), remember HONEY BUNCH (or do we?), talk OF... for MARGO’S GOT MONEY TROUBLES, speak words of wisdom to MOTHER MARY, (she)riff on NORMAL, offer stimulation OFF CAMPUS, Sith through STAR WARS: MAUL - SHADOW LORD and peruse THE TESTAMENTS as we ponder future wives. AND THEN... Jordan and I (still Sam, regrettably) run down... run up? Yeah, run up. We run up our top ten TV shows of the 2010s for reasons disclosed within... or upon? Yeah, upon. Sheer self-indulgence... or hubris... or unchecked listphilia? Yeah. Enjoy! Or don’t? No, do, do.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) Excise LEGENDS from our list (as is Custom), go Brazil nuts like a MAN ON FIRE, reveal whether parting from MINT was such sweet sorrow, Putin a review of THE WIZARD OF THE KREMLIN, get a soulonoscopy with ANDRÉ IS AN IDIOT, paint with words our impression of THE CHRISTOPHERS, apply ICE to DAREDEVIL: BORN AGAIN - SEASON 2, mount APEX for some tough love, visit New England via Old Wales with ROOSTER, light the FUZE on fuse... wait, wrap our quarter-octopus arms around REMARKABLY BRIGHT CREATURES, get into THE DRAMA like a coupla straight shooters and reckon with the animals that made KEVIN.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) Lilliput THE MINIATURE WIFE under the microscope, tuoba klat UNDERTONE, determine the OUTCOME of ←, take the temp of JURY DUTY PRESENTS: COMPANY RETREAT, bring our toxic coupling to BEEF - SEASON 2, suffer the spree de corpse of PSYCHO KILLER, answer “yes, no or maybe” about MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE: LIFE’S STILL UNFAIR, intern-alise SCRUBS - SEASON 10, behold the ungodly creation that is THE BRIDE! (it’s dead!!!), tremble before the eternal recurrence that is this podcast (and EXIT 8) and demand a repeat prescription from THE PITT - SEASON 2.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) bring up BABIES (like a couple of Paapas), hungrily eye FORBIDDEN FRUITS, add some porridge with WASTEMAN, load PIZZA MOVIE into the oven, wedlock onto SOMETHING VERY BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN, conduct an LAPDebrief on BODYCAM, Chad about LOUIS THEROUX: INSIDE THE MANOSPHERE, take a slab at THE MORTUARY ASSISTANT, lament the fiction of time travel with MIKE & NICK & NICK & ALICE, high-rise above THEY WILL KILL YOU, raise every available eyebrow over POWER: THE DOWNFALL OF HUW EDWARDS, Nintendoze through THE SUPER MARIO GALAXY MOVIE and find Grace in the stellar PROJECT HAIL MARY.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) make (air)waves with ONE PIECE: INTO THE GRAND LINE, determine whether Murphy’s Law applies to LOVE STORY: JOHN F. KENNEDY JR. & CAROLYN BESSETTE, Quaker before THE TESTAMENT OF ANN LEE, go wild over HOPPERS, pursue READY OR NOT 2: HERE I COME as we continue sacrificing our lives for our ritual, remain in the bunker for PARADISE - SEASON 2, ride shotgun through DEAD MAN’S WIRE, put THE GOOD BOY under our Heels, BAIT you with a non-alcoholic martini (we only Mecca joke), behold the power of the Rangers in WAR MACHINE and get a whiff of the trump that is MELANIA.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) interconnect IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE, Egg on A KNIGHT OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS, have fun-gus with COLD STORAGE, face the franchise Ghost of SCREAM 7, consider HOW TO MAKE A KILLING via broadcasting, conduct a therapy session over IF I HAD LEGS I’D KICK YOU, stare down our bleak future with GOOD LUCK, HAVE FUN, DON’T DIE, assess the attractiveness of THE BEAUTY, XCXamine THE MOMENT, La La Land on CRIME 101 and f*** with WUTHERING HEIGHTS.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) middle-classify THE ‘BURBS, get on tropic for LORD OF THE FLIES, study the alchemy of SMALL PROPHETS, take a stab at swillogy terminus THE STRANGERS: CHAPTER 3, get back on tropic for SEND HELP, Roper off THE NIGHT MANAGER - SEASON 2, beg U not to F O for LOONEY TUNES: THE DAY THE EARTH BLEW UP, ponder who’s at Vault for FALLOUT - SEASON 2, buddy cop to our thoughts on THE WRECKING CREW, Run to the Hills with 28 YEARS LATER: THE BONE TEMPLE and suffocate on IRON LUNG.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) stand up for IS THIS THING ON?, get canty Semitic with MEL BROOKS: THE 99 YEAR OLD MAN!, pool our thoughts on THE PLAGUE, get Gaza gritty with shockudrama THE VOICE OF HIND RAJAB, beg for MERCY... from itself, have NO OTHER CHOICE but to ponder our Korea, seize THE RIP, wonder, man, what to make of WONDER MAN, place our Stathoscopes on SHELTER, face down the Stygian simian of PRIMATE, to our own selves be true about HAMNET, and the rest is silence... as we RETURN TO SILENT HILL... for the first time.

A curious year was 2025. And I refer not to the Twelve-Day War, nor the ugly terror of AI, nor the dances with Putin, nor the new pope, nor Tariffgate, nor 6-7. No, I’m talking about the essence of being itself that outstays the transience of things that happen, the buttress of the substance of why to bother. I’m talking about film and television. 2025 was arguably television’s finest hour since the last very fine hour, which was quite a few hours ago. But as well as offering up some of the most superlative works for years, art dropped too a dud or two. Galling duds or twos. So here, Jordan and I (Sam) scale the heights of our appreciation and the summit of our scorn as we present you with our 10 favourites and 10 hateourites from last year (respectively, obviously, lest you think us fools), small screen and silver screen combined. Like flippin’ Cleopatra, Best and Worst of 2025 comin’ atcha.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) say never see Na’vi again in AVATAR: FIRE AND ASH, bearly endure FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S 2, get Salty about THE WAR BETWEEN THE LAND AND THE SEA, ping-pongtificate upon MARTY SUPREME, reach a meeting of the minds for PLURIBUS and prosecute ALL’S FAIR. We request the death penalty.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) say Norway or Yesway to SENTIMENTAL VALUE, say Noah or Yesah to JAY KELLY, see the saw of CHAIN REACTIONS, host the PD (podcast discussion) for ZOOTROPOLIS 2, mash up the bumbaclots behind JAFAICAN, consider the Pennywisdom of IT: WELCOME TO DERRY, march to the Finnish with SISU: ROAD TO REVENGE, spill the Bean on MAN VS. BABY, track THE RUNNING MAN and go Blanc on WAKE UP DEAD MAN.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) ask “what the devil?” of CHAINSAW MAN - THE MOVIE: REZE ARC and “does KEEPER take the cake?”, check URCHIN off the itinerantry, behold the friends of Dorothy in the Oztentatious WICKED: FOR GOOD, revisit the memory of TRAIN DREAMS, tic off I SWEAR, take an academic approach to A MAN ON THE INSIDE - SEASON 2, engage in Dek observation with PREDATOR: BADLANDS, decide whether to Blacklist THE LAST FRONTIER, reveal whether we were bewitched, bothered or bewildered by BLUE MOON, dig into THE CHAIR COMPANY and ponder alienation with BUGONIA.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) come out to queer-y FAIRYLAND, carry ON FALLING into total isolation, put NUREMBERG on trial, tell-all about THE BEAST IN ME, seize the Day-Lewis with ANEMONE, ignore the news of the world to focus on THE HACK, get our fix(er) with RELAY, pick up BLACK PHONE 2, investigate the supernormal SHELBY OAKS, give you THE LOWDOWN on ←, get between The Rock and a scarred face for THE SMASHING MACHINE and weigh in on the Promethean qualities of FRANKENSTEIN.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) lay our cards on the table re: ALICE IN BORDERLAND, keep up the pace for THE LONG WALK, get organizized with MR. SCORSESE, revoke critical immunity from THE DIPLOMAT - SEASON 3, question the supremacy of GEN V - SEASON 2, investigate the force of TASK, nuke it out with A HOUSE OF DYNAMITE, Slough off SLOW HORSES - SEASON 5 and unlock our jaws for ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER... Viva la Video Village.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) follow the first rule of FILM CLUB, get our Spex on to X-Ray RIOT WOMEN, visit Manchester with ROOFMAN, wrestle the bore of THE STRANGERS: CHAPTER 2, revive ourselves for SPINAL TAP II: THE END CONTINUES, go round and round on THE LOST BUS, Flag up PEACEMAKER - SEASON 2, consider the virtues of nine inch nails with TRON: ARES, make no bones about Indy hit GOOD BOY and refill the grave with MONSTER: THE ED GEIN STORY. Where it belongs.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) hop to with BLACK RABBIT, find the Wright-Cooke for THE GIRLFRIEND, graduate from ENGLISH TEACHER - SEASON 2 to enter a class of our own with WEAPONS, Swiss roll through a LATE SHIFT, plead HONEY DON’T!... don’t, enter a new talk state of mind for CAUGHT STEALING, ponder retirement in THE HOME and incubate our Xenophobia for ALIEN: EARTH.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) press record on HIGHEST 2 LOWEST, begin automatic transmission for TWISTED METAL - SEASON 2 as we nevertheless stay INSIDE, woe with the flow from WEDNESDAY - SEASONS 1 & 2 until THE THURSDAY MURDER CLUB for some senior scrutiny, give our Officeial read on THE PAPER, have a merry go-round with NOBODY 2, sketch out the main points on MITCHELL AND WEBB ARE NOT HELPING, treat THE NAKED GUN Frankly, deer, do we give a damn about BAMBI: THE RECKONING? and start spreading the news about DEXTER: RESURRECTION.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) charge with great Hastings through KING & CONQUEROR, throw a hook at I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, turn up the Heat on THE BAD GUYS 2, get taken HOSTAGE by FIXED (to make a LONG STORY SHORT), mask up for EDDINGTON, commemorate THE LIFE OF CHUCK, follow a winding route down HALLOW ROAD (unlike the formula of F1) and penetrate the Bamboo Curtain to CC...P whether NE ZHA 2 bangs our gong.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) make contact with RESIDENT ALIEN, break (down) the CODE OF SILENCE, flirt with MATERIALISTS, smurf the smurfing SMURFS, hold space for ELIO, decide if there’s fire where there’s SMOKE, pick up THE PICKUP... TOGETHER... unleash natural fistory on JURASSIC WORLD REBIRTH, give THE FANTASTIC FOUR: FIRST STEPS a retro grade and come straight outta Ponty to pour whine over the Ice of WAR OF THE WORLDS.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) contemplate the UNFORGIVABLE as we get chummy for DANGEROUS ANIMALS, thread our way through SEW TORN, stand our SOVEREIGN ground, get TOO MUCH of too little, go extramentional with RICK AND MORTY - SEASON 8, stay curious about the vicissitudes of FRIENDSHIP, instruct you on HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON, foster an opinion on BRING HER BACK, chase virality with 28 YEARS LATER and exchange Gunnfire with Snyde untermenschen for SUPERMAN.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) tune up our autos for DUSTER, auto up our tunes for KPOP DEMON HUNTERS, bullsh*t our way through POKER FACE - SEASON 2, weather TORNADO, triumph over SQUID GAME - SEASON 3, wax on about KARATE KID: LEGENDS, get cookin’ in THE BEAR - SEASON 4, sustain our special relationship as HEADS OF STATE and examine the IRONHEART of Disney with a new vengeance the force of THUNDERBOLTS*. *And lightning, very, very frightening.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) go Hindi indie with SISTER MIDNIGHT, coast through THE SURFER, attempt to escape the CLOWN IN A CORNFIELD’s maize, exorcise THE RITUAL, consider the cheerful symmetry of THE PHOENICIAN SCHEME, ask LILO & STITCH howzit, prey upon PREDATOR: KILLER OF KILLERS, approach Wick’s end with BALLERINA, suggest The Weeknd getaway as we plead HURRY UP TOMORROW, juke it out with SINNERS and consign THE PEOPLE’S JOKER to The Podcast’s Arkham.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) dig deep into DEPT. Q, 'ave a butcher's at MOBLAND, find the FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH (wanting), assess the Labour of CLARKSON'S FARM - SEASON 4, gently folk about with THE BALLAD OF WALLIS ISLAND, activate Cruise control for MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - THE FINAL RECKONING, go lofty for THE REHEARSAL - SEASON 2 and diagnose the continuum of what is at once DOCTOR WHO - SEASON 2, 15 and 41.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) 🗣💬🗨️ LOVE DEATH + ROBOTS - SEASON 4, consider the Pride of OVERCOMPENSATING, give voice to BAD THOUGHTS, distract ourselves from the inevitable with FINAL DESTINATION BLOODLINES, survive UNTIL DAWN, develop a take on THE STUDIO, regard the recipe of NONNAS with a sprinkling of GOVERNMENT CHEESE and juggle the hot... cold potato that is THE LAST OF US - SEASON 2 (it’s not a tuber!).

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) mourn the DEATH OF A UNICORN, compose notes for THE FOUR SEASONS, undergo THE ASSESSMENT, issue a fat wah against #1 HAPPY FAMILY USA, prune the climbing Daisy of CLEANER, reveal whether ELSBETH - SEASON 2 gets its men, DROP a review, get real about ANDOR - SEASON 2, engage in WARFARE and board SCREAMBOAT for a slash from Willie.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) stare ponderously into BLACK MIRROR - SEASON 7, cut the tension of CLOUD and DEAD MAIL, assemblé a position on ÉTOILE, ana-log some FREAKY TALES, go Hardy on HAVOC, remain LOCKED in and autoimmobile, remove the blinders for DAREDEVIL: BORN AGAIN, roll in the blighted sandbox of A MINECRAFT MOVIE and examine the urgent treat of THE PITT.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) plumb the infernal conflict of DEVIL MAY CRY, question the (M)MO of SIDE QUEST, double up on THE ALTO KNIGHTS, debate whether to bail on THE BONDSMAN, litigate MATLOCK, wonder if BLACK BAG belongs in the bin, double up again (and again and again...) on MICKEY 17 and pan PETER PAN'S NEVERLAND NIGHTMARE.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) scorch earth IN THE LOST LANDS, set up camp for MID-CENTURY MODERN, assess the wellness of THE WHITE LOTUS - SEASON 3, report on COMMON SIDE EFFECTS, consider whether DELI BOYS Is(lama)bad, drift through REACHER - SEASON 3, take our one shot incelling ADOLESCENCE, rate the pain of NOVOCAINE, drone on about THE ELECTRIC STATE, snare down THE MONKEY and take a long hard look in the Mirror to ask if we can be fair about SNOW WHITE.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) put the gloves on for DAY OF THE FIGHT, skip to THE END, do a deep-dive on LAST BREATH, investigate THE RESIDENCE, keep rollin' through Y2K, get to the Bikini Bottom of PLANKTON: THE MOVIE, natter amour with HEART EYES, offer perspective on WIN OR LOSE, liquidly FLOW, take a hit out on OLD GUY and work Lumonescently undivided through SEVERANCE - SEASON 2.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) sling a critical web around YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD SPIDER-MAN, get in the ring for A THOUSAND BLOWS (be mature, please), Tóth our skills for thankless labour like THE BRUTALIST, leaf through MEMOIR OF A SNAIL, impose male-order on COMPANION and slash mercilessly through PIGLET and MOUSE OF HORRORS.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) emerge from desolation row for A COMPLETE UNKNOWN, preside over PARADISE, manage our franchise with RUNNING POINT, hop in the cruiser to get ON CALL, get forensic about DEXTER: ORIGINAL SIN, hover unseen for PRESENCE, get KINDA PREGNANT with disgust and hack our way through ZERO DAY.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) contend with BEAST GAMES, take a holistic approach to APPLE CIDER VINEGAR, chronicle the Renée-sance of BRIDGET JONES: MAD ABOUT THE BOY, bridge THE GORGE between us, face the HARD TRUTHS of... well, assess the procedure of HIGH POTENTIAL, put THE LAST SHOWGIRL under the spotlight, cover SEPTEMBER 5 with the means at our disposal, consider the pedigree of DOG MAN, recognise that LOVE HURTS (and some films, too) and emcee you through CAPTAIN AMERICA: BRAVE NEW WORLD.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) give you the lowdown on ELEVATION as we get BACK IN ACTION, lurch baldly and boldly through FLIGHT RISK, stay HERE for some time(s), analyse the manoeuvres of THE NIGHT AGENT - SEASON 2, mynd OUT THERE gyda Martin Clunes am chops, go "Live from South Wales!" for SATURDAY NIGHT, examine the contours of SILO - SEASON 2, space the final frontier with STAR TREK: SECTION 31, go beast mode on WOLF MAN and cordially invite you to a discussion of YOU'RE CORDIALLY INVITED (where none are welcome).

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) submit a review of BABYGIRL, traffic in BLOOD FOR DUST, retain frigid desolation for THE DAMNED, get Callas about MARIA(?), comment asocially upon the social commentary of NICKEL BOYS, acknowledge that WE LIVE IN TIME to save yours, take a disaster tour through A REAL PAIN, load our Gunns for CREATURE COMMANDOS, exploit our public with JERRY SPRINGER: FIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION, get our teeth into NOSFERATU and roam like a pair of Goons alongside STAR WARS: SKELETON CREW.

An interesting year was 2024. And I refer not to the reinstatement of Trump, nor the advancements of AI, nor the rise of autocracy, nor the fall of Assad, nor Palestine, nor hawk tuah. No, I’m talking about the fundament of being itself that outlasts the ephemera of happening things, the undergird of the fabric of why to bother. I’m talking about film and television.2024 was arguably cinema’s finest hour since the last very fine hour, which was quite a few hours ago. But as well as offering up some of the most outstanding films for years, it dropped too a dud or two. Profound duds or twos. So here, Jordan and I (Sam) reach the apotheosis of our respect and the apogee of our contempt (respectively, we’d be deranged otherwise) as we present you with our 10 favourites and hateourites from last year, film-wise and telly-wise combined.Best and Worst of 2024 comin’ atcha.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) “Feel” our way through BETTER MAN (where “Angels” fear to tread), allot time and hold space for DOCTOR WHO: JOY TO THE WORLD, check what’s occurrin’ with GAVIN & STACEY: THE FINALE, stop motion to wallow in WALLACE & GROMIT: VENGEANCE MOST FOWL, go beast mode on KRAVEN THE HUNTER, take a hard stare at the bear PADDINGTON IN PERU, aim for true north in pursuit of RED ONE, test our Bond with QUEER, get all introspective in THE ROOM NEXT DOOR, lament our Koreas going South as we run the conversational gauntlet of SQUID GAME - SEASON 2 and thereupon keep running, running, running to escape the Shadow of SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 3.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) defy the gravity of musical expertise for WICKED, strive for august patricianship as we Rome about GLADIATOR II, get rhetorical and wax philosophical about HERETIC, aim for accuracy re: THE DAY OF THE JACKAL, refuse to annul our partnership like ANORA, take flightless on THE PENGUIN and ponder the decline of civilisation exemplified in (by) MEGALOPOLIS.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) inaugurate Cohnversation on the real (e)state of THE APPRENTICE, evacuate our brains and bombard the London of you for BLITZ, get Pacific and manganimus in our MSG about THE CONTESTANT and assemble a woman-free (cardinally), virginal (by most accounts) symposium in digital pectore to discuss CONCLAVE.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) communicate with you animals about THE WILD ROBOT, foster good-will and adopt a Christian ear for SOUND OF HOPE: THE STORY OF POSSUM TROT, decide whether TRANSFORMERS ONE is cause for prime optimism or screaming at the stars, le'go of our preconceptions and build a review PIECE BY PIECE, summon reserves from Down Under to throw THE OFFICE (Australia) on the barbie - AM I RACIST? - and say boo boo Gaga as we pluck the resurrected Phoenix of JOKER: FOLIE À DEUX.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) sweep on with threshing oar to the TWILIGHT OF THE GODS, face the trials of the Critics' Road with AGATHA ALL ALONG, sneak into THE 4:30 MOVIE, schlep our schmucky selves through a NOBODY WANTS THIS schmooze, blur the lines between amateur and professional for SING SING, check SWEETPEA off our kill-list and Get Out our venom for a sedate defilement of BLINK TWICE.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) beware lest we become monstrous as we fight MONSTERS: THE LYLE AND ERIK MENENDEZ STORY, occupy space where no one will hear us with ALIEN: ROMULUS, go for a Burton to meet BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE, maintain a fragile civility around SPEAK NO EVIL, egest from our horror-bodies THE SUBSTANCE and pursue wis-Dom for subs on the tail of a certain STRANGE DARLING.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) word-search and cross words over LUDWIG, become a pair of chiacchierones for WISE GUY: DAVID CHASE AND THE SOPRANOS (don’t fuhgeddaboudit), peel the bananas banana of CHIMP CRAZY, forfeit no ground on REBEL RIDGE, hurtle speedily through NIGHTSLEEPER and set the bait for those behind THE MOUSE TRAP.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) go Pretty under the skin with UGLIES, chaperone KAOS on a voyage too close to the Sun, cast doubt on the resurrection of THE CROW, create a chat room irl re: RED ROOMS, bring our odd coupling to bear on COLIN FROM ACCOUNTS and go demon mode on how beyond good is EVIL.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) conduct our typically Doughy 101 in decidedly unhushed tones regarding QUIET ON SET: THE DARK SIDE OF KIDS TV, chart the outer reaches of vexation with BORDERLANDS, swing by THE LAST STOP IN YUMA COUNTY for a quick critical brew, navigate the concerted mechanisms of M. Night Shyamalan’s TRAP and turn Pixar’s latest child-brain brainchild INSIDE OUT 2.

This week, Jordan and I (Sam) whirl fatly around the throwback vortex with TWISTERS, scrutinise the blazing Boredchurch of THE JETTY from our displeasure vessel, trail the glossy MAXXXINE along Hollywood Boulevard in a non-criminal fashion, make a potentially botched attempt to extract enjoyment from THE INSTIGATORS (don't get us started) and team up to take on the question: is DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE merely sanctioned satire with as much meaningful f*cking irreverence as this sh*tting paragraph? Or... not? You c*nts.

Reviews of A QUIET PLACE: DAY ONE, KINDS OF KINDNESS, BATMAN: CAPED CRUSADER S1, THELMA and LONGLEGS.You are now entering Video Village. Well, at the moment, you're plonked outside the limits, staring at the welcome sign. It's uncommon for villages to have mottos, but ours does. You squint to discern it, printed as it is damn near illegible in Edwardian Script. You wonder why. An attempt to mask the meaning? A grandiose Elder with ideas above his station? A local councilperson engaged in administrative hostilities with the locals, a struggle playing out in the theatre of low-level upkeep?You edge a mite closer, careful not to cross the invisible threshold lest that signal a kind of commitment. Finally, you clarify: "Praise, Disgust, and all Betwixt." The Oxford comma and archaic closer confirm that this is indeed the work of some bombastic honcho. Next to strike is the judgment that the village remains a mystery, besides some gratuitous pledge to reflect the universal range of human response. Surely this is axiomatic?Desperate, your eyes dart to some graffiti adorning an abandoned wagon on the opposite side of the road. The doodlings would have slipped your notice (accustomed as you are to "the city") but your curiosity is hungry and there's a wagon there. In blood-red it reads, "PODCAST (FILM AND TV)". You are flooded with grateful lucidity, and the accompanying notion that whoever sprayed it might also harbour some haught. What vandal perpetuates parentheses? What vandal!But now you have some idea where you are. Of where you could be. Dare ye enter? Or will you drive in the other direction?* It was presumptuous and, let's face it, inaccurate of me to narrate your own experience to you when we both know you probably didn't even see the sign. I'm probably not even talking to you, am I? It's Sam, by the way.Aye, Sam and Jordan, here we are. New face. Same soul. (For the sake of this, we have one face and soul cos the podcast is a unitary thing. Don't you go thinking we're indistinct beings.) We are the Mickey Rourke (but hopefully for the better) of comically obscure podcasts. Join us!*Scrolling is the metaphor, I'm doing a whole thing.

From the Shorthand Effusions of Jeremy Kettle, Date Unknown, Motives Inscrutable: "All things must pass. Yet, lest you sustain a dogged certitude in a Great Unknown*, 'tis a common failing to mistake passage for passing, especially if you're on a P&O cruise. Does anything end? Or does it merely change? Such questions have busied brilliant and bored minds for aeons. Change is the only rigid dimension, unless, that is, you still live in your hometown with its charity shops and family ties and haven't moved somewhere a bit more happening where nobody knows your name and if you deign to stay in touch, there is an inescapable chill that your relocation has engendered, privately regarded as it is by your kin as tacit contempt for their choices. I'll be honest, my attention was seized by the footnotes and breakfast has made me sluggish. Change... To be resumed tomorrow. *A contradiction in terms, one supposes. Yes, it's true that one spontaneously introduced the clause, but one feels it would be priggish on your part to take umbrage, chiefly because you must admit that the variance has accidentally/astutely delivered an Olbas-like sniff of Truth and penchiefly because had I elected not to painstakingly EXPLAIN MYSELF AGAIN, you'd conceivably have proceeded ignorant of the (arguably, if you're like that) sloppy writing or otherwise convinced of its wit. It was an accident. I don't think more words will convince you out of thinking that it was an accident. I explicitly alluded† to its accidentality. Sure, I COULD have re-written it and avoided all this finger-pointing and snickering to my notional face. But I believe drafts to be a form of duplicity, a philosophy that I will allow has delivered unto me an oppressive hateload of grief, be it a Tripadvisor review - a forum whereupon it would appear "advice" is in fact unwelcome, nay, litigated - or a birthday card. It was an accident, what of it? Penicillin was an accident. We shouldn't use penicillin now? †Another contradiction? That is for the scholars to unpack. How many inconsistencies must one unconsciously bequeath until oxymoron is recognised as oxygenius?”

Jordan and I find ourselves in what was once a forest, framed by the charred corpses of organia. Before us looms our Oak erection which, yielding to precedent, is in acute decline. The Moirai schlep our porcine persons t'ward the wilted trunk, Atropos routinely glancing back over her shoulder with a wicked grin and making the "snip-snip" motion with her fingers. Her nails (predictably, on reflection) are a manicured, sultry red. We don't know how we ended up here. There is the sense of an absence of a memory of a "why", but its inaudible squawks are stifled beneath a landslide of inattention and unpardonably byzantine prose. Camouflaged as we have been, concealed from the sweet, tempering sunshine of others' gaze, with naught but the Spooky Puppeteers and, inescapably, each other for company, we have succumbed to a climate of grotesque permissiveness. A calendar governed not by heavenly bodies but by earthly vagaries. An oral system unmitigated by normal human limits. Writings suggestive of an omni-cibarious yogurt parfait, where digging through each layer brings not nourishment but simply more. Somewhere along our sylvan traipse, yes, we grew unable to see the wood for the trees. We are IN the wood, though. To be fair, like. But perhaps escape is possible... On this quasi-penultimate episode, Jordan reviews the first season of MR. BIRCHUM (with none of the presumptuousness that "first" implies), the second season of SMILING FRIENDS (but the whole thing, really), GAME CHANGER (the whole thing, really) and the first season of DELICIOUS IN DUNGEON (an uncontroversial "first".) Otherwise, he kindly invites me to participate in the podcast with evaluations of the ninth and final series of INSIDE NO. 9 (with allusions to the whole thing), FURIOSA: A MAD MAX SAGA, HUNDREDS OF BEAVERS and IN A VIOLENT NATURE (hol fings), the first season or fourteenth series of DOCTOR WHO (depending on your orientation to the universe) and WINNIE-THE-POOH: BLOOD AND HONEY 2 (yes, the whole. Damn. Thing.) ...Winnie the- -Oh God, is this the Hundred Acre Wood..? Not gonna be Milne's, though, is it? It gonna be Frake-fucking-Waterfield's. Oh, smother.

Today, I have been GRIPPED by the urge to talk about cereal. Coincidentally, cereal is the focus of one of the films we review (it's not a coincidence). In an attempt to curb option paralysis, I am gustatorially unadventurous. But when I consider the myriad cereals on supermarket shelves, I can with confidence claim to have sampled the vast majority. Lit and watered by its nostalgic roots, cereal outgrows its edi-bedfellows. I han't and won't nibble upon such transatlantications as Count Chocula and the Froot Loop. Some of the products I soon mention will be American, but these FEEL American and a residual nationalism casts doubt upon their virtue. As red is the protagonist of the colours and the apple the principal of the fruits, the cereal Don to me will always be Coco Pops. It's been over a decade since our last acquaintance and I weep for all that is lost. It was touched by milk. So milk it too touched. Rice Krispies - the underboss, a worthy second whose wings are clipped by choclessness. Frosties - the third leg of that elementary triumvirate, Tony long since usurped by similar beasts (Crunchy Nut). METAPHOR SHIFT Corn Flakes - the granddaddy, the soggy stalwart and what a vile procession of words. Bran Flakes & Special K - the boring and fun parents, respectively, rightly concerned with the movement of one's bowels. Cheerios & Shreddies - good kids but nobody's favourites, are they? Shredded Wheat - the "different" cousin of whom we are nonetheless fond. METAPHOR SHIFT Weetabix - a wonderful teacher in the rewards of patience. Weetos - a lover whose time in one's life is certain to be short-lived. Because you love her so much. It can't be good for you. And good things like this don't last. Not for you... not for you. And Sugar Puffs - a relic of HOME, a place long gone but forever nestled behind our lives, that place we privately mourn, that pl-- I just found out that Sugar Puffs are now called Honey Monster Puffs. What the FUCKING FUCK?! They come for it all, don't they? METAPHOR COLLAPSE I'm hobbled by the character limit but believe me, I have more to say. On this ep, Jordan and I discuss ERIC, UNFROSTED and uvvers.