Hello again all you tree frogs and feral hogs welcome to another episode of Jesse and Wilder's Guide to Life on Jesse that's Wilder and We're here once again to guide your life. Yeah, I don't love the implication of the I'm the feral hog Yeah, cuz I'm obviously tree frog and wearing sweatshirt with a tree frog on it And you're a feral hog cuz you're a nasty little boy. Nothing of visual gags now that we're in the video business It's true. I we have to jump into the job of time machine.
Unfortunately, we have to immediately I pull up in my Cyber truck. It's a cyber truck. It's all rusty. It barely it already barely runs even though I just bought it We are secret boys.
I think is another thing that you could call us people do many people many many people call us secret boys and We have just so many secrets that we have to talk about all the time that we just couldn't get them all out in the last one game Yeah, we forgot a ton. So I'm gonna rapid fire a few Secret society. I think is it too. Yeah, it could be good could be bad.
Huh secret agent. I feel like that's a three for sure James Ben's just like a jink. Yeah, just like you secret Santa Honestly like a two-word or one one one The game secret Hitler some people don't like it cuz they don't want to be Nazis in a game It's it's a pretty fun game. That's basically the show the traders bro.
You watching traders. No, bro You're you're such a fucking reality. Yeah, bro. I moved to a town where there's nothing to do What do you want me to do?
What do you expect? Real house wife wobbly over there? Traders good Well, you wanted to talk about secret tunnels dude. Oh secret tunnel dude.
I'll secret Oh, what else did I want to talk about the mold dude? Oh the mold, bro Love the most speaking of reality TV. That's the moles stick. It's a banger and a clanger for sure.
Yeah, celebrity mold Dude, what do you got to say about tunnels secret tunnels? I just love I love the idea of them Have you used one? I haven't used a secret tunnel. I don't think I sorted it I said in a hotel once that was connected by tunnels.
They weren't really a secret. They're secret to those outside the hotel Right. Yeah, I mean, it's like a if you yeah, I don't think I've been in secret tunnels before two secret for me But I know that they the Vietnamese army use them in the Vietnam War quite a bit to great success No, just the one So I was having dinner last night with a Jacob Rubin friend of the show. Mm-hmm.
Did we not talk about secret menu? No, we did not talk about secret menu. God. How all we ever talk about is food.
Uh, it's insane that we miss The secret menu is a secret menu anymore now secret menu is just a bunch of teenagers on TikTok that we're like Um, here's what you do you go to Jamba and you get peanut butter and gummy worms and that's a gummy peanut That's like every fucking secret menu. It's so stupid. Yeah, I agree Secret menu would be like if in and out had a fucking tuna mill and you had to like write it on the like a napkin and slide it between Wall and pick it up at two in the morning. Yeah, I would agree with that.
I think um, there's like the Starbucks, I feel like has like a secret menu, but again It just feels like it's just what a bunch of people came up with wack-o combinations that is fucking hell on these employees gang Don't make these teenagers do more than they already have to do they are comparing anything at all their teenagers They don't know how to do anything and now you're making them do these complicated ass Starbucks orders Just give them a rest and let me tell you something I just because we're ragging on secret menus If it was good enough to be on the menu, it would be I'm just letting you know The other thing is we're you and I are both good God-fearing California boys Like in and out quote secret menu is hardly a menu and it's not a secret and I really wish they would just put it on like just Put animal style on the menu bro. No need that menu too small. We're gonna put it. Oh sure can't make it bigger I guess they can make the fall smaller on any of that way they can make it bigger remove milk or whatever's on there Isn't milk on there or like hot coffee hot cocoa dude.
Yeah, take a hot cocoa Had that hot cocoa if you have get out of yeah shout out JW guide or whatever well That's a perfect segue you can get out of that JW guide or you can get out us at our brand new Number oh, I can't post this clip because this is my phone number You can call leave a message to our people all over that four one five seven six three one zero six one once again That's four one five seven six three one zero six one give us a call leave a message I'm sure many many it will have thousands by the time this comes out and Maybe we'll drop that audio of your message into this maybe we'll read it on air Maybe we won't do any of it either way don't be offended But know that you know if you're if you're leaving it we might talk about I don't know like Don't be weird if we talk about it. It would be weird if you were like hey this this one's just for us guys What about secret voicemail secret voicemail is not the place for that. It's nothing. Yeah So that's I think that's all of the we did a lot of housekeeping in that that yeah, it's good to tidy it up a little Needed it needed it desperately spring cleaning for the podcast.
Yeah speaking of spring cleaning Sometimes you might clean up and you need new furniture. That's the how does he do it? Can we do buy room to as categories? So like living room furniture?
Yes, and then bedroom and then if you guys are like guys you already did an episode on desk How could you possibly talk more about it's like shut up shut up obviously Bathroom this bathroom furniture. I don't think so bathroom a little cupboard. Maybe you're like a little like a little shelf I don't I'm not counting it living room bedroom office slash bare room outside furniture. Come on well like some people have Like a chair in their bathroom.
Oh Like a big ass bathroom like a rich bathroom. Oh, Richie, Richie, Richie bathroom bathroom bathroom. All right, we'll do bathroom Okay, this is a good place to start What's what's I say furniture first where that comes to your mind is couch? Where are we putting couch?
This is maybe a whole the worst idea for an episode we've ever had couch Could be an episode dude. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Let's not break it down by room Let's break it by theme sitting is a or like is a furniture part you about but oh For your butt what I'll put but in parentheses. I can't what would you change that? Okay sitting do couch is a three. Yeah sitting in but couches a three.
Yeah, it's great It's a one. It's a wonderful place to sit. I love a big ass chair to like a like a motherfucker of a chair Like it's somewhere between a couch and a chair. You know what?
Yeah, like I think they call it a seat and a half or a chair and a half It's not quite a love seat. It's not quite a love seat. It's just like deep dude It's so good. Talk about the naps you could take in that thing brother.
Whoo. Mm-hmm I think a standard recliner is a two. I feel like I'm always gonna like it more than I actually do like I sit in it I'm like yeah, this is good. I do okay.
I'm a fidgety boy So I like a not like a old wooden rocking chair, but I do like a chair that rocks. Yeah, we call the rocking chairs I like when I think of a rocking chair. I think of like a nasty wooden one on the front porch I don't mind we have rocking chairs in our backyard. I like them.
I think rocking chairs are three. We'll put it and inside outside It's all growing up. We had one that was like leather. That's a leather rock.
Yeah, I'm into it I love to rock to and throw like a babe very not quite little dude stools. I basically hate every stool Yes, I don't go to hell. I don't I need a back dude. Oh my god And even sometimes they try and get you a stool with a back and it's miserable It's got a little low bar.
It just like digs into your oh look at the back the backs that are just like a fucking centimeter off The top why yeah crazy. It doesn't do anything hate stools dude fucking stools at best. They're terrible Yeah, and they belong in like a woodshop, right? Like that's where you find have your stools in your garage I can landfill dude.
Fuck. Yeah, I hate stools man. I think it'd be sweet You know like um like in Star Wars everyone sits in thrones that are really tall and thin That type of sci-fi throne. That's why I think should be at bars I think that's not a great use in these right here like the same just a little bit bigger than a stool But just cushy.
Mm-hmm. I think that's a two space throne is a two Do you think stools are at bars to keep people from getting too comfortable? Why would they want that well just like in the olden days? Maybe they like the town drunk was Hanging out there too much you give them a fucking arm chair that guy never gonna leave I think that they give they do stools because they're cheap and you can fit in it You could fit the most of them in there and they know that you're not there for the sitting So it doesn't really matter how uncomfortable they are because you're gonna sit I think it's for the town drunk What else can you do in furniture you can stand on it?
Do you stand on any furniture? No, ideally no I mean you could lay yeah, that is three of course that is three a Futen is a one for laying I think right I mean depends on the futon sometimes they got a little bar the jabs you in the back and then sometimes it's like just a I told you about my phone food don't we talked about it. I love that shit Yeah, we have a futon that's pretty choice. Okay.
Futon's a two pullout bed is a one right pull out is never good Hey, it also sucks for the couch like the it makes a you ever moved a couch with a pullout. It's fucking heavy Bro, that's the worst piece of furniture you can own in my opinion. Yeah, I mean and sometimes you just need it Right you like living in a small place you need an extra spot for when you're home He's just get a futon Just get a futon spend the extra hundred fifty bucks and get a futon there out crazy as furniture dude expensive my god Yeah, I mean we're just gonna sound like a couple of boomers right now, but it's facts dude. Oh my we had it I remember when my furniture used to cost zero dollars because I found it on the ground Yeah, now they frown upon that now because of woke dude.
Yeah, you can't do that anymore We used to see a couch pull over put that thing in the back of the car empty the clip on a bottle of Clorox wipes ooh Mites oh bedbudge. Oh, I'm a coward. Yeah, I'm shit dude fucking damn dude obviously bonus point dude orange chair Yes, talk about it endlessly doesn't make it any less powerful I see little wins as an orange chair, you know, it's like an X you see fuck behind and you don't know if it's that person or not And then that's sort of ideal orange chair all the time. Yeah, everyone's I do I will say that like a Surprisingly high percentage of our text messages are about each other texting photos of chairs that look like orange chair Like it's not a lot, but it is like more than 1% especially if you're a little drunk.
It's like any orange chair at all I'm like, oh shit. That's it. That's the one dude. That's orange.
Yeah, it is always like past midnight in a dark bar and we're just like holy shit I think the last time you sent it to me. I think I said orange chair is everywhere with for those with eyes to see Yeah You could sleep in it you can sit on it whatever you want, baby. It's got a hardened shell for an arm so you could Mm-hmm easily balance it on there for a moment. I think I'm let's talk about Features in our furniture a cup holder dude.
I don't I think that's like it sounds cool It sounds cool. It's like my dad shit, but you know it's like shit It's choice now all the couches these days, bro. They got USB chargers. Oh, yeah, you like you guys be charged I think you guys be like out now, but yeah, I'm just gonna say chargers and general I think I'm sick.
How about wire? Yeah, some of them got in the arm of the yes Bonus points is magic like that. Give me the tech dude tech tech tech not necessarily smart But I want to couch. That's like a little bit like my an iron man suit a little bit like an iron man suit Well, ideally it is an iron man suit right sure bonus point iron man You sit in it and then it kind of wraps around you I have a I have a chair that I call to me with bracelets like Ironman calls it Furniture functional or decorative Okay, this is so glad you asked this I feel like when I was until probably I moved to New York Honestly, and I don't think that has anything to do with it.
I think just that's the age when I was like in my late 20s Until then I really was big on like Function over form like why would I get anything other than this like Spartan cheap I key a furniture? It works. It's mostly comfortable It's cheap. I don't care that it's ugly.
It serves its purpose. Now. I'm fully on the other side of the spectrum where I would almost With certain things I'm not gonna compromise comfort But I'd almost rather something stylish a little bit more stylish. That's not quite as comfortable because like I have to look at that every fucking day Why would I want it to look like shit?
You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean like from it's a 100% that's my deal Everything clothing all things that I own I no longer care what they look like. I just want them to be cozy, dude I'm in the cozy business and it's almost nothing else So but then what you're saying is like you would you would pay a premium for coziness over like this is a couch that You know works and it looks nice, but it can't be like look it can't be Fugly you know what I'm saying like that fucking red couch shout out to my old red couch. What's it mine?
Whoa that thing was hideous, dude. I feel okay. Wait a minute. I feel like that red couch is a great point It was comfy as a motherfuck I feel like part of the reason we love or shares because we had had so much bad furniture in the past It was like what do you people that were like this is a bad chair would be like are you what you guys like?
What are you talking about only because we had either sat on the floor or Little dirt boys And I didn't find that chair on the street. I found it in a hallway much different. You know, huh? Oh, dude.
We didn't talk about deep couch I don't love a deep couch. I love for my friend to have a deep couch shout out ash Crossin former guests. She's got deep couch dude and you're my fucking my little ankles They don't even get to this bigger than my whole legs. Yeah, and then I end up sitting like crisscross applesauce Dude, it's like you're like a baby.
You're like a baby sitting in a regular person's chair It's a bit honestly. It's a demerit to me if furniture turns me into baby Sometimes it's nice to be baby in a furniture dude. Come on. Reclinning is a two to me I feel like it's another one where like I like it but you then you It's hard to see your own television set when you're reclining.
Yeah, you're like this My dad is a big recliner guy. The other thing that sucks about recliners is you can't have them up against the wall Because Yeah, you're dead. You're gonna lazy boy. He is a bit he gets locked in.
He's got a spot dude He's got his cup holders chargers. He does hit their couch has a like a center console bonus points I'm having your spot, dude. Fuck yeah. God damn.
That's the life. I don't really have a I never really had like I've had my spots I never had like a spot like the spot. You don't got one now I mean I have like my spot, but it's not like it's not like it's not like I kick back and all I need in the world is right here Already ready to go. I have to set my spot up Yeah, I agree.
I agree. I'm in the same go. You know what's tough for me is I This is like my little anxiety demon I fear that if I have a spot and I lock into it, not I fear I know that uh, I'm gonna create like a divot in the couch and that's gonna be ugly You know what I mean? Like that's I don't like how that looks sure so I try and switch it up regularly like the cushions I'm sitting on not like in the middle I'm not like in the middle of the movie like time to road No, no, but I don't that's nuts Nuts you think I just like can't imagine sitting in a different place on my couch than I already said I like to sit betwixt the cushions.
Oh, you're up between the cushions. Yeah, I like one cheek on each cush What what does that do for you? I don't know. I just always been that way It's weird bro.
Yeah, it's kind of weird, but then I like to sit in this direct center sometimes like it turns on the couch our couch is a three A three cushion situation. Oh, you know, what's very quite lit to me. We just got a sectional dude where you can fucking slam brother. Yeah, dude You know what I love to be the guy on the long side watching the movie kickback.
Ooh Yeah, the sh the chase lounge. I'm not a big chase lounge guy, but we do have one now and it is desirable for sure It's tight. It's a couch that is big enough and we did this last night where I can be laying Almost fully horizontal Chelsea can be laying almost fully horizontal and the dog is on the couch and nobody's really squished That's the fucking life. Yeah, that's good stuff.
That's good stuff for features. You my dad's couch has a fucking cyber couch My dad's couch has a center console. I think that it's just a garbage bin. It's kind of a one to me center console What's it for?
Well, okay, so they're they have this huge sectional. It's too big right? It's like because they have this big living room like a boy in a bunch of wires running through it like Yeah, so they so like you sit like my dad spot is on the end To his left is a coffee table to his right or an end table to his right is a The cup holders and the center console you lift that bad boy up. What are they got in there?
100 different remotes who knows what they're for no I'm missing all magazines, dude A fucking magazines that an iPad dude. They got the pad just in there. Oh, it's a storage bin dude It's a storage bin. It's a storage bin.
That's not I don't either I think it could be cool, but there's no way it doesn't just fill with garbage. You gotta talk about not couch Couch could have been an episode clearly what so table putting stuff, right? Yeah table dining dining table dude. I love it.
I'm a big I've we talked about this We don't we don't need out the couch. We said the dining table. We don't have a dime Place to put a dining table. So you are your couch eaters coffee through?
Yeah, we watch we watch it Well, we eat it's a it's a no for us, dude. We just sit down. We can remember nice meal a couple of fucking puritans pass I do love a dining table though. I grew up obviously with a dining table that shit was tight coffee table Would love to give it a one can't cannot stand a coffee.
That is our dining table, right? But how do you feel like if you had a new idea? I hate it. I can't but my feet on it.
It's not comfy to put my feet on it Yeah, and then you got then anybody that comes over is putting their nasty feet on it You know what I do fuck with are those lows like Ottomans that like were oh we got one of those with a sectional, baby Yeah, dude. Those are tight. Yeah, that's okay. So putting stuff.
I think an ottoman Is that right? Ottoman? Yeah, I like the empire and then I'm gonna say coffee table is a one I find them to be I only associate them with like the IKEA coffee table that we all had because it was like $30 still have yep Looks fine, but like you said not comfortable and then unless you are on it What kind of clutter you got on that coffee table? I feel like you guys are not cluttered up No, we got like there's a theme to the clutter Like coffee table books.
Mm-hmm Ours is like it's like the one level up IKEA. It's like the wood top and then the metal the black metal thing underneath, but sure coasters Couple of maggies. Yep, and coffee table books. You reading those maggies brother.
Well, you got on there national net geo We got I like I time to time Look at dentist office in your house dude You know, I'm like fucking orbs dude. You've got orbs on there orbs. I got like wired I got like tech tech CEOs Annual yeah, I got business builders weekly that's by weekly actually cool They're putting that out twice a month business builder. It's bi-weekly Kind of a tongue twister that one putting stuff dressers and stuff like we need them, but I wish there was a better way I wish oh there is dude.
There is what is it? You ever I mean we Chelsea and I are nasty and we punish ourselves so we go to open houses all the time for places that we can't afford obviously Sure, bro the big walk-in closet that's got the shelves where you could just put I could just put my t-shirts on these shelves Oh, and then they're the rack here for all my sweaters And I got my little like I put like there's a little drawer I could put my socks in like when you're when your shit is queued up on a Obviously a walk-in closet is not furniture. Momma Mia. That solves a lot of I mean we have like we have like tiny tiny What apartment size ones where there's no fucking shelves that we have She has like a nice looking dresser in the bedroom Splayed opposite the bed as far as it's like nice wood.
Yeah, I shitty I key address her to the back of the closet. Yes, smart um And that's pretty much we also got like a bookcase dude and it like I love the idea of this but like It's not nice looking versus get a book shelf is a two we have a ton of books And it's also clutter central right you end up putting nikki nakas on there and nikki nakis and like and now it's getting to the point where like Luckily, she's a kindle daddy now and I'm getting I'm about to become one but We're almost out of space. I know we've we face this often and it's like in my perfect world I have my lego room and I have my library and I want like a library full of books dude. I think that'd be tight I don't want to get rid of all my books brother.
I know dude I well what I do for both jelty and I is I take into my classroom. I have a dumping ground I have like a yeah, yeah, see a little garbage that if we ever moved to a place where we could have a full library I'll just snatch them right back, you know This is this part it's not furniture, but this is sort of like furniture. We got a walk-in walk-in pantry Oh my god, yeah, like walk in but like you open it and there's like an entire closet worth of space. Yes pantry shelves That shit is fire.
Yeah, we fucking wish. I mean, I'll tell you what furniture exists that isn't that that We have we have what's called a who's your cabinet Um, you know what you have Classic, uh, I think that's how it's spelled. Yeah, it's like a big kitchen cabinet I'm showing him right now, but it's like it's got like a counter space to it sure Sure, it's got some some shelves and drawers It's like you don't have a bar of tools and stuff on that. Yep.
Yep Um, and it's because we don't have a ton of cabinet space in our house if we had a pantry we wouldn't need this old bastard We got some fucking old ass one So I think a kitchen cabinet is a tool because like it's great in its service It's much like a dresser, but like in a perfect world. We just got that big walk-in pantry My uh my uncle built a house in Utah where everything I mean, so you just like pay you know $15 and they're like here's sure Whatever, sure, they had a big ass walk-in pantry and they had a small door on the floor of the walk-in pantry like two foot by two foot Person could crawl through it, but not really what it's for that door led to the garage so that you could take your groceries Slide them right into the pantry so fresh also not furniture fucking so tight imagine that's like a wallace and grommet house So cool. Yeah, I mean they also have a laundry shoe. They had a lot of little secrets in that house.
Oh dude Laundry shoots and trash shoots so fucking choice Yeah trash shoots I will say that there's always I would always have a little anxiety when I lived in an apartment building with a trash Shoot and I would put my big fucking over stuff bag in there and it wouldn't go down at first I'd be like, oh, is this the type? Oh, you just kind of learn how to use the trash shoot then You know what I let's talk about this see this fucking bullshit. I got this 85 pound goddamn bean chair, but it's not full of beans It's full of fucking stuff in something. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Boom. It was schmegmas bean chair Sarah calls it an egg chair.
I hated the egg chair. He loved it. Sarah hated it She kicked it out. He's lucky she kicked his ass out.
Yep facts And then when I was moving into my apartment, I was like, I have no furniture I'll take the egg chair off your hands and then I figured if I ever move to North Carolina, there's no fucking way it's coming with me Except my beloved loves it likes this fucking nasty shit I do feel like these types of chairs are extremely polarizing people love it or people hate it. I'm putting bean chairs on one obviously it is Takes up so much of my space. Do you sit in it? Do you lay in it feels like you have to lay right brother?
You do neither it absorbs you until it overtakes you and you are no more I don't I first of all I while they're do not sit or lay or do anything of the sort in it Despite the fact that encroaches in my space at all times. This is for my beloved who likes to sit and read in it And there used to be a time where she used to like to nap in it, but now the angle's wrong and she can't get in so she fucking Can't fall asleep anymore. Uh, okay A scourge and I want it gone and dead toss it egg chair. Well, let's let's talk about bad ones hammock hammock is a one to me God I hate a fucking hammock dude.
I mean if I could like appear in the hammock and then disappear out of it I would like if you were fucking night crawler and just yeah, um hammock is a one water bed obviously is a one I feel like I don't know if we talked about water beds on here. I'm sure we have they suck I don't like them. I've never slept in one, but I've sat on one and that sounds like shit. They got barf What about dude?
I love as much as I don't like coffee tables. I do need an end table. I need someone to put my dummies Of course. Yeah.
Oh, you know, it's tight. I seen these people they have um secret litter boxes that are disguised into furniture like end tables Oh, but then it's the little sticky well That's on the person to be able to maintain but like some of them are like good looking furniture So if you got a cat, you don't have anywhere to put it that seems like a good one provided you maintain So that's a feature. I'm gonna say litter boxes. I'm gonna say pet pet functions bonus points is it's secretly It's secretly not furniture.
Like that's tight We got something sort of similar where when we lived in our apartment and we needed to crate for the dog Um, we got a crate that had a wooden top And when you push it in between the wall and the couch it just looked like an end table Um, and we put books and magazines and shit on it and then oh, what's this little door get in their dog? You know what I've seen you might even have this these days a lot of people with dogs and backyards have a like magnetized little Door like a sort of screen door that you can pull open and then when you let it go it magnets itself back up Yeah, we we don't have that but that is a that is a good one So doggy door if you don't have a doggy door Well, and it's good we have friends that live in LA and their place does not maybe it does have AC But they use those basically a screen doors right so they can open up there like back door and let a breeze in You know what I hate the hand chairs. Oh hand chair is so gross. I hate those do yeah Hand chair really loved a chair.
I mean or share we tech but like but like in a non-ironic way Um, I don't think I ever had that experience with a chair a lot of people like have chairs that they love like more than their family Hmm. Yeah, I don't think I've ever felt that way about any piece of furniture. Do we count Paris as furniture? No, right?
That's decoration That's art art fine art So then I think I think no, I mean I did really love orange chair I did really share too. I moved it to New York. I I took I took it to see how much it would cost to get real poster the guy basically laughed at my face It's like this would cost you so much more money than it would be to just buy a much better chair. It's like all right, buddy That's not the fucking question.
I asked sure isn't sure fucking is what about um cabinets Yeah, I mean get live with him can't live without him. No, I'm saying heard that brother I do love a curio cabinet with like a little ass a curio cabinet would you put your little knickknacks in you? Yeah, come on bro. Okay, sure.
They got no all the fancy words for all this furniture. Oh boy Curio cabinet. Okay. Yeah, that's fine.
They kind of remind me of something that my grandma would have though Yeah, it's grandma vibes for sure But like imagine my leg of it That is tight keep them for time. I have a I have a three for putting stuff I am so horny for built-in cabinets dude cabinets that are built into your home. Fuck. Yeah Like why can't we have some in this house.
I built some in this house. Yeah, I love it. Um pushing in Push them in. What do you mean by that open the push?
Oh sure. Yes Fucking no handles, please if it was up to me, I don't have any where in my house. Yeah, yeah, yeah Fuck dude. Demerit is handles.
Fuck handles. I hate them. Why don't me him Why? He's to my fucking space Handled I guess that one is tough for me.
Fuck candles dude. Uh, I have a couple of ones to knock out all of the Like pop-up furniture generally so like uh like a folding table is it too to me? You just you gotta have it. It's useful, but like it's not gonna have it Um same thing with folding chairs dude like uh actually folding chairs might be a one I hate folding chairs There's still like sometimes better than some other chairs though like a like a bad wooden chair is hell Folding chair at least at least has like a little indentation for your butt Yeah, I my problem with folding chairs is if they ain't made a medal they ain't for me You know what I mean?
Like sometimes you get one of those wood ones That's like very I feel like often at a wedding and you're sitting on like soft grass and you get in it and you're like Oh, this one might not be as sturdy as I want it to be. Yeah, or a plastic one. That's a nightmare plastic is a done I'm levitating over that shit. I can't you know damn dude?
You ever give me two big for your britches and take like a bunch of stacks of folding chairs on each arm and then smack yourself in the shins with one of those folding chairs Pooh baby like a metal one. Yeah, I'm a mea. It's bad. What about like a little a cafe table You know like you have an oversized kitchen and you have like a little cafe table in the kitchen sit and have your little cappuccano Yeah, I love it.
You know what I love dude is a breakfast nook dude nooks shout out dude. I love it Especially a built-in one where you're not a bench That's the only time a bench is like a three. I think otherwise like benches get fucking tossed ass. I hate benches Uh camp chairs dude.
I too probably to huh you need them Yeah, I got them in the trunk of my car there they become the extra patio chairs when we have guests Yeah, we got a similar vibe going around here um It is I think like a general bonus point maybe To all I think all outdoor furniture is a boat like if you have a table outside I love it little picnic table even if it's bad. I don't really give a shit is fire pick furniture I don't think so what it is. I mean, yeah, I guess maybe it's right appliance. I would think more than Appliance.
Oh, that'll be an episode. We'll do appliances. Yes. It'll hopefully it'll be just as funny and interesting as this one Yeah, dude.
Don't worry. I'll lock it down. The barber of cevias shaves herself. Oh clap herself dude.
Herself, right? Yeah, fuck it's 2024. You asshole. Yeah, barbers can be women dude Jesus, I've been trying to tell you Um little late on the uptick on that one, huh?
It's not to keep it in suspense and naturally johnny answered that now johnny can call 415 6 3 1061 and leave those personally the the answers. Yeah, let me let me oh wait I have a I must have told the story the first piece of furniture I ever bought the first thing I ever bought with my own money My first paycheck was a piece of furniture when I was just a wee boy 16 years old working at the uh arena country club What did you buy? I bought a chair what hangs from the ceiling and I did love that chair Dude you ever heard of a more fucking 16 year old dumb shit thing to buy in your life? Of course not and it had So you screwed it into the roof into the ceiling into the beam and it was made of like camp chair material It was like fucking plastic or whatever and it had a there was a crossbar To hold it and from the crossbar little cup holder hung and then also from the crossbar mounted hello footrest I was like cup holder also swinging lose big time Just like try to like grab it, but you're swinging too hard My room wasn't big enough to swing so I don't not sure what I thought was so cool about it But damn bro.
I love you. You should see how much it yourself. How many fucking hours of god damn guitar hero I blasted in that chair that was the spot. Let me say I don't want any of my furniture hanging from the ceiling strike that That's not true dude fucking pots and pans rack.
Yeah, type type type type so cool I want one of those one day so bad. Uh, do you like a kitchen island? Fuck yeah, if I if I got the space for it, I would love one. You know who's kitchen.
I want bro. Selena Gomez. You seen her kitchen No, dude. I'm incredible on the Gomez household Check out Selena chef streaming on HBO Max Coaching is absolutely beautiful.
She's got like a brick oven in there. Mm-hmm. It's Gorgeous big. I want tons of sinks.
This is for the appliance episode. I'll save it. Yeah, please save it Uh dude, Papa's on chairs. Hey them, huh put him in the garbage.
Yeah, um, yeah My mom has an outdoor couch that is pretty tight It's made of like a wicker and then it's got pads and the pads are like all she can like easily pick them up with them in the shed Yeah, and then when it's like time to host pops the pads on there. Do you have any decorative furniture in your home? We have this like spooky little I don't think you can see it right here There's a plant because of the plant right there That plant is on a spooky little antique rocking chair that my grandma gave us antiques are haunted Oh, yeah, and it's a baby rocking chair So it's the the way that this chair works is it's a high chair and then collapses dude into a rocking chair No, it's multifunctional haunted antique furniture. No, thank you There are but I will say antiques to me I mean if we're just talking like how I want my furniture other than maybe couches I'm other than anything upholstered.
I should say like couches and chairs I we fuck with antiques heavy in this house. We like if I can get an antique shelf Yes, if we can get an antique fucking cabinet. That's all the moves for us You're not into it. You hate me.
No, it's fine. It's just haunted and like I just always think it's gonna break is my problem I always think like oh today's the day the leg is just gonna snap because I don't know where this really came from Yeah, but the deal is like bro. There's so much better built than so much of what we actually have, you know what I mean? Definitely But the Hoosier cabinet we have is like almost 100 years old and that mother is right and strong It's not who's got the oldest cabinet competition Some people have a bar.
I love a kitchen bar in an apartment Yeah bar and when bar. I mean it's just like I mean as always right like if you got it If you got the dough and you got the space of course About like I want a kitchen is separated from the somewhere another room by a bar. That's a good time to me Just in general I prefer a kitchen to be separate I don't like these open concepts where my kitchen is in my living room is in my dining room and it's all just one big huge room Well, I don't like I don't want one big room for sure, but I do like an open kitchen I love to see what the chef has going on in there. Yeah, but my guess when I'm entertaining my guest bro I want them to see me lighting the paella.
I want them to see me toss in the fire up in the air Want them to see me seasoning shit off my elbow and like a fucking salt bay So when you say lighting the paella, what do you mean by that? I meant like just like lighting the stove just like you want people to see you go Lighting when I'm cooking my paella indoors, which is highly recommended to produce lots and lots of smoke It's best to like the stove first cool, dude Tune in here for more of waboos hot Next week, I'll tell you how to put stuff in the fridge That's how we had a furniture. I feel like there's more. I mean there's there's there's dressers.
There's cabinets There's there's shelves. I got I got a couple I got two more. I want to hit Three more. I want to hit all of the chair variety.
Yeah desk chair I think is a two we talked about it with desk Like you need it and having a good one is so crucial But it's almost like the better the chair gets for your back and your spine and your butt which are so important The absolutely uglier it gets it looks like a space chair It's like a little it is. Yeah, you look like a fucking dweebus So desk chair is a two the ball chairs dude. Those are one obviously okay But you want to talk about waboos desk hacks dude check it. I got me a half of all chair Oh sure.
Yeah, you put it on my chair and I could take it off and it's not nasty and it makes my posture nice and good It looks like something you would sit on if you had hemorrhoids and that is what I also use it for sick dudes Uh, and then I had oh a pholstered chairs dude. I'm out my mom has a pholstered dining room chairs They're like so fancy. They were like a billion trillion dollars. I'm always worried.
I'm gonna spill something on them We're eating spaghetti at the table. Of course. What about plastic? Plastic what chairs like furniture like where's plastic covering on front?
Oh, yeah, pla no pla Plastic oh covering dude like like when the couches wrapped no thank you You know what I also hate is when there's a couch that's for a dog and then people just keep a nasty blanket on that couch If the couches for the dog that let the dog just take the fucking Blanket off the fucking couch. Just give it just give the couch to the dog No, we have a we have a blanket, but I will say that we are nasty. That was it just no nasty fall of fur We diligently change the the couch blanket for smell and for reasons Okay, that's not what I'm referring to. I'm talking about people that have couches where there's just a blanket That's eternally on that thing and it's yes as stains and nasty.
Yeah, that's the rule spots and hair At that point give that dog the couch. Yeah, that's gross. We do have That but that blanket it's more than one blanket. It's constant rotation.
We wash it like at least once a week Oh, dude. We didn't talk about like man cave go off dude. Tell me what you got in that cave. It sucks Yeah I agree, dude, but like they that's where like stupid ass furniture lives like fucking like be your signs Yeah, I would call not a furniture, but it's a pool table of furniture dude.
It might be Yeah, it's a game. Yeah, um, but like stupid like glassware fucking oh entertainment units, dude Oh, yeah putting stuff dude entertainment center. I love it. It's gotta be it You say two I would say two.
What are you gonna say? Oh, I love them. They look what they do for us The whole place together. I'm not a mountain I would not be either dude.
I would not be a TV probably and if I would I'll tell you one fucking thing Dude, I'm sorry if any of you out there have this but it drives me out of my fucking skin I don't want to have to see the cord hundred percent hundred hundred If I have to look at that fucking cord don't take your TV off the wall immediately That's okay. This is why I haven't mounted it like I have my little video games on there Like I know that if we mount it, I'm gonna have to do a lot of work to hide those cords and I will not be looking at cords brother I can't do it. Demerit looking at the cords of a TV Any cords in general yikes hide them from on please. Yeah, okay I think that a good place to finish this episode up is we have not really talked about IKEA at all Which I feel like we should Where are you getting where are you getting your it is a whole episode?
I would agree to that actually Where are you getting your furniture from these days? Do you still fuck with IKEA? I mean I do not any well, I mean this is not a never but I've pretty much broken up with IKEA because I know that now it's time for Wabu to be a man Because Wabu is no longer a boy, right and boy Wabu boy does he love IKEA I love to build IKEA for the most things in the world. I love that more than I love my own family I love to eat at IKEA.
Yep. The food is fine at IKEA. Yep. Uh, it looks at first glance pretty fucking good It's not ugly.
The problem is it looks like IKEA and the fake wood eventually starts to peel But I don't you know the whole like bit about how IKEA furniture is impossible to put together I think people are just stupid. I've never really had an issue I would actually argue that IKEA furniture has the easiest furniture to put together. Yes It is ordered something from Amazon. Holy shit.
That should have been a little Wayfair dude. Yeah, it's like constantly like what the fuck do you expect from me? I mean I'm telling you like as two guys who like to put together modular furniture I to me IKEA is top of the class like you cannot get better if the instructions are extremely clear you are they don't even use words I can't even say you're illiterate. It's like Legos.
Meanwhile, I get something from Wayfair and there's two screws that look almost identical And but instead of telling me like big screw little screw there like this is screw GL 501xz This is screw 500 GL 1xy like Wayfair and overstock and all those places the instructions always have so many arrows and Like movements directions and it's like why am I move why am I spinning or moving this piece of wood? It's crazy and like Yeah, I love IKEA. I'd love it from top to bottom. It just looks like IKEA and now as an adult person technically It's time to have furniture that does not look like IKEA.
We have an article um couch And I love it. I haven't fucked with article too much But it's but I think with couch you gotta go couch is one where it's like you gotta go big You can't be fucking around with some like I don't know I I don't judge anyone for spending like thousands of dollars on a couch because like you It's so important and that shit will break down immediately if you If you do if you cheap out on it and sometimes you have to cheap out on it and that's fine You gotta do what you gotta do but like mama mia I think that I agree with your whole thesis on IKEA. It feels good You know the problem is when you take this step out of IKEA town into the town of a nice piece of furniture. It feels good Okay, all right, so let me say I agree with you like 95% I think that there is a there are things that IKEA that Don't look like IKEA furniture that you can get We get so many compliments on our entertainment center and it's like here and it's like a good color Uh, it doesn't look like IKEA.
It's held up really well Like that is probably of all the furniture we have one of our most complimented piece furniture And it's like you the main reason I'll go like you anymore is because there isn't one in Asheville Sure, I was gonna say there's probably not one near you right Um, and it's got little like the the handles are kind of nice I you just gotta know you know, I don't like handles, but otherwise I do you don't love handles. I get it Um, I I think like the IKEA is way too small for it in that it is 100% yeah little fucking like the Michael Scott TV. Yeah, it's a TV Um I So I agree that IKEA is not great. However, it's like I think that we've ordered a handful of stuff with Wayfair I think Wayfair or fucking wishes.
It was like here first of all, it's like more expensive a lot of times this stuff is just as bad a quality Um, and then dude you guys fuck with west elm at all. Uh, well, we're not billionaires. So no, right That's the that's the thing that sucks is you start you want to graduate from places like Wayfair and IKEA That's like going from elementary school to fucking medical school You gotta do some stuff in between oh my god. We went in for fucking shits of gigs the other day looking for like a little Trae dude.
I'm like a little just one a little tray good luck brother And where I'm looking at chairs and I'm like oh, this is kind of a fly chair. This would go great. Oh, oh, okay. Never mind It's actually $2300 for this one wooden chair.
No, I mean just barely cracked Creighton barrel in this house dog We got yeah, dude great and bees. This is pretty tight. That's a good one Yeah, baby Just talking Creighton bees. That's dude getting crazy on a sunday Hitting up the fucking estate sales dude and then hitting great and be uh, I'm gonna say Thank you To I feel like this is probably gonna have a time machine But I'm gonna look around my house and see all this shit that I have like what's for dinner dude Like a fucking toothbrush cop.
What do you want me to say toothbrush cop? You happy? Thank you to bat talk for the music Thank you to Adam for the art Our um statistics are not loading right now. So I'm just gonna make them up.
Thank you to iceland cool Thank you to probably I'm guessing got a lot of learning in like milwaukee I would say appreciate you all you out there in no seresota. Mm-hmm. They're in uh fargo north Dakota probably. Yeah, same heat Japan cool just the whole nation, huh?
That's sick and of course What can't be put in a sauce pan? Now, I know probably lots of things. Yeah lots of things So hit me back with what can't be put in a sauce pan johnny banana is called the number which is the number is of course 415 763 1 0 6 1