Gail Rubin on Mortality Movies and Changing End-of-Life Planning

Host Tony Russo sits down with “Doyenne of Death” Gail Rubin following her return from a trip to London. Gail shares insights from a recent gathering of end-of-life pioneers and trendsetters in the UK, exploring how international perspectives are shifting the conversation around death.The conversation dives into creative, approachable ways to encourage pre-need planning. Gail discusses using pop culture and film to spark end-of-life discussions, hosting events in funeral home chapels, and the concepts behind Death Cafes, Bereavement Cafes, and Before I Die Festivals. They also tackle the public’s perception of funeral costs, the importance of advance planning, and how explicit instructions in a will can alleviate the burden on loved ones.Key Takeaways & Highlights* Connecting Deathcare Pioneers in London: How Gail Rubin met with UK leaders to discuss the state of death education.* Innovations in Funeral Spaces: A look at Exit Here, a UK “new wave” funeral home founded by restaurateur Oliver Payton and third-generation funeral director Barry Pritchard. Learn how they host unconventional community events such as Bereavement Cafes, karaoke, and Easter egg hunts to foster openness.* “Mortality Movies” & Pre-Need Engagement: Gail breaks down her book, 98.6 Mortality Movies to See Before You Die. She explains why showing lighthearted death-related films or comedies (like Defending Your Life or Undertaking Betty) in funeral home chapels bridges the community connection and prompts people—especially men—to engage in pre-planning.* Grief vs. Bereavement: Exploring the distinction between simple grief counseling and “Bereavement Cafes,” which address the secondary, practical life changes that occur after losing a loved one (e.g., changes in finances, daily chores, and family roles).* Honoring Final Wishes: Gail shares a personal story of fulfilling her late brother-in-law’s specific request to scatter his ashes along Route 66 from Chicago to California, illustrating how writing down clear instructions eases the burden on survivors.Timestamped Key Moments* 00:00 – Welcome back to Gail Rubin & origins of the London gathering.* 01:22 – Meeting Professor Jenny Kitzinger & the history of Before I Die Festivals.* 03:44 – “New Wave” funeral homes: Exit Here, direct cremation, and life celebrations in the UK.* 06:51 – Why education and pre-planning are struggling against consumer avoidance.* 09:06 – Introducing 98.6 Mortality Movies to See Before You Die and hosting film nights.* 12:32 – Unconventional funeral home events: Bereavement Cafes vs. grief support.* 15:04 – Navigating secondary losses and practical changes following a death.* 18:45 – Movie Spotlight: Discussion of the film Undertaking Betty.* 21:45 – Movie categories, documentaries, and the classic Mary Tyler Moore Show episode (”Chuckles Bites the Dust”).* 26:39 – UK school initiatives for grief education.* 28:27 – Gail’s personal story: Fulfilling Route 66 scattering wishes.Resources & Mentioned Links* Gail Rubin’s Website: A Good Goodbye* Organizations & Concepts Mentioned:* Death Cafe* Good Funeral Guide (UK)* Exit Here Funeral Home* Passages International* Movies & TV Mentioned:* Defending Your Life* Undertaking Betty (also known as Plots with a View)* The Loved One* The Mary Tyler Moore Show – “Chuckles Bites the Dust” Get full access to On Deathcare at ondeathcare.substack.com/subscribe