Up to another episode of Jesse and Love, there's Guide to Life. I'm Jesse, that's Wilder, this is the show, that you click on and you turn it on and you put your headphones on or you plugged it in your car and now you're listening to it and we're here giving it to you. Jesse and Wilder's Guide to Life. Do you want to get next to me?
You're doing your best to make it longer. No, I was going to do the whole show. I was about to wrap it up and you interrupted me. It's about to do the thinking bad, it's hot and stuff and we were just going to cut this one in a hot 30 seconds.
Oh, damn, that would be so easy on me. I'd love that. So what have you been up to? What's going on over there?
I'm barely even that wine drunk right now. So don't even worry about it. Nice, 1041 my time, but I guess that's a... Yeah, wine 41 my time.
Wine 41. Let's go, baby. I had a burger and a tuna sandwich for lunch. I'm full of power.
Oh my God. What you're talking about is the opposite of power. No such power drain has a burger, a sandwich and a bunch of wine in the afternoon. Oh, hot day.
How are you still alive? I feel like I would have been so swiftly defeated by what you just said. That's the difference between us toots. Toots.
One of us is powerful, one of us. One of us is nice. Fucking toots. Holy shit, what an idiot.
How to get away with murder is a television show that's based on an idea by us that we're having right now to do for an episode. And based on an idea by us, I mean, specifically Kate came up with this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, I mean, summer's almost coming to an end.
The fall leaves are turning and... Time to put away the bathing suits and the bodies. You got it, baby. So today we're covering up a murder.
I don't have any. This category came to us maybe six minutes ago. I don't have a fucking single stinkling about what to say about it. Okay, let's talk about, well, who have we murdered here?
I think the victim, I think, is a category. So first step is not anything to do with covering it up. Just who we're killing. Yeah, and then I think like a weapon?
Is that something? Oh, I got one. I got one. The old OJ move post, post murder post cover up maybe, let's say.
Don't release a book called If I Did It. I think that's a very not. Uh huh, uh huh. What about location?
I think. Yeah, location's very long. And like disposal, bro. It has to be a category.
Oh, God. It's a grim one. A weapon? Where do we put the thing that Anton Shiger uses in no country for old men, the friendo like cattle steer weapon?
That seems very quite lit, right? In terms of covering it up though? Or you just talk about like a sick way to kill people? Well, no, it's a sick way to kill people, but it also like doesn't.
I mean, it seems pretty untraceable, right? Like there's no like, yes. There's no like, ballistics really? Cause it's like, no air pressure?
How does that gun work? How does that gun work? No, how does that specific one work? I don't remember, bro.
I haven't seen no country for old men a long time. Probably since it was released. Come on, man. You never walk up to people and you're like, call it.
Of course I do that. I don't go into a guest issue without a quarter. Okay, we're gonna call that gun, I guess, a very pretty good because we don't know how it works. You're gonna be like, I'm gonna call it a crime.
You cannot eat them. You gotta eat them. Eat them, dude. Eat them.
Uh, weapon, very not quite lit. Like a blunt object. I feel like you're really... Oh, you're a blood spatter everywhere.
Dexter Morgan's gonna be all over that shit. Disposal, kill room, also probably very quite lit, huh? He's a v-dexter. Yeah, I mean, he's very good at it.
Though not as good as you'd expect. Yeah, he's always making little boners. I'm rewatching an anticipation for this upcoming sneezing, which I am... They got me, bro.
I know, I know. You're so... That is like maybe the biggest indicator of how stupid you are is that you've been got by the... No.
The folks at Showtime to be invested in... Oh my god, I'm so invested. More fucking Dexter. Like, how many seven years removed from the worst finale in television history?
Fuck me, dude. So it's irrelevant and it ended on a stinky note. It can't be worse. I think.
Right, yeah, you'd think, wouldn't ya? Dang, bro. I'm gonna put kill room as a two. Because it's also so, so much work.
Oh my gee. So much fucking work, but I mean, I think you gotta put in the work, I think. Right, I guess it's not... You cannot half-ass this one.
I guess it's not any more work than eating a whole person. Yeah, oh yeah, that's a cakewalk, but making a plastic wrap room. Alright, alright. Okay, I'll put kill room.
If you can nail it, if you can really stick the landing on it, kill room. Where do we stick? Dexter's ability to interfere with the police very easily. Oh, I think that is a one, first of all.
Why is that a one? Because he plays it too close to the jet. Like, he's not, again, like you're pointing out. Well, I guess you're more freshly watching it, but I don't necessarily believe in the idea that like, oh, well, you know, you keep your friends closer and he's closer and like, I'm the cop, so they'll never think it's me.
Well, not so much that, but he can like watch his own murder investigation. That's big in terms of how he gets away with murder. Yeah, but they say never... A person always returns to the scene.
I feel like that's a telltale. I think it's a two. I think it's a two. When we think about weapon, poison...
Poison. Easily traceable it feels like. Yeah, yeah. So two.
I don't think it's, I don't think poison's so great. The only thing that's cool about it is you can set it and forget it, you know, like it's a... Yeah, but... I mean, I dropped that poison in your morning coffee and maybe it don't hit for six hours.
I'm already in fucking... Oh, but what if you haven't looked at the label properly and you need to unroll it and it's actually llama, not skull? I just don't think that's an issue. It's gonna be an issue.
Haven't you, Gronk? Poison? I honestly want to give it a one. It's so traceable unless it's that one from Breaking Bad.
No, but look, first of all, yeah, you just named a great example. Second of all, I mean, that's the deal is that I don't have to be there. I put the poison in the lunch meat and I'm off to fucking Brazil and two days later that dude eats a couple of... You cannot skip town.
Okay, like what do you do as soon as the murder's done? I think that that is gonna go into cover-up. Skipping town? Bad.
No, I think it's good. You get the fuck out of there. What's your issue? No one's gonna know.
You become a subject and they're like, skip town the day after this dude died? But if you're already coming... I feel like you're skipping town. Like that's it.
You're skipping town. You gotta commit to it. So it's me, it's too. Like it's like if you already know like...
You gotta set up how you're skipping town. Right, right. But I'm saying like if you're like, yeah fuck all of it's pain, I'm gonna shit. Okay, let's go.
I'm gonna go right the fuck to Spain. Bingo. Now, I'm eating tapas. Are you kidding me?
Tapas. Tapas is a bonus point I would say. Skipping town, I'm gonna give it to. I think that if you've done well enough, it could be solid.
Locations, I mean, near... We can't just talk about action this whole time, but is near water seems like a plus if you do it, but like if you do it right, you're gonna be lying on the ocean. Right, I know. I know.
Do you know anything of the ocean? It's a mistress to not be trusted. So is it is water a two or? It is.
Is it a one because it is so tempting and it never works, huh? They always wash up, don't they? They always wash up, bro. You have to hack them into little pieces and even when you do, some scuba divers might find them.
Yeah, or the current, the fucking current might bring them right into town. You can't rely on the water Jesus Christ relying on the water. Imagine. Yeah, water adjacent is a one because it's too tempting, too tempting, too tempting.
It's never gonna work. Where do we put like making it look like an accident? A lot of setup. A lot of setup.
I think making it look like an accident is a two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because as soon as they figure out it's not an accident, you're kind of cooked. Oh, bro.
Speaking of breaking bad, what about? What about dissolving a body in a tub of acid? Oh, yeah. I mean, that's disposal and that feels like a three, right?
Like that's. No, it's a two because whenever that one goes wrong and it crashes through the dang ceiling. Oh, God. That is no good, I would say.
Weapon gun is regular gun. It's a one. It's always gonna be a one for me for all things, but. Because it's actually it's gonna make someone start an investigation.
Yes. Oh, go on. I got one. I think it's a three painting it on someone else, huh?
Oh, because now you've killed the crime. You've killed two birds with one stone. I hate both of these dudes. I'm gonna kill this one and paint it on this one.
Dang. If you do it kind of good, the reaction is that person saying I didn't do that and then everyone's like, Oh, yeah, right? Yeah. Of course you would say.
Of course the murder would say that. What do we think about calling it in? Oh, I think it's a two. I think it's a two.
Because I mean, look, tech thieves aren't stupid, y'all. Right. Because you call it in you're not exempt. So do a good job.
What do we think about murder on the Orient Express style everybody? Like you get a murder group. Oh, you make it a hoot on it sort of? Yeah, that would be sucked shit.
I ain't seen that flick. Yeah, sorry to spoil murder on the Orient Express. I know we got some big, big, brown-eyed heads listening to this podcast. Oh my god, is it?
It's a prana joint? Bro, starring and I believe directed by- You know, I hate that big, stinky prana. Yeah. Bro, what if you are a crazy person with multiple personalities like the hit 2003 psychological thriller starring John Cusack identity?
No, I think that's stupid. And that's nothing. What does that cover up? Yeah, you're basically covering it up for yourself and you don't even know what if you're a serial player and you display them publicly and you cover it up like the fucking zodiac killer.
Oh, okay, hold on. Actually, zodiac killer are great one. Let's unpack some of those. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Bonus points, magazine notes, like with magazine letters. Okay, so that's like a rant traceable handwriting, baby. Yeah, magazine cut out notes. Oh, bro, writing in your left hand.
Huh? In your non-dominant hand? I got a very quite victim. Go on.
Because we're talking about getting away with murder. Kill someone that has wronged that the- and this is tough because you're playing for the wrong team here, but someone that the police already hate. You see what I'm saying? Uh-huh.
But like the problem with that is the police hate. Well, it seemed like- Good people. Yes, you're like, maybe it makes you the bad guy to play on their team. But you are going to get away with it because the police will shove it all under the rug.
You know what I mean? Maybe it's a two. Maybe it's a two there. Yeah.
Location, small town, very quite lit. They always have like one cop, right? That's it. Yeah, but that, but no, bro, the list of suspects is so very narrowed by that.
I guess so, but I feel like just get out of that town. I mean, that's the easiest to skip town is like if you're in fucking Elko, Nevada population 60, it's like, yeah, I'm gonna kill this. I'm gonna kill three of these guys. I'm gonna just fuck out of here.
What do we think about Fargo, the wood chipper? It seems like messy and bad, right? Messy, but effective. I guess, okay, okay, okay.
So cover it. I'll put wood chipper too. Here's my question. Because there's really two, there's a fork in the road.
Okay. We're gonna rob a frost bomb and there's a road less traveled and we're- Oh, you must take the road less traveled. Okay. But here's my question is there's two routes here.
Route number one is make it so the body and the victim are not even, like it might be weeks before somebody even notices, right? Correct. There's that route. And the other route is I know that someone is going to find this body or know this person and I think I'm missing and I must do everything in my power to not to be the person they find, right?
What is the more ideal situation? I think the latter. The body's here but just like nobody knows it's me. Yeah, I guess so.
I guess so. I just like if you- I mean the best is if no one's ever gonna find the person. Someone's already presumed dead. Oh, how could that be?
Oh yeah, your target. I guess we're in a sassive situation. Your target is someone who has already faked a death. Absolutely.
Yeah, and that's double jeopardy. You can't kill a person starting to kill so you can bring that body right to the courthouse and it's gonna say thanks to any of the clue weapons. It's gonna be a one for me, huh? Oh, candlestick.
Yeah, rope. I think a gun. Yeah, I mean revolver we already said is bad. Yeah, so the clue weapons are bad.
Rope is insane. So what's the best weapon or circumstance here? It's my question. Like an injectable?
I think you gotta chop them up, dog. I don't know what else to tell you. Oh my god. What?
You gotta chop them up. I'm sorry. Look, I don't make the rules. Chop them up.
I just know what works, bro. You chop them up and spread them. You go to all your friends houses. You put one under the tree on Christmas morning.
Every house you go to? Oh boy. You're a little piece of Dave involving involving. So it's tough, right?
Because involving an entire nation in your manhunt, which is essentially what the zodiac did. He was like, I'm gonna leave you little clues. Does seem very not quite lit, but the man or woman, I guess, did the damn thing, didn't they? Ain't ever got caught.
So I mean, yeah, zodiac, a very quite lit in terms of getting away with murder. Yeah. Zodiac done did it. Yeah.
And also they got us even with the palm of his or her or their hand, bro. We're we're still looking. Right. So maybe like a long dead.
Yeah. Well, zodiac is a senator in Texas. Everybody knows that. Well, yes, of course.
So I think it's going to cover up being Ted Cruz bad cover up. Okay. Yeah. I mean, that Ted Cruz is always going to be a one baby unless we move up to the top of this list where victim is an option, which case you've got.
Yeah. Let's look on there too. Involving the nation in the manhunt. It seems like a three.
The dude never got caught. But like, doesn't that increase your chances of getting spotted? I just don't know if you do it as well as zodiac did like I feel like then you control. I mean, it's a genius thing where like you're on the offensive.
You know what I mean? Where it's like, yeah, I'm going to kill like, oh, you're going to try and look for me? That's crazy because I just sent a letter that said I'm going to blow up a school bus or something while and it's like, well, now we got it. Now we're not even looking for him.
We're looking for school buses or whatever the fuck like I'll tell you what I think is a one for victim is if we are talking about serial killer having a type, you know how like a lot of creep O's serial killer is like, oh, they only kill like a 14 brunette women or whatever. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. So like I basically let me just can I just describe the perfect crime to you real quick. Please I love to hear it.
So I am wilder the the about to be murderer. Okay. I am planning to murder my next door neighbor. Let's call him Jesse McGrath.
Okay. Big part. I have a big party in my place. I invite everyone except for Jesse McGrath.
No, he wasn't there. He has very little impact on those around him. Oh boy. So the party's in full fucking swing.
I go to Hey guys, I'm just going to get to the bathroom real quick. Don't mind me. I go in pop the window out sneak around across the firescape into the graph department. Kill room.
Eat them. Pop back out into my bathroom. No trace. Not a goddamn trace.
I enter the party again. Someone goes, Oh yeah, well, there's a party all night. I guess my question. I guess I have a lot of questions, but my primary one is why did you eat me if the whole point was I have an alibi because I couldn't have eaten you if I was at my own party.
Everybody loves it. Couldn't have killed me. I mean, I just think that you've already covered that. And now what you've done and we didn't talk about with the issues of eating them is one of the detectives are like, all right, we're going to take a stool sample from everyone here just in case.
I don't think that they do that, but bro, they should. They should. Imagine you're at a party. Some fucking narkass cop bust down the door and they're like parties over.
I need everyone to take a dump because the extra neighbor got eaten. He could do. I got a I got I got one. I don't know if it's good or bad, but I'm going to dip into heist movie territory here without a an inside man situation spoiler alert.
The the crux of the plane inside me builds a fucking wall in the bank lives in the bank for like a week and then walks out the door. What is what's the question? You live inside the murder room where like what people are going to be like, where are you? What job you have where you can be gone for a week.
You're so that is a bad one. You described an absolute very not quite lit inside man is a very good for a fuck. What's that? Now tell me is that weapons and circumstances cover up or is it alibi?
I guess I don't know. No, this is a bad rubric. I think a phone call is a very pretty good. What do you mean?
Like oh, I couldn't have been killing him because I talked to him at 714 PM that night. You don't know how well I can multitask an alibi. Yeah, I think that's furthermore. What about this as a good thing for phone call?
I kill McGrath and then I call him a couple times. It's like I call him. I kill you the day before your birthday a.k.r birthday on our birthday. I call you a couple times.
Hey, happy birthday pal. They won't know. I mean, it was dead. I think that's a two because it's just incredibly stupid what you just said.
Any professional fucking mystery solvers would be like, oh yeah, well he called him the day after so it couldn't have been him. Why would you have called him if he was dead? I mean, weapon and circumstances, I got one. Go on.
That I think is, I feel like is a three. It's higher a professional, right? Oh sure. I mean, yeah, I don't think that this is, I don't think this counts because you don't have to cover anything up if you're hiring professionals that you're paying for.
That's what I'm saying. You have to do shit. You say, hey, bro, go kill McGrath and he does. He's happy to do it for your charge.
So I don't, he's got that you're hiring someone to cover it out. You're paying for a service. Right. That's good.
That's a very quite lit. Yeah, because it's a service. What are the other things? It's not kids not covering up.
It's getting away with murder. And I think that's the best. And then that's a great alibi too. Because it's like, no, I was at the governor's ball and all the debutants saw me.
I was in my tuxedo. I was in my coattails. I was making conversation. I was being a very good.
Okay. If you're hiring an assassin, if you're having a secretio, you have to make sure that it's not common knowledge that you hate the person. I'm like, no, I think that's fine. Because literally, like it doesn't matter.
You were at the governor's ball. The debutants. Bro, I hate to break it to you. The feds know about assassins.
They know about this, the service. I'm hiring a pro. That's why. That's fine.
The feds get know about him. What they gonna do about him? You know? They're like, oh, you hated him.
Did you hire someone to kill him? They'll think that you hired someone to kill him. Yeah, I guess. But then it's up to them to prove it.
And I hired a professional. You know what I mean? Yeah. But how good are his fucking Trip Advisor reviews?
Is what I'm saying. He's on Trip Advisor. It's like an Airbnb experience. He's on Angie's list.
Let's pop through a couple locations. So you wouldn't get him on TripAdvisor. You get him on LinkedIn, right? I'll not.
Recruit him. Yeah, CEO at Self-Employed Assassin. I think woods, like in the woods, that's a good one. Location-wise.
In the woods, I suppose, unless, I mean, yeah, here's the thing about woods, bro. The hubris we have to kill in the woods. We think, oh, we're so all alone. We're all alone.
You didn't notice the farmer's boy out there taking a leak saw you. Right. I mean, you could say that about literally any location. No, I feel like you don't want to be someone where you're so sure no one can see you.
You want to be on your guard alleyway, maybe. OK, OK, wait, wait, wait. I have OK. So here's what I think.
Location- Woods- Two. OK. Disposal- Woods- Three. Yes, that's a big fact.
Because like, and getting a large grave, if a dog has to come in like sniff out the dang thumb, what are you doing? Or don't take a grave at all. Find a little bear's cave and put it right from there. Oh, sure.
Just go and find a bear's cave. And then you've solved Edom, too. Because they're going to know they just woke up from hibernation. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I mean, look, we all got a box of starving raccoons in our backyard. Toss of body in there. Oh, you've got to believe it. OK.
There has to be a movie or show I think I've seen where someone feeds the serial killer has a bunch of pigs and feeds the bodies to the pigs. Is that something? I think that's in one of the silence of the lambs flakes, to be honest. Spill your red dragon.
Oh, how to train your red dragon. That's something. Is it something or is it absolutely nothing? I'll get back to you guys next week with an updated version of that.
Location- Space. Space. A two, I think. I guess.
I may be a one. Because no one will hear them scream. But I do feel like we're not sending enough people up into space quite yet that there wouldn't be some sort of manifest. I understand.
Are you saying you're taking someone to space to dispose of the body? To kill them. The location of the murder. And you've what you've like Richard Branson, charted your own little space shuttle.
So this is like a crew on a cruise. Oh, what about on a cruise? OK. Disposals.
You're on the water. No, we just talked about how water's bad. Space is a three for disposal. No, but I think cruise is better than water.
Why? Because the ships move in at night. Chop them little bodies pieces up. Toss them out the window.
You talk a lot. Really? Really big game about chopping them up. I'm watching Dexter right now.
And yeah, do you have boy? What are you taking your fucking katana on the goddamn cruise? Yes, bro. I've got that big ax from the Green Knight.
Do you like that flick? You know, the first 19 hours were pretty good. And then the following 47 hours, I was a little antsy. Could have done without, huh?
At least the pace would be worth it. It was only two hours long. It feels like it was truly at least three hours long. OK, so cruise ship, I'll give you a three on it.
But I do think that you have quite a bit of hubris thinking that you're just going around chopping up rows. What if you're the cook on the cruise ship? Feed them to the guests. Ooh!
OK. So many Todds. OK, so many Todds are very quite lit, I think. It's tough because his name is the demon barber.
So I think I'm going to kill him. But I don't think anyone, like it doesn't say that on his shop. Sweetie Todds barber shop, the demon barber. The magic thing, the PI.
And you're just like, who could it be? That's a grim one. That's a grim over here. Yeah.
I mean, what do you expect with this topic? What about Barium alive? Oh, what a bad, I think. That is weapon and disposal.
And I think it's bad. I think Barium, what about having a fixer if we're going to talk about hired services? Like, during Mike to pop in there. I think a fixer is good.
You get Ray Donovan on the horn. Yeah. Oh, love me. I've read Donovan references.
How did you know? What's up about me? Did you know that I've seen the first season of Ray Donovan? No, of course not.
How is it? It was good. It was good. Good season, TV.
Not enough to watch any more of it. No, the problem was that there was even one other show on to watch. I think for disposal, digging a grave for them is very not quite lit. What do you think about that?
Digging a grave. It's hard. And you're going to leave your residue all over the place. Would you say that it never?
Have you ever seen it work in any media or even in real life? The dog is going to find it. Or a teen girl is going to trip over the hand that is, for some reason, it's still exposed. Yeah, always, always.
I think digging a grave is a stinker. What about? Oh, bro. What about sinking in the lake?
It's water, though. Although I will say lake feels better than ocean. Yeah. It's much more predictable, unless they're actively looking.
You know, like it's got to be, so the deal is, you can't be water adjacent. Because everyone's first thing is like, well, we're going to claw the lake and find it in the lake stupid. But you get that body, you drive six hours north to Lake Dead Body or whatever, and you slop it in there. It's a little bit less.
It's a dead body. It would not be a good place to hide a body. I would say. Yeah, just a little different lake.
What if I'm? Okay, so check it out. I'm some creep. I'm talking creep dude.
Let's just call me Jyse McGrath. And I work at a slaughterhouse. That's right. I have a job that is incredibly conducive to this.
So I bring my body, just pop it up there on the tray with all the rest of the cows. Yeah. I fuck with that one. Are we calling that a three for disposal?
Is that? Or maybe cover up? Yeah. You work at a slaughterhouse.
Well, I just think like it's just days work, you know? Now days work. Because I think it works. Something that you can do in your days work.
Like if you are a grave digger. Well, you're a grave digger. You're a slaughterhouse person. Even like you work at a garbage dump and you're like, oh yeah, I'm going to put it here.
But the more, the better place to hide a body, the more. Right. You slip it in and they're like, what? We got an extra, what is this suppose?
You double book one of the coffins. They don't care. Okay, victim, obviously like bully. Bulli?
I just think that if you're kidding. Someone with lots of enemies. Oh, that's a great one. Because one, everyone's already psyched to see him gone and two, where does the investigation go?
I feel like a bad victim is a politician. They're always going to find you. It's not going to happen. I mean, famous people.
Like you can't kill a famous person. It's just someone's going to find out. No one's going to let that ride. What if you, I don't know if this is like maybe cover up.
Okay, so here's here's here's let me set the scene for you and it's not gonna be fucking dumb like yours Okay, so you have this enemy that you hate so very much and let's just call my little Sean you say and you really want to kill When you say Wilder come to my birthday party. It's on the same day as your birthday. I wouldn't be able to make it I already have a better party planned. No, no, that's incorrect You have any party to do any friends and not this scenario and not real life and you I give you my address And you say oh that's well never you never invited your house I assume this is the correct address and you get there and it is a it's that you're like well the lights are all out Maybe it's Jesse played his own surprise party But what I've done is I've led you to the home of a sort of like a gun nut who shoots on site and I tricked him into You're gonna invade in my house.
Oh, that is a good one and then he's gonna blast you to bits and it's none the wise I mean he did kill you it's I didn't do anything and people say why'd you invite him to that house and I'm gonna say I didn't Find that house. Yeah, you invite me to the home of the that the blind guy from that from don't breathe. Uh-huh But why no bro if I'm detective detective Wabu. Oh my god detective Wabu somehow not a character that's come up yet Yeah, but while detective Wabu says why was he at the home of this man?
Let me oh interesting the last person he called before going there was Jesse McGrath. Hey McGrath What'd you tell him before going to that person's house? I just asked him how he's doing and talking well Hmm interesting interesting and why and why did you go to that person's house any idea? No idea Well, here's my card call me if you think of anything, okay, and I don't call you done I feel like I have enough locations hotel What does that do?
Lots of witnesses there Thinking that maybe lots of people is good like what about in a big fucking music festival, you know America's favorite musical act Kid rock has come on stage. Okay line Coachella everyone's so nuts over kid rock their mosh and their boppin You can't you can't catch anything you stab someone a couple thousand times in that crowd who fucking know? Yeah, okay, so I'm gonna say chaotic situation street parade. Yeah, exactly large large crowd where people are already bumping into each other Yeah, a little bit of a joker in the dark night situation at the captain's funeral or whatever the fuck yeah Oh, you know a good one?
Hmm maybe this is a two because you could play it off as an accident in the rocketeer the villain Timothy Dalton Stab someone while he's an actor on set because he says he didn't realize he was holding a real sword Yeah, that one's tough because you did kill someone you did but it's an act everyone's gonna go It's obviously no is I witness a two why because like I mean I you need more It has to I think that I witnessed placing you somewhere else in like being in a crowded place What's it so you are different because I can have eyewitnesses like yeah, I was having lunch with Jesse But like who who verifies that for that? You know what I mean like that's you could just have a homey covering for you I mean they're not just gonna take one homies word for it. So check the cameras Oh, bro. I'm off killing someone I hand you my credit card.
I say hey, bro couple drinks on me at the bar Run run a tab for me right right right okay That's you are at a complex in a situation I think having an accomplice is is a is a very pretty good. Yeah, because that's helpful But it could very easily go sideways who's your accomplice right and how can you trust them and are they gonna? They're lip sealed and are they getting you know, what are they getting out of this? Yeah, I have a location that I think I know that I told you no magic, but I do have one that I think is It's pretty good.
It's maybe even quite lit if you can manage to do this at a an area that is perceived to be haunted or cursed I think that's very quite lit Okay, but the but the detectives don't believe in haunted curses. Well, but don't they? Don't think that they do this is not the ex-files, okay, but but you get I feel like in fact The only reason that there are ex-files is because the police won't entertain that Right, but if you watch the ex-files, you know that the truth is out there. I think that It's good.
It's good or quite lit because it casts a small shadow of doubt right if they can't they're gonna walk into that haunted house Where they find a backfire they're gonna you're gonna get the cop who's like there's no such thing as curses and they're gonna try extra hard to prove it Well, okay, so then maybe it's very pretty nice only Watts will play this character right I don't disagree with that, but I think that you get they get there and there's the shadow There's this doubt and maybe they're gonna work hard, but it goes 24 48 hours, and they don't cover lead now We're gonna get into like oh well maybe Bro, only the public only Twitter will say that fine, but that's still it's getting them off the set I mean, you know you create it I think that what we're learning here is that you just sometimes you just need a misdirection And I think a haunted house is at least a two as far as misdirections go I suppose a famously haunted house, okay like the Bermuda triangle you love the Bermuda triangle Yeah, even though statistically it actually isn't a place where people get lost anymore or less than everywhere else in the world But yeah, I got a three for you Bermuda one making it look like a self-defense situation shoot yourself in the leg Oh, so the end of the show you get the angle of the this is where people fall apart I feel like they don't they're like oh if you were on the ground How could you have shot him in the jet do it right right this is cover up? I said or no, maybe alibi is out by alibi cover up pretty much the same thing because then I think that's the ultimate right because then people know You did it, but they're not after you for it. They're not investigating it. Yeah, I think that that's a great one I also think that it's different Scream is a similar situation right they were there like stabbing each other at the end because it's supposed to be like oh But it wasn't they're framing someone else.
I think it's not like a self-defense Girl, it's Matthew Lillard. You're not gonna leave your murder in the hands of Matthew Lillard course not Yeah, I mean your alibi being Matthew Lillard is a big one a big one abysmal shag over here trying to get my shit going What do you think about impersonating an already active serial killer? Oh interesting? Yeah, that's not a bad one That's a two because people always seem to goof it and that real serial killer out.
Oh, you're gonna kill yourself No, no, no, no no no real serial killer don't like that very much If we're gonna dip into some more real stuff, what about what about fostering a cult that's probably bad, huh? That's like oh, well, you're so easy to be caught It's easy to get caught and and you will eventually get caught However, if you do that then you've got like a little army of killers that you could just be setting out into the world Which is like but the whole point is to get away with it right right right? Assassin's because you your only defense is like, but I didn't do it and then the whole court is like you did it you did You did it. You did it.
You did it. It's not all I got to say yeah, I mean, it's not bad It's not too bad at all. I think no way tight. Yeah, I mean that was good We didn't even talk about Shrek one time well you did just do it.
So now we start the whole episode Don't we oh it's being a sharp location swamp. Maybe a good one. Oh, yeah Brother is that what he says it's just like I'll see another life brother. It's swamp three I might be yeah, bro cuz you know who's in there Gators the Shrek He's gonna They're gonna take care of the fucking the Shrek's and the Gators are gonna take care of the body Shrek on trumpet up.
Yeah, I mean people prior to the arrival of don't care. Yeah, right before he met don't K He finished eating your corpse that was placed in his swamp eaten corpses brother. He talked about Shrek now We fully did a bit about Shrek Well, you fucking willed it into existence you idiot. I'm sorry.
I apologize not except it Thank you so much to Adam Fay for the art. Thank you so much to bad Todd for the music Thank you so much to every all the moms out there. You're doing great. Even if you feel you're not you're doing so good I love you for it big big shout out not to murderers This podcast does not endorse or condone any murder activities.
Yeah, don't go do a murder obviously But if you did you have some guidelines, but don't do a murder now. Thank you again To fucking Philly. What's up Philly? You guys are smashing lately.
Love it. Who who among you? Do I know why are there so many downloads from it doesn't make any sense, but I love to see it so tight Thank you shout out to you. Thank you to Philly second place.
You guessed it Minneapolis Third place you guessed it Honolulu. Oh, man. We are crushing it place. You guessed it San Diego okay under that Los Angeles My friends are really not pulling their weight.
It seems but that's fine. Not even the top 10 is the Bay Area What are you doing over there? Are you promoting this shit? Nothing apparently Jesus Christ.
Um shout out to Philly shot at the Tommy D'Nix get yourself a roast pork sandwich and broccoli rabbit and truck Yeah, and check us out on social media where we post stuff sometimes and check us out at Jesse Wilders guide to merch or maybe no It's just guide to merch calm just guide to merch calm and shut it to sweet sweet Johnny bananas who picked himself up some Fresh gear looking fresher than fresh on the field not wearing on the field. No, he's wearing it on the field They let him wear it instead of his jersey. It's an NFL first he wore our merch. Yeah, it just says jumbo vibes We'll be coming to collect on this breach of contract that you've Pulled off, but yeah Yeah, I'd emerge buy some shit do it until kill anyone.
Please don't yeah, just don't yeah don't kill any that's I think we've been searching for a long time like kind of a button to end the episodes like we really haven't found it And I think maybe and don't forget don't kill anyone is not a bad one to end up. What do you think about that? It's universal never gonna get old