Genuine Humility

A number of works, including the Mesilat Yesharim and the Sefer Ha'hinuch, develop the idea which might be called the rough equivalent to the moder-day phrase "fake it till you make it." This means that even if a person does not feel religiously driven or motivated, he should nevertheless do the actions, repeatedly, and with time, the emotions will come. For example, even if a person does not feel like praying, he should try to walk briskly to the synagogue, as though he's excited to pray, as this will eventually lead to zeal and enthusiasm for Tefila. And this is true of all areas of religious life – one should push himself to go through the motions when he lacks motivation, because the actions will eventually engender the feelings. There is, however, one very important exception to this rule, and that is humility. There is no "faking" when it comes to humility, for the simple reason that fake humility is actually arrogance. If a person pretends that he feels lowly, he is actually trying to earn admiration through his displays of humility, which is the precise opposite of humility. By definition, humility must be genuinely felt. The Torah tells, "Ve'ha'ish Moshe Anav Me'od Mi'kol Ha'adam Asher Al Peneh Ha'adama" – "The man Moshe was humbler than any man who was on the face of the earth" (Bamidbar 12:3). This verse could be read to mean that Moshe was more humble that any man who walks with his face toward the ground, pretending to be humble. Moshe did not look humble – he was humble. He did not pretend, and he did not make displays of humility. His humility was pure and genuine. The Shulhan Aruch (Orah Haim 2:6) writes that a person should not walk "Be'koma Zekufa," with his head fully upright, appearing arrogant and overly self-confident. The Poskim clarify that this does not mean that a person needs to walk about with his head down. Doing so would undermine the entire point of this Halacha, which is to avoid arrogance – because by walking with his head bent down toward the ground, one draws attention to himself. If a person makes a spectacle through his humility, then he is not being humble; he does just the opposite. (This applies to Seni'ut, as well. If a woman decides to be so strict with regard to Seni'ut that she dresses in an unusual manner, she draws attention to herself – which is the precise opposite of Seni'ut.) It is told that Rav Avraham Abush of Frankfurt (1690–1768) once went to a hotel where wealthy Jews were staying in order to raise money for his yeshiva. He entered the dining room, approached a table, and softly explained that he had a yeshiva and was seeking donations. The men at the table angrily sent him away, shouting that he should not disturb them while they were eating. The Rabbi immediately left. Just then, one of the men at the table noticed that his watch was missing. He ran over to the Rabbi and began yelling and beating him. He charged that the Rabbi was a fraud, that he had devised a plan to distract the men so he can sneakily steal from them. The men beat the Rabbi until he fled from the hotel. Meanwhile, the local Rabbi heard that Rav Avraham was in town, and would be spending Shabbat there. That Shabbat was Shabbat Shuba – the special Shabbat between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, when Rabbis delivered a special Derasha (lecture). The local Rabbi decided that it would be appropriate to invite the distinguished guest to deliver the Derasha in the synagogue, and Rav Avraham accepted the invitation. That Shabbat, he delivered a masterful talk, one that dazzled the entire audience – which included the men in the hotel who had chased the Rabbi away. They were shamefaced, realizing that they had mistreated such a distinguished Rabbi, beating him and accusing him of theft. They knew they needed to approach the Rabbi and ask for forgiveness. After the Derasha, they made their way through the crowds of people who were rushing to greet the Rabbi. When they finally came before the Rabbi, he immediately recognized them and said, "I told you – I didn't steal the watch!" This is a striking example of genuine humility. He did not assume that the men were impressed or inspired by his speech and were thus coming to apologize. He made no such assumptions about himself. He didn't think anything changed because he just delivered a brilliant and uplifting lecture. He assumed that they still demanded that he return the watch. Humility is an especially difficult challenge for those who are blessed with wealth. When a person has worked hard and made a lot of money, he can so easily feel superior to others, and feel entitled to do whatever he wants. The Gemara (Berachot 35a-b) notes that one verse in Tehillim (24:1) speaks of the earth as belonging to G-d – "L'Hashem Ha'aretz U'mloah," whereas a different verse in Tehillim (115:16) says that the earth belongs to man – "Ve'ha'aretz Natan Li'bneh Adam." To reconcile these two verses, the Gemara states, "Kan Kodem Beracha, Kan Le'ahar Beracha" – one verse refers to food before one recites a Beracha, and the other refers to food after one has recited a Beracha. Before one recites a Beracha, the food belongs to Hashem, but after the Beracha, the person earns rights to the food. The Gemara's comment could also be read to mean that "Kodem Beracha" – before a person is granted the blessing of wealth, he recognizes that "L'Hashem Ha'aretz U'mlo'ah," that everything is in Hashem's hands. But "L'ahar Beracha," once a person has been blessed with wealth, then he feels that "Ve'ha'aretz Natan Li'bneh Adam," he owns the world, he is self-sufficient and fully in control. The Hebrew word for "miser" is "Kilai," which is spelled Kaf, Yod, Lamed, Yod. This word can be read as a combination of the words "Ki Li" – "for it is mine." Some wealthy people are miserly because they feel too proud and self-assured, convinced that they earned their fortune not with Hashem's help, but exclusively because of their hard work and impressive skills. No matter how wealthy or successful a person is, he must remain humbly aware of his dependence of G-d, and this humility must be genuine and real, deeply-rooted in a true sense of subservience to the Almighty.